Just Engaged and Proposals

Male Engagement Rings?

Hi everyone!

I'm not sure if this topic has been brought up before, but I figured it could spark an interesting discussion. My fiance and I both wear engagement rings (his is a band, mine a solitaire), so I wanted to share my thoughts about why we chose to do this as well as get opinions about what other people think!

After my fiance and I got engaged, I began to think about how men do not get to have any outward sign that they are deeply connected to another person until they are married. It seemed a bit unfair to me--I got the excitement of people saying "Oh, you're engaged? How wonderful!" and asking me about the wedding. I began poking around Zales' website at men's wedding rings, and I found a very nice band for only $60 that I knew he would love, no matter the occasion. I discussed the idea with him and he was completely on board and very excited to be able to show that we were both equally committed to our relationship. 

Our only problem was figuring out on what hand he should wear the ring. We decided that wearing it on his left hand might be confusing, so we agreed that he would wear it on his right ring finger and then once we were married, he would get a new band to wear on his left hand. Of course, since this has yet to become a cultural tradition (who knows, it could get there!) most people do not automatically know what his ring is for, but many will ask and end up liking the idea once he tells them. Many men, too, like the idea, especially since men are becoming more interested in jewelry for themselves and branching out beyond the typical plain gold or silver band. 

I also really liked the idea of giving him an engagement ring since it is a step toward reversing the idea that women are more associated with marriage than men. Marriage is something that completely changes BOTH spouses, and this is a great way to express that sentiment. 

Has anyone else done this or is thinking about doing this? My best friend/college roommate also gave her fiance an engagement ring for many of the same reasons :). It is a relatively new idea, but it could catch on!

Adrienne & Jonathan
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Re: Male Engagement Rings?

  • makokoliosmakokolios member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    Wow, I'm surprised to find someone else who's done this too!!

    I got engaged in January of 2010 and when I was in England that summer I bought my fiance a lovely little sterling silver ring with the words "Think of me, God willing" engraved on it in Old French. He actually wears it on his left hand, and has never gotten any strange questions about it (maybe because it's sterling silver and a little thinner than most wedding bands, no one makes the mistake). I still love seeing it on his finger and it always gives me a little shiver to know that someday he'll be wearing a real wedding band there :)

    I think giving men engagement rings is a great gesture and a way to show that both of you are committed to the relationship - not to mention that it does destigmatize the woman's engagement ring as a sign that she 'belongs' to him more than he belongs to her and must have an outward sign of this so no one tries to take her. Not that couples who choose not to do this aren't showing the same level of commitment or ignoring these ideas! I just think it makes for interesting conversation!
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  • I wanted my FI to wear one and he was on board with the idea at first, but then he started thinking about it and realized he didn't want to have to deal with people assuming he was already married.  It didn't bother me that much when he changed his mind.  I was a little disappointed, but it's his decision.
  • These are becoming increasingly more popular. I got my FI an engagement XBOX :)
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  • I was kind of on the same board as you ladies, just not as creative lol. I just bought him his wedding band early and told him it was his birthday present bc his birthday is at the end of april. He wears it on his left hand, but only when he is with me and not like when he is at work etc. I hope thats not bad luck haha!Wink
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_male-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e789dfca-a6a4-4790-8a56-f6d47f01d864Post:b4c39e54-bfc0-477e-a40c-ded2b7767968">Re: Male Engagement Rings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]These are becoming increasingly more popular. I got my FI an engagement XBOX :)
    Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Hahahahaha! That's awesome!</div>
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  • Hi Ladies-

    I am new to the board :)

    Just wanted to chime in to say that I got my fiance an engagement ring the day after he proposed.  It is a Tungsten Carbide and he can wear it as a right hand ring or a backup to his wedding band once we marry :)
  • My fiance and I both had promise rings because we had been together for over 5 years before we got engaged. He kept the ring that we used as promise rings and I changed to my engagement ring. He actually ended up losing that ring and so we recently found one at a street fair that he uses. It's a simple silver ring with just a little linear design. We actually both wear our rings on the left ring finger and dont really care if people think we're married because we feel like we already are.
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  • I did an engagement XBOX as well!!!!
  • My fiance wears a mangagement ring too! 

