Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...

Manwaithiel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:5493dc4a-97a3-4b67-a9ca-0b4ca95f4013">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE] To answer your questions, I can't tell you much about the ceremony because I don't know yet, but we will be waiting until the wedding/vow renewal/whatever to exchange rings and for me to change my name.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

Same here.

Beachy730 · November 2010

For the fricken love of pete, YOU CANNOT HAVE 2 WEDDINGS TO THE SAME PERSON. WTH does everyone think thats okay? Unless you plan on getting a divorce in between your 2 dates, please stop calling it your wedding.

OP- If you and your FI had issues between the "legal signing of the papers" as you want to call it, and "he wedding" and decided to end it, would you not be getting a divorce?

Yes, sometimes I think immigration is the exception to the rule. But your FI is in the country. I only think its an exception to the rule when he is not in the country, and you cannot guarantee that he will get a visa in time for the wedding day. You are fully admitting that you only want to get married sooner so that he can come live with you. And you want to lie to your guests because of it. That is just ridiculously selfish of you. H and I were long distance until the day we got married, and then we finally lived together, and in the same city nonetheless.

And OP, since many of your family and friends probably know why you aren't living together now, don't you think they might be able to figure it out when all of a sudden he moves to your area and is living with you, and you go on a vacation right around the same time. Doesn't take Encyclopedia Brown to figure that one out.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:5493dc4a-97a3-4b67-a9ca-0b4ca95f4013">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]OP: I'm in the same situation as you. I'm Canadian, my fiance is American. We're planning on doing the same thing, not just because of the small window of time to a) get things done and b) notify our families (mine are all small business owners, making it hard to get time off work, and they'll be travelling 1300 miles so it's not exactly something you can do in two days). People don't seem to realize what immigration entails. It's not a cheap and easy process. At the end of this, when I've applied for my green card, which needs to be done within 90 days of my entering the country, we'll have spent a good 3 grand getting me there. I have no idea if I'll even get approved, literally until the moment they say yes. So while I'd love to plan a wedding in 5 weeks, we couldn't afford to no matter how cheap we did it. Honestly, I don't agree with everyone who says it's having your cake and eating it too. If it were really that excessive, everyone would have a courthouse wedding. Weddings are by nature AWish, it's not going to matter in the long run if you don't put ink on a piece of paper that day. I will agree and say don't lie about it to anyone. Because frankly, no one's going to care. I've told every single person invited to my wedding that we're doing it this way, and no one's blinked an eye. I can certainly imagine they'd react differently if told afterwards though. To answer your questions, I can't tell you much about the ceremony because I don't know yet, but we will be waiting until the wedding/vow renewal/whatever to exchange rings and for me to change my name.
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

The difference with your situation though is that you are in different countries. He is living here already, so its not an issue of being able to be here for the wedding.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:74d29204-b75f-4b19-a98a-e71679cd79a6">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE] And OP, since many of your family and friends probably know why you aren't living together now, don't you think they might be able to figure it out when all of a sudden he moves to your area and is living with you, and you go on a vacation right around the same time. Doesn't take Encyclopedia Brown to figure that one out.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
Nice Encyclopedia Brown reference.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:ad2da5c5-886c-489f-8f7e-f90534e47cf7">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding... : Nice Encyclopedia Brown reference.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Haha thanks, I'm a much bigger fan of him than Sherlock Holmes.

Anysunrise · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:62fca638-3cd8-40af-aea0-791c85357256">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding... : The difference with your situation though is that you are in different countries. He is living here already, so its not an issue of being able to be here for the wedding.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

<div>I was just writing a reply to say that I totally missed that. I agree, that's quite a bit different. I don't even get to see my fiance more than once every three months because I'm not allowed in the country while my visa is being processed. It's pretty sh*tty.</div>

filaw · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:74d29204-b75f-4b19-a98a-e71679cd79a6">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]WTH does everyone think thats okay?
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Because some people think the paperwork is really secondary and doesn't matter. For me, the important part is getting up in front of your community and making a vow to one another. If someone asks me to participate in this kind of event, I don't really care when they actually signed the paperwork.

