B-Lists

quotequeen · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:c7df42cd-fb48-4000-bf7e-84acf2de96de">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]July 22nd to October 2nd is 10 weeks. I wouldn't say that they shouldn't have been sent by then - our A-list will probably go out at about 11 weeks, which it would do regardless of having one list or two, because we have so many out of town guests and are not doing save-the-dates. That said, 10 weeks is definitely too early for an RSVP date. Our A-list RSVP date will probably be around 6-7 weeks out from the wedding, which I know is still early, but... oh well.
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

This is one of the reasons that B-lists are rude. It's not fair to your A-listers to make them respond that early. And yes, 6-7 weeks is still significantly too early.

JanoBean75 · August 2010

Re: venues w/ minium plate count

I agree that it could be solved with better planning, but there are probably situations where you have a 100 minimum, invite 150 and more than half your list declines for whatever reason.

Personally I don't like them either. But I wouldn't be upset with someone for doing one for the reasons I listed. If they are just trying to get more gifts or look popular, I'd have to question it. Or at least talk about them behind their backs.

quotequeen · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:41321ad1-bc40-43db-b6ec-4e939e67049a">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]Re: venues w/ minium plate count I agree that it could be solved with better planning, but there are probably situations where you have a 100 minimum, invite 150 and more than half your list declines for whatever reason. Personally I don't like them either. But I wouldn't be upset with someone for doing one for the reasons I listed. If they are just trying to get more gifts or look popular, I'd have to question it. Or at least talk about them behind their backs.
Posted by JanoBean75[/QUOTE]

But doesn't that still sort of say "hey, you're not worth spending $X/plate on, but if I have to pay that amount anyway, I guess you're good enough to be there"? (BTW, I say this as somebody with a minimum that I may not reach.)

hlq2011 · August 2010

I guess I just wasn't under the impression that everyone plans their wedding to accommodate everyone they'd like to have there, and that no one ever has people they'd love to invite but can't accommodate. And I wasn't under the impression that everyone else assumes that, either.

If I got a late invite, I'd probably assume there were size or monetary considerations and be honored that the couple were able to include me at all. I'd like to think that the cousins I haven't seen in ten years, or the family friends of my mom's who I haven't spoken to in fifteen years, would see it in the same light.

But then, I'm not likely to badmouth someone over using pre-printed labels instead of handwriting my name on an invitation, or complain about someone having the audacity to indicate on the invite that their wedding is black tie, or adults only, or God Forbid they include registry information in the invitation. *shrug*

M&R7111 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:8116aced-4070-4f2b-80bd-ddca72cf8b76">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I just wasn't under the impression that everyone plans their wedding to accommodate everyone they'd like to have there, and that no one ever has people they'd love to invite but can't accommodate. And I wasn't under the impression that everyone else assumes that, either. If I got a late invite, I'd probably assume there were size or monetary considerations and be honored that the couple were able to include me at all. I'd like to think that the cousins I haven't seen in ten years, or the family friends of my mom's who I haven't spoken to in fifteen years, would see it in the same light. But then, I'm not likely to badmouth someone over using pre-printed labels instead of handwriting my name on an invitation, or complain about someone having the audacity to indicate on the invite that their wedding is black tie, or adults only, or God Forbid they include registry information in the invitation. *shrug*
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Woah! People do this? I'm DIYing all the stationary, and the invites are going to be post cards - I'm using all avery postcard and label products to do a mail merge on my computer and print everything out.

Guess I'm gonna get badmouthed by some people, haha. Who the hell cares? I'm inviting you to a HUGE FREE party.

Belle2Be · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:8116aced-4070-4f2b-80bd-ddca72cf8b76">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I just wasn't under the impression that everyone plans their wedding to accommodate everyone they'd like to have there, and that no one ever has people they'd love to invite but can't accommodate. And I wasn't under the impression that everyone else assumes that, either. If I got a late invite, I'd probably assume there were size or monetary considerations and be honored that the couple were able to include me at all. I'd like to think that the cousins I haven't seen in ten years, or the family friends of my mom's who I haven't spoken to in fifteen years, would see it in the same light. But then, I'm not likely to badmouth someone over using pre-printed labels instead of handwriting my name on an invitation, or complain about someone having the audacity to indicate on the invite that their wedding is black tie, or adults only, or God Forbid they include registry information in the invitation. *shrug*
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