    He was super shocked when I told him that ordinarily men don't get one.  He wanted one.  So we got one.  We're replacing it with a nicer band for the wedding. 
  • My Aunt and Late Uncle did something I thought was awesome. He got his ear pierced and she got a second hole in one ear that they wore matching diamond solitaire studs in.
  • My FI has an engagement ring.  I'm American, but he's from India, and in his family both the man and the woman always have a ring.  He wears his on the left hand, and he's only had one or two questions in a year and a half, but it doesn't really look like a wedding band:

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  • I'm loving th engagement Xbox ladies!!!
    I got FI one for Christmas, when was actually when he proposed to me. But he opened it on our 2 year anniversary (3 days prior), so it was an all-in-one Xbox. He didn't care though, he was just glad he got it at all!
    My FI wears a gold band on his left ring finger. He absolutely loves his, just as I do my engagement ring. But we will get him a new one when we get married- he want's a little bling. Ha ha
  • After I got my rock I bought him an "Engagement Bike," (I'm big into cycling and he wanted to get into it as well,) Fair Trade. 
    After that I went out and got him a nice simple band, and it made his day!! He is for sure getting a new awesome one though! 
    Anniversary
  • I thought about wearing one, and I agree that the tradition is a little sexist, but I didn't really want to buy (or have) an extra piece of jewelry. I have my wedding band now, but I don't wear it yet.

    My fiancée wears the Xbox in the family. I'm content to use it to watch Netflix and stuff.
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  • Pre-engagement promise rings are becoming popular now, that way both couples have something to wear.  Or good for maybe a guy who wants to propose, but doesn't have enough money for the ring he wants to give at the time.
  • I couldn't get my bf and engagement xbox because I'M the gamer, he totally isn't. :( But he does wear jewelry and I think he would wear an engagement ring... I bought him a watch and bracelets (just leather ones when I travel) and he loves them.. I bet he would love an engagement ring... I think I have a few years to look. :P
  • I had never thought about it before, but we picked up FI's wedding band last Saturday (I know, we're really early, but we want to get as much out of the way as possible!) and he keeps saying how sad he is that he doesn't get to wear it for another year! So I think I'm going to go out after work today and look for a simple band to give him as an engagement ring. He'll be so excited!
  • edited April 2011
    We picked out all three (my engagement, wedding and his wedding) rings together. Once he proposed, it was my fiancé's decision to wear his wedding ring as an engagement ring. I am really glad he does and it turns out that my cousin (who recently got married) wore his wedding band as an engagement ring too! It won major brownie points on my family to let them know he is as proud and committed as I am. I love seeing a ring on his finger and knowing that he is all mine :)

    Plus we already had an Xbox... Maybe engagement power tools?? lol

    **Edited: He wears the ring on his left hand.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_male-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e789dfca-a6a4-4790-8a56-f6d47f01d864Post:0fb35b8e-40ac-4a11-8f0e-eacdbd2f6895">Re: Male Engagement Rings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had never thought about it before, but we picked up FI's wedding band last Saturday (I know, we're really early, but we want to get as much out of the way as possible!) and he keeps saying how sad he is that he doesn't get to wear it for another year! So I think I'm going to go out after work today and look for a simple band to give him as an engagement ring. He'll be so excited!
    Posted by Singinlizard4626[/QUOTE]

    <div>That is so awesome that this board topic has inspired you to give your fiance an engagement ring! I hope you find one that he loves!</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, thanks to everyone who has posted! I didn't realize that this was such a popular idea. I am very excited to see if it catches on more and more as the years progress. And kudos to the man that posted on here! It's nice to know that all sides are beginning to rethink the tradition behind only having the woman wear an engagement ring :)</div>

    Adrienne & Jonathan
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  • I have to second afmilner! (Well, I should probably also admit that I am sitting in the same room with her/was one of the ones she first discussed this idea with)

