"Long"-Term Engagement?

almostmrsderricks09 · March 2010

So my fiance just proposed on February 13th! I couldn't be any happier! It was absolutely amazing. Before the proposal we had talked about having a semi-long engagement, and that sometime in the Fall of 2012 would be when we'd be ready for marriage.
But now that I've got this beautiful ring on my finger, I can't help my get that "i wanna plan my wedding now" itch!!!
Please tell me I'm not the only one feeling this!!!

swinfany · March 2010

Don't feel bad. I got engaged in June 2009 and we have the wedding planned in June 2012. We didn't want it to be that long but we prayed about it and feel its for the best. This way I will have just finished college and he will have just completed his first year as a band director. I feel the pressure when I see all these girls I know getting married this year. Its been especially hard lately because I've received 3 wedding invitations with in the past week. So I know the pressure! But the good thing is this gives you time to plan out everything and not feel rushed! I went and tried on dresses for the first time in Jan. and found out I need to order my dress by the end of this year since it will take 6 months to get it in and then I'll have to get it altered because I'm short. I know its hard to wait that long but the time starts to go by pretty fast, just keep yourself busy!

swinfany · March 2010

I can't help my get that "i wanna plan my wedding now" itch!

Oh and about the I wanna plan my wedding now, there is nothing wrong to start planning now! This takes off stress for when it comes to crunch time!

wjb161 · March 2010

Hi. I've been with my boyfriend for five years, and we're saving to get engaged. But, I also plan on going back to school...for a very long time (4 years plus a residency; medical school). So, it will be forever before we get married because we want to wait until I'm done school...a total of over 10 years.
So, my recommendation to you is don't be impatient. Don't go into debt just to have one day of celebration. At the end of the day, you will still be with him, wedding or no wedding if it's meant to be.
And don't feel pressured by everyone around you getting married either. I went through this last year. All my friends were getting married and/or having kids. Good things come to those who wait.

Dannielle131 · March 2010

I am in the same situation as you. I got engaged January 3rd of this year and we plan on getting married June or September of 2012 because we are both students and want to finish school before we take that next step. I can also sympathize with the wedding "itch" however a great way to scratch it, so to speak, is to start looking for things. We've already checked out a few venues and went to wedding shows. This will give you an idea of how much planning and money go into a wedding which won't make you want to pospone but will make you appriciate the extra time you will have to plan. Also what I keep reminding myself is once I find the venue I love this year I pretty much get first dibs for 2012 because most people are planning only a year in advance.

AmoroAgain · March 2010

You don't need to plan anything now. I promise you, in a couple of years, there will be new color schemes, different venues, different style dresses, stationary... everything will be different. Not only that, but so much could happen in terms of budget that it's not worth getting yourself locked into something that you may not be able to pay for later. Repeat after me: "I will enjoy being engaged. I will let myself relax and enjoy the moment. I do not need to plan a wedding this instant to scratch an itch or to please others." We were engaged for nearly two years before we got married, and honestly, all the planning happened in about 7 months. I spent most of the time twiddling my thumbs. There's really only so much of this stuff that normal people can take.

Just relax, deep breath, and enjoy. You need do nothing now. Doesn't mean you can't get ideas and look at stuff, but don't "do" anything for at least another year plus.

Tango19 · March 2010

I was proposed to on Feb 13th too! Congrates!

Off the bat I am planning on a long engagement and am aiming for April of 2013! But that's not stopping me from researching and looking at stuff now. I hope that having it a few years away will give me time to 1 save and 2 plan it perfectly!

KatyRoseM · March 2010

I am also going to have a long engagement, but my FI got me wedding planning books the first week we were engaged. I think its fine to plan a little at a time, especially if your a do it yourself type. It can save on stress and you get what you want as no one else is planning that far in advance.

zippykat · March 2010

that is not that long of an engagment. I got engaged aug 2009 and we are getting married sept 2011. Feel free to start planning right away...this way you can go at the pace your schedule allows and be able to scout out all of your options for reception, ceremony site, etc. Also planning this far in advace will pretty much guarantee you the bookind date of your choice. (many places will also offer discounts for booking this far in advance, if not at the very least they will lock in this years prices for the date of your wedding.) DO NOT BE AFRAID TO WHEEL AND DEAL!

