Last name: to Keep or not to Keep

LazyBride27 · April 2011

I secretly do not really want to give up my last name. We both come from conservative Christian families and I know I would get a ton of crap for not doing it. But I like being associated with my last name as it is very unique and changing it seems like so much work. Any thoughts, experience?

danibride2012 · April 2011

that can be a tough decision i think... I will be changing mine.. but have also toyed with the idea of keeping it. Of course there is always the option of using a hyphenated last name..sort of the best of both worlds (?).. I t think its definately something you will need to talk over with your FI and work out well ahead of time!

aegrish · April 2011

Keeping it may require some work too. I don't think it's going to be that hard to change mine. Either way I don't think you should base your decision on how much 'work' it's going to be or what your family thinks. It should be between you and your FI. If he is OK with your keeping your last name or making it both, then do what works best for you.

phreakigurl · April 2011

I had the same problem kind of. I really liked my last name, and thought my FI last name was kinda "boring"
so we decided to combine the names....
MY last name being Frost, and His last name being Martin.
We are combining them to be Frostin!
It works really well, cuz i'm a cake decorator, and someday I want to own a cake shop!

J&K10910 · April 2011

If you don't want to change your last name, don't change your last name. It's YOUR name.

I'm not changing mine, and I wouldn't marry a man who would try to make me.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

Also- someone has posted something similar to this and a knottie had posted that you're not Mrs. If you dont have his last name, you're still Ms. if you keep your last name [even though you're married]

If that's true, that might be something to think about also?

anna.oskar · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:6e01e102-acd2-4557-adb0-9bc88047bd98">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't want to change your last name, don't change your last name. It's YOUR name. I'm not changing mine, and I wouldn't marry a man who would try to make me.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

wise words.

I changed mine but only partially. i made my maiden name a second middle name. That way i'm still Anna Middle Maiden legally just with an addition on the end. Which is important to me because i'm published under that name.

I'm Anna Middle Maiden Married and just fine with that since it is really important to me that i have the same last name as future children and it was also important to my H.

jemmini6 · April 2011

This is a decision that's 100% up to you. If you want to keep your name, keep it. If you want to change your name, change it. Make this decision because of your personal preferences and beliefs, not because of your families' or FI's (it's YOUR name afterall).

Also, if you want to change it, don't not do it because you think it's too much work. It might take a few errands, but this is a name for the rest of your life...I really don't think having to stop at the SS office, DMV, and post office is 'too much work' in comparisson to how long you'll have that name. A wedding is a lot of work, but you are still doing that, aren't you.

J&K10910 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:ef555588-79f8-4043-812b-8c16379fc156">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]Also- someone has posted something similar to this and a knottie had posted that you're not Mrs. If you dont have his last name, you're still Ms. if you keep your last name [even though you're married] If that's true, that might be something to think about also?
Posted by stephanie6607[/QUOTE]

This is true, but would that really be a deal breaker for you? Does it REALLY matter if you're Mrs. Lastname or Ms. Lastname?

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

<div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;line-height:normal;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:6e01e102-acd2-4557-adb0-9bc88047bd98">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't want to change your last name, don't change your last name. It's YOUR name. I'm not changing mine, and I wouldn't marry a man who would try to make me.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>This. The decision about whether or not to change your name is extremely personal. It should be about what you want and what you are comfortable with, not what anyone else wants or thinks.</div></div>

LenaF · April 2011

I'm not keeping mine. I look forward to taking his name. Even though, on my degree I'm having them put my maiden name and married name on it since my parent's are paying for most of my college tuition and expenses. My mom kept her maiden name when she legally changed her name but she goes by her married name. She loves her family and her maiden name so she kept it. However, she took my dad's last name b/c it's symbolic of "becoming one". Her name is Toni Middle Maiden Married but she goes by Toni Middle Married.

I don't agree totally with "it's up to you, it's your name" people are saying. I think this is something to discuss with your FI. You're marrying him and he might want you to have his name and he might not. I do agree that it's not up to your parents or his parents as to whether you keep your name or not. This is a discussion you need to have with your FI and find a compromise if he dislikes the idea of you not taking his name.

scottswife1106 · April 2011

I have not changed my last name yet and I am not sure if I ever will. If I do, I will hyphenate my last name with his.

