Issue with 'Ma'am'?

SarahPLiz · April 2011

I think its interesting about the friend's parents as well. I always used titles, but with their first names, and never Mrs.. only Miss. I realize its not proper, but we were just trying to be polite. So my mom's best friends were Miss Madeline and Mr. Mike, but I'd never be able to call them just Madeline or Mike. That sounds so wrong. My ex's daughter calls me Miss Sarah and always has. People who we counted as family were always Aunt X and Uncle Y, whether they were actually related or not. My dad was big about respecting your elders, and that included using ma'am and sir. My stepbrother has done this with his kids, and they are SO polite its sickening sometimes. They just call me Sarah, but they always use ma'am. I think if they responded to my stepdad with anything but "sir?" he'd have a coronary.

Come to think of it, after 4 years, I have never addressed DH's parents at all, not by their names or anything. I talk to them, and about them, but I've never had to get their attention to say something. Is that weird.

NuggetBrain · April 2011

I would much rather be called "ma'am" than "honey". Ma'am doesn't bother me at all, actually.

But for some reason, when old ladies call me "honey" I think it's adorable.

crfische · April 2011

WHATEVER LVB YOUR HUSBAND IS A JERK.

No, no he's not. I get that it's meant to be a polite term, and I'm not debating that it isn't.

I'm just saying that I think it's an odd term that I personally wouldn't choose to be addressed by if I had the choice. I wouldn't be offended because I understand that it's an attempt at being polite, nor would I ever correct the person.

I'm just trying to point out how other people might perceive it who are offended by it, even thought I think it's a ridiculous thing to be offended by.

louisvillebride21 · April 2011

No, I get what you're saying. But I guess I'm not understanding thinking that it's cold and insinceire if you know for a fact they're just trying to show you respect?

crfische · April 2011

Like, this lady. I mean, the poor guy's intent was good, but she really didn't want to be called ma'am, apparently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0CprVYsG0k

crfische · April 2011

Because it's just that. It's polite. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less. Just...there. And it really does depend on the context and how it's used.

Wrkn925 · April 2011

I skimmed, but I use ma'am and sir on a daily basis.

Mom, aunts, uncles, boss, random ladies that get annoyed, everyone. Sometimes people younger than me.
I've said "Yes, Sir" to my nephew before, because I want him to grow up saying it too.

I rarely find someone who gets annoyed by it. I appreciate it when people I'm unfamiliar with use ma'am when referring to me.

I think people who are offended by it are overly sensitive. But some of my friends think I'm overly sensitive for being offended by derogatory terms that they've tried to morph in to pet names.

annakb8 · April 2011

Ugh that clip of Barbara Boxer just pisses me off. That dude is in the military, he is conditioned to say ma'am and sir, he was not trying to disrepect her. I bet he refers to male senators as sir which is exactly the same. She just annoys me in general, and she cut me off in the security line the other day so maybe I'm feeling extra anti-Barbara Boxer today.

louisvillebride21 · April 2011

Well...couldn't please and thank you just be...polite? Are you suggesting those don't get said?

I think this might be one of those North Vs. South mentality things.

HappinessByTheKilowatt · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:67192f81-020a-4f08-9cdd-a80ff666b225">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh that clip of Barbara Boxer just pisses me off. That dude is in the military, he is conditioned to say ma'am and sir, he was not trying to disrepect her. I bet he refers to male senators as sir which is exactly the same. She just annoys me in general, and she cut me off in the security line the other day so maybe I'm feeling extra anti-Barbara Boxer today.
Posted by annakb8[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. I think it's a diick move to make such a big deal about it when, like you said, he's trained to say ma'am and sir. It's not like he said "Hey lady!"

And I don't much like her anyway.

crfische · April 2011

No, I'm not implying manners are bad. They're good. Please, thank you, sir, ma'am, I'm sorry, all of those polite phrases. They are all good...I think for most people they are just habits that we have learned that we say because we're decent people. Knee jerks, ya know?