I started planning my wedding right away. This is my second wedding so I already knew all the good locations, etc. So I wheeled and dealed away. My wedding reception site usually has an $8000 catering minimum., but because I booked ahead of time I secured this years prices and a $2000 minimum. Booked my photographer at $1700 vs $3500. Harpist $175 vs $300. You will be amazed at what you can do. NEVER AGREE TO THE FIRST PRICE INITIALLY QUOTED! (Even when you find the dress of your dreams.....hum and ho....and say I dont know...ask if they can do any better on the price....9 times out of 10 they will take 5-15% off! JUST FOR ASKING!

almostmrsderricks09 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-term-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ddb2f497-bb51-4a68-8e3a-f74e6da2b7d4Post:555f1d62-ce78-4dd1-a3d8-fbf0227dcea4">Re: "Long"-Term Engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was proposed to on Feb 13th too! Congrates! Off the bat I am planning on a long engagement and am aiming for April of 2013! But that's not stopping me from researching and looking at stuff now. I hope that having it a few years away will give me time to 1 save and 2 plan it perfectly!
Posted by Tango19[/QUOTE]
Yay, Go Feb 13th!!! :)
Congrats to you also!!

Thanks everyone for all the kind words and advice.
And about waiting 6 months for your dress to come in....WOW...I had no idea!! I'm exactly 5'0, so I'm pretty short myself!!!

I'm just really excited and can't wait to marry my FI. :)

almostmrsderricks09 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_long-term-engagement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:ddb2f497-bb51-4a68-8e3a-f74e6da2b7d4Post:697e4b83-4140-434c-a53d-91b20eadeba5">Re: "Long"-Term Engagement?</a>:
[QUOTE]that is not that long of an engagment. I got engaged aug 2009 and we are getting married sept 2011. Feel free to start planning right away...this way you can go at the pace your schedule allows and be able to scout out all of your options for reception, ceremony site, etc. Also planning this far in advace will pretty much guarantee you the bookind date of your choice. (many places will also offer discounts for booking this far in advance, if not at the very least they will lock in this years prices for the date of your wedding.) DO NOT BE AFRAID TO WHEEL AND DEAL! I started planning my wedding right away. This is my second wedding so I already knew all the good locations, etc. So I wheeled and dealed away. My wedding reception site usually has an $8000 catering minimum., but because I booked ahead of time I secured this years prices and a $2000 minimum. Booked my photographer at $1700 vs $3500. Harpist $175 vs $300. You will be amazed at what you can do. NEVER AGREE TO THE FIRST PRICE INITIALLY QUOTED! (Even when you find the dress of your dreams.....hum and ho....and say I dont know...ask if they can do any better on the price....9 times out of 10 they will take 5-15% off! JUST FOR ASKING!
Posted by zippykat[/QUOTE]

Wow, awesome. Thank you for the advice!!

cellarius · March 2010

aw lol well you don't have to wait that long. i'd say wait a year from now & then start planning. the first year just enjoy one another & being engaged! we're getting married in october 2011 & we're starting planning just recently & i def think it's a good time to have waited, & a good amount of time left. i love having a little longer engagement & not feeling super rushed, & having enough time to DIY everything i want to do! gl!

kmarkey06 · March 2010

"long " engagements are KEY!

My FI and I were engaged August 2008, we are getting married september 2010.

