is it tacky to not have open bar?

mbody · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:06f1d742-07aa-47b3-a1ce-caefd26784ed">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I rarely post here because I don't like to get flamed. :) I don't think it's tacky. <strong>I think what is tacky is going into debt because other people tell you it's tacky.</strong> You need to do what you are comfortable with. Is it normal in your area to offer this? It is in mine. We aren't having alcohol at the wedding at all! Our venue is dry. <strong>I'm sure that that's a major faux pas</strong>. But, no one in our family or friends drinks in public! I wanted people to remember our wedding too. :) Do what you can afford and do what you are comfortable with.
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]
Hosting what you can afford does not mean go into debt to pay for people's booze.

And a dry wedding is perfectly fine. It's not like you're having alcohol available for people to buy.

may25bride2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:55bbb239-8561-43b1-b8ef-3ab464cd7a1e">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a question. If OP hosts only beer & wine, but the venue has a full bar, what is the bartender to do, tell people No, you can't have that? I'm serious, how would that work?
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

<div>You pay per head for a package at most venues. If they have liquor and it's not part of the package, they don't serve it. </div>

kimiandgary · May 2012

In the end OP, just do what you are comfortable with. Run ideas by your friends and family who you trust to tell you the truth.

By all means, do not pay for something you cannot afford to.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:da37ee63-c87d-4447-8152-72f460f785b2">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In the end OP, just do what you are comfortable with. Run ideas by your friends and family who you trust to tell you the truth. By all means, do not pay for something you cannot afford to.
Posted by kimiandgary[/QUOTE]

No one told her to pay anything additional FFS. We told her that hosting a limited bar as they are doing is perfectly acceptable, but that she should not give guests the additional option of paying for a drink -- that's the rude part. This has zero to do with money.

Danidawn20 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:da37ee63-c87d-4447-8152-72f460f785b2">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In the end OP, just do what you are comfortable with. Run ideas by your friends and family who you trust to tell you the truth. By all means, do not pay for something you cannot afford to.
Posted by kimiandgary[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. Just do what you are comfertable with and what you can afford.

myname1234 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:da37ee63-c87d-4447-8152-72f460f785b2">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In the end OP, just do what you are comfortable with. Run ideas by your friends and family who you trust to tell you the truth. By all means, do not pay for something you cannot afford to.
Posted by kimiandgary[/QUOTE]

No
one said to do something she can't afford. PPs said do what you CAN afford...but don't offer the rest.

you do see the delineation here, right??

RupertPenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:06f1d742-07aa-47b3-a1ce-caefd26784ed">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]I rarely post here because I don't like to get flamed. :) I don't think it's tacky.<strong> I think what is tacky is going into debt because other people tell you it's tacky. </strong>You need to do what you are comfortable with. Is it normal in your area to offer this? It is in mine. We aren't having alcohol at the wedding at all! Our venue is dry. I'm sure that that's a major faux pas. But, no one in our family or friends drinks in public! I wanted people to remember our wedding too. :) Do what you can afford and do what you are comfortable with.
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]

<div>Going into debt because your friends need to drink Hypnotiq at your wedding isn't tacky, it's fucking stupid. There is a subtle yet distinct difference there. </div>

RupertPenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:62652898-dd2b-4b1f-80e4-935ef34a03b5">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : You have far too much going on in your sig. See? THAT was rude.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>The truth hurts. </div>

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:50ef4ed5-d247-450c-b3a5-1ade8843de4b">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : You pay per head for a package at most venues. If they have liquor and it's not part of the package, they don't serve it.
Posted by may25bride2012[/QUOTE]

So they remove all the liquor from the bar?

Urchin9 · May 2012

I guess to me, it's another one of those "it depends on where you live" things.

here's it's the norm NOT to have an open bar. People here are accustomed to paying for their own drinks. It's pretty 'lavish" to attend any event where your drinks are paid for.

That being said, I think in the US (I am Canadian) it's more polite to either have an open bar or nothing at all. Given that your co-worker made the comment that she did, I suspect in your area it's more frowned upon to have a cash bar or partial open bar.

pkontk · May 2012

I think those who are saying that etiquette can be regional need to go back to etiquette school. Etiquette is a distinct set of rules for properly hosting events. Its common/acceptable in your area to have a cash bar? That's great. Just know that if people come from other areas, they might find it tacky that they need to pay for drinks.

amandafaith45 · May 2012

thank you:)
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:d402c662-9f91-47f5-a252-4aa7a0e784e0">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're offering beer and wine, but if our guests want different booze they are going to have to pay for it. I see nothing wrong with that :)
Posted by Zazulak[/QUOTE]

calixtine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:c7f061bd-0e10-448e-9f86-b44e31b17220">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : No, they just don't serve it. Is someone going to climb behind the bar and steal the Dewar's?
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

This would make for an awesome wedding if they did.