Very well said, and I agree 100%.

vegasgroom · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:47568f86-f807-48c9-9c95-0959f481e038">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]What I don't understand about the people who say that it's not about ranking people and the b-list people are just as important to them is, why didn't you plan a wedding where you could accommodate all of the people that are so important to you? If it's a budget issue, why didn't you plan a cheaper wedding where you could afford to have all of those people there? If it was a venue issue, why was your choice of venue more important than having these people there? And if there's a chance you won't be able to invite these folks because your a-list decides to come, can you really say it was that important to you for them to be there?
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

I can think of quite a few reasons:

1) Venues are often chosen and booked (i.e. non-refundable deposits paid) before the inlaws get involved with their guest lists.

2) If the inlaws are paying, and not willing to budge on their guest list, and you already booked the venue, well, then someone's getting cut that you probably want there more than those that are getting invited. If one of those undesirables declines, do you want to add one of your firends or do you just want to show your friend pictures later and say yeah that empty table in the back could have had you sitting there but it would have been rude to invite you later.

3) If you have an engagement party thrown for you by in-laws, those guests, who often bring gifts, may include people you didn't want to invite to your wedding and now have to, which can be an issue if you have a fixed capacity venue.

4) If you have a fixed budget and are in a family where it's not an option to not invite the whole family, do you want to just ignore your friends when some family decline or do you want to invite the people you'd have rather had there to begin with when the declines start coming in?

So yes, I can say it was as important for my B-list people to be there, actually I can say it was even more important for my B-list people to be there than some of my A-list people, but sometimes you don't always get what you want in life.

vegasgroom · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:63121828-2984-4e02-99a5-1f0cbc970b08">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]The minimum plate number makes me so mad. It is just easier on the venue to make extra plates than having to add on a late night buffet or extra appetizers. I refused to book a venue that didn't allow me to change the contract to minimum $- but I had to ask for it every time! So many venues I went to said they could accommodate 270-300 people (with 270 being the minimum)- with such a small margin for error- how do you invite for that?!?!
Posted by PharmacyBride[/QUOTE]

We ran into a bunch of that too when looking for venues in Vegas. The one we ended up going with didn't have a minimum guest count but did have a minimum dollar amount spent to do a complete buyout for the evening (it's a restaurant). I guess they just figured if we're going to shut down just for you, you need to pay us what a typical Saturday night would have generated. So the cool thing about the whole situation is that since the minimum covers all food and beverage, including booze, and there's basically no way we'd hit the minimum even with 100% attendence, once I see how many people actually do RSVP I'm going to start upgrading things to get us closer to the minimum required spend like better wine and champagne options, maybe alter the menu, etc. since we're going to be spending the same amount either way.

vegasgroom · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:97edec05-0c5f-49f8-8a86-590de0edd037">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : This is one of the reasons that B-lists are rude. It's not fair to your A-listers to make them respond that early. And yes, 6-7 weeks is still significantly too early.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

What about destination weddings where the prices of rooms, air fare, etc. are significantly lower when locked in a few months in advance? We're actually looking at an early rsvp date as a way to help our procrastinating guests ensure they get their bookings done at a time that will probably save them $600+ over forgetting to do it until the traditional deadline timeframe.

Beachy730 · August 2010

Destination weddings have different time frames for things for reasons like that. When you post on here about timelines and things, its assumed that you are doing a traditional wedding unless you specify otherwise.

I do feel bad for the people that have to choose between inviting people they want or making one of the sets of parents happy. But as for choosing a venue that only holds a certain amount of people, anything you read about wedding planning tells you to do a guest list as one of your first things, then look at venues after that can accomodate that amount. Honestly, its just poor planning to pick a venue before asking for guest lists, especially if its a venue with a small capacity. Our guest list had adds and drops after our venue, but ours could hold up to 500 people so it made no difference. if you already were given your guest list and picked your venue, and then parents try adding on, then you simply say "i'm sorry, we picked a venue based on the numbers we were given, and we can't accomodate any more on the guest list. if you would really like these people invited then you will have to take someone else off."