I guess I was always taught to use Mr. and Miss/Mrs. ________ until I was told I could go to a first name basis and if I didn't know their names, to figure out what their names were by introducing myself and asking how they'd like to be addressed. My colleague Dr.'s I refer to as Doc or Dr.______________ . Not just hey you, but I can't tell ya the last time I used sir or mam unless I was joking around.

crfische · April 2011

Yeah, SENATOR Boxer, really went off the deep end there.

But for real. She did.

NuggetBrain · April 2011

I'mma call Fischy "Ma'am" all night on the 29th. ALL NIGHT.

Wrkn925 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:0fab57d0-c485-4bc9-898c-b0efe290efeb">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well...couldn't please and thank you just be...polite? Are you suggesting those don't get said? <strong>I think this might be one of those North Vs. South mentality things.
</strong>Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

See, after hearing past arguments here of things being regional, I didn't want to say this. But I think that's it.

I've always lived in KY. All my family live in KY and TN. It's just something my family has always done, and was taught in my home.

crfische · April 2011

I will love it, Nuggs. ERRY GOD DAMNED MINUTE OF IT.

crfische · April 2011

Meh, Musical is from my neck of the woods, so is Nuggs. THEY LOVE MA'AM. I don't hate it, I just don't ever use it, and can't really foresee a time I would. I would much rather refer to someone by their name.

And if I need to get someone's attention "Excuse me, could you tell me...." seems to work just fine and is equally polite, no?

HappinessByTheKilowatt · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:8e45fb40-7378-4800-a8ce-5e15db7b5633">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'? : See, after hearing past arguments here of things being regional, I didn't want to say this. But I think that's it. I've always lived in KY. All my family live in KY and TN. It's just something my family has always done, and was taught in my home.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

Might be. My mom was raised in Florida and my dad was raised in Ohio. His family is actually more strict about me addressing them that way, but my mom is the one who was strict about teaching me to say Sir and Ma'am in our house. I grew up in NJ, and I am definitely the only one of my friends that speaks this way.

musicalsunlight · April 2011

Haha, fische, I don't love it, I just am ok with it. GEEZ GET IT RIGHT,

I actually rarely use the term myself. I call people by their first name far too often, probably more than is considered "polite". Unless they are my professor, then I call them Professor ____. Or a doctor that I actually go to.

musicalsunlight · April 2011

I'm trying to imagine calling a relative "sir" or "ma'am" .... any one of them that I think of off the top of my head would probably look back at me like I was sick in the head.

NuggetBrain · April 2011

When I want to get someone's attention I usually just go "Hey, b*tch. Yeah, you."

crfische · April 2011

I can't imagine addressing any of my family members as sir or ma'am. Or Madame, for that matter. Huh.

musicalsunlight · April 2011

Bahahah fischy, Madame is hilarious. For some reason the word just cracks me up. Makes me think of fortune tellers and stuff.

But yeah, no relative of mine would think it was normal to do that. Not any of my grandparents or older relatives, even. My 90 year old great grandma would look at me and say "What did you just call me? Don't make me feel old!"

eta- great grandma, not grandma

HappinessByTheKilowatt · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:766c1ced-df67-40b5-bd76-c8e6f177a091">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't imagine addressing any of my family members as sir or ma'am. Or Madame, for that matter. Huh.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

It depends alot on the context, in our family. Like if I am talking about sports or something with my grandfather, he's Grandpa. If he tells me to set the table, I say "Yes Sir." It's not just "Sir, can I have a hug?" Ya know?

