Cold Feet?

KabFrr · May 2010

Anyone?? Anyone have just a little bit of cold feet?? How do you deal with it??

Butter Cookie · May 2010

I think everybody goes through that. It's normal.

KabFrr · May 2010

wifezilla...not the cold feet i was referring to!

hmonkey · May 2010

yes, i did. no, i didn't. yes, i DID! NO, I DIDN'T!

NOLABridesmaid · May 2010

TheDuckis · May 2010

My feet were so cold in bed the other night that after 20 minutes of suffering silently I finally put them on DH's legs to warm up. I know he hates it, so I tried really hard not to. But I also know he feels bad about how cold my feet get so he want's to help.

KabFrr · May 2010

So...yeah, definitely not the cold feet i was referring to...cold feet, as in scared/nervous to get married?? but thanks for the advice on warming up my toes.

TheDuckis · May 2010

I think everybody has the "oh sh1t, this is real" moment. I didn't really consider mine cold feet. By the time I was a month out I was really seriously looking forward to the day after the wedding.

If you're stressed because there's a million things left to do, that's one thing. If you're stressed because your FI left to hang out with his friends for 3 days while you were having an emotional crisis and he didn't call you or answer your myriad text messages, that's another.

KabFrr · May 2010

seriously!! i want to know how you ladies deal/dealt with cold feet before the wedding...although i enjoy the jokes, looking for advice

Heffalump · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:2fbdcebb-29b6-4350-89c7-93d407e8d5d9Post:f3f01c4a-3383-4e76-acfb-b62a647247cb">Re: Cold Feet?</a>:
[QUOTE]seriously!! i want to know how you ladies deal/dealt with cold feet before the wedding...although i enjoy the jokes, looking for advice :)
Posted by KabFrr[/QUOTE]

Settle down, Duckis gave you good advice. And no, I never felt that way.

NOLABridesmaid · May 2010

What things are scaring you about marriage?

psichick · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2fbdcebb-29b6-4350-89c7-93d407e8d5d9Post:d3b416f3-dc1e-403f-9f1f-4e6152bf9cb7">Re: Cold Feet?</a>:
[QUOTE]
Posted by NOLABridesmaid[/QUOTE]

<div>i need to find those socks. aw wtf why can't i quote a picture???????</div>

TheDuckis · May 2010

Can you give us more info on why you're experiencing cold feet? We can't really provide advice if we don't know what you're nervous and scared about.

Butter Cookie · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2fbdcebb-29b6-4350-89c7-93d407e8d5d9Post:f3f01c4a-3383-4e76-acfb-b62a647247cb">Re: Cold Feet?</a>:
[QUOTE]seriously!! i want to know how you ladies deal/dealt with cold feet before the wedding...although i enjoy the jokes, looking for advice :)
Posted by KabFrr[/QUOTE]

Well, I sat back and reevaluated my relationship with FI, my fears, and why I wanted to get married.

I am divorced from a POS scumbag, and realized all my fears are irrational, because FI is none of the things xH was.

I want to marry my fiance because he's my best friend, because he's ridiculous, and funny, and smart, and kind, and someone I respect. He's someone I want to have children with, which I can tell you is something I've only now been able to say because I always thought I would raise children alone and was fine with the idea. I know he respects and loves me. I know he'll always pull his weight to make sure we have everything we need and get to keep some dreams going. I know he supports me in all of my endeavors and self descovery, and I him.

I know I love his devotion to his friends, and his passion for life. I trust him, and feel that we have a special bond, which will be made stronger in marriage, though I don't believe marriage is totally necessary for a healthy lasting relationship.

Is that what you wanted to hear?

KabFrr · May 2010

I don't want to go into my marriage thinking that I can "get out" for $300 though!! I know cold feet is normal, but do you ladies have any tips for pushing those feelings aside?

**O-Face** · May 2010

No. I was anxious, but was still looking forward to getting married.

TheDuckis · May 2010

Aw, BC. That's really sweet. It's very rare for people to be able to articulate why they love someone without reducing it to cliche. I approve of your marriage.

racheladine · May 2010

Fiance got cold feet. Still don't understand it. I don't think he even does.

He's called off the wedding and put it back on about a million times in the past 36 hours. I can't handle it.

Butter Cookie · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2fbdcebb-29b6-4350-89c7-93d407e8d5d9Post:10339bd1-1e50-4294-9142-6407da885c1a">Re: Cold Feet?</a>:
[QUOTE]Aw, BC. That's really sweet. It's very rare for people to be able to articulate why they love someone without reducing it to cliche. I approve of your marriage.
Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

Yea, but now I need to wash all this sugar off me, before I get sticky.

:)

It's true though, the dude is pretty awesome.

KabFrr · May 2010

I'm def excited to marry him, but sometimes it's scary to think about that lifetime commmitment. No one in our families are divorced, but the divorce rate is so high, it's scary to think how often it happens. I love him, and he makes me happy and smile and laugh, and I know he loves me and will protect me and take care of me. But in the back of my mind, there's always those what if's??

hmonkey · May 2010

if that's the case, rachel, i suggest you change your sig.

