Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Dilemma!!

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Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:2c80bb42-a37d-40b1-9af4-e2e812ad61d1">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Stag and drag aside, the bridesmaids are not there to help you, Sierra. I just cannot fathom why you gave your nearest and dearest tasks. You hire people for tasks. Do not use friends.
    Posted by va4ryans[/QUOTE]

    They are my friends, so they should want to help. && they are. So thats all that matters. If you all decded to have your wedding party help you with nothing, thats cool. But, I am going to have mine help me with things and thats just the way it is. None of them have complained about it. They actually like that I told them exactly what to do so now they dont have to sit around and wonder what to do. This is the first "big" wedding for most of them & they are all excited to help with it. To each their own.
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  • In Response to Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!:In Response to Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!: Something I'm genuinely curious about: If your guests pay 5 for all you can eat and drink, how does the couple make money? It's seems like it would cost significantly more than that to feed them.Posted by misshart00You keep the food cheap...hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, etc. Picnic food. amp; you get cheap beer. amp;amp; you sell a ton of tickets. You sell tickets to everybody and anybody. During the stag, we will have other things going on...beer pong tournament 10 a team to enter amp; winners get half, selling jello shots amp; raffling off baskets and such. The goal is to keep cost low so you can make money. My friend made 3000 after her expenses Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    So why not just use the money you spent on that on the wedding? I still don't get it though. If I have a hot dog, a hamburger, sides, and just one beer, that's going to be more than 5, not to mention the people that eat several burgers and drink half a case of beer. And the raffles, do people donate stuff? How are they asked to donate stuff? I am really baffled by this whole concept.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:7869f258-b655-40ea-9242-9cb7e5826696">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Everybody in my area has a stag n drag. Its weird if you dont. It gives people who are not invited a chance to come hang out. And $5 for all you can eat and drink? cant beat that.
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    <div>So people get to help pay for your wedding but are not actually invited to it? </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:b84fd6f8-8625-4afe-8205-1458a43d15cd">Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!: So why not just use the money you spent on that on the wedding? I still don't get it though. If I have a hot dog, a hamburger, sides, and just one beer, that's going to be more than 5, not to mention the people that eat several burgers and drink half a case of beer. And the raffles, do people donate stuff? How are they asked to donate stuff? I am really baffled by this whole concept.
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

    Yes, people donate things. My bridal party will each be bringing a bottle of alcohol to raffle off with tip boards. Alot of my moms friends are making baskets for us to raffle off. You dont make money off the food really, you make money off of doing other things, like the beer pong tournament and the jello shots.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:14b2d579-50cb-4681-a2d5-dd13ba2251e6">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! : So people get to help pay for your wedding but are not actually invited to it? 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    Yup, thats exactly what they are doing. Its a good deal for them too...all you can eat and drink all day for $5. You would be surprised how many people actually go to these things and how many couples host them. Like I said in a previous post, my friend made $3000 from her stag after her expenses.
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  • TheVirginiansTheVirginians member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:9ecdea99-6b52-4987-842f-5f4dff6ecf18">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thankfuckinggod I have never been invited to one of those tacky parties.  Never in my life had a heard of these ridiculous fundraisers until TK. I also don't get how anyone could be 'lost' about having to plan a bridal shower.  Seriously.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

    "What's the matter with kids today?" from Bye Bye Birdie. Everything about this is horrible
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:ac33655e-0253-40c1-85fa-d875db49d169">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! : Yup, thats exactly what they are doing. Its a good deal for them too...all you can eat and drink all day for $5. You would be surprised how many people actually go to these things and how many couples host them. Like I said in a previous post, my friend made $3000 from her stag after her expenses.
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    <div>And nobody every questions, "Hey, if you can afford to invite me over for some hot dogs and sides, why don't you just invite me over for similar fare at your wedding and reception? Please allow me to come pay so someone ELSE can have a nicer meal later!"  ????</div><div>
    </div><div>I mean, why not just have the wedding you can afford to begin with?</div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:65a53b2e-29f6-4016-9fb3-cd489ce4f49b">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! : They are my friends, so they should want to help. && they are. So thats all that matters. If you all decded to have your wedding party help you with nothing, thats cool. But, I am going to have mine help me with things and thats just the way it is. None of them have complained about it. They actually like that I told them exactly what to do so now they dont have to sit around and wonder what to do. This is the first "big" wedding for most of them & they are all excited to help with it. To each their own.
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    I am a BM in my friends wedding.  I told her that if she needed help with anything to please call.  There is a difference between friends wanting and volunteering to help versus forcing them to help by assigning them tasks.  If people are tripping over each other to help you out then great!  But if not, that does not make them bad friends.  I have friends who hate organizing and planning and doing detailed crap so they would never want to help with planning a wedding.  Heck they wouldn't even want to plan their own so why would I think they would want to help with mine? 