quotequeen · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:06fd6521-c382-40bc-91f2-29f9e52d54cb">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : What about destination weddings where the prices of rooms, air fare, etc. are significantly lower when locked in a few months in advance? We're actually looking at an early rsvp date as a way to help our procrastinating guests ensure they get their bookings done at a time that will probably save them $600+ over forgetting to do it until the traditional deadline timeframe.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

If your procrastinating guests choose to procrastinate that's their problem. Forcing people to respond before they might know if they can come to save other people money is not a good thing, when those other people could have avoided the problem by being more responsible.

vegasgroom · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:f80251be-7f55-48a1-9108-e2f5347383c9">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]But as for choosing a venue that only holds a certain amount of people, anything you read about wedding planning tells you to do a guest list as one of your first things, then look at venues after that can accomodate that amount. Honestly, its just poor planning to pick a venue before asking for guest lists, especially if its a venue with a small capacity. Our guest list had adds and drops after our venue, but ours could hold up to 500 people so it made no difference. if you already were given your guest list and picked your venue, and then parents try adding on, then you simply say "i'm sorry, we picked a venue based on the numbers we were given, and we can't accomodate any more on the guest list. if you would really like these people invited then you will have to take someone else off."
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Weddings being held on Saturdays during typical wedding season months in large cities, or heavy wedding-destination cities, may need to have the venue booked far earlier than when procrastinating parents will have their lists done; fact of life. Some of the venues we looked at 15 months in advance were already booked on our date, and we didn't have the guest lists back from the parents yet. So do you book one that you love and think will accommadate what the list may end up being, do you sacrifice what you want in a venue and book one that you'd never possibly exceed, do you just keep putting it off until the parents have their lists done and give up getting any of the venues you'd have considered because they're already booked or do you just call your parents daily and harass them until they give you a list and resent being bugged about it every day?

quotequeen · August 2010

1) Venues are often chosen and booked (i.e. non-refundable deposits paid) before the inlaws get involved with their guest lists.

2) If the inlaws are paying, and not willing to budge on their guest list, and you already booked the venue, well, then someone's getting cut that you probably want there more than those that are getting invited. If one of those undesirables declines, do you want to add one of your firends or do you just want to show your friend pictures later and say yeah that empty table in the back could have had you sitting there but it would have been rude to invite you later.

I cannot imagine why you would not have figured these things out in advance of booking a venue. If the inlaws are paying and aren't willing to accommodate your friends, maybe you should either turn down their offer of assistance, or pay the difference so your friends can be included.

quotequeen · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:648ce9c8-4e8c-4b18-9181-b572bba5d381">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : Weddings being held on Saturdays during typical wedding season months in large cities, or heavy wedding-destination cities, may need to have the venue booked far earlier than when procrastinating parents will have their lists done; fact of life. Some of the venues we looked at 15 months in advance were already booked on our date, and we didn't have the guest lists back from the parents yet. So do you book one that you love and think will accommadate what the list may end up being, do you sacrifice what you want in a venue and book one that you'd never possibly exceed, do you just keep putting it off until the parents have their lists done and give up getting any of the venues you'd have considered because they're already booked or do you just call your parents daily and harass them until they give you a list and resent being bugged about it every day?
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

Or you pay for the wedding that you want yourself.

vegasgroom · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:d20b18b0-133e-428f-8835-18db889f5e9a">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : Or you pay for the wedding that you want yourself.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

Which accomplishes what exactly? If paying yourself, you still have the issue of when the parents get you the info you need to size the venue appropriately, and, like I already said, if you're booking on a Saturday during wedding season in a popular wedding city, you need to book quite early or risk not getting the venue you want, regardless of capacity.

So if I'm paying myself, that has changed nothing, it just means you get to be rude to your parents and their friends or distant family that are not people you'd invite normally or don't have the money to invite by telling them sorry, your list did not make our cut, and then those friends and family knowing they weren't invited. Is it any less rude to invite my friend late when my cousin declines than it is to not invite my cousin and insult my mom and aunt?

