Mods and not so Modly like behavior

aghouston86 · February 2011

Ok so since its friday I know the FFF threads are taking off. I think, IMO, that the FFF threads are rude and tacky, and if you are going to talk about the person you are FF-ing, why can't you just message them? More importantly, why are Mod's even participating in these, and in some cases starting the thread? Isn't that kind of against what a Mod on the boards should stand for? Thoughts ladies?

hatroopes · February 2011

I usually stay away from posting on any other boards, (except my month board occasionally and this one, just to avoid all the petty drama that goes on. I might lurk to get some ideas and inspiration but that's about it. What is the FFF thread?

wheatney22 · February 2011

Can't comment cause I don't know what "FFF" or "FF-ing" means

aghouston86 · February 2011

It this Flame Firday thing. Basically where other knotties go to "flame" (talk crap about) other knotties they may dissagree with, gotten into it with, or any other negative thing they can think of. You can for sure find it on the Etiquitte Board EVERY Friday, I saw one on the May 2011, not sure which other boards do it, but I was super suprised to see a Mod had started the thread on I think the May one...

kiyamurph · February 2011

I think FFF means Flame Free Friday, meaning that everyone has free reign to talk sh!t about people. Completely immature in my opinion. I think that the girls who participate are the ones who are the most rude to people. And I agree aghouston, the Mods should definitely NOT be the ones starting it.

aghouston86 · February 2011

I know I have ben mentioned on one occasion for standing my ground to some of those chicks who didn't like that very much, I find it to be very un lady like, childish, and unconstructive...for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about take a gander

http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette Just look for the FFF

aghouston86 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:88c1e889-572b-465d-96c6-24df76244601">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]I think FFF means Flame Free Friday, meaning that everyone has free reign to talk sh!t about people. Completely immature in my opinion. <strong> I think that the girls who participate are the ones who are the most rude to people. And I agree aghouston, the Mods should definitely NOT be the ones starting it. </strong>
Posted by kiyamurph[/QUOTE]
I agree with you 100%. I'm suprised the most that some of the ladies who participate in this are "religious", some catholic, because they post on the catholic boards and have stated tehy were, but dont' really practice what they claim they are. I have a hard time with that part the most. I mean not to get a religious or anything but we were all created in his image and likeness and therefore are to treat one another as we would tret the lord, but this obviously isn't what others stand by. <div>
</div><div>I'm not perfect and I have said not the nicest things to some women on here, in my defense much of it was provoked, doesn't make it ok, but I at least own up to that. I don't know...</div>

2010Bride2be · February 2011

Meh.....this is the interwebz....not everyone is going to get along and FFF can be an opportunity to get whatever about whoever off your chest without it becoming an all out web-brawl. However FFF isn't just about talking about people, its also where you can discuss opinions, issues without getting flamed for it.
As always, each thread/board is a choice to go into. As with anything, not everything is for everybody.

aghouston86 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:89d17541-029e-40c9-97cd-a7aa9665d72f">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]Meh.....this is the interwebz....not everyone is going to get along and FFF can be an opportunity to get whatever about whoever off your chest without it becoming an all out web-brawl. However FFF isn't just about talking about people, its also where you can discuss opinions, issues without getting flamed for it. As always, each thread/board is a choice to go into. As with anything, not everything is for everybody.
Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

<div>I get what your saying, I just don't think that certain aspects of it are ok. I get the opinions and issues portions, but since when is it ok to dog on aanother on the internet, on a cite that is is suppose to be monitered, and where mods are suppose to uphold certain rules? I guess that's my question/gripe.</div>

hotrocker2011 · February 2011

aghouston86 I agree 100% with you, i said it once and ill say it again TK is suppose to be a site that help other brides and brides to be...not flame somebody for their opinion...but like anything there will always be somebody that ignorant.... so i choose which bored's i feel will have less drama and post on what ever bored or posts that i feel strongly about....