    It's so cool that wedding traditions are always changing :) I love that now couples are so free to define things on their own terms.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_male-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:e789dfca-a6a4-4790-8a56-f6d47f01d864Post:491f7959-7734-4440-a457-8fdb715f7969">Re: Male Engagement Rings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We picked out all three (my engagement, wedding and his wedding) rings together. Once he proposed, it was my fiancé's decision to wear his wedding ring as an engagement ring. I am really glad he does and it turns out that my cousin (who recently got married) wore his wedding band as an engagement ring too! It won major brownie points on my family to let them know he is as proud and committed as I am. I love seeing a ring on his finger and knowing that he is all mine :) Plus we already had an Xbox... Maybe engagement power tools?? lol **Edited: He wears the ring on his left hand.
    Posted by sunshineboots[/QUOTE]


    lol at engagement power tools<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
  • I would have loved for FI to have an engagement ring, but he doesn't even like to wear his wedding ring in the apartment. I think he thinks it's bad luck. He doesn't like that I try mine on too. I have to say, I try it on all the time because it looks so awesome with my engagement ring (yes I know, this probably makes me a freak).

    Funny too, he's not superstitious in any other way, but this one he really seems to be.
  • jroxxjroxx member
    10 Comments
    My fiance told me before we were engaged that if he was buying me a ring, I better buy him one too.  He wears a black tungsten carbide band on his right ring finger.  For the wedding band he wants a more traditional white gold band.  I got his "engagement ring" on Overstock.com for $60!  He picked it out (just like I picked out mine).  ;)

    Love that this is catching on!!  My coworkers were floored when I mentioned he WANTED to wear a ring before he's married, haha!  =)
  • I am SO glad I happened across this board! One of my friends, when she got engaged to her husband several years ago, went out an surprised him with a mangagement ring. Apparently, my fiance talked about this with the salesman at the jewelry store when he bought my ring. Last weekend we went into the store to purchase a gift for my mother, and the saleman was pressuring me into buying a ring for my fiance. I was very put-off by it, because I had never heard of it in American culture before. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I think my fiance would like it (he's not a jewelry wearer, but he's been making comments about his finger feeling naked, even though he's never worn a ring). I think I may surprise him this week!
  • Very interesting question and one that my fiance and I discussed this weekend. He simply asked me if I was getting him an engagement ring, and I thought that the idea was exciting. We were looking through a catalogue and found a "couples ring" (similar to mother's rings) that is a simple band with the birthstones of each with their names engraved on the band to the side of the birthstone. The rings were sterling, and since we are designing our own sterling wedding bands, this seemed perfect. We will both wear ours on our left hand.
  • I got my fiance a ring. He wears it on his left hand. And people sometimes do think he's married--but he doesn't care. (Actually, some people we thinking that even before we got engaged! :)) He loves his ring, and being able to share in the fun that girls get to when their engaged. We're totally into equality, and I agree with what others have posted about getting the man a ring as well makes it seem more like both people are commiting instead of the guy "marking" his girl for the future.
  • My fiance got me a promise ring prior to our proposal and at that time I got him a ring as well. He never wore a ring before, but loved the idea. It's a sign of both of our commitments to each other. He wears the ring on his left hand and doesn't really care when people mistake it for a wedding band.
  • My fiance and I had "promise rings."  Mine was an Irish claddaugh and his a band with the words "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."  The words are in hebrew, as he is Jewish.  We got these rings before we got engaged, but they were a promise of comittement to each other.  My ring was replaced with my engagement ring, but he still wears his.  He plans on wearing it until the wedding, then moving it to his right hand. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_male-engagement-rings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:e789dfca-a6a4-4790-8a56-f6d47f01d864Post:953e5234-9735-49ba-876b-a99b0b8a57a7">Re: Male Engagement Rings?</a>:
    [QUOTE]After I got my rock I bought him an "Engagement Bike," (I'm big into cycling and he wanted to get into it as well,) Fair Trade.  After that I went out and got him a nice simple band, and it made his day!! He is for sure getting a new awesome one though! 
    Posted by asialee2[/QUOTE]

    asialee2, just wanted to tell you that I love your engagement photo with the bicycles.  So cute!!
  • Both my fiancee and I wear engagement rings.  Have the whole time we've been engaged.  Both on our left ring fingers.  I told him if he was branding me, I sure as hell was branding him too.  :D
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