And just as an FYI, I'm paying for our wedding, so that was a non-issue in my case, I'm just debating the reasons people do b-lists and why sometimes I think they're perfectly fine.

quotequeen · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:90bc9f54-9c1a-4226-97ed-3c588653c5ba">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : Which accomplishes what exactly? If paying yourself, you still have the issue of when the parents get you the info you need to size the venue appropriately, and, like I already said, if you're booking on a Saturday during wedding season in a popular wedding city, you need to book quite early or risk not getting the venue you want, regardless of capacity. So if I'm paying myself, that has changed nothing, it just means you get to be rude to your parents and their friends or distant family that are not people you'd invite normally or don't have the money to invite by telling them sorry, your list did not make our cut, and then those friends and family knowing they weren't invited. Is it any less rude to invite my friend late when my cousin declines than it is to not invite my cousin and insult my mom and aunt? And just as an FYI, I'm paying for our wedding, so that was a non-issue in my case, I'm just debating the reasons people do b-lists and why sometimes I think they're perfectly fine.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

I don't understand. You indicated in your prior post that the reason the in-laws' guest list would be a huge issue is that the in-laws were paying for the wedding. If the in-laws are not paying for the wedding, you have no obligation to wait for or accommodate their guest list. This assumes that these are people you would not have invited of your own volition, or else you would not have had to wait for the in-laws to tell you about them.

Not inviting people to your wedding isn't rude. At all.

vegasgroom · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:56a801bd-2484-4ad2-bbaa-062951330669">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]I cannot imagine why you would not have figured these things out in advance of booking a venue. If the inlaws are paying and aren't willing to accommodate your friends, maybe you should either turn down their offer of assistance, or pay the difference so your friends can be included.
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

What if you can afford more of the people you want by having in-laws pay AND inviting people you want as opposed to paying yourelf and being able to afford even less of your friends.

To put it in the form of the most simple example possible:

1) We're going to get married in a community center that costs $500 to rent and accommadates 1000 peple. We're going to get catering from the center for $20/pp.

2) Parents have offered $5000 towards the wedding. This means we can afford to invite 250 people based on the $4500 left towards food and accommadate them all if we get 100% turnout.

3) It's a big family, the two sets of parents have come up with a total of 200 guests to invite.

4) Our list of friends totals 100 to invite.

Well, looks like we have a problem, we can only afford to invite 250, and since parents are paying, now we have to cut 50 of our friends since it's rude to do a b-list.

Or, we can scrounge up $2000 after all the other things we're paying for like wedding dress, honeymoon, etc. and accept no money from the parents so we don't have to accommadate their guest list. Well, $2000 at the same venue, which you could hardley argue is excessive, means we can only invite 100 people total before hitting our budget cap. If we still have to invite let's say 60 people that are family, now we're left with only 40 of our friends we can invite before hitting the budget limit.

So, do you go with the first option, take parents money and guarantee more of your friends can be there and then try to b-list the rest, don't b-list and end up with less of your friends there becuase you would rather not be rude than actually have your friends at your wedding, or do you pay for yourself and have less of your friends there than you could have gotten in the first place and be content with life in general because while your family is pissed off at you, at least you weren't rude?

quotequeen · August 2010

I would do neither of those things. I would begin with the guest list of people that I care about having there, before planning anything else, and then I would plan my wedding around what I could afford for those people on my budget. If that includes the community center, great. If I can't afford the community center for the list of people I care about having there, I would find something cheaper. It's not about a particular option being excessive, it's about planning for your entire guest list from the beginning.

If my parents' offer of money requires me to cut people I care about having there in favor of people I don't care about having there, then I choose not to accept my parents' offer of money.

Or, in your example, I would add the $2000 I can scrounge up to the $5000 my parents have offered, so that I can invite everybody.

bonnyandtim · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:1bd0998f-f9bc-4b5a-a818-593379a4cc98">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's just having a big guest list and trying to control it by inviting the must haves first, and then as people decline, you invite others to take the space. I really don't think it's "fueld by the bride's desire to look like she has a lot of people who care about her enough to come to her wedding? Is it a status thing to want a certain # of people at the wedding?". I think that is way overthinking it. Sometimes you have to prioritize. We didn't have a B list but I can understand why some people would, especially if getting pressured by parents to invite parent's friends and co-workers or distant relatives that the bride and groom don't really even know.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Same for me.

