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Wedding Etiquette Forum
biological father
My fiance (Scott) was adopted by his "Dad" when he was four. He has always known his real father though. However his biological father has been in and out of jail all of my scott's life (Drug related). His biological's father mother (Scott's Grandma) has always been part of his life and I want to include her in the wedding (being walked in by an usher like all the other grandparents). Not everyone knows that Scott has two dads, and he doesn't really want to include him in the wedding. Should I try to talk him into putting his biological father's name in the announcement, program?? Should I have him walk in with behind his mother since her husband is not living anymore (like the grandfathers will)? Any advice on this touchy subject would be much appreciated!
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Re: biological father
Malcolm
You said that your FI didn't want to include him in the wedding. It's his father and he should have the final say about his involvement, you shouldn't try to talk him into including his father if he doesn't want to.
Do not, do not, do NOT make your FI uncomfortable by trying to force this on him.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
[QUOTE]DOn't try to talk him in to anything he doesn't want to do. <strong>If he is invited, I think I would list him somewhere</strong>, but if he's not invited, then he needs no recognition at all. Please don't pressure him to invite his bio-father if he doesn't want to. HIs grandmother is still his grandmother even if he has no positive relationship with his father.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]
Why? Being mentioned in the program or announcements is an honor. Apparently her FI doesn't feel like this guy deserves that. Who are you to say he does? That's a really personal thing.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
[QUOTE]My fiance (Scott) was adopted by his "Dad" when he was four. He has always known his real father though. However his biological father has been in and out of jail all of my scott's life (Drug related). His biological's father mother (Scott's Grandma) has always been part of his life and I want to include her in the wedding (being walked in by an usher like all the other grandparents). Not everyone knows that Scott has two dads, and he doesn't really want to include him in the wedding. Should I try to talk him into putting his biological father's name in the announcement, program?? Should I have him walk in with behind his mother since her husband is not living anymore (like the grandfathers will)? Any advice on this touchy subject would be much appreciated!
Posted by Chel0425[/QUOTE]
(JIC)
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: biological father : Why? Being mentioned in the program or announcements is an honor. Apparently her FI doesn't feel like this guy deserves that. Who are you to say he does? That's a really personal thing.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't know. It was just my gut, and I said its what I would do. But then again I'm not in this situation so I don't know what I would actually do. I agree that it is up to the FI.
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Just for the record-- Take one vote off "have his name in the announcements but not in the wedding". I mis-read the question and voted for that. I agree with others. Let FI decide how, if at all, he wants to honor is biological dad. Don't try to "talk him into" anything.
Both my FI and I have had absentee birth mothers growing up. Since I now have a relationship with mine, I choose to invite mine to the wedding, but the primary "mother" honors go to the mother that raised me from the time I was a toddler (my late father's wife), the person I actually call "Mom." My birth mother understands and acknowledges that my stepmother is my "real mom." I haven't figured out whether or not to include her in the wedding itself, or how (if she even decides to attend).
On the other hand, my FI doesn't hasn't spoken to his birth mother in ten years, and so he has no intention of inviting her, much less involving her in the wedding. That's his call and I have never even broached the subject with him, nor do I intend to.
Parental relationships, especially dysfunctional ones, are very personal, and I don't think that's your place to push your FI to involve his birth father in the wedding.
You need to do whatever your FI is confortable with. Since many people do not know, to me that means he does not want this broadcast so he needs to make the final decision.
I am adopted with a similar situation except I do not know my biological mother, who basicly left when I was seven. I don't mean to be harsh, but many people will find the way you used real and biological in your post offensive. My real mom is my adoptive mom who raised me and was always there from age eight on. I love her dearly and I would call her my real mom and not adoptive mom. Biological mom chose not to be involved in my life, but I am greatful she gave me life and it ends at that. Adoptees, and there are many, are very sensitive to the use of real and biological!!