M1ssJ · February 2011

Its that old stereotype. Get a group of women together and the claws come out. Its apparent some people on those boards need a self esteem boost

lil01 · February 2011

Ok...so I just checked out the post. Its kinda stupid & I don't really understand the purpose. If you have a problem with what someone said, either handle it at the time or leave it alone. You won't always agree with everyone, but to take a specific day outta the week & "go in" on folks is cowardly & childish.

marinabreeze · February 2011

I don't know, I'm kind of with 2010b2b...I don't really see a problem with it. If you read through them, there's more to it than flaming people just for the sake of doing so. And most of the time, even when they do flame people, they've also made it clear to the same people in the posts they refer to how they feel. It's not like it's a mystery to said people how they feel.

It's not everyone's cup of tea, but each of the boards have different vibes and are for different folks. It may not be your thing, and that's okay, but I'm not going to knock it.

BlutifulScorpion · February 2011

Well they can kiss my FFF.

Just sayin'.

aghouston86 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:adfefc77-10fe-4b6c-ae0e-9792ba8c0bc3">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]Well they can kiss my FFF. Just sayin'.
Posted by BlutifulScorpion[/QUOTE]
Hahaha lmao, I agree!!

Cynthia1207 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:289a5894-e883-48b2-b5a6-d7126d999237">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]So... what would you call what is happening right here? NOT flaming other knotties? Just asking.
Posted by HappinessByTheKilowatt[/QUOTE]

Agreed. Seems kinda weird flaming in a thread about not flaming.

msteph82 · February 2011

Not to be redundant, but how is what you are doing right now any different than FFF?

BTW - I'm a mod and I even STARTED the FFF post on May 2011. **GASP!**

Ladies, clutch those pearls.

HappinessByTheKilowatt · February 2011

I deleted my post by accident. What a newb moment. Good thing I was quoted, haha.

But AG, I really would like an answer. I'm not looking to argue, just curious.

msteph82 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:89d17541-029e-40c9-97cd-a7aa9665d72f">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]Meh.....this is the interwebz....not everyone is going to get along and FFF can be an opportunity to get whatever about whoever off your chest without it becoming an all out web-brawl. However FFF isn't just about talking about people, its also where you can discuss opinions, issues without getting flamed for it. As always, each thread/board is a choice to go into. As with anything, not everything is for everybody.
Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

Agreed, very well put.

emilykathleen511 · February 2011

[QUOTE]So... what would you call what is happening right here? NOT flaming other knotties? Just asking.[/QUOTE]

FTW!

mkrupar · February 2011

Sounds like there's some flaming going on in here. Aghouston you've been told many many times if you don't like the way some of the boards operate to stick to your the ones you do. How is starting a separate flame (that's what this is) here any better than what's happening over on E.

For the record 9 times out of 10 what is said in FFF has already been said in the thread they are referring to. So it is NOT talking behind someones back (ummmm it's a public board, anyone can read it, not really a secret), they already know how the posters feel about it.

Please get off your high horse and just plan your wedding.

bAEbling · February 2011

Pot, meet kettle.

aghouston86 · March 2011

Comparing this thread to the FFF threads is like comparing apples to oranges. I didn't start a thread to repeadtly talk shiit about specific individuals, I wanted peoples thoughts and opinions about the above questions that I asked. I stated my opininon which I am intitled to but I'm not talking shiit. I think that the action (doing something) and being something are two totally different things. When I say that, I mean the comment I made about those threads being rude and tacky, which IMO they are. I think that the participation is what is rude, tacky, childish, not-lady like, and all those other things I said. I am not saying that those who participate in them ARE any of those things. Catch my drift.
Mssteph82 About Mods participating in them and starting them, it pretty much goes against everything a mod is suppose to be IMO. They are the people who should be MODerating that kind of crap, and making sure that these boards stay free of such negativity. I get that we can all have a difference in opinion and what not, but taking it to the level where you feel you need to, im some cases, make other nasty, snide, crule remarks, aside from the ones already made to whoever you are flaming, is just mind blowing to me. and seems as though your not a Mod anymore...
And about the religion aspect of things, if you take your religion seriously, you can talk to any priest, father, bishop,or whichever religious leader you follow, about the FFF threads, and I bet you they would tell you its not really something that as a christian, or what ever other religion you may be,you should be doing/participating in. Or would they be wrong for telling you that too?
I wouldn't even dare say that 9 times out of 10 what's said in the FFF threads about a person is said directly to that person as well, because i'm sure there are a number of comments made that aren't.
Can any of you ladies answer my questions in the origional post?