I tell you having those two years to plan, save and have everything the way we wanted it was awesome. You can take your time finding your vendors, start researching now, it doesnt hurt, once summer comes around start going to look at reception halls, if you find one you love, you have time to save, and you know the spot will most likely be open.

if you want to do anything yourself, it gives you time to plan it out!!

good luck and have fun!!!

sessionswedding · March 2010

Oh my goodness! My fiance proposed at midnight on February 14 and our preliminary date is May 18, 2012! It's worse for me because his mom is a wedding planner/caterer/florist/everything, lol. So she keeps trying to sit down with me to start planning it! You're not the only one, I promise. ;-)

noonescookie · March 2010

One caution - I have friends who've decided on long engagements in order to save money for their dream weddings, but what tends to happen is that over all that time they discover so many amazing things they never would have initially thought to add, and the budget ends up growing over time along with the savings. The people who aren't paying (vendors, mothers, bridesmaids, etc.) often don't argue in favor of the budget, so it's easy to get talked overboard. One couple ended up taking out a loan to pay for their wedding after all that waiting and saving! If you're someone who can be strict with yourself, you should be fine, just watch that you don't get carried away.

kwrobertson · March 2010

the only advice i have for you is don't buy/choose ANYTHING until it's a year (or less) out. The dress, the flowers, the bridesmaids and the "feel" you are looking for are all going to change in that much time. Things I bought at the beginning of planning are no longer what I want, but I'm throwing them in just because I bought them.
If you find a the perfect venue, go for it, but anything more is and will definately change.

jmgibso2 · March 2010

I feel the same way. I thought my engagement is a long one (Got engaged Feb 14th this year, getting married June 2011.) But after reading all of these posts I guess I was wrong. I soooo have the itch! My FI and I are both trying to graduate this summer and he wants nothing to do with wedding planning until after May. I have been scratching my itch by beginning to look at photos. Especially of venues and dresses. Besides that I talk wedding with my girl friends to keep my bridal itch satisfied.

lecomptebaldridge · March 2010

In my situation, we kinda rushed it. My fiance' is 32 and I'm 26. At first we thought we'd have to wait a long time because we both got laid off. So we just waited to do anything till we both found jobs. Well, I got a job 2 days after the engagement and him a week after, so we started planning.
He proposed Aug 24, 2009 and we're getting married April 24, 2010.
Both of us are so ready to be married and live the married life. Neither of us have been married, engaged or even have children. We don't live together either so we're looking forward to everything being anew experience.
So through all this talk (typing) I guess I'm trying to say, if you and your other are ready, why wait? Yes money is a big issue but if you have the money, start planning!

danid515 · March 2010

I feel the same way too! We got engaged in July 2009, and planned on having a long engagement having the wedding in late summer 2012. Now I want to just do it and have the wedding this fall! However, I am working on talking myself out of it because I know if we wait it will be so much more special. We can really have the wedding of our dreams, and honestly your wedding should be really special because it is such an important life event. We are both in school. But I am always looking at new ideas and deciding on things I like and don't like. This way I think I will know exactly what I want when it comes time to actually plan.

rivkahstein1 · March 2010

My fiancé and I got engaged last December and will be getting married this May. I thought it was a long engagement but it is coming up so fast! We booked a lot of the things right away with the fear of being booked already. Many people now are having long engagements and things are starting to book up 2 years in advance. When we went to book our photographer 3 out of the 5 photographers were already booked for our date. If you have a tentative date in mind I would do research and begin to form a budget and price things out. Don’t let people bother you about having a long engagement; you need to do what is right for you and for fiancé. And I know everyone says this but your wedding will be here before you know it. It’s better to be prepared and have things planned out rather than waiting until the end to book everything. I did everything way in advance and so fat its been a smooth ride!

kkaimala · March 2010

We got engaged the first weekend of September and were originally looking at getting married in six months. We decided to wait until June instead. Even having that long to plan has made us change our minds a million times and about a million different things. My advice is that if you are having a long engagement, wait a long time to start planning. You won't always have to wait six months for your dress either... mine only took 3! Congrats, and good luck!

tommyandy · March 2010

For everybody who is booking vendors so far in advance: PLEASE get wedding insurance! While the economy is slowly getting better, businesses are still going under.

vitacosmopolita · March 2010

When I got engaged a year ago, I thought the same. But now I am 4ish months away and I just asked my fiance the other day if we could push back the date. I was joking, but I seriously feel like it is coming too quickly!

There is so much you can work on, start planning, and stay busy with regarding the wedding... I bet the time will fly!

