How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:03e1cd16-4d56-410e-b7cf-b280c745c7f0">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, I SO don't get this. Where is it written that you have to invite everyone to the ceremony who is also invited to the reception? Forgive me, I'm a 47 year-old bride and perhaps I don't know alot, but I have been an church organist since age 12 and can't tell you how standard this has been throughout my life. Why do you invite only some to the ceremony and others to the reception? 1. I did it becauase I have a lot of friends who want to wish us well, but I want a quiet ceremony. Thus, family and very few friends will be at the ceremony and brunch and everyone will be at the reception later that afternoon. I've seen many, many other couples do this without offending anyone and no one died. This isn't my first marriage but wait--I'm not supposed to register gifts either, right? Wow, there is alot of guilt in these blogs.... 2. You can't afford to feed everyone. Why do so many brides feel like they have to "fake wealth" to their family and friends when they get married? We aren't. We are doing what we can to celebrate with people who care about us. Our friends keep telling us to spend our money on the honeymoon and not on feeding them. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEED EVERYONE A MEAL, it has become quite chic to do cocktails or cake and coffee, provided you don't schedule it over a meal hour. I can't help but say it. SHAME on you gals for trying to guilt someone into doing her wedding YOUR way. I'm appauled. Lkinetz. Only you know what is right for you and your husband to be. The people who love you will understand and support your decision.
Posted by lynnmfrank[/QUOTE]

No one is guilting anyone here. What you just suggested in your long winded diatribe is what many people suggest. IF one chooses to do a small ceremony/larger reception, it must be VERY small - immediate family only. 80 people is not intimate, and you risk offending a lot of people. As far as the food aspect of the reception; yes, you must offer SOMETHING to your guests as a thank you for attending. Nothing is wrong with cake and punch or heavy apps at a non-mealtime.

Maybe next time, try actually reading the boards.

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:522adc27-ccf7-48d9-ac60-96989cd6382d">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you Lynn, I really appreciate your help. I don't consider mself a wedding expert and thought I could ask this question to a group of peers. I didn't realize that I would be accused of being rude and just wanting people to come for the gifts. The thing is I've already told my friends and co-workers about the small church and that they would likely only attend the reception following the wedding, which all are completely fine with. I'm just trying to figure out if I should get two invitations going or what, so I appreciate knowing how you did yours. Not that I need to justify myself, but <strong>I am going to invite all of our family members and those in our wedding party to the actual ceremony and then all friends and our co-workers to the reception. So, if anyone else is thinking of doing something similar, my friends are all thankful that they are getting out of our hour long Catholic ceremony since most are not Catholic...</strong>
Posted by Lkientz[/QUOTE]

1 person validates your rude idea, and 30 other people tell you not to do it. Go ahead and Thank the one person that agrees with you. I'm sure your friends and coworkers won't say they're offended to your face, but you can be sure that they'll talk about you behind your back.

Go ahead and do whateverthehell you're going to do, though. You're not going to get suggestions on how to word your invites here, because there's no way to do it without offending people.

mandysmear · November 2010

I love when tide gets snarky.

I still can't believe you're having TWINS! I hope you get a boy AND a girl. Or two girls. Or two boys. When do you find out? Not for another 2 months or so eh?

Lkientz · November 2010

Well, I appreciate your oppinion too Tide and everyone elses for that matter, but we have a difference of opinion obviously. You also don't know my friends or co-workers, and they are all fine with our decisions. I'm not sure what kind of friends you have, but those friends I am inviting to my wedding would tell me if this upset them and wouldn't talk about me behind my back (I probably wouldn't consider them good friends if otherwise).

Thanks again to all

tidetravel · November 2010

I can't either, Mandy! We had our 2nd sono today - it's amazing how much they develop in a month. They already look like little people. We won't know the sexes for another month. I want to know now!