JanoBean75 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:46181d13-d13a-4a98-bf74-8ff7ab57ee0a">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : But doesn't that still sort of say "hey, you're not worth spending $X/plate on, but if I have to pay that amount anyway, I guess you're good enough to be there"? (BTW, I say this as somebody with a minimum that I may not reach.)
Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

It does, but honestly, if a friend of mine had to invite random cousins over friends and I ended up on her b-list, it wouldn't bother me because I'd understand the guest list wasn't her choice if her parents or if her FI's parents were paying for everything. When all is said and done, no one has to accept an obvious B-List invitation.

If my venue did this, I'd want to fill the spot so at least the money and food isn't wasted. I'm very lucky that the restaurant owners are good friends w/ FI's father, so we're getting a great deal and they're a lot more relaxed about everything. It's cheap enough that I could invite everyone we wanted to invite (and my parents aren't forcing random relatives on us).

JanoBean75 · August 2010

FWIW, my parents are paying. But they understand why I chose not to invite some relatives. Our guest list was made, submitted to our parents and they asked to add a few people. We started with 60, ended with 81. Yes, there's a few more we'd like to invite, but this is where it is.

Beachy730 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:5d597a42-530a-4ece-ac8f-2cc366a636bd">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : What if you can afford more of the people you want by having in-laws pay AND inviting people you want as opposed to paying yourelf and being able to afford even less of your friends. To put it in the form of the most simple example possible: 1) We're going to get married in a community center that costs $500 to rent and accommadates 1000 peple. We're going to get catering from the center for $20/pp. 2) Parents have offered $5000 towards the wedding. This means we can afford to invite 250 people based on the $4500 left towards food and accommadate them all if we get 100% turnout. 3) It's a big family, the two sets of parents have come up with a total of 200 guests to invite. 4) Our list of friends totals 100 to invite. Well, looks like we have a problem, we can only afford to invite 250, and since parents are paying, now we have to cut 50 of our friends since it's rude to do a b-list. Or, we can scrounge up $2000 after all the other things we're paying for like wedding dress, honeymoon, etc. and accept no money from the parents so we don't have to accommadate their guest list. Well, $2000 at the same venue, which you could hardley argue is excessive, means we can only invite 100 people total before hitting our budget cap. If we still have to invite let's say 60 people that are family, now we're left with only 40 of our friends we can invite before hitting the budget limit. So, do you go with the first option, take parents money and guarantee more of your friends can be there and then try to b-list the rest, don't b-list and end up with less of your friends there becuase you would rather not be rude than actually have your friends at your wedding, or do you pay for yourself and have less of your friends there than you could have gotten in the first place and be content with life in general because while your family is pissed off at you, at least you weren't rude?
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

What about scrounging up $1,000, or finding room on a credit card, or opening a new one with some good rewards on it, to add the 50 friends to the guest list that you would otherwise have to cut. That's great that the parents are putting $5,000 towards the reception, but why does that have to be the max spent at the reception? If it were me in that situation I would find a way to pay the extra $1000 to invite the extra 50 friends I wanted.

red1115 · August 2010

Sorry to disagree with you on the early send out & RSVP dates - Our invites will go out later this week for a December wedding and the RSVP is Oct 15. Why so early? Many of our guests are overseas / in the military / have packed calendars etc. AND we're doing a destination wedding, so guests need enough time to book their flights & such. The deadline for our room block is 6weeks before the ceremony, I want to be sure my guests aren't caught short. Sometimes more notice is being thoughtful for the guests and has nothing to do with B-Lists.

Just today my FH sent out an email to a couple of friends with the (in progress) website & I've already gotten 3 RSVPs! (I'm still sending them paper invitations though! I spent too much work on them to not send them!!!)

vegasgroom · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-lists-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4c12767f-f931-4d41-a755-659c1a2608a4Post:5fb1efbb-6fda-43a6-a28d-572ca72b1785">Re: B-Lists</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: B-Lists : What about scrounging up $1,000, or finding room on a credit card, or opening a new one with some good rewards on it, to add the 50 friends to the guest list that you would otherwise have to cut. That's great that the parents are putting $5,000 towards the reception, but why does that have to be the max spent at the reception? If it were me in that situation I would find a way to pay the extra $1000 to invite the extra 50 friends I wanted.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Was simply making an example of why the suggestion would not always apply; had no basis in reality.

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