TheDuckis · May 2010

Kab. You have to tell us why. Why are you nervous? Do you just not like being the center of attention? Or are you worried about the way your FI handles money? Surely you can see that these are two very different reasons for cold feet, that would get very different answers on how to deal. We can't help you if we don't know your problem.

I will tell you that pushing your feelings aside is not a good way to deal with anything, and that makes me think your cold feet stem from serious problems.

TheDuckis · May 2010

Rachel, you should be handling that by calling off the wedding yourself. Permanently.

Kab, do you have a reason to think that you and your FI will get divorced? Just because 50% of couples get divorced doesn't mean you personally have a 50% chance. Unless there's something you're not telling us, which I bet there is.

katorigasuki · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2fbdcebb-29b6-4350-89c7-93d407e8d5d9Post:89812e6f-32c9-4e7b-8e8d-0a02d2b2ceee">Re: Cold Feet?</a>:
[QUOTE]Fiance got cold feet. Still don't understand it. I don't think he even does. He's called off the wedding and put it back on about a million times in the past 36 hours. I can't handle it.
Posted by racheladine[/QUOTE]
this is where you start re-thinking marrying this person.

you need to be able to depend on them in difficult situations. if he can't handle even getting married, how is he going to be there for you when some thing really serious happens.

at the very least, postpone the date.

Heffalump · May 2010

This whole thread is turning into a hot mess, between Rachel and Kabfare. I disapprove.

Butter Cookie · May 2010

You can't possibly know what will happen tomorrow (unless you find a good psychic!)

Really, if you're having major doubts, it's probably best to wait. I mean, what if... he hit his head, lost his memory, and went out and slept with 8 women, got HIV, brought it home to you, and you died together tragically?

What if... he got hit by a bus driving home from work three years from now and died leaving you with a young child to raise alone?

Is that really what you want to focus on?

But if you're doubting your ability to stay together don't get married.

E Squared · May 2010

Cold feet?! Schit, son. I was ready to put that guaranteed wang on lockdown before he knew what hit him.

KabFrr · May 2010

Well sometimes my FI acts immature, and he's very impulsive, which can be great but can be bad too (he changes cars faster than he changes undies!!) We come from different families (his speaks spanish and are from italy, mine speaks english), I went to college, he didn't. We can both be stubborn and want our way, which is challenging. But after I typed all this, I look at his positives: I still get butterflies when I kiss him, he makes me laugh, he tells me I'm beautiful, he protects me...so I guess all my nerves are normal?

hmonkey · May 2010

alexia, i hope you have had a good financial talk with robert, and pulled some credit reports.

Butter Cookie · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2fbdcebb-29b6-4350-89c7-93d407e8d5d9Post:40f9d9db-769e-40e5-8af5-23ab556e691e">Re: Cold Feet?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well sometimes my FI acts immature, and he's very impulsive, which can be great but can be bad too (he changes cars faster than he changes undies!!) We come from different families (his speaks spanish and are from italy, mine speaks english), I went to college, he didn't. We can both be stubborn and want our way, which is challenging. But after I typed all this, I look at his positives: I still get butterflies when I kiss him, he makes me laugh, he tells me I'm beautiful, he protects me...so I guess all my nerves are normal?
Posted by KabFrr[/QUOTE]

What does he bring to the table for your future? What do you want out of life? Don't flake here. You need to know what you want. Is he going to realistically be able to help you achieve that? And what does he want for the future? Does he have a plan shaped? I'm not saying you have to have all the kinks worked out now, but I guarantee you that when you can't afford a starter home for the child you're about to bring into the world because he just *HAD TO HAVE* the new vehicle he saw, you're going to be bitter.

And when he can't have the new car he wants because there are too many responsibilities being imposed on him that he wasn't ready for he's going to resent you.

My advice is seek counseling together, to see if you're on the same page. It's easy to ask a question and get an answer, but sometimes you just don't think about things that need to be resolved before marriage.

TheDuckis · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_cold-feet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2fbdcebb-29b6-4350-89c7-93d407e8d5d9Post:40f9d9db-769e-40e5-8af5-23ab556e691e">Re: Cold Feet?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well sometimes my FI acts immature, and he's very impulsive, which can be great but can be bad too (he changes cars faster than he changes undies!!) We come from different families (his speaks spanish and are from italy, mine speaks english), I went to college, he didn't. We can both be stubborn and want our way, which is challenging. But after I typed all this, I look at his positives: I still get butterflies when I kiss him, he makes me laugh, he tells me I'm beautiful, he protects me...so I guess all my nerves are normal?
Posted by KabFrr[/QUOTE]

Um, no. Immaturity, financial irresponsibility (such as buying cars), different backgrounds and stubborness trump butterflies and laughter every time.

Have you had premarital counseling? Have you discussed how the language barrier will impact your relationship with his family? Do you have realistic expectations about who will be the breadwinner and how household responsibilities will be divided?

Cold Feet?

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