</div>

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:fcc54102-8878-448f-b42b-752761d2e3c1">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding... : Because some people think the paperwork is really secondary and doesn't matter. For me, the important part is getting up in front of your community and making a vow to one another. If someone asks me to participate in this kind of event, I don't really care when they actually signed the paperwork.
Posted by filaw[/QUOTE]

Its not just paperwork. A JOP wedding is a wedding. That "paperwork" is just as valid and meaningful in the eyes of the law as the paperwork a priest or anyone else would sign. Your marriage doesn't have to be held in front of 300 people to be considered valid. It only needs 5 actually. JOP, you, FI, and a witness for each. And its really offensive to anyone who has had a JOP wedding to downplay the importance of their marriage because all the did was sign "paperwork."

reina72985 · November 2010

I completely agree - these boards are frustrating!! I didn't even have the will to read all the back and forth and horrendous judging some of these women so kindly share.

My fiance and I are contemplating doing the exact same thing. We're keeping the legal aspect simple so that the wedding (yes WEDDING!) in July is still special and symbolic. When I asked my father what he thought he reminded me it's OUR LIFE and to hell with what other people think. Do it! Love it! Love him! and enjoy your life together!! Keep the happy, open-minded people like ourselves updated on the even! Good Luck and Best Wishes!!! And remember.. to hell with everyone else - it's about you!

banana468 · November 2010

Shouldn't everything be meaningful to the couple though?

Every time I tell DH that I love him it's meaningful. That doesn't mean that strangers should give me presents if I say it when wearing a pretty dress.

The point of asking people to attend your wedding is because they're witnessing you get married. If you're already married, they're watching you essentially say, "I love you," to each other.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:ead0266f-984a-4b70-963d-209194e55587">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]I completely agree - these boards are frustrating!! I didn't even have the will to read all the back and forth and horrendous judging some of these women so kindly share. My fiance and I are contemplating doing the exact same thing. We're keeping the legal aspect simple so that the wedding (yes WEDDING!) in July is still special and symbolic. When I asked my father what he thought he reminded me it's OUR LIFE and to hell with what other people think. Do it! Love it! Love him! and enjoy your life together!! Keep the happy, open-minded people like ourselves updated on the even! Good Luck and Best Wishes!!! <strong>And remember.. to hell with everyone else - it's about you!</strong>
Posted by reina72985[/QUOTE]
Terrible advice. Brides who approach their weddings like that usually get what's coming to them.

banana468 · November 2010

Ahh yes. It's your life so who cares what the people you're inviting and involving think. They're just there for what...space filling??

trix1223 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:0412e917-1944-44fb-88b8-57224ea690d2">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Shouldn't everything be meaningful to the couple though? Every time I tell DH that I love him it's meaningful. That doesn't mean that strangers should give me presents if I say it when wearing a pretty dress. The point of asking people to attend your wedding is because they're witnessing you get married. If you're already married, they're watching you essentially say, "I love you," to each other.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Beautifully said, banana. Beautifully said.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

If this were a real immigration issue, you'd get more sympathy from me; my DH is from a foreign country, I understand where you're coming from. But from what I've been able to piece together, you both live in the US legally. He lives in one state and you live in another. To allow him to move in with you before the wedding (and so you can go on vacation), you need to get married. BUT you don't want to get married w/o the big party. Sorry, that's not an immigration issue. That's using immigration as an excuse.

reina72985 · November 2010

This is supposed to be a community where you can get advice on the details, not be judged for your decisions. If someone wants to do a down and dirty sign the papers AND pronounce their everlasting love to one another in front of their friends and families then they should be able to. It doesn't have to be a dirty little secret. Although, perhaps I'm naive enough to think that your loved ones are meant to support you and celebrate with you regardless. It's not like she's doing it for a selfish reason, unless you call have a life with the one you love selfish. Perhaps all the women who are judging us so harshly should be asked to live apart from the man you love for extended periods of time for no good reason. Tell me then if you'd sign a piece of paper to be together?

