Vow Renewal.

firsttimersluck · October 2011

I think VRs are a little dumb... Honestly... But I'm a jerk woman that never ever thought of her "dream wedding" , wedding dress, colors, etc.
I didn't want one to begin with. I enjoyed the planning because I love hosting parties, but honestly the whole time I was just thinking "whyyyy are we not just going down to the courthouse....."
H and I are really private people. I mean.. we love our friends and family, but no one even comes CLOSE to knowing us like we know each other. We never ever get sick of each other, and our wedding was supposed to be for us. I didn't like that it became more about pleasing everyone else. It became, "would our GUESTS like this cake" "would our GUESTS like the choice of food" "would our GUESTS like this choice of music" etc. That's not a wedding for two people. That's a bribery to convince people to come see your ceremony. The reception meant nothing for me. The ceremony is what mattered (especially because it didn't MATTER what the guests would like for the ceremony. That was for UUUUSSSS), and I feel like that's not the case to a lot of people. That bums me out.

In my eyes, a VR is [usually] for girls that feel the marriage isn't good enough, because most guys don't care that much about the wedding (I say most because my groomzilla really wanted one, so he is in the "not so most" group haha). It's like everyone says: The wedding is for the woman, the honeymoon is for the man. Why do we put ourselves through all that wedding stuff? Because we want to wear a white dress? YOu know what, I don't blame you. I freakin LOVED my white dress. It rocked my world. But I would have been super happy to wear that sucker down to the courthouse with a photographer in hand. That's all I wanted. I know that the wedding meant the world to H and his family though, so okay. But had we had a JOP there was no way in hell I would have been willing to do the VR. It seems egotistical and selfish to me.

(btw when I say "you" that is directed towards absolutely no one... Just meaning a general person "you" or "one")

WaterPig83 · October 2011

Everyone has their reasons for having or not having a VR. Honestly, I think if someone wants to have the ceremony of their dreams, with all the typical wedding bells and whistles, they should go for it. I don't even care what you call it, including a wedding. Even if I found out that they'd already been married for a while, it still wouldn't bother me. I'd appreciate the fact that they had their reasons and still wanted to celebrate with loved ones, because everyone should get their dream wedding. But then I'm not one to be put off by almost anything. If it's a good party, it's a good party. And really, who the F am I to judge someone else for how they choose to celebrate their marriage?

LetsHikeToday · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:93081022-6f38-4ddf-a787-ed973c140201">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone has their reasons for having or not having a VR. Honestly, I think if someone wants to have the ceremony of their dreams, with all the typical wedding bells and whistles, they should go for it. I don't even care what you call it, including a wedding. Even if I found out that they'd already been married for a while, it still wouldn't bother me. I'd appreciate the fact that they had their reasons and still wanted to celebrate with loved ones, because everyone should get their dream wedding. But then I'm not one to be put off by almost anything. If it's a good party, it's a good party. And really, who the F am I to judge someone else for how they choose to celebrate their marriage?
Posted by WaterPig83[/QUOTE]

Then why not just have a big wedding to start with?

firsttimersluck · October 2011

Man I sound like a suuuper negative nancy about VRs... hah.. Blunt FTL today apparently :P

prettyirishgirl · October 2011

oh fun fun going on here - - - I don't see an issue with them, but I guess that depends on what you see as a VR really. I don't think that there is a real point if you were just married (except if it was because you were both deploying or getting re-stationed or something unique like that) as others said I think that its a 25.50 etc year type thing or if you went through some kind of rough time I could see it like others said.

Personally I feel you did it once and you should do it the way you want it the first go round and don't kid yourself, but on that same note I know that there are differences in option especially when it comes to more religious weddings. Example Fi and I have considered a JOP and although it would make our lives a stupid ton easier we haven't, because we really want to have a catholic mass/ceremony. I think that is therefore a VR if you do a JOP first even if you haven't had a religious ceremony so I could see it in that case because it is more a personal belief then attention (or it should be).

I think that a registry is ok, but it should be understated. Yet I feel that in general people mouth this out to much as it is. Its an etiquette point and a personal pet peeve like thank you cards and rsvps - You aren't supposed to share your registry at all, it is the job of your wedding party and family to spread the word and you should only address it ever if asked directly. So VR to me on that is no different then a house warming, wedding, baby shower etc. You can want whatever you want it is up to them to get it if they would like and you should never ask for a gift - like Christmas or your bday.