MrsHaH101010 · March 2010

First of all congrats! My fiance and I got engaged in May 2009 and are getting married in October 2010 so it won't be a super long engagement but longer than a lot of my friends. We even have a few friends who got engaged after us and are getting married before us. I completely understand the itch to start planning, but the great thing is you can! You can plan everything on your own time and don't need to be stressed about it. I have also found that my fiance wants to be more a part of the planning because we do a little here and a little there when it fits our schedule. Start with the basics in just picking a date and a color scheme and take it slow. Before you know it you will be looking at photographers and flowers! By the way I bought my wedding dress a month and a half after getting engaged (talk about having the itch!). The dress came in last week and is now sitting in my closet taunting me (in a good way of course) until my firt fitting in July.

slubkin · March 2010

We got engaged Jan. 15th this year and will be having our wedding Aug. 2011. Having not been to any weddings, I have been using the last two months to do a LOT of research about local vendors, venues, and overall budget.

We have also spent time talking about what we want and don't want, what we are willing to spend more on, and what we are willing to sacrifice in order to do something else we want more. We are also finding that we have friends with connections for some really cool things that we otherwise couldn't afford (my FI formerly worked at a British import garage and his former boss may let us use one of her vintage Rolls Royces!).

I was expecting to spend a lot on venue and food but was shocked at how expensive photographers are (and that is something we really care about). We are going to book our venue and photographer now to lock in current pricing/deals and be able to make smaller payments spread out rather than one or two big payments. Other than that, I am still looking at lots of pictures online to get ideas for more detailed planning down the road!

1coco676 · March 2010

Congratulations on your engagement!!
And good luck with that itch. My fiance proposed Dec 12 2009 and from the very beginning we said that we would have a long engagement (atleast 2 yrs since I'm going to grad school). Well I spent a month visiting my family who steered me in the direction of getting married sooner. And now we're getting married July 4th 2010!!!
I'm excited that we're getting married sooner than we first talked about. For one, the wedding did take over my brain and I think it would be very stressful to live with a wedding planning itch for two years. Second, he proposed- I said yes and we're never going to change our minds so why not do it?
That being said, you need to make sure that both of you are excited to get married and get married when the time is best for both of you.
All the best!

krollkl · March 2010

I agree with AmoroAgain. Things may be different when it gets closer to your wedding. Truthfully, most churches do not look more than a year out (if that is the way you're going) as well as some vendors. I recommend not going crazy yet and enjoy being engaged. Start in a few months and enjoy the process. I found that rushing to do everything left me stressed. Congrats on the engagement!

NicoleMarcelle · March 2010

Congrats!!!! - My FI and I got engaged on 1/1/10 and we're not getting married until 2013 or 2014 after we're both done with school (I'll be going to Law School next year) - I "scratch" my bridal itch just looking at photos, and reading on these boards!!

Just kinda getting a feel for what I'd like and not like, also my MOH is home from school this week so we're going to go look at dresses just for fun!!

almostmrsderricks09 · March 2010

Once again, thank you all for the ideas and kind words! I really appreciate it! And congrats to all of you as well!

swissarmymelody · March 2010

Congrats! I'm getting married this summer after a year and a half engagement. It doesn't seem as long as some other people on here, but I know your "wedding itch" feeling. Just feel lucky you get all this time to plan! I have some friends who got engaged and got married within 6 months or less..I don't know how they had time to plan it all!

Spend this time doing research, ordering samples, talking to people..and like some have said don't buy anything like dresses, invitations, favors until you have less than a year to go. Things can change, including your taste in colors, designs etc. Maybe book the major things like ceremony/reception site, photographer, etc once the "less than 2 years" mark comes.

In my experience once you find your dress, it will help to guide you towards the details and look of your wedding. Before I found my dress I just had a vague idea of colors, but after I got it I knew exactly what I wanted my wedding day to look and feel like.

bayleighm · March 2010

My FI and I got engaged this month, and are planning to get married December 2011. That seems like forever away, but we've been together for 4 years so we plan to enjoy this season of life for what it is! I'm already fighting that planning itch, but I don't plan to really act on it for at least 6 months... we'll see how that goes!

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