bablingbrooke · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:843d3712-d2a1-4d80-bd88-50453ed27dfb">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]This is supposed to be a community where you can get advice on the details, not be judged for your decisions. If someone wants to do a down and dirty sign the papers AND pronounce their everlasting love to one another in front of their friends and families then they should be able to. It doesn't have to be a dirty little secret. Although, perhaps I'm naive enough to think that your loved ones are meant to support you and celebrate with you regardless. It's not like she's doing it for a selfish reason, unless you call have a life with the one you love selfish.<strong> Perhaps all the women who are judging us so harshly should be asked to live apart from the man you love for extended periods of time for no good reason. Tell me then if you'd sign a piece of paper to be together?</strong>
Posted by reina72985[/QUOTE]
I spent the first nine months of my marriage 3,000 miles away from my DH. It was awful, but we dealt with it. We survived. OP will too.<div>
</div><div>We also had to wait six months to go on our honeymoon. Again, not ideal, but that was what we had to do given the situation.
<div>
</div><div>Also, advice = telling people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. Validation isn't advice; don't go confusing the two.</div></div>

trix1223 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:843d3712-d2a1-4d80-bd88-50453ed27dfb">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]This is supposed to be a community where you can get advice on the details, not be judged for your decisions. If someone wants to do a down and dirty sign the papers AND pronounce their everlasting love to one another in front of their friends and families then they should be able to. It doesn't have to be a dirty little secret. Although, perhaps I'm naive enough to think that your loved ones are meant to support you and celebrate with you regardless.<strong> It's not like she's doing it for a selfish reason,</strong> unless you call have a life with the one you love selfish. Perhaps all the women who are judging us so harshly should be asked to live apart from the man you love for extended periods of time for no good reason. Tell me then if you'd sign a piece of paper to be together?
Posted by reina72985[/QUOTE]

Really? You don't consider wanting to go on a vacation and sleep in the same hotel room a selfish reason?

As for getting advice and not be judged: if you put a question or scenario out on a public message board, and ask for advice, you're going to get answers and opinions. This board is not, IMO, about validating bad ideas.

It's giving someone the tough love that is often needed when someone is going to make a decision that many think is not in his/her best interest. We'll say here what friends and family probably won't say, because they don't want to hurt your feelings. We have no vested interest in your feelings so we can be honest.

I'd venture to say that more often than not, the honest, if blunt, advice given here is harder to hear than what your friends and family will tell you. But it's better advice.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:843d3712-d2a1-4d80-bd88-50453ed27dfb">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]This is supposed to be a community where you can get advice on the details, not be judged for your decisions. If someone wants to do a down and dirty sign the papers AND pronounce their everlasting love to one another in front of their friends and families then they should be able to. It doesn't have to be a dirty little secret. Although, perhaps I'm naive enough to think that your loved ones are meant to support you and celebrate with you regardless. It's not like she's doing it for a selfish reason, unless you call have a life with the one you love selfish. Perhaps all the women who are judging us so harshly should be asked to live apart from the man you love for extended periods of time for no good reason. Tell me then if you'd sign a piece of paper to be together?
Posted by reina72985[/QUOTE]

Seriously, you want to go there?

My H and I were an LDR the entire time we dated. We didn't live in the same city, let alone together, until we got married. Then we got moved across the country, completely away from all of our family and friends. And do you know where he is now, 3 months after our wedding? He is deployed, on the absolute other side of the world from me, putting himself in harms way just so you can have the pretty princess day you want. So you should really think about what you say before you start typing on here. Because you have absolutely no idea what other sacrifices some of us make.

Edit: other side of the world, not country. I was beyond pissed and was typing furiously.

TheCranberry · November 2010

Clearly there are divisions about this issue. I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as the couple are honest to their family and friends. To me, the hurtful part is the lie. If I am your family member or friend, why would you lie about something like this?

