The Cash Debate

KatieJTx · May 2011

Ok...So I know asking for cash is a touchy subject.

Heres the deal: We have just about everything we need after 7 years together. What we would really reallyyyy like is a new bed. Ours is old and small.

Heres the plan: We'd like to create a small registry with a couple things we could still use. We'd also like to add something tastefull about monitary donations for the purpose of a new bed.

Thoughts?

opalsky007 · May 2011

You're on the right track, but there's no need to mention cash--people will give it to you anyway. Seriously. We had a big registry and still got a few hundred in cash gifts.

If you feel strongly about this, the most tasteful way to do it would be to mention your registries on a page on your wedding website, along with "The bride and groom are also saving for furnishings for their new home together." There should be no mention of gifts of any kind in your invitations--just on the website.

SilverLining1 · May 2011

You can't really do that tastefully. It's asking for money, no matter how nicely you phrase it. You can create a small registry, and if someone asks, it can be replied that "Oh, Katie and FI have a small registry at X, but are really hoping to save for a new bed!" Guests will get the hint. Good luck!

Milsey32 · May 2011

Unfortunately there is no "tasteful" way to ask for money. Have your MOH or your mom spread the word (only if people ask) that you two are saving for a new bed and if people choose to do so, they'll give you money [:

rascal17 · May 2011

There is a thing called a wishing well out there for weddings. its a small well that people put there cards and cash gifts in and can make a wish. there are also cute poems you can put in the invites politely asking for money not gifts. the one im putting in mine is:

If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way

A gift of cash towards a house would really make our day

However if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way.

If you google it Im sure you can find more poems (there was a whole website of them, and thats where I found mine but I dont remember what it is called) that better suits your need.

pantherRN · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:6b977807-b88d-49b8-a71e-2b45a1633a19">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a thing called a wishing well out there for weddings. its a small well that people put there cards and cash gifts in and can make a wish. there are also cute poems you can put in the invites politely asking for money not gifts. the one im putting in mine is: If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way A gift of cash towards a house would really make our day However if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way. If you google it Im sure you can find more poems (there was a whole website of them, and thats where I found mine but I dont remember what it is called) that better suits your need.
Posted by rascal17[/QUOTE]

This isn't a great thing to do. A plain card box is more than enough and there shouldn't be ANY mention of gifts on or in an invitation, even by seemingly cute poems.

OP, the best thing to do is create a small registry with things you want/need to upgrade. New sheets, towels, better vaccuum, etc. I know I'm always replacing wooden spoons and spatulas. If guests ask, you can mention that you have a registry at some store and are saving for new furniture. Your Mom/FMIL/BMs can mention the same if asked. Spread it by word of mouth only and guests will get the idea.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:6b977807-b88d-49b8-a71e-2b45a1633a19">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a thing called a wishing well out there for weddings. its a small well that people put there cards and cash gifts in and can make a wish. there are also cute poems you can put in the invites politely asking for money not gifts. the one im putting in mine is: If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way A gift of cash towards a house would really make our day However if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way. If you google it Im sure you can find more poems (there was a whole website of them, and thats where I found mine but I dont remember what it is called) that better suits your need.
Posted by rascal17[/QUOTE]

No. Just no.

sarah0725 · May 2011

Remember kids, doing something that is wrong etiquette-wise is like poking an angry shark. Adding poorly rhymed doggerel to your faux pas is like poking an angry shark while wearing a meat dress.

impslave · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:6b977807-b88d-49b8-a71e-2b45a1633a19">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a thing called a wishing well out there for weddings. its a small well that people put there cards and cash gifts in and can make a wish. there are also cute poems you can put in the invites politely asking for money not gifts. the one im putting in mine is: If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way A gift of cash towards a house would really make our day However if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way. If you google it Im sure you can find more poems (there was a whole website of them, and thats where I found mine but I dont remember what it is called) that better suits your need.
Posted by rascal17[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Good gods, this is after you're going to make your guests sit on blankets in the grass?</div><div>
</div><div>*headdesk*</div><div>
</div><div>Look, just put this picture on your invitation, with the words "Gimme the cash and bring your own chair!"</div><div>
</div><div><a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'a94f525a-5ae7-438c-abf7-9283921cf787', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/9/11/a94f525a-5ae7-438c-abf7-9283921cf787.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

</div>

lyndausvi · May 2011

Why do brides always think a 'cute poem' makes up for bad etiquette?