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:f9cf2362-2cd5-4404-88c0-b2fcdab47dd7">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I appreciate your oppinion too Tide and everyone elses for that matter, but we have a difference of opinion obviously. You also don't know my friends or co-workers, and they are all fine with our decisions. I'm not sure what kind of friends you have, but those friends I am inviting to my wedding would tell me if this upset them and wouldn't talk about me behind my back (I probably wouldn't consider them good friends if otherwise). Thanks again to all :)
Posted by Lkientz[/QUOTE]
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

In that case, I suggest the poem that Kristen#s suggested. (And, you know it's bad if I'm agreeing with Kristen)

smokeybailey · November 2010

I love how OP thinks that 80 people is intimate. Dude, I'd be pissed if I was 81st on your list.

If you want to do an intimate wedding of 10 or 15 people, I don't take issue with that. But having a wedding for 80 people? Just rude.

And, new girl, Lynn or whatever, no one has EVER said that you need to feed your guests a meal at a non-meal-eating hour. In fact, many suggest going with punch and cake so that they could accommodate more people.

I have a feeling you've been saving up all this for some great occasion and OP wasn't really it....

opalsky007 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:419a8acb-34db-414d-ac67-047694b93c8e">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]I love how OP thinks that 80 people is intimate. Dude, I'd be pissed if I was 81st on your list. If you want to do an intimate wedding of 10 or 15 people, I don't take issue with that. But having a wedding for 80 people? Just rude.<strong> And, new girl, Lynn or whatever, no one has EVER said that you need to feed your guests a meal at a non-meal-eating hour. In fact, many suggest going with punch and cake so that they could accommodate more people. I have a feeling you've been saving up all this for some great occasion and OP wasn't really it....</strong>
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

<div>I was a little puzzled by this part of the rant too. </div>

mandysmear · November 2010

Gah! Well make sure you make an announcement on E when you know!!

I have to go home now. But, hopefully we can chat soon Mama.

tidetravel · November 2010

I will! Have a good night.

banana468 · November 2010

Honestly, if you did WP and immediate family then I don't think you'd have a lot of offended guests.

But 80 people is not WP and immediate family.

MyNameIsNot · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:f9cf2362-2cd5-4404-88c0-b2fcdab47dd7">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I appreciate your oppinion too Tide and everyone elses for that matter, but we have a difference of opinion obviously. You also don't know my friends or co-workers, and they are all fine with our decisions. I'm not sure what kind of friends you have, but those friends I am inviting to my wedding would tell me if this upset them and wouldn't talk about me behind my back (I probably wouldn't consider them good friends if otherwise). Thanks again to all :)
Posted by Lkientz[/QUOTE]

<div>The fact that they will put up with it doesn't make it ok. My mom isn't going to call the police if I jack $20 out of her wallet, but I'm not about to start stealing. </div><div>
</div><div>Your friends may not tell you that they are hurt, but that doesn't make it ok to exclude them from something so important, and then turn around and rub it in their faces. They may tell you that they don't mind, but the fact (not opinion) of the matter is that this is very rude, and it is very mean. You don't have to agree with the etiquette or the rules of normal social interaction, but if you choose to ignore them, it will come back to bite you.</div><div>
</div><div>Sure, most of your friends will never say anything. But they will remember that they were hurt when you excluded them so publicly, and they will remember how easily you disregarded their feelings. Of course, they'll never say a word. But is silent hurt really how you want your friends to remember you wedding? If you are really so flippant about treating these people this way, they really have no business being on your guestlist anyway. </div><div>
</div><div>Your wedding is not an excuse to mistreat your friends. </div>

Lkientz · November 2010

Sorry for the confusion, no we will not reach 80 people with just family and our wedding party. Those at the church would be around 40 in total, the church just seats 80.

I think it would be different if I invited some friends while excluding others, which we are not doing. The ceremony will be just family. Trust me my friends would definitely tell me if this hurt their feelings, we are pretty honest bunch. If this was an issue for them I would figure something else out and it's not.

