Controversial Topic, what do you think?

harbor_girl · March 2010

Seriously. I am so tired of religious groups essentially saying they own or should own the word "marriage" and that the government should have to call them "unions." "Marriage" has been a term used for government unions for a long time, and I don't see that definition going away.

andyandhillary · March 2010

I don't think I explained myself well on that point, Jasmineh. If everyone was ok with the fact that religions will not recognize their state "marriage" then that's fine. My only issue is that I have a number of friends who are angry that religions don't accept/support gay marriage. it's their right, IMO, not to accept/support it. Especially with the gay marriage debate in our country right now I think the word "marriage" makes things confusing and difficult for many.

I think we might agree. I'm kind of confused by your points but I know I'm not being very articulate either.

jasmineh7777 · March 2010

Hmm let me try to explain.
I am Catholic. One of my best friends is gay.
If he were to fall in love, and want to get married, I would be fine with that.
I would not be offended or feel threatened by his union being called a "marriage." His secular marriage in no way negatively affects me or my church, nor do I think he should have to call it a "union."
"Marriage" is a term used to legal identify consenting adults, that share life, property, and legal rights (especially medical rights). I believe that homosexuals should have full legal rights to "marry."
Obviously, churches that think homosexuality is a sin do not have to recognize the marriage as valid in a religious sense. "Marriage" is not a religious term; it is a secular term.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

I don't care what civil marriage is called, but if churches (and religious organizations) retain the rights to the word "marriage" and the government begins calling them civil unions, it will create almost a hierarchy of religious "marriage" vs. legal civil unions. I feel some churches will believe their unions are more legitimate simply because of the language.

I do, however, think it should all have the same word, legally. I don't believe in calling straight marriages marriage and gay marriages "civil unions." It should be equal.

harbor_girl · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversial-topic-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56d7c52b-2c41-4fa8-8f7c-f7027fd6fa2dPost:7853b5e1-0280-481e-b040-98d4dfc81546">Re: Controversial Topic, what do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do, however, think it should all have the same word, legally. I don't believe in calling straight marriages marriage and gay marriages "civil unions." It should be equal.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this, and I wouldn't care if "union" was the term used as long as it applied to everyone, but realistically, I just don't see states ever deciding to stop calling heterosexual unions "marriages" and start calling them "unions." Therefore I think marriage should be the term for everyone.

</div>

andyandhillary · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversial-topic-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56d7c52b-2c41-4fa8-8f7c-f7027fd6fa2dPost:7853b5e1-0280-481e-b040-98d4dfc81546">Re: Controversial Topic, what do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't care what civil marriage is called, but if churches (and religious organizations) retain the rights to the word "marriage" and the government begins calling them civil unions, it will create almost a hierarchy of religious "marriage" vs. legal civil unions. I feel some churches will believe their unions are more legitimate simply because of the language. I do, however, think it should all have the same word, legally. I don't believe in calling straight marriages marriage and gay marriages "civil unions." It should be equal.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

I alreayd feel like churches feel that way, granted it's not really a good thing. I agree though that they should all have the same title legally.

Jasmineh, I agree. Thanks for clarifying!

golden1215 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_controversial-topic-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56d7c52b-2c41-4fa8-8f7c-f7027fd6fa2dPost:9f73ac92-bf05-45a7-9e4a-e871d642ed1a">Re: Controversial Topic, what do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]At the Catholic schools here, children attend mass regularly. So, I don't see why one would send their child to a Catholic school if you aren't Catholic. Unless you don't mind your child being required to attend mass, which I think might be confusing for a child.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

Yup, we attended mass semi-regularly... but in the grand scheme of an education, 2 hours a month in church (where you only sit out on the communion part) its pales in comparison to 140 hours of sub-par education in another school every month. We looked into Lutheran schools but they were a little too hell, fire and brimestone and much less on educational basics so we went with Catholic school. I loved it and wouldnt be the person I am today if I hadnt gone.

evabee · March 2010

The way this was handled was, I think in almost everyone's opinion, incorrect... the Catholic Church has a history of handling things inappropriately IMO, so I am not surprised.

I didn't read every post, but in case it hasn't been mentioned:

I wonder if it became difficult for teachers to teach against something that is so obviously a major part of the child's life -- the fact that his/her parents are homosexual. In the same vein, the child may have been facing (or could in the future) scrutiny or ridicule from his/her classmates or may have asked questions that put teachers in a difficult position, where if by following doctrine they hurt the child's understanding of his/her parents (and potentially embarrass the child) and on the other they violate the rules of the diocese. I think that would be an uncomfortable position to be in as an educator.

The difference I see between a lesbian couple and heterosexual but divorced, adulterous, lustful parents is that one is more outwardly apparent to both the community and the child. Even if you get a divorce in the church, it's only considered wrong if you have a relationship or marry someone else without having had an annulment, and I doubt any parent or child would go so far as to question a remarried couple about that. I support gay marriage completely, it's one of the many things I disagree with my religion about, but I think this is one of those situations where the parents should not have put their child in that position in the first place. I can't imagine saddling my child with the responsibility of standing up for my relationship to their teachers... peers yes, but teachers, no.

Controversial Topic, what do you think?

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