I don't mind the first dance cake etc. Its your party and your day and whatever and if you want to drop the money on it and do that it is up to you what you do with your money. I don't under any situation feel it is ok to be anything less then completely up front though. Everyone should know it is a VR and like you having the choice to throw whatever bash you want they should have an informed choice in their attendance or gift giving.

I have been to a few VRs as 25 and 50th anniversary things, but never as a current/recent wedding. I would go if it was a friend, but I haven't been put in that situation.

TeadaCailin · October 2011

Everyone's situation is different, so I feel like whatever works best for the couple should be the way to go. My FI and I both have one European parent and over there you must have a JOP ceremony to make your marriage legal. If you choose to have a church wedding after that, it's up to you, but all of my European friends and family have done it that way and no one found it weird.

I never imagined I'd be in this situation, but with us that's just the way it had to be. I wanted a wedding in the fall of next year, but finding time for FI to take leave and come to America for the wedding was the first problem, his best friends and my brother being deployed/in training was the second, and if we decided to wait til the Fall it would mean living in two different countries for nearly a year and me being in limbo job and grad-school wise. By have a JOP first and putting off the religious ceremony/reception for a few months I can start grad school, we don't have to be separated longer than we already have been, our close friends and family will be able to attend, and we can have the wedding we wanted.

For us personally it was very important to have a religious ceremony and to give our friends and family the opportunity to celebrate with us, hence why we're going this way. It's unconventional but I mean, just look at the wedding industry today, there are tons of unconventional things going on as people make their wedding their own. Just because something is tradition doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. All our guests know about the set up but no one cares, they're just excited they're able to share this with us. And honestly, aren't weddings about love and witnessing a couple making an important commitment? As long as you keep sight of that, the dress, the flowers, court house or church...it's not as important, right?

SamiJoeB · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:792d99ce-2802-475b-bf05-e2efe9b9664e">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]Man I sound like a suuuper negative nancy about VRs... hah.. Blunt FTL today apparently :P
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

I Looovee Blunt FTL<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

Rethany · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:5aa6ae95-d3dc-411b-9d41-adc4d96d0806">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone's situation is different, so I feel like whatever works best for the couple should be the way to go. My FI and I both have one European parent and over there you must have a JOP ceremony to make your marriage legal. If you choose to have a church wedding after that, it's up to you, but all of my European friends and family have done it that way and no one found it weird. I never imagined I'd be in this situation, but with us that's just the way it had to be. I wanted a wedding in the fall of next year, but finding time for FI to take leave and come to America for the wedding was the first problem, his best friends and my brother being deployed/in training was the second, and if we decided to wait til the Fall it would mean living in two different countries for nearly a year and me being in limbo job and grad-school wise. By have a JOP first and putting off the religious ceremony/reception for a few months I can start grad school, we don't have to be separated longer than we already have been, our close friends and family will be able to attend, and we can have the wedding we wanted. For us personally it was very important to <strong>have a religious ceremony</strong> and to give our friends and family the opportunity to celebrate with us, hence why we're going this way. It's unconventional but I mean, just look at the wedding industry today, there are tons of unconventional things going on as people make their wedding their own. Just because something is tradition doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different. All our guests know about the set up but no one cares, they're just excited they're able to share this with us. And honestly, aren't weddings about love and witnessing a couple making an important commitment? As long as you keep sight of that, the dress, the flowers, court house or church...it's not as important, right? :)
Posted by TeadaCailin[/QUOTE]
Do churches allow you to have a traditional religious ceremony after you've already been married by the JOP or do they make it a different kind of ceremony because you're already married?

Personally speaking, if a religious ceremony was something I really wanted, I would wait until we were able to do that. I would trust my faith that no matter what obstacles FI and I would come across over the period of time we were waiting to have the religious ceremony we would overcome them because of our faith.

CAB1217 · October 2011

I don't like the idea of a VR when you're doing it because you just couldn't wait. That's simply not an excuse. Either you wait, or you plan it fast. Like Hike said, you vows are "forever", so why renew them in a year? It's very AW-ish, and that's all there is too it.
My sister planned her whole wedding in like 2 or 3 months. Venue and all, and a strict, small budget. It can be done.