Thanks for your feedback though and the opinions.

SparrowSong · November 2010

Is it this church? Because this is the one I've seen brides in Colorado do this for before. http://i.pbase.com/g6/80/676180/2/77604129.iZOTgdpx.jpg

I think you need to keep your guest list for the ceremony SMALL. Like parents, grandparents, and wedding party only. Not 80 of the 150 people. You need to exclude almost everyone, or exclude no one. But inviting almost half the guests and leaving the rest out? Yeah, that's rude.

Bubbalub · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:f2760b43-24fc-410d-bcd4-f4775096ae41">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Knock it off, ladies! <strong> Emilty Post says it is perfectly OK to invite some people to the ceremony and reception, and a larger group to the reception only. </strong> Most of you are only voicing your personal opinions, and have nothing to back it up. OP: You need two different kinds of invitations. The first would be the traditional wedding invitation with the reception insert, which is to be sent to your family and close friends that you are inviting to both events. The second invitation is for the reception only, and would be something like this: Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents request the pleasure of your company at a reception to celebrate the marriage of their daughter Bride's name to Mr. Groom's Name Place, date and time of reception There is nothing rude about this. It would be rude to issue invitations to the ceremony only, and then exclude people from the big party afterwards, but that is not what you are proposing to do.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Only if it is a VERY intimate ceremony, like parents and siblings and WP ONLY. Not 40 people or so.

Look. People ask questions and they are going to get honest, if blunt, answers here. Telling a group of grown-ass adults to "Knock it off" is freaking insulting.

emurphy9 · November 2010

Being an etiquette blog, I'm suprised at the lack of respect and class people have shown toward someone asking a simple "Etiquette" question. Apparently this is the place to go if you want to be personally attacked and judged. LKIENTZ, it doesn't sound like you've been through this process of planning a wedding before and I am embarrassed by the reaction you received from asking such a basic and realistic question.This is your day and your wedding. 80 people in your family is not an extravagant number and really, what defines family these days? It's possible you have parents, step parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, step grandparents, nieces, and nephews involved and that could just be your side of the family. Combine that with what your soon-to-be husband's "family" is and 80 seems pretty realistic.

Now it's my turn to be judgmental toward those who turned this "Etiquette" blog into "Let's Attack New Brides and be Bitchy" blog. The time you've spent attacking LKIENTZ raises the question about how your marriage is since it seems your attention is focused on trying to bring someone down to your miserable level. LKIENTZ, you come across as classy and sophisticated; enough anyway to seek advice and it just so happens to be advice from self-nominated, so-called experts in the wedding industry. Enjoy your engagement, I have faith that you will word your invitation appropriately and that no one will be offended.

Best of luck!

shortee426 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:40a97132-eaef-4b86-bfbb-8945b81c5e97">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Being an etiquette blog, I'm suprised at the lack of respect and class people have shown toward someone asking a simple "Etiquette" question. Apparently this is the place to go if you want to be personally attacked and judged. LKIENTZ, it doesn't sound like you've been through this process of planning a wedding before and I am embarrassed by the reaction you received from asking such a basic and realistic question.This is your day and your wedding. 80 people in your family is not an extravagant number and really, what defines family these days? It's possible you have parents, step parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, step grandparents, nieces, and nephews involved and that could just be your side of the family. Combine that with what your soon-to-be husband's "family" is and 80 seems pretty realistic. Now it's my turn to be judgmental toward those who turned this "Etiquette" blog into "Let's Attack New Brides and be Bitchy" blog. The time you've spent attacking LKIENTZ raises the question about how your marriage is since it seems your attention is focused on trying to bring someone down to your miserable level. LKIENTZ, you come across as classy and sophisticated; enough anyway to seek advice and it just so happens to be advice from self-nominated, so-called experts in the wedding industry. Enjoy your engagement, I have faith that you will word your invitation appropriately and that no one will be offended. Best of luck!
Posted by emurphy9[/QUOTE]