Anyway, It might depend on your social circle, but in ours gifts are for the shower (whole point of the shower) and cash is generally given at the wedding. No need to mention cash or for 'cute poems'.

kmmssg · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:6b977807-b88d-49b8-a71e-2b45a1633a19">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a thing called a wishing well out there for weddings. its a small well that people put there cards and cash gifts in and can make a wish. there are also cute poems you can put in the invites politely asking for money not gifts. the one im putting in mine is: If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way A gift of cash towards a house would really make our day However if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way. If you google it Im sure you can find more poems (there was a whole website of them, and thats where I found mine but I dont remember what it is called) that better suits your need.
Posted by rascal17[/QUOTE]

Please don't do this - it's no different than asking for cash. Cutesy poems don't make it right.

OP, have a small registry and have yoru parents let people know (when they ask) that you guys are saving for a new bed.

thesuninherhead · May 2011

I'm willing to bet that Rascal is also Australian, because unfortunately wishing wells and cheesy poems are pretty much the norm here *sigh*. I actually had numerous people tell me that us NOT doing a wishing well was rude.

Madisonpenny · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:0fd473ef-c792-4ed0-a7e2-605014ee926f">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm willing to bet that Rascal is also Australian, because unfortunately wishing wells and cheesy poems are pretty much the norm here *sigh*. I actually had numerous people tell me that us NOT doing a wishing well was rude.
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

No unfortunately she's Canadian, just like me *hangs head in shame*

Calypso1977 · May 2011

if you want cash, your best bet is to not register at all, decline showers, and have your family discreetly spread the word that you would like cash. you will most likely get more than enough for a bed and any other small things you want.

Habs2Hart · May 2011

We break all sorts of etiquette rules up here in Canada, ey?

VRL · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:ba1f8a88-d8a1-469f-861e-4e1ca3995e9e">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]Remember kids, doing something that is wrong etiquette-wise is like poking an angry shark. Adding poorly rhymed doggerel to your faux pas is like poking an angry shark while wearing a meat dress.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

This is epic.

Could I add this (sans identification) to my list of facebook quotes?

MissOwl · May 2011

sarah0725 for the win!

sarah0725 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:f301bd8e-0225-46a0-8282-dfdbc19cbba9">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Cash Debate : This is epic. Could I add this (sans identification) to my list of facebook quotes?
Posted by VRL[/QUOTE]

Sure, go ahead. :)

BrideCa2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:9e932400-d2dc-41fc-9dd7-7b3c61ed2968">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]if you want cash, your best bet is to not register at all, decline showers, and have your family discreetly spread the word that you would like cash. you will most likely get more than enough for a bed and any other small things you want.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>I disagree. My BFF didn't register and she didn't receive a lot of cash, but a lot of things she couldn't return without a gift receipt. </div><div>
</div><div>I wouldn't do a poem or anything, but I would set up an alternative registry. We have one and I think they are fine. We are using <a href="http://www.uponourstar.com" rel='nofollow'>www.uponourstar.com</a> and it works like a universal type registry-I know they aren't for everyone, but I think they are perfectly acceptable. </div><div>
</div><div>I don't think it is any worse than asking for a 400.00 blender (which is insanity if you ask me)). Alot of our stuff is for our home- just not dishes, etc. Furniture, kitchen painting stuff, etc. Not fun, but needed for our life. More than dishes and linen. </div>

Madisonpenny · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:23e664b5-7988-4f6d-9d37-1adb564d1118">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]We break all sorts of etiquette rules up here in Canada, ey?
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE

Well if people base their opinion of Canadians on Rascals suggestions then we sure do!

mkrupar · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:ba1f8a88-d8a1-469f-861e-4e1ca3995e9e">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]Remember kids, doing something that is wrong etiquette-wise is like poking an angry shark. Adding poorly rhymed doggerel to your faux pas is like poking an angry shark while wearing a meat dress.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Can I please make this my sig quote? This is awesome!

sarah0725 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:4cfa8a08-bd98-4807-b375-b3fafbabd67c">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Cash Debate : Can I please make this my sig quote? This is awesome!
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Yes! I think it would be my first time sig-quoted.

