Quick Summary:
Between the two of us, BF and I have agreed that we are engaged and we have chosen a possible date for our wedding (and will most likely stick to that date), BUT he wants to buy my engagement ring before we announce our engagement so we're not telling people we're engaged. It should happen soon (I hope!), so we'll have plenty of time to plan and let people know, but my best friend is now "congratulating" me on my engagement b/c she pushed me into telling her about the private decision BF and I made (she wouldn't accept my explanation that we're not "official" until he gets the ring, but that we are definitely planning to get married).
Please keep reading for the full details:
I welcome your thoughts, even if you don't agree with things, so feel free to post your thoughts. Since this is the "Not engaged yet" board, I'm hoping some of you will understand my situation. Many people have said, if you're not "technically" engaged, then you shouldn't be planning. I agree to an extent. My BF and I have been "committed" to each other for quite some time now and are planning to get married next June. However, he has not "officially" proposed yet, but is working on buying the ring very soon (in fact, he may have already ordered it, but I don't know b/c I told him to keep it a secret b/c I want to be completely surprised!).
I recently moved to his town b/c we were doing LDR but knew we wanted to get married, so all of our friends and family know that we're planning to get married. In fact, we've already a possible date (but have only told people the month). The "glitch" however is that we're not "officially" engaged since he hasn't put a ring on my finger. I've told him we don't have to have a ring to be engaged, but he wants to wait until he gets the ring until we annouce it. I'm ok with this, since he has communicated his thoughts with me, but only if I don't have to wait TOO long!
So he and I are ok with things, but my best friend is not so understanding. She just got engaged and is planning her wedding a couple months before ours. Out of respect for her, I don't bring up my own "plans" because we're not officially engaged yet so I only talk about her plans. This has worked out great so far.
Today, though, I called her to touch base and ask if there's anything she needs me to do right now, but the topic changed to me! She started asking questions about whether or not I'm engaged and whatnot. I thought I had already explained this to her, but she was NOT satisfied with the answer! I told her we have chosen a possible date (we even worked around her date so she'd have plenty of time for her honeymoon before our wedding) but the date won't be set in stone until we are actually engaged. In her mind (and probably many of yours), she was confused b/c we had chosen a possible date, but weren't engaged yet.
I understand her confusion, but I also gave her a very detailed explanation, like I did above. However, she pushed me and pushed me until finally I shared with her something that was just supposed to be between BF and I - that YES, BF and I are engaged, but this is only between he and I for the moment. We're not announcing it to anybody until he puts a ring on my finger b/c that's what he and I agreed to do. (A couple months ago, he and I had this conversation and concluded that between the two of us, we would consider ourselves engaged).
(Almost done, stay with me 
). So then . . . she says to me "well congratulations then! You're engaged!!" I was like "ok, thanks." I did NOT want to say to her YES we are engaged b/c we're not announcing it to anybody at this point and I don't want to get ahead of myself and get excited with my friends and listen to them congratulate us until he gets the ring. But she pushed me and pushed me and wouldn't accept my original answer.
So now I'm in a weird place b/c she is congratulating me on an engagement that was supposed to be a private matter between BF and I. I guess I got myself into this mess and there's really nothing I can do now. I suppose there's no harm done b/c she isn't going to tell anybody else. I'm just hoping BF buys the ring ASAP so I don't have to keep dealing with this! He is the one who wants to wait until he gets the ring to make things official, but I'm the one left trying to explain the situation to my friends!
I don't think every relationship is supposed to follow a "cookie-cutter" pattern. Why can't BF and I be committed to each other with plans of getting married, but not actually be "engaged" until he buys the ring? Are any of you who are not engaged yet dealing with the same issues? My family totally understands and they're not giving us any grief, but my own best friend pushed me and pushed me to give her an answer after I already explained and now I feel like I've let her into a private decision that BF and I have made, but didn't want to announce yet.
Ok, I think I got it all out. Thanks for reading this long post. I welcome your comments.
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