<div>Isn't it kind of hypocritical to judge someone from being judgmental?</div><div>
</div><div>No one attacked OP. She asked a question, people gave their opinions. That's how a message board works. Were people honest? Yes. Were some of them blunt? Yes. But just because OP didn't get the validation she was looking for doesn't mean that she was attacked.</div><div>
</div><div>P.S. I think commenting on people's marriages is crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed.</div>

LD1970 · November 2010

HEY, PEOPLE, THESE ARE NOT BLOGS! They are discussion forums, a mode of communication that looooooooong predates blogs and actually fosters a back-and-forth, rather than blogs, which are owned by someone who can choose what responses are posted.

My god, that annoys me.

Telling people that what they're thinking of doing is rude is NOT calling the person rude. It's saying, "Don't do that, that WOULD BE rude." It's a way of trying to head you off BEFORE you go and hurt your friends and family.

Obviously, no one here can force anyone else to behave a certain way. But if you come here talking about something and a zillion people are telling you it's not ok... then it's probably not ok.

Now, if I was having close family & wedding party only at my ceremony, it'd be 16 people or so besides bride & groom. That includes my parents, his parents, his grandparents (mine are dead), my sister & BIL, his 3 brothers and one sister, his 2 other GMs and my 2 other BMs.

THAT is a small, intimate ceremony that could reasonably precede a larger reception.

And by the way, most of your friends will NOT tell you when you're hurting them, especially when it comes to your wedding when they want you to be happier than ever. That does not make them bad friends. Most humans, I've found, are not nearly as blunt as I even though they're wonderful, otherwise honest people. (I'd be pissed and tell you so, FYI)

Bubbalub · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:40a97132-eaef-4b86-bfbb-8945b81c5e97">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Being an etiquette blog, I'm suprised at the lack of respect and class people have shown toward someone asking a simple "Etiquette" question. Apparently this is the place to go if you want to be personally attacked and judged. LKIENTZ, it doesn't sound like you've been through this process of planning a wedding before and I am embarrassed by the reaction you received from asking such a basic and realistic question.This is your day and your wedding. 80 people in your family is not an extravagant number and really, what defines family these days? It's possible you have parents, step parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, step grandparents, nieces, and nephews involved and that could just be your side of the family. Combine that with what your soon-to-be husband's "family" is and 80 seems pretty realistic. Now it's my turn to be judgmental toward those who turned this "Etiquette" blog into "Let's Attack New Brides and be Bitchy" blog. The time you've spent attacking LKIENTZ raises the question about how your marriage is since it seems your attention is focused on trying to bring someone down to your miserable level. LKIENTZ, you come across as classy and sophisticated; enough anyway to seek advice and it just so happens to be advice from self-nominated, so-called experts in the wedding industry. Enjoy your engagement, I have faith that you will word your invitation appropriately and that no one will be offended. Best of luck!
Posted by emurphy9[/QUOTE]

Wow, your first post and you've already thrown down the "your marriages must be awful" card. Shocking.

People have given advice to the OP. Invite IMMEDIATE family only to the ceremony then have a bigger reception, cut the guest list to 80 or find a bigger venue. Where, exactly, has anyone personally attacked the OP?

banana468 · November 2010

Can you get it under 40? I'd really keep it to your immediate family in order to make it work. Think siblings, parents, spouses and grandparents.