msteph82 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:f34d273d-90db-4288-b425-0fcd7fed543f">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE] Mssteph82 About Mods participating in them and starting them, it pretty much goes against everything a mod is suppose to be IMO. They are the people who should be MODerating that kind of crap, and making sure that these boards stay free of such negativity. I get that we can all have a difference in opinion and what not, but taking it to the level where you feel you need to, im some cases, make other nasty, snide, crule remarks, aside from the ones already made to whoever you are flaming, is just mind blowing to me. and seems as though your not a Mod anymore... Posted by aghouston86[/QUOTE]

A mod's 'job' is to make sure that the TOS are followed. That's it. Not to make sure people are being nice all the time.

aghouston86 · March 2011

No strong, vulgar, obscene, or otherwise harmful language.No racially, ethnically, or otherwise objectionable language.No harassing, intimidating, stalking, or threatening othercommunity members.No libelous, defamatory, or otherwise tortious language.

Read more: The Knot Community Rules - Rules for The Knot Community - TheKnot.com http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx#ixzz1FTAEgvrJ

You really honestly can sit and say that Mods that allow certain posts to be made in the FFF threads are upholding the TOS? I'm asking a serious question not being snarky.

And this does not apply to every post in the FFF threads. Some of them yes. Why? because people make remarks that could be considered any of the above things.

I'm just saying if your going to be a Mod, don't do a half a$$ job and only uphold some of the TOS Rules and not others.

AudgiePodge · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:766d1648-19a5-409f-ab70-d88e5f17101b">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]No strong, vulgar, obscene, or otherwise harmful language. No racially, ethnically, or otherwise objectionable languag e. No harassing, intimidating , stalking, or threatening other community members. No libelous, defamatory, or otherwise tortious language. Read more: The Knot Community Rules - Rules for The Knot Community - TheKnot.com <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx#ixzz1FTAEgvrJ" rel='nofollow'>http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/knot-community-rules.aspx#ixzz1FTAEgvrJ</a> You really honestly can sit and say that Mods that allow certain posts to be made in the FFF threads are upholding the TOS? I'm asking a serious question not being snarky. And this does not apply to every post in the FFF threads. Some of them yes. Why? because people make remarks that could be considered any of the above things. I'm just saying if your going to be a Mod, don't do a half a$$ job and only uphold some of the TOS Rules and not others.
Posted by aghouston86[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm glad you're not a mod. All of the "power" would go to your head. </div><div>
</div><div>If you see something you don't like, by all means, report it. A good mod doesn't police and dictate the board. A good mod doesn't close or delete something just because they don't agree with it. Modding is about making sure the forum users follow the TOS. The FFFs are about opinions. If it is as bad as you think they are, TK wouldn't allow it.</div>

aghouston86 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:b1a60547-e42d-414b-b0e4-69c9e2b4384c">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior : I'm glad you're not a mod. All of the "power" would go to your head. If you see something you don't like, by all means, report it. A good mod doesn't police and dictate the board. A good mod doesn't close or delete something just because they don't agree with it. Modding is about making sure the forum users follow the TOS. The FFFs are about opinions. If it is as bad as you think they are, TK wouldn't allow it.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