    So no, we are not saying that involving your wedding party in the planning process is bad, we are only saying that it is bad when people expect it and/or force their friends to be slave labor and get pissed if they aren't helping enough or showing enough excitement or aren't involved at all.

    As for stag and doe parties.  They are rude.  You pay for the wedding you can afford.  You don't have a fundraiser and make other people pay for your wedding.  And just becasue that is what "everyone else" does, does not make it right or polite.  If everyone else in your community decided that it is acceptable to rob banks to help pay for your wedding would you follow along as well?

  • I call MUD on teh OP.  The line about wanting a BM to drop everything she is doing for her wedding to help with OP's wedding did it for me.

    But Jesus.  Sierra, you need a serious reality check and a couple of etiquette books because clearly your parents taught you nothing about manners.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • This stag party situation reminds me a lot of keg parties that I went to at frat houses in college. . . . . when I was young and immature.   Nothing about this idea makes me think that the people "hosting" it are mature enough to be entering into a marriage, starting with the fact that it seems they can't afford to have the wedding they want.
  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:ac33655e-0253-40c1-85fa-d875db49d169">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! : Yup, thats exactly what they are doing. Its a good deal for them too...all you can eat and drink all day for $5. You would be surprised how many people actually go to these things and how many couples host them. Like I said in a previous post, my friend made $3000 from her stag after her expenses.
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    This is the most rude and disgusting things I've heard on here yet.  That is so terribly rude to invite anyone and everyone to pay for your wedding.  And expect your family and friends to donate things for this.  It doesn't matter if people in your area does it, but it's so rude.  Adults figure out how to throw parties they can afford. 
    Also, your friends can help if they volunteer, but you should not delegate.  When else in your life would you do that??

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  • I hate when the OP never comes back. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • This is getting a bit out of hand. To the OP, do what you want girl! If you want your BMs to help, just ask them!
    Later!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:7869f258-b655-40ea-9242-9cb7e5826696">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Everybody in my area has a stag n drag. Its weird if you dont. It gives people who are not invited a chance to come hang out. And $5 for all you can eat and drink? cant beat that.
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    I never post on this board, but I have to jump in and clear this up...I'm from the same area, and I've NEVER heard of someone around here doing this.
  • I would NEVER solicit people for money to afford my wedding.  Other people owe you nothing so that you can have a big party.  It is not a right, and society owes you not a red cent.

    Call me proud, but I would rather die than solicit the community.  It's the same reason that I only occasionally accepted help that was OFFERED to me for my wedding.  I never assumed, stamped my feet, or pouted at my friends and loved ones.  In fact, one of my BMs joked after the wedding that I "allowed her to measure ribbons for all of 15 minutes" as her contribution to the wedding. 

    It was a point of pride for me that I was able to conduct my own wedding, to my specifications, without imposing and becoming a burdern.  It's MY wedding, and MY work went into it. 
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:22c27184-db94-428a-ae32-306316658f32">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is getting a bit out of hand. To the OP, do what you want girl! If you want your BMs to help, just ask them! Later!
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    Right, so ignoring the tangent about your incredibly rude pre-wedding party, you have it right that OP can <em>ask</em> for opinions and help, if BMs have expressed interested and offered, but that isn't what she asked about in her OP.  She wants one to put aside her own wedding planning to help her.  She straight up delegated work for her BMs. And my goodness, her wedding isn't until 2014!  Their life doesn't stop for over a year because a friend is getting married.  This is not ok.  She is going to lose her friends if she treats them like this.  It's one day....

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:82fb523f-55b4-4275-9ff9-561b97ae198f">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I cannot believe how some of you girls react to things. So what, you dont agree with me? Thats cool. Im sure you all did things the way you want, and Im doing the same. No need to say that we are being rude and being bridezillas. I believe that your bridal party should def want to help you. & the reason I had to assign my bridal party "tasks" is because none of them have ever had to do these things before, so they were all a little lost. The stag is not the same thing as the bachelorette party. A stag n drag is like an all day picnic that you charge people $5 to get in and its all you can eat and drink. Its a way to help earn some money for the wedding<strong>. people in my area do them all the time. I go to like 1</strong> stag a week in the summer. As far as the "duties" I have assigned, I simply told two of the girls they are in charge of decorating, two of them are in charge of the invites, rsvps, and games, and then two are in charge of providing the food & drinks. Other than that, I am staying out of it. Like I said, I had to give them some direction because they didnt really know what to do.
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

    That's what they all say. I've seen posts from brides in CT who claim ' Everybody around here does it' Not true. In the 40 years that I have lived in CT, I have only been solicited once to buy a ticket to one of these tacky wedding fundraisers. When I said I already had plans for the evening, I was informed that I was still expected to buy a ticket to show my support for the bride, who happened to be my boss (!) and groom. I refused. The coworkers that attended were mortified that they were also expected to purchase tickets for prizes and that when they won those prizes, they were actually expected to donate them to the bride and groom as little extra gifts. Sierra, it's not ok to expect your loved ones and acquaintances and even people you don't know to pay for your wedding.
                       