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:40a97132-eaef-4b86-bfbb-8945b81c5e97">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Being an etiquette blog, I'm suprised at the lack of respect and class people have shown toward someone asking a simple "Etiquette" question. Apparently this is the place to go if you want to be personally attacked and judged. LKIENTZ, it doesn't sound like you've been through this process of planning a wedding before and I am embarrassed by the reaction you received from asking such a basic and realistic question.This is your day and your wedding. 80 people in your family is not an extravagant number and really, what defines family these days? It's possible you have parents, step parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, step grandparents, nieces, and nephews involved and that could just be your side of the family. Combine that with what your soon-to-be husband's "family" is and 80 seems pretty realistic. Now it's my turn to be judgmental toward those who turned this "Etiquette" blog into "Let's Attack New Brides and be Bitchy" blog. The time you've spent attacking LKIENTZ raises the question about how your marriage is since it seems your attention is focused on trying to bring someone down to your miserable level. LKIENTZ, you come across as classy and sophisticated; enough anyway to seek advice and it just so happens to be advice from self-nominated, so-called experts in the wedding industry. Enjoy your engagement, I have faith that you will word your invitation appropriately and that no one will be offended. Best of luck!
Posted by emurphy9[/QUOTE]

If you want people to blow sunshine up your ass, I suggest that you check out <a href="http://www.weddingwire.com" rel="nofollow">www.weddingwire.com</a> or <a href="http://www.weddingbee.com" rel="nofollow">www.weddingbee.com</a>

Those message boards may be more to your liking.

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:f2760b43-24fc-410d-bcd4-f4775096ae41">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Knock it off, ladies! <strong>Emilty Post says it is perfectly OK to invite some people to the ceremony and reception, and a larger group to the reception only. Most of you are only voicing your personal opinions, and have nothing to back it up. </strong>OP: You need two different kinds of invitations. The first would be the traditional wedding invitation with the reception insert, which is to be sent to your family and close friends that you are inviting to both events. The second invitation is for the reception only, and would be something like this: Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Parents request the pleasure of your company at a reception to celebrate the marriage of their daughter Bride's name to Mr. Groom's Name Place, date and time of reception There is nothing rude about this. It would be rude to issue invitations to the ceremony only, and then exclude people from the big party afterwards, but that is not what you are proposing to do.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Whatever. Emily Post also indicates that the family only ceremony - larger reception is to be used if the mother of the bride, or a close relative, is an invalid, and the ceremony is to take place at a bedside. EVEN THEN, she indicates that it should be for IMMEDIATE FAMILY ONLY. Forty people is NOT immediate family. Well, unless you're Jim Bob and Michelle.

And, since you want references to back up our "opinions;"

<a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=NfsD3hLeUywC&lpg=PA71&ots=NVIRCK8sQ6&dq=emily%20post%20reception%20invitation&pg=PA71#v=onepage&q&f=false" rel="nofollow">http://books.google.com/books?id=NfsD3hLeUywC&lpg=PA71&ots=NVIRCK8sQ6&dq=emily%20post%20reception%20invitation&pg=PA71#v=onepage&q&f=false</a>

vixey · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:40a97132-eaef-4b86-bfbb-8945b81c5e97">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Being an etiquette blog, I'm suprised at the lack of respect and class people have shown toward someone asking a simple "Etiquette" question. Apparently this is the place to go if you want to be personally attacked and judged. LKIENTZ, it doesn't sound like you've been through this process of planning a wedding before and I am embarrassed by the reaction you received from asking such a basic and realistic question.This is your day and your wedding. 80 people in your family is not an extravagant number and really, what defines family these days? It's possible you have parents, step parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, step grandparents, nieces, and nephews involved and that could just be your side of the family. Combine that with what your soon-to-be husband's "family" is and 80 seems pretty realistic. Now it's my turn to be judgmental toward those who turned this "Etiquette" blog into "Let's Attack New Brides and be Bitchy" blog. The time you've spent attacking LKIENTZ raises the question about how your marriage is since it seems your attention is focused on trying to bring someone down to your miserable level. LKIENTZ, you come across as classy and sophisticated; enough anyway to seek advice and it just so happens to be advice from self-nominated, so-called experts in the wedding industry. Enjoy your engagement, I have faith that you will word your invitation appropriately and that no one will be offended. Best of luck!
Posted by emurphy9[/QUOTE]
*gag* Nobody claimed to be an expert, she wanted opinions, she got them. But hey, thanks for sticking your nose in it for no apparent reason. YOU GO GIRL!