<div><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">I don't think the FFF threads are all bad. I think its great to express your opinions and what not, and its certianly fine to dissagree with another person, but its when it gets taken too far, calling people biitches and other things that I have seen in them , is when I feel its a mods job to step in and say something. I think we all should conduct ourselves with a certain level of maturity and respect for one another, and starting petty arguments with someone just because you dissagree, or calling someone out of their name because they aren't following the system of etiquitte and your annoyed, is just a bit much. Yes we are all grown women, and you can do and choose to say what you want, but again I simply posted what I posted because I wanted other opinions.<div>
</div><div>To say that if I were a mod I would be on a power trip is just a little judgmental. I'm generally a very nice person, and I'm not argumentative whatsoever, but I just feel that the FFF's threads in some cases give the boards that do them kind of a bad name. Like on the E board, the overall tone of that board isn't really a very nice one, and it has a lot to do with who posts there, and the content/manner in which they choose to respond to others. that's fine if that's how the regs want it to be, but I just don't think it's a good look.</div></div></div>

AudgiePodge · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:b37a653e-4216-4e2d-a9ae-a5cdfab9da3a">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior : I don't think the FFF threads are all bad. I think its great to express your opinions and what not, and its certianly fine to dissagree with another person, but its when it gets taken too far, calling people biitches and other things that I have seen in them , is when I feel its a mods job to step in and say something. I think we all should conduct ourselves with a certain level of maturity and respect for one another, and starting petty arguments with someone just because you dissagree, or calling someone out of their name because they aren't following the system of etiquitte and your annoyed, is just a bit much. Yes we are all grown women, and you can do and choose to say what you want, but again I simply posted what I posted because I wanted other opinions. <strong>To say that if I were a mod I would be on a power trip is just a little judgmental. I'm generally a very nice person, and I'm not argumentative whatsoever, but I just feel that the FFF's threads in some cases give the boards that do them kind of a bad name. Like on the E board, the overall tone of that board isn't really a very nice one, and it has a lot to do with who posts there, and the content/manner in which they choose to respond to others. that's fine if that's how the regs want it to be, but I just don't think it's a good look.</strong>
Posted by aghouston86[/QUOTE]

<div>I can only go off what you have posted. I judge. You judge. Everyone judges.</div><div>
</div><div>International boards definitely have a different vibe to them. People tend to be more honest and blunt about things. Club boards are more reserved and a lot of posters tend to "tip-toe" as not to cause a "commotion." If you don't like the dynamics of a certain board, then don't visit if it bothers you so much. But, then again, it is an open forum and you can post where ever you want, just like everyone else. I just don't see the point of running back to a board that you feel "safe" on to say, "ZOMG, LOOK AT THE HORRIBLE THINGS THESE PEOPLE ARE DOING!" as if the other people you are talking about are never going to find out. As I am sure you are aware, most people frequent many more boards than they tend to actively post on.</div>

lillolo · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:f34d273d-90db-4288-b425-0fcd7fed543f">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE] Comparing this thread to the FFF threads is like comparing apples to oranges. I didn't start a thread to repeadtly talk shiit about specific individuals, I wanted peoples thoughts and opinions about the above questions that I asked. I stated my opininon which I am intitled to but I'm not talking shiit. I think that the action (doing something) and being something are two totally different things. When I say that, I mean the comment I made about those threads being rude and tacky, which IMO they are. I think that the participation is what is rude, tacky, childish, not-lady like, and all those other things I said. I am not saying that those who participate in them ARE any of those things. Catch my drift. Mssteph82 About Mods participating in them and starting them, it pretty much goes against everything a mod is suppose to be IMO. They are the people who should be MODerating that kind of crap, and making sure that these boards stay free of such negativity. I get that we can all have a difference in opinion and what not, but taking it to the level where you feel you need to, im some cases, make other nasty, snide, crule remarks, aside from the ones already made to whoever you are flaming, is just mind blowing to me. and seems as though your not a Mod anymore... And about the religion aspect of things, if you take your religion seriously, <strong>you can talk to any priest, father, bishop,or whichever religious leader you follow, about the FFF threads, and I bet you they would tell you its not really something that as a christian, or what ever other religion you may be</strong>,you should be doing/participating in. Or would they be wrong for telling you that too? I wouldn't even dare say that 9 times out of 10 what's said in the FFF threads about a person is said directly to that person as well, because i'm sure there are a number of comments made that aren't. Can any of you ladies answer my questions in the origional post?
Posted by aghouston86[/QUOTE]