In the end, guests will receive an invitation to the event and have to make a decision. They will come to the wedding or not. They will give the couple a gift or not. The couple will have to deal with that, and if they're okay with having some people not attend or not approve, then they've made the decision with their eyes open.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:843d3712-d2a1-4d80-bd88-50453ed27dfb">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]This is supposed to be a community where you can get advice on the details, not be judged for your decisions. If someone wants to do a down and dirty sign the papers AND pronounce their everlasting love to one another in front of their friends and families then they should be able to. It doesn't have to be a dirty little secret. Although, perhaps I'm naive enough to think that your loved ones are meant to support you and celebrate with you regardless. It's not like she's doing it for a selfish reason, unless you call have a life with the one you love selfish. <strong>Perhaps all the women who are judging us so harshly should be asked to live apart from the man you love for extended periods of time for no good reason.</strong> Tell me then if you'd sign a piece of paper to be together?
Posted by reina72985[/QUOTE]
I judge the concept harshly and I've lived (for a very good reason, his work) apart from him for extended periods of time. It was terrible and I hated it, and whether or not we were married wouldn't have changed a thing. There are plenty of women here who are/were apart from their FIs and Hs. You deal with it. Part of being an adult and deciding about that cake.

ckonidak · November 2010

OP: I think that you knew the kind of responses you'd get when you chose to post on a clearly controversial issue. I'm sorry that things aren't easy for your situation.

I hate to say it, but I think if your situation is a tough one, but the posters on these boards are telling you like it is. It's likely that your family and friends may feel the same way (some may or may not tell you what they honestly think, because naturally they love you and don't want to tell you something that may hurt your feelings or seem insensitive).

Just keep in mind that you do have choices to make, and judging from what you've said about your situation, I think it may be nice for you to consider finding some middle ground. I like the idea of having a smaller ceremony when you do the "legal" wedding, then maybe you can get a cute less formal white dress and have a "celebration" for your friends and family when you're ready. But I hate to agree with other posters, I don't think legally getting married and having a wedding later seems very inconsiderate to the people in your life that may not be as understanding to your situation. Best of luck!

filaw · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:32869d53-98e9-4545-bc74-56620ba8e2f1">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding... : This reasoning doesn't work for couples that get married sooner in order to live together. After all, if the paperwork is secondary, and the important part is being married in the eyes of God, or in the Church, or whatever, then why does the secondary paperwork make it okay to have sex?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Well in that situation I personally think the couple is being a little silly for many reasons, the "two weddings" issue probably being the least of them, and none of them are worth me getting huffy about. It's their moral code (certainly not mine) and they need to live their lives in accordance with their own conscience. Like PP said, no one's required to attend or give a gift or anything they don't want to do. And if they were my friends or family, I for one would be glad to have the opportunity to celebrate with them.</div>

chocoholic4life · November 2010

I'm conflicted on the issue of having two "weddings." If you're 100% sure that no one you invite to the celebration will be upset in the least, then go for it. (Not sure how you are going to be able to know that without learning how to read minds though.)

I understand how hard it is to live apart from the person you love, but unless he is getting deported soon, I would wait to celebrate with your friends and family. I can't see how your loved ones would all be ok with this if the only reason is so you can live together.

What is really bothering me is that you want to go on a honeymoon right after you have the (in your eyes) fake wedding? That makes no sense to me...are you really considering the first one not to be the wedding or are you the greedy person that is being portrayed by other posters that really just wants two weddings? Be honest with yourself, and I wish you the best of luck.

aerinpegadrak · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:e645cd3b-3446-41d4-b429-0633b6b67bc8">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, on a side note, the reason the phrase "have your cake and eat it too" is confusing is because it's actually backwards. It should be "eat your cake and have it too". You can have it and then eat it, but you cannot eat it and then still have it.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I think it's also because "have" is idiomatically a synonym for "eat" (e.g. "I'm going to have some pie now"), just to add another layer of confusion.

sheenammeder · November 2010

As each month goes on and I find myself on these boards and I am simply flabbergasted by how rude, unsupportive and sarcastic so many brides are on this site. 2011Bubbyly I completely agree with you. I too have found myself so confused on these boards. I have started 2 posts myself looking for opinions and support from other brides to find myself coming under attack. I though these boards where a place where fellow brides could come to lift up, support and help out each other. This is supposed to be fun you know!