smokeybailey · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:2b00c409-22e4-4af8-ae0e-16e745ed2db0">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception? : Thank you! You have really made my day with this walk down memory lane! Do you know what year this was published? Facinating! I have several etiquette books that I use when I have a question, but the oldest was published in the late 1960's. That one (Amy Vanderbilt's) does not have as specific instructions as this one does. I do have one book from the 1880's, but it is not practical for today's use.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Er, um, you were the one who threw down the Emily Post gauntlet.

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:2b00c409-22e4-4af8-ae0e-16e745ed2db0">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception? : Thank you! You have really made my day with this walk down memory lane! Do you know what year this was published? Facinating! I have several etiquette books that I use when I have a question, but the oldest was published in the late 1960's. That one (Amy Vanderbilt's) does not have as specific instructions as this one does. I do have one book from the 1880's, but it is not practical for today's use.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
I apologize. Next time, I'll make sure to cite my sources in proper MLA format.

Post, Emily. <em>Etiquette.</em> Middlesex: The Echo Library. <strong>2007</strong>. Print.

Ghoti · November 2010

Tide for the WIN!

tidetravel · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:07939131-8de2-4b3b-9561-93be4d04e638">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception? : I am sincerely interested! The site you kindly posted me is a reprint of an earlier edition. The real Emily Post died in 1960. Her famous book was first published in 1922, and I suspect that you posted a reprint of this. The "Emily Post Etiquette" guides and website are now written by her great neice, Peggy Post, and are updated for modern changing customs. When I said I used Emily Post, I meant the current edition. I did honestly enjoy your post. I would love to get my hands on the old edition and read it. The book I have from the 1880's is a real laugh. Thank you again.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Well, shoot. You should have been in the Secret Santa. Then I would know what to get you ;)

Lkientz · November 2010

Wow, I didn't realize my question would have this type of response. Originally, I was asking how I would go about the wording on my invitations, not who I should be asking to what and why. I do realize however that I put this on a blog (or whatever you wish to call this), and requested opinions so I accept them all.

I think it's funny that some people here choose to make assumptions on how I made this decision, why I would do this, how my friends would feel, etc. The fact is that you don't know me or my friends or family. To celebrate my wedding, I am choosing to do this with family and my wedding party only (to me, this is intimate and you can have your own definition of intimate if you would like). I have a pretty large family, in fact it totals about 35 alone, mainly since my aunt had five children and they all have children of their own. My fiancé’s family is smaller, but our wedding ceremony for family and wedding party will likely be around 40-50 people total. This is what we choose to do. Not that it's any of anyone's business as well, but there are many factors for us making this decision. One being, we love this church, it's unbelievable and looks almost out of a fairy tale. My fiancé also has anxiety and his worst fear for the wedding is that people will see his hands shaking when he puts the ring on my finger. If he feels more comfortable and at ease on his wedding day to just have this part in front of family, then I am completely and utterly fine with that. This is our day and our way to celebrate our love, in front of God and our families.

The other side, is that I want to celebrate with my friends. I was in a sorority and have met some of the most amazing women I could imagine and have kept many girl friends from high school and before. I want to celebrate with these women and their significant others following our wedding ceremony. I am not choosing some friends to come while leaving others out (I also have never stated that, implied that or anything - I agree this would be rude). I also work in a small office and am close to my co-workers and would love to see them and celebrate. Including just my close friends and co-workers alone equal roughly 60 people so add that to the already 50 or so from the ceremony and my fiancé’s friends and we have our 150. I'm not going to put my fiancé through a wedding ceremony in front of 150 people because he wouldn't feel comfortable and this would make it even worse than the 40 or so family members. This day is his as well and I want him to enjoy every aspect.