Irishcurls · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:e861312c-067f-4759-879a-bce0a011bb60">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal. : Then why not just have a big wedding to start with?
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
Amen. I did it big, stressful and over the top once. Loved every second. Would never do it again. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /><div>
</div><div>Now, big ass BBQ kegger blowout family reunions? Those I can get behind. </div>

ggirl2001 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:eec35bc5-d1a5-4a32-9229-327701212fb2">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal. : Amen. I did it big, stressful and over the top once. Loved every second. Would never do it again. Now, big ass BBQ kegger blowout family reunions? Those I can get behind.
Posted by Irishcurls[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I would love that. Heck, I would have loved that for my wedding too. I mean, I lovveedd my wedding and had a blast, but a back yard bbq would have suited me as well. </div><div>
</div><div>For me, I could really care less what someone decided to do for the vow renewal. I will celebrate with them any which way, as long as they don't lie to me. I will bring a gift, Heck, I will throw a girls night out for you if you're one of my best friends</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

LetsHikeToday · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:bb52dac0-3941-45fb-9279-011bb12dc02c">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal. : I would love that. Heck, I would have loved that for my wedding too. I mean, I lovveedd my wedding and had a blast, but a back yard bbq would have suited me as well. For me, I could really care less what someone decided to do for the vow renewal. I will celebrate with them any which way, as long as they don't lie to me. I will bring a gift, Heck, I will throw a girls night out for you if you're one of my best friends
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Me too. I hope I didn't come off too harsh with my response. If it were my best friend, I'd do anything for her VR but I still don't understand them. Especially under 20 years.

KendallR10 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:d258a83f-65b1-4393-a761-3d1c06d482eb">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal. : Me too.<strong> I hope I didn't come off too harsh with my response</strong>. If it were my best friend, I'd do anything for her VR but I still don't understand them. Especially under 20 years.
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]
No one has. Its been pretty much all the same thoughts. You don't give a rat's butt as long as you aren't lied to.

firsttimersluck · October 2011

*raises hand*
Nope. I care.
I think it's dumb.

There are SOME exceptions of course, for example Teada is incredibly accurate. She HAS to get married in civil first to do the wedding in a church. It's just how it's done over there. She has no choice on that one. I bet if she had the choice, she wouldn't be doing it that way, but when in Rome....
or... You know what I mean. Hah.

WaterPig83 · October 2011

Wow, I am certainly glad all of my guests are more accepting and understanding than the majority of the people on this forum! Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's not right for someone else. I thought I'd find some like minded people here, but I really just found more reasons to not associate with other military wives, especially not in groups. You're just way too judgemental and sactimonious. All I ever see on here is brow-beating and God help anyone who tries to offer alternate options. And you don't have to bother responding to this. I won't be reading it. I'm done with this forum.

ggirl2001 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:ec132768-d1ce-4fb7-965b-e24f730a57a3">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I am certainly glad all of my guests are more accepting and understanding than the majority of the people on this forum! Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's not right for someone else. I thought I'd find some like minded people here, but I really just found more reasons to not associate with other military wives, especially not in groups. You're just way too judgemental and sactimonious. All I ever see on here is brow-beating and God help anyone who tries to offer alternate options. And you don't have to bother responding to this. I won't be reading it. I'm done with this forum.
Posted by WaterPig83[/QUOTE]<div>Because we said to not lie to your guests? yes we must be obviously horrible people because we expect our family and friends to not lie to us about whether or not they are married. Some people might not like vow renewals, and thats their opinion, you would have noticed that most of us said they are fine as long as we aren't lied to. That's not military wives sweetheart, that's called real life. Go to another forum and ask about lying to your guests and see what response you get. Generally, in any part of life, civilian or military, lying is frowned upon. But yes, we are the judgmental ones for being honest. Please, get over yourself. Maybe, military wives don't want to associate with you because you think its ok to lie.

</div>

firsttimersluck · October 2011

ggirl she was probably more directing her comment towards me. and I don't care.
It's called
Fraud.
Waste.
Abuse.
And those are things that the military takes very seriously.
It's been a while since we've had a GBCK on this board!

ggirl2001 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:9a74d2eb-9df8-4ae2-9912-611bc091121a">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]ggirl she was probably more directing her comment towards me. and I don't care. It's called Fraud. Waste. Abuse. And those are things that the military takes very seriously. It's been a while since we've had a GBCK on this board!
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
Yeah, if I remember correctly though she posted on here before though on one of these threads about how she wasn't telling her guests either.<div>
</div><div>I could be wrong though, and if so then I apologize to you poster. </div><div>
</div><div>And again, its still real life, some people won't like the idea of a VR and won't come, military or civilian. I don't get how being military makes any of this any different. People have views any which way. </div>

Rethany · October 2011

Weird, I didn't see anyone say "Absolutely no one should have a VR for any reason." Sure, we said we didn't understand them or didn't see the point of them but I think you're overreacting a little here.