NuggetBrain · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:766c1ced-df67-40b5-bd76-c8e6f177a091">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't imagine addressing any of my family members as sir or ma'am. Or Madame, for that matter. Huh.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Me neither. I address my brother as "Stupid" a lot though.

heartxsongs · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:bda75bdc-f7d7-4b63-9db2-5205aac90135">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think its interesting about the friend's parents as well. <strong>I always used titles, but with their first names, and never Mrs.. only Miss. I realize its not proper, but we were just trying to be polite.</strong>So my mom's best friends were Miss Madeline and Mr. Mike, but I'd never be able to call them just Madeline or Mike. That sounds so wrong. My ex's daughter calls me Miss Sarah and always has. People who we counted as family were always Aunt X and Uncle Y, whether they were actually related or not. My dad was big about respecting your elders, and that included using ma'am and sir. My stepbrother has done this with his kids, and they are SO polite its sickening sometimes. They just call me Sarah, but they always use ma'am. I think if they responded to my stepdad with anything but "sir?" he'd have a coronary. Come to think of it, after 4 years, I have never addressed DH's parents at all, not by their names or anything. I talk to them, and about them, but I've never had to get their attention to say something. Is that weird.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Sarah, I did this too. I called FI's mom Miss Firstname for a while, until we were close enough that I felt comfortable calling her Firstname. I'm not really sure why we said Miss instead of Mrs., but it was done in a respectful way.

ETA: We also don't use sir or ma'am with family. I'd use it when speaking to a stranger, like was mentioned by PP before, but it is not used within my immediate or close extended family.

adunn09 · April 2011

In Response to Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?:
[QUOTECome to think of it, after 4 years, I have never addressed DH's parents at all, not by their names or anything. I talk to them, and about them, but I've never had to get their attention to say something. Is that weird.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Not weird at all. FI and I just realized a few weeks ago that we never actually call out each other's names to get attention to say something. The only person I do that to is my dad because he has selective hearing. I have to be like "Dad? Dad! DAD!" before he listens to me if he's watching t.v.

We were always raised to say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" to every adult, even close family members. All of my family is from the south, and that's just what was expected. I don't get called ma'am very often, mostly because I look like I'm still 12.

Beachy730 · April 2011

When I was waitressing and bartending at the same place from 18-24 y/o, I hated it when people would call me maam because I felt so young. I would never say anything straight out rude to them, but a lot of times I would joke around with them about it (it was a really laid back place). If they said "can I get another beer please ma'am," I'd say something like "not if you keep calling me ma'am." I'd never get seriously butthurt over it or yell at someone, but it was my big pet peeve.

What used to annoy me more was when I wasn't married yet and teaching, and my students would call me Mrs. Maidenname instead of Miss. I didn't care when my elementary students did it because they didn't know the difference, but when my high school students did it I would start looking around the room and say "mom mom's here?"

Wrkn925 · April 2011

Madame makes me think of a brothel.

specialk84 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issue-maam?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46475bb1-70c3-492b-b996-056b9f84ea5ePost:9fb5b1c0-7bc7-48b2-82e5-3565382e4a4e">Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Issue with 'Ma'am'? : Okay so, my parents have always gone by their first names, as have my friend's parents. FIL's however, expect me to call them Mr. & Mrs. Blank. It's so weird and I can't stand it. I'm marrying their son in 9 WEEKS and I still call them Mr. & Mrs. Haven't we passed that bridge yet? I have no clue what to call them once I'm married and I REALLY HOPE they don't expect me to call them mom and dad. Not.Happening. /rant
Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

<div>My maternal grandmother was like that with my father. She said, "You can call me Mrs. L----- or Mom." He chose neither, so for five years, he would just make eye contact and start talking to her. When my brother was born, he just called her Grandma.</div><div>
</div><div>Then again, that made her mad, too. She wanted us to call her Grandmother, but that's just not something a little kid says.</div>

louisvillebride21 · April 2011

LOL! My mom wanted her grandson to call her Grandmother. She pitched the biggest fit I've ever seen about being called 'nana'. She said that no self respecting adult would call their grandparent nana, so she didnt' want to be called that. Dummest thing ever. Now she's just Gran I think.

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