So, I completely agree with some of the statements above about there being many reasons to do this and trust me, in most cases it's probably not about getting more gifts (if you're the type of person who is that greedy then you probably wouldn't have many people to invite in the first place). And, since our friends know us they also know how I feel about being the center of attention (which is just uncomfortable and awkward) and also how my fiancé feels when put in front of an audience, trust me they all understand and there are no hurt feelings or bad wishes. I am just excited to see each of them and I’m sure they are all just excited to celebrate our love and our marriage.

Well, after that rant, this will be my one and only ever blog post (again or whatever you want to call this forum), and I would recommend that possibly that when someone else new to this world posts a question, you refrain from jumping to conclusions on why or how they make their decisions and what type of person they are because chances are that you don’t know their full story and they really are just asking a simple question. Thanks Knot…I’m outta here!

zitiqueen · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-ceremony-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e3eaf13-425a-44de-bb83-9a3606a887efPost:095a0e10-4a71-44fa-9928-53a3b9e68801">Re: How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, I didn't realize my question would have this type of response. Originally, I was asking how I would go about the wording on my invitations, not who I should be asking to what and why. I do realize however that I put this on a blog (or whatever you wish to call this), and requested opinions so I accept them all. I think it's funny that some people here choose to make assumptions on how I made this decision, why I would do this, how my friends would feel, etc. The fact is that you don't know me or my friends or family. To celebrate my wedding, I am choosing to do this with family and my wedding party only (to me, this is intimate and you can have your own definition of intimate if you would like). I have a pretty large family, in fact it totals about 35 alone, mainly since my aunt had five children and they all have children of their own. My fiancé’s family is smaller, but our wedding ceremony for family and wedding party will likely be around 40-50 people total. This is what we choose to do. Not that it's any of anyone's business as well, but there are many factors for us making this decision. One being, we love this church, it's unbelievable and looks almost out of a fairy tale. My fiancé also has anxiety and his worst fear for the wedding is that people will see his hands shaking when he puts the ring on my finger. If he feels more comfortable and at ease on his wedding day to just have this part in front of family, then I am completely and utterly fine with that. This is our day and our way to celebrate our love, in front of God and our families. The other side, is that I want to celebrate with my friends. I was in a sorority and have met some of the most amazing women I could imagine and have kept many girl friends from high school and before. I want to celebrate with these women and their significant others following our wedding ceremony. I am not choosing some friends to come while leaving others out (I also have never stated that, implied that or anything - I agree this would be rude). I also work in a small office and am close to my co-workers and would love to see them and celebrate. Including just my close friends and co-workers alone equal roughly 60 people so add that to the already 50 or so from the ceremony and my fiancé’s friends and we have our 150. I'm not going to put my fiancé through a wedding ceremony in front of 150 people because he wouldn't feel comfortable and this would make it even worse than the 40 or so family members. This day is his as well and I want him to enjoy every aspect. So, I completely agree with some of the statements above about there being many reasons to do this and trust me, in most cases it's probably not about getting more gifts (if you're the type of person who is that greedy then you probably wouldn't have many people to invite in the first place). And, since our friends know us they also know how I feel about being the center of attention (which is just uncomfortable and awkward) and also how my fiancé feels when put in front of an audience, trust me they all understand and there are no hurt feelings or bad wishes. I am just excited to see each of them and I’m sure they are all just excited to celebrate our love and our marriage. Well, after that rant, this will be my one and only ever blog post (again or whatever you want to call this forum), and I would recommend that possibly that when someone else new to this world posts a question, you refrain from jumping to conclusions on why or how they make their decisions and what type of person they are because chances are that you don’t know their full story and they really are just asking a simple question. Thanks Knot…I’m outta here!
Posted by Lkientz[/QUOTE]

Ghoti · November 2010

Why the heck did you post this response in 2 threads??
Oh, and on that note-

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How to invite some to the ceremony and some to the reception?

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