  • I have never really tried to be snarky out of spite but seriously Sierra, I hope you end up losing money on your Stag party.  Why in the hell should anyone else be responsible for helping you pay for YOUR wedding???  Are you special?  Were you born with a crown?  Seriously, where do you get off thinking that this is okay?

    I don't really care if they are the norm in your area.  That doesn't make them right.  But you go ahead with your ridiculous fundraiser and look foolish.   And despite what you think, you will look foolish.

    And I noticed you gave each bridemaid a job to do.  What, exactly, is YOUR job in YOUR wedding planning?  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Ya know, it's the norm in my circle to cheat on one's husband/boyfriend/baby daddy. Does that mean this is okay?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:c96e291e-9bed-4391-8d7f-29c379a70784">Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bridesmaid Dilemma!! : You keep the food cheap...hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, etc. Picnic food. & you get cheap beer. && you sell a ton of tickets. You sell tickets to everybody and anybody. During the stag, we will have other things going on...beer pong tournament ($10 a team to enter & winners get half), selling jello shots & raffling off baskets and such. The goal is to keep cost low so you can make money. My friend made $3000 after her expenses
    Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]
    Tacktastic!



  • lauralaurlauralaur member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:02a0a48b-15af-424e-9518-523f2987d141">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! : That's what they all say. I've seen posts from brides in CT who claim ' Everybody around here does it' Not true. In the 40 years that I have lived in CT, I have only been solicited once to buy a ticket to one of these tacky wedding fundraisers. When I said I already had plans for the evening, I was informed that I was still expected to buy a ticket to show my support for the bride, who happened to be my boss (!) and groom. I refused. The coworkers that attended were mortified that they were also expected to purchase tickets for prizes and that when they won those prizes, they were actually expected to donate them to the bride and groom as little extra gifts. Sierra, it's not ok to expect your loved ones and acquaintances and even people you don't know to pay for your wedding.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    Maire, you'd be surprised how often I see it here, never heard of it when I lived in Mass, where I'm from. I've never seen it involve the bride, but every stag party I've heard of is held at some hall and is like $20 to get into, but it's OK because you get beer and food and prizes for your $20, and everyone everywhere that you know is supposed to sell tickets for you and of course, if they don't, they suck. The guys I know will buy tickets to stags for people they don't even know and of course don't actually plan to attend because that's what you do. A friend is selling stag tickets so you buy one.

    I told my H hell-to-the-no and it makes my skin crawl every time I hear him talk about it. He's a volunteer firefighter in town and he got to go to one hosted at the firehouse free of charge because he was the "in" to rent the space and had to clean up after everybody when it was over. Yup, that was super nice of them to let you in for free after you did all of that work.

    I try really, really hard to explain to him why I disagree with this but it's always "but you get something for the money and that's what's done." Ick.
  • This "stag" thing sounds a lot like what we did for two of my dad's friends.

    People donated food, drinks, the space, and prizes, and a 50/50 raffle was held.

    Except they were very ill, and were going to be out of work for some time. So all of their friends came together to help pull in some money to pay bills and stuff.

    I think a fundraiser is really inappropriate for a wedding.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:38afa0e8-a2bd-4085-8fc0-45644c65f3a4">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This "stag" thing sounds a lot like what we did for two of my dad's friends. People donated food, drinks, the space, and prizes, and a 50/50 raffle was held. Except they were very ill, and were going to be out of work for some time. So all of their friends came together to help pull in some money to pay bills and stuff. I think a fundraiser is really inappropriate for a wedding.
    Posted by CourtaniaLynn[/QUOTE]

    Yeah. We did something like this for my friend's baby who was born with 15% function in both kidneys. They <em>needed </em>the money. I can't imagine doing a fundraiser for my own personal benefit for something I don't even need. This is truly disgusting.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8caad97d-8ede-4f42-b047-cc07cad0fd11Post:4c07426b-3c83-4a6d-a785-208dbdd6ccec">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am sorry for offending your breasts Retread.
    Posted by Sylvia Weis[/QUOTE]

    How about you're sorry for the offensive post?

    What you said is completely against TK's terms of service.
  • See I get most of the posts about the bridesmaids not responsible for anything but a dress and showing up.  

    However, I am beyong blessed that my 4 bridesmaids and MOH call me atleast once at week or email me a few times asking how am I doing with the planning? anything new?  and if I need help with anything.  I did email them a few things FI and I couldn't decide on and asked for opinions.  I don't expect them to think this is a job but I am happy I can ask them for opinions or vent a little with them.  

    Good Luck with your WP. but relax it isn't a job but they should want to offer help, after all aren't they the ones you hold closest to you?
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