LMAO you are talking to your priest about an internet thread on TK?! Classic

aggiebug · March 2011

You honey are the one with the power trip. You seem to act all high and mighty around these parts, like you are better than most of the posters on here. I agree with Audgie, I am pretty glad you aren't a mod. Thankfully you seem to wear out your welcome on every board you post on so I don't see it happening any time soon.

Questions in the OP:
Moderators can't (and never would) force other knotties to message the knotties they have problems with. These boards are public, and calling people is perfectly acceptable if done appropriately. If you don't like it then find yourself a private forum.

Why the heck shouldn't I (as a mod) post in those threads? I am a person too and don't like everything I see on the boards. I find posters (umm like you) to be ridiculous and it is not my job to bite my tongue. My job is to make sure the TOS is followed. (read below to see why your follow up post is ridiculous)

A mod is a representative for Knot Annie. She has asked us to help keep the boards running smooth. We aren't paid, we are just members of the knot whom she asked to help. We do aren't required to be held to a "higher set of morals" or whatever you were alluding to with that question.

As to your follow up posts.
I think you need to go do some reasearch to see what this rules really mean. Having an opinion about someone and voicing it does not constitute objectionable behavior. FFF brings out the opinions not vulgar, obscene, objectionable, intimidating, libelous (umm do you even know what this means really), etc language.

Yes some knotties step out of line, but if you acutally pay attention they get called out by posters (mods and non mods alike). They get put in their place, and if they stop and move on then nothing more happens. If they continue they are banned. I am not going to ban every single person who makes a rash comment with a poor choice of words. I will gladly call them out on it and ask them to stop, but I can forgive someone and move past a lapse in judgement.

8daysaweek · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_mods-not-modly-like-behavior?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:79f07f39-5431-4054-9b85-2bfc26a59dd2Post:b37a653e-4216-4e2d-a9ae-a5cdfab9da3a">Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Mods and not so Modly like behavior : I don't think the FFF threads are all bad. I think its great to express your opinions and what not, and its certianly fine to dissagree with another person, <strong>but its when it gets taken too far, calling people biitches and other things that I have seen in them ,</strong> is when I feel its a mods job to step in and say something. I think we all should conduct ourselves with a certain level of maturity and respect for one another, and starting petty arguments with someone just because you dissagree, or calling someone out of their name because they aren't following the system of etiquitte and your annoyed, is just a bit much. Yes we are all grown women, and you can do and choose to say what you want, but again I simply posted what I posted because I wanted other opinions. To say that if I were a mod I would be on a power trip is just a little judgmental. I'm generally a very nice person, and I'm not argumentative whatsoever, but I just feel that the FFF's threads in some cases give the boards that do them kind of a bad name. Like on the E board, the overall tone of that board isn't really a very nice one, and it has a lot to do with who posts there, and the content/manner in which they choose to respond to others. that's fine if that's how the regs want it to be, but I just don't think it's a good look.
Posted by aghouston86[/QUOTE]

I would really like to see where in a May 11 FFF thread someone was called a b!tch. Becuase I'm positive you won't find it.
Honestly, I find it amusing that you are criticizing others for being judgmental, rude, not saying things to someone's face, etc. in the FFF threads because that's exactly what you are doing here. And I know - right now, this second you are already formulating your response about how it is so totally different when you get on your high horse here and preach about how what other boards are doing is just so wrong on other boards is nothing like FFF. I'm going to save you some time and effort: You're wrong. All the things you said about FFF in your post are things you're doing here. Except this is actually just a really cowardly way of doing it.
Take care and good luck with... just all of that.

Mods and not so Modly like behavior

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