Also, it really doesn't take a lot of work. All you have to do is go to the Social Security office, DMV and bank. Many credit card companies and others will make the changes with a fax or phone call.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

It really is a personal decision. While you can receive a lot of different advice and differing opinions on why and why not to change your name, you need to do what you want to do.

lalap69 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4e69e070-4d0e-40ae-a234-4482f230fa63">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]II don't agree totally with "it's up to you, it's your name" people are saying. I think this is something to discuss with your FI. You're marrying him and he might want you to have his name and he might not. I do agree that it's not up to your parents or his parents as to whether you keep your name or not. This is a discussion you need to have with your FI and find a compromise if he dislikes the idea of you not taking his name.
Posted by LenaF[/QUOTE]
Yes, and HIS preference for what you should do with YOUR name totally supercedes what you would want to do. He's the man, after all!

jemmini6 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4e69e070-4d0e-40ae-a234-4482f230fa63">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not keeping mine. I look forward to taking his name. Even though, on my degree I'm having them put my maiden name and married name on it since my parent's are paying for most of my college tuition and expenses. My mom kept her maiden name when she legally changed her name but she goes by her married name. She loves her family and her maiden name so she kept it. However, she took my dad's last name b/c it's symbolic of "becoming one". Her name is Toni Middle Maiden Married but she goes by Toni Middle Married.<strong> I don't agree totally with "it's up to you, it's your name" people are saying. I think this is something to discuss with your FI. You're marrying him and he might want you to have his name and he might not.</strong> I do agree that it's not up to your parents or his parents as to whether you keep your name or not. This is a discussion you need to have with your FI and find a compromise if he dislikes the idea of you not taking his name.
Posted by LenaF[/QUOTE]

But it's YOUR name. He can't force you to change your first name because he wants you to, therefore, he can't force you to change your last name. He can certainly voice his opinion and state his reasons in hopes of influencing your decision, but at the end of the day, you and you alone have the final say.

FutureJilliannD · April 2011

I'm changing mine to Jilliann Maiden Hislastname. It will be a pain, but it is something I want to do.

Regarding FI's opinion in all this, I would want to know how he felt about my not changing my name, because it does somewhat affect him, but there is no way he should have the final say or anything close to it.

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:4af50427-fd9b-40bc-8f90-8e01ac65e9db">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]Keeping it may require some work too.
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

How does keeping your name require work?

OP, I'm not changing my name. Legally, my parents gave me a name at birth and I'm not about to change that.

However, I don't care if people call me Mrs. HisLastName or Ms. MyLastName socially. I am, technically, all those things!

J&K10910 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:29365cec-c4a0-45a5-b5c7-f4c7a632e78c">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm changing mine to Jilliann Maiden Hislastname. It will be a pain, but it is something I want to do. Regarding FI's opinion in all this, I would want to know how he felt about my not changing my name, because it does somewhat affect him, but there is no way he should have the final say or anything close to it.
Posted by FutureJilliannD[/QUOTE]

How does your name in any way affect your FI?

The only way it affects him is when it comes time to have children. But in that case, you guys need to decide ahead of time what you're doing with the kids' last names.

For us, we don't want kids, but if we did, they'd have his last name. So, I fail to see ho wme not changing my name has anything to do with him at all.

colstj1 · April 2011

I persoanlly will be changing my last name to my FI's.

But you can always Keep your last name and just add his after.

J&K10910 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:d60b9239-0324-4b39-8ede-f0e5dd281c12">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe this will help you decide. Your name was given to you by your father - a man. He inherited it from his father. You didn't inherit your mother's name. Now that you are being married, it is traditional for you to adopt the name of your husband. You may keep the name that you have been using since birth if you wish, but that name was not chosen for you. The important names that were chosen for you by your parents are your first and middle names. Are you planning on having children? What will their last names be? Will it be confusing for them to have a mother with a different last name than they have? This is just food for thought. The choice is yours. If you do choose to be non-traditional, you will be explaining this to people for the rest of your married life.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

This is SO antiquated, IMO. It's becoming more and more common for women to keep their last names, men to take their wives' names, or them to be combined. Anyone who matters will know why you chose what you chose, and who cares what everyone else thinks?

I highly doubt I'll be explaining to people for the rest of my life that I kept my last name because I like it and I wanted to and it's my name so I can do whateverthefuck I want with it. My friends and family will know I'm married, if we have children, they'll know they're my kids, and I don't give two fuucks about what anyone else thinks.

marriedfilingjointly · April 2011

KristinNumbers? Did you change screen names?

J&K10910 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:11d27920-44a8-462d-8a8f-15ca4f7f4ee0">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]KristinNumbers? Did you change screen names?
Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]

DED.