Where is the other brow-beating taking place on this board? I must have missed those threads.

SamiJoeB · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:ec132768-d1ce-4fb7-965b-e24f730a57a3">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I am certainly glad all of my guests are more accepting and understanding than the majority of the people on this forum! Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's not right for someone else. I thought I'd find some like minded people here, but I really just found more reasons to not associate with other military wives, especially not in groups. You're just way too judgemental and sactimonious. All I ever see on here is brow-beating and God help anyone who tries to offer alternate options. And you don't have to bother responding to this. I won't be reading it. I'm done with this forum.
Posted by WaterPig83[/QUOTE]

kthnxbye!!!

ggirl2001 · October 2011

Here it is:

"I just have to say that getting legally married and then telling the military but not your friends/family does NOT, in any way, constitute fraud under the UCMJ. My husband is active duty and I'm a Reservist. Both of our commands know that we're married, and our statuses are updated according to military protocol. As long as that's done, you've satisfied your obligation. However, my family and most friends have no idea. If they ask, I'll tell them the truth. Hell, the pics are even posted on facebook. But if no one asks or notices the pictures, then no harm, no foul. And we're still having our WEDDING in the fall. But it's really wrong to tell someone that they're violating laws/regulations when they're not. The military couldn't care less if you tell anyone as long as the paperwork is done correctly. Stop misinforming people and using scare tactics to get people to conform to what you think is right."

She posted this in the thread that won't die.

firsttimersluck · October 2011

Why do people think they get to tell us their opinions and we don't get to tell ours?
RUDE.

(cranky today)

firsttimersluck · October 2011

In Addition, In case she comes back:

ggirl2001 · October 2011

Correct me if I'm wrong, isn't one of the codes in all the branches about INTEGRITY?!? Wouldn't lying about being married go against that??

ggirl2001 · October 2011

You know, the only place I get called names and insulted is on this board. Kinda funny, because I'm the same way in real life, but people like me. I have military wives for friends, SM's for friends, civilians for friends, and no one thinks I'm rude or a biitch or insulting or anything.

Oh I know why, its because I'm HONEST to my friends and family.

Zimsgirl · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:6afd9bef-ce21-44bc-ba81-3602976c636b">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal. : Because we said to not lie to your guests? yes we must be obviously horrible people because we expect our family and friends to not lie to us about whether or not they are married. Some people might not like vow renewals, and thats their opinion, you would have noticed that most of us said they are fine as long as we aren't lied to. That's not military wives sweetheart, that's called real life. Go to another forum and ask about lying to your guests and see what response you get. Generally, in any part of life, civilian or military, lying is frowned upon. But yes, we are the judgmental ones for being honest. Please, get over yourself. Maybe, military wives don't want to associate with you because you think its ok to lie.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]
Cosigned, Me.

firsttimersluck · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:6698ecb6-77c2-4e5f-a683-f453dd38652b">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]You know, the only place I get called names and insulted is on this board. Kinda funny, because I'm the same way in real life, but people like me. I have military wives for friends, SM's for friends, civilians for friends, and no one thinks I'm rude or a biitch or insulting or anything. <strong>Oh I know why, its because I'm HONEST to my friends and family.
</strong>Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

ummm yeah... Idk what that means....... So like... You don't like to keep huge important information from your family and friends?
Why is life not puppies and rainbows :( I love them so much though...

ggirl2001 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_vow-renewal-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:39d3841e-15ad-4f74-a146-da06fd6b6515Post:5e829476-a22f-4d33-a815-50a54c1a977c">Re: Vow Renewal.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal. : ummm yeah... Idk what that means....... So like... You don't like to keep huge important information from your family and friends? Why is life not puppies and rainbows :( I love them so much though...
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Nah, I'm just smarter than the girls on here. See, we secretly JOP'd, signed divorce papers on the day of my REAL WEDDING and then got married. Because ya know, I wanted to have my REAL WEDDING, not all the signing of the papers and taking money from the military day. </div>

SamiJoeB · October 2011

WaterPig... what does that even mean? Talk about an unflattering SN... I won't even give points for originality..

firsttimersluck · October 2011

lol!! Sami is hitting below the belt tonight... I'm going to soak up the rare occasion!

ggirl- I thought we all did that?

Vow Renewal.

Re: Vow Renewal.

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