OP: another thing to do is make a small registry, but tell your mom/MOH/whoever that if anyone calls to ask where you're registered, they could say something like, "Oh, she's registered at X, but I know she is also saving for a new bedroom set!" That is allowed.

opalsky007 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:6b4b0e79-c75e-4a6c-b8b2-0040684b8a2b">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Cash Debate : I disagree. My BFF didn't register and she didn't receive a lot of cash, but a lot of things she couldn't return without a gift receipt. <strong> I wouldn't do a poem or anything, but I would set up an alternative registry. We have one and I think they are fine. We are using <a href="http://www.uponourstar.com" rel='nofollow'>www.uponourstar.com</a> and it works like a universal type registry-I know they aren't for everyone, but I think they are perfectly acceptable.</strong> I don't think it is any worse than asking for a 400.00 blender (which is insanity if you ask me)). Alot of our stuff is for our home- just not dishes, etc. Furniture, kitchen painting stuff, etc. Not fun, but needed for our life. More than dishes and linen.
Posted by BrideCa2011[/QUOTE]

<div>We frown on these around here, because they are just like asking for cash. They put a name and a pretty picture on it, but your guests just pay some amount of money and the company takes its cut, then sends you a check.</div><div>
</div><div>They're distasteful and don't get you the full value of what your guests actually spent.</div>

mkrupar · May 2011

I'll have to update it later. I want to change my pic too and photobucket isn't working.

Now, how do i get the quote under the picture in my sig. Every time I try it makes it off center. That's why the one I have now is on top.

(Sorry to threadjack)

opalsky007 · May 2011

MK, add a <br /> after the image code, or it will try to place them on the same line and look off center.

sarah0725 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:a478f4fa-07fa-489f-8769-b51e7d164a89">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll have to update it later. I want to change my pic too and photobucket isn't working. Now, how do i get the quote under the picture in my sig. Every time I try it makes it off center. That's why the one I have now is on top. (Sorry to threadjack)
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

If you're using all HTML tags, you would put the tag for your sig pic, then write <br* /> (but take out the asterisk) and then put the quote underneath that.

TheCranberry · May 2011

Do you guys already know where you would like to get your bed? If it's Macy's or BBB or a store like that, you can register at that store for a few things and take those gifts back to get store credit you can use towards your bed.

mypalbabs · May 2011

If you're upgrading to a larger size bed (and it sounds like you are), you can register for bedding. Done and done.

AbbeyS2011 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:6b977807-b88d-49b8-a71e-2b45a1633a19">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a thing called a wishing well out there for weddings. its a small well that people put there cards and cash gifts in and can make a wish. there are also cute poems you can put in the invites politely asking for money not gifts. the one im putting in mine is: If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way A gift of cash towards a house would really make our day However if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way. If you google it Im sure you can find more poems (there was a whole website of them, and thats where I found mine but I dont remember what it is called) that better suits your need.
Posted by rascal17[/QUOTE]

Cutesy poems to dress up begging for cash is the same as dressing up a pig: it is still begging for cash, and a pig dressed up with a ribbon and pearls is still a pig.

VRL · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-debate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6e49454c-993c-40e2-bc6d-5777a49fa4dbPost:5a455866-69ae-45a7-9e91-c2c2197ff2dd">Re: The Cash Debate</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Cash Debate : Sure, go ahead. :)
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Thank you!

KatieJTx · May 2011

Alright, some very interesting advice. I'm not into cutesy poem BS. I guess I was under the impression you added where you are registered in the invite. Am I way off base? I've been a wedding photographer for 7 years, Catching moments and shooting kick arse shoes I get, I know NOTHING about the planning side.

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