People need to understand that everyone is different! Not everyone's wedding or beliefs will be just like yours. Yes she is asking for opinions but not for you guys to ream her and tell her how terrible her idea is and poke fun for using an expression about cake? What happened to manners these days? I guess on the internet people get very brave because your not actually face-to-face with someone and just chatting on a computer screen.

You go ahead girl and do whatever it is you need to make you and your fiance happy! I cant give you any specific advice on the topic because my situation is completely different, but I wish you the best.

banana468 · November 2010

These boards are about giving advice. They're not about creating validation for an awful idea.

The OP can choose to do what she likes, but she needs to know what is and isn't appropriate.

Of course she can do what she pleases. But there are rules that she is breaking if she chooses to do what she pleases and she needs to understand that if perfect strangers don't support the idea, her nearest and dearest may not as well.

Getting married isn't a license to be rude. There is no day that you get to treat others poorly.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

A diamond ring does not give you a license to completely disregard etiquette and manners. An "it's all about me!" attitude almost always comes back to bite the bride, and people have long memories about this sort of thing.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:3a2afc44-1f3c-4729-ad42-a278142b5c73">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]As each month goes on and I find myself on these boards and I am simply flabbergasted by how rude, unsupportive and sarcastic so many brides are on this site. 2011Bubbyly I completely agree with you. I too have found myself so confused on these boards. I have started 2 posts myself looking for opinions and support from other brides to find myself coming under attack. I though these boards where a place where fellow brides could come<strong> to lift up, support </strong>and help out each other. This is supposed to be fun you know! People need to understand that everyone is different! Not everyone's wedding or beliefs will be just like yours. Yes she is asking for opinions but not for you guys to ream her and tell her how terrible her idea is and poke fun for using an expression about cake? What happened to manners these days? I guess on the internet people get very brave because your not actually face-to-face with someone and just chatting on a computer screen. You go ahead girl and do whatever it is you need to make you and your fiance happy! I cant give you any specific advice on the topic because my situation is completely different, but I wish you the best.
Posted by sheenammeder[/QUOTE]
That's what bras are for. And furthermore, planning a wedding isn't that big a deal. If you need "support" while you're planning your wedding, you're doin it wrong.

strasbjl · November 2010

I had two firends that did this. Both for immigration. One waited and had the large ceremony and reception and then did the legal paperwork..which does take about 6 months (and lots of money). They were not able to go on a honeymoon outside the country and she was dissapointed about that.

The other did what you seem to be doing and had a legal ceremony earlier so that when they did have their wedding (or vow renewal) and reception they were able to travel out of the country for their honeymoon. She expessed that having that 6month long process of paperwork completed before the vow renewal was a relief. There is a lot of stress related to that process. She had a complete ceremony, which is common for a vow renewal, and a great reception. She did it all in a way that her family and friends knew that they had the legal marriage already, but waited to give any gifts from her registry until her reception.

Most people are very understading in these situations...especially family and friends.

filaw · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_women-legal-court-marriage-prior-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:45a016db-edfe-4030-ba99-9cb0c5b3f53aPost:a76cbec3-272c-4731-9c6f-c488c32f72b0">Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE] Most people are very understading in these situations...especially family and friends.
Posted by strasbjl[/QUOTE]

<div>This so much. I just can't comprehend as someone that loves the bride and/or groom and they love me, why I would be angry at them for dealing with the situation in this way. I just don't understand why this is such an offensive idea. If it makes their lives easier and brings joy to them (and me as a celebrator at their big party) who does it hurt? Where's the problem?</div>

Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...

Re: Women who have had a legal court marriage prior to wedding...

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