Will you marry me, MFJ? I don't want that baby of yours, but I'll stroke your hair lovingly every night while you say funny things to me.

marriedfilingjointly · April 2011

We could be sister wives.

staciepoop · April 2011

I'm changing my name to his. I know people will probably come up to me and speak Spanish to me (his is a Hispanic last name and we live in a Hispanic part of Texas so that is VERY common...he gets mail in Spanish and speaks none). I dont really like my last name but I like this history behind it (it was changed at Elis Island [we dropped a letter] and we also had people on both sides of the fight in WW2 who are very decorated). When we first got engaged, all I could think about was my degree and it having my maiden name on it but then I found out I could change my degree (for a fee) if I wanted to. Then we moved the wedding up so it doesnt matter.

I think it all has to do with what you and your FI come up with. If you want to keep your maiden name, keep it! But tell him why you want to keep it and let him tell you why he would like you to change it (if he feels that way).

SuMmErKuTiE · April 2011

This decision is entirely up to you, but it was never even a question to me that I would take my husband's name. I love being Mrs. His Last Name because we're associated as a unit now. Yes, it's weird not to be Kate Maiden Name anymore, but once we start having kids, I want us all to have a family name. Plus it makes everything easier since we're both Mr. and Mrs. His Last Name.

I've never understood the recent uproar for a woman to keep her name. Your mother took your father's name and her mother took her father's name and so on.. your last name isn't your mother's either.. it's your father's and his father's and so on.

When it comes to being professional, I understand some people wanting to keep it to not make things confusing. But every powerful woman I've ever worked with has taken on her husband's name. I'm not trying to insult those who keep their names, to each their own, I'm just saying it's not for me and I don't fully understand the reasoning behind it.

FutureJilliannD · April 2011

I guess my view is that we are creating our own little family unit within larger family units, and as that, I would want his opinion on whether we have the same last name or not. I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with having kids, at least for me.

I say to each his own, but to me it is a major decision and on major decisions I do want his input. Does that mean I have to listen? No, but I value his opinion on things the same way he values mine.

I don't understand why people get so riled up over what others say on this topic. Do what you want. I was just stating my reasoning behind my plans.

midgetthemighty · April 2011

Personally, I also look forward to taking my fiance's last name. It is ultimately up to you and your fiance to discuss and come to a decision together. Under no circumstances should he force you to take his name, but he is entitled to his opinion on the matter and should be respected for whatever it is when you have the discussion.

tunaep11 · April 2011

I talked it over with my FI, and decided to go with "the slashie" like Jones-smith. I think personally its the best choice for us. I love my FI and its not that I dont like his name or i dont want it, but my name has been a part of me since I have been on this planet. I know its sounds silly but my name is just as important to me as his is to him. FI family is very old fashioned, but we decided that is was none of their business. you should do what you are most comfortable with and i am sure your FI will agree with you!

AdeleDazeem · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:d60b9239-0324-4b39-8ede-f0e5dd281c12">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE] If you do choose to be non-traditional, you will be explaining this to people for the rest of your married life.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I don't plan on being in anyone's face about the fact that I didn't change my name. I'm not going to correct every person who addresses me or sends me mail that says "Mrs. HisLastName" on it. That's far too much energy.

Banks, passports, driver's licenses, etc... require no explanation if I am not changing anything.

I do agree that it is important for our kids to understand that I have a different last name: if (god forbid) they need help and are saying my name is "Joy HisLastName" but no one can find record of me, that would be bad. Admittedly. But, again, we'll cross that brdige when we get there.

noodle_oo · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_last-name-keep-not-keep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:3d17d5c2-3c21-45d3-b6d0-dd7549c89228Post:6e01e102-acd2-4557-adb0-9bc88047bd98">Re: Last name: to Keep or not to Keep</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't want to change your last name, don't change your last name. It's YOUR name. I'm not changing mine, and I wouldn't marry a man who would try to make me.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Agreed with this 100%. It is not a decision for your FI to make. It is your name, you will have to deal with it changing. A lot of women change it to make their future husbands happy, many get use to it, but a lot regret it as well. If you do it, just make sure you do it because you want to do it and not because you think you have to. It is becoming much more common to keep your name now.

luvdncn90 · April 2011

I look forward to taking M's last name when we do get married. To me it symbloizes the two of us becoming a single unit and starting our lives together. I love my last name and it's great and all but I look forward to the day I can become Mrs. Hislastname.

To each their own. Although I do agree, I don't understand this recent uproar of women keeping their last name. Some women do it for professional reasons and some women just like their name, and that's their choice. Just like it's other women's choice to take their husbands name.

Do whatever makes you comfortable. The decision is yours and although I do agree that FI and you should discuss thisI'm sure he will support you whatever you choose to do.

Last name: to Keep or not to Keep

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