RupertPenny · May 2012

If I lived somewhere where no one does open bars I would move. That is one of the few awesome things about living in DC. There is ALWAYS an open bar. I could get drunk at an open bar every night of the week if I so chose.

may25bride2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:b47b15ac-192b-4ad1-b5df-6db6edb914f8">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : So they remove all the liquor from the bar?
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>They'll remove it or deny it. Any wedding I've been to with that it's never been an issue. People ask what is available and choose from that.

</div>

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:c7f061bd-0e10-448e-9f86-b44e31b17220">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : No, they just don't serve it. Is someone going to climb behind the bar and steal the Dewar's?
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I would think going to the bar and asking for a drink and the bartender says "sorry, that's not paid for, you can't have that" would be pretty tacky too.

calixtine · May 2012

Besides being bad etiquette, I think after only a partial open bar is a waste honestly. I personally would only drink the free stuff and ignore anything I had to pay for. I think most people would be the same, either because it's cheaper or they are offended.

may25bride2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:712c89ce-9150-4aa5-b8e8-92151cfaea12">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I would think going to the bar and asking for a drink and the bartender says "sorry, that's not paid for, you can't have that" would be pretty tacky too.
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>It's even tackier to make a guest pay for something at a hosted event. </div>

may25bride2012 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:e4b728d9-275b-4ae5-9554-5fa7361d0f5f">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : Oh good, you're going to follow the advice that you wanted to hear. Well done.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>It's called Confirmation Bias. People tend to gravitate towards decisions that confirm their own beliefs because it's easier to make that decision. It's really a shame. BTW I always crack up when I see your sig!</div>

amandafaith45 · May 2012

ok then thanks everyone!

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:712c89ce-9150-4aa5-b8e8-92151cfaea12">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I would think going to the bar and asking for a drink and the bartender says "sorry, that's not paid for, you can't have that" would be pretty tacky too.
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

They would say "The bride and groom are hosting a limited bar for you this evening. Can I pour you a bud light?" -- If you think that's tackier than asking guests to pull out their wallets during an event that is supposed to be a <em>thank you</em> to them, then there's not much room for conversation is there? But that doesn't make you any less wrong.

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:f45235c7-270a-4def-bd37-3a5ba6307dbf">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I'm pretty sure that bartenders have a way of dealing with that. I'm not offering Grey Goose at my wedding; if someone asks for a Grey Goose and soda, I trust the bartender to be able to deflect it and pour Absolut instead.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

I expect a bottle of Goose at my VIP table at your wedding. Mixers too.

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:507d8eaa-08db-4502-a5a1-f228c36ab03b">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]Besides being bad etiquette, I think after only a partial open bar is a waste honestly. I personally would only drink the free stuff and ignore anything I had to pay for. I think most people would be the same, either because it's cheaper or they are offended.
Posted by calixtine[/QUOTE]

This is what I just don't get. I'm not going to drink something simply because it's free.

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:9e9e957b-f885-4b1d-a635-87357fe20aea">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? :<strong> They would say "The bride and groom are hosting a limited bar for you this evening. Can I pour you a bud light?"</strong> -- If you think that's tackier than asking guests to pull out their wallets during an event that is supposed to be a thank you to them, then there's not much room for conversation is there? But that doesn't make you any less wrong.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Thank you! Finally an answer to my original question.

amandafaith45 · May 2012

yes i am. was just curious on other peoples thoughts. i have been to weddings that did the same thing and no one had a proble with it so i will do what i want:)
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:e4b728d9-275b-4ae5-9554-5fa7361d0f5f">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : Oh good, you're going to follow the advice that you wanted to hear. Well done.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:9cce2238-417f-4f7a-b064-12b5fe6ee8eb">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : This is what I just don't get. I'm not going to drink something simply because it's free.
Posted by MrsKathyC[/QUOTE]

I would have to or not drink because I probably wouldn't bring any cash to a wedding. I wouldn't expect to have to use it. Many guests are this way as well.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:87fbf8bb-8278-4416-b208-29648368a54a">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]yes i am. was just curious on other peoples thoughts. i have been to weddings that did the same thing and no one had a proble with it <strong>so i will do what i want</strong>:) In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? :
Posted by amandafaith45[/QUOTE]

So you came her to ask for advice because ... ?

calixtine · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:26d3baff-f5a5-4b7f-ac28-17df4d6cf815">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: is it tacky to not have open bar? : I would have to or not drink because I probably wouldn't bring any cash to a wedding. I wouldn't expect to have to use it. Many guests are this way as well.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

This. I'm positive none of my guests would even think to bring cash.

MiksChick23 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:a3a592be-4d99-42b7-a3f3-72dcac518da1">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]If I lived somewhere where no one does open bars I would move. That is one of the few awesome things about living in DC. There is ALWAYS an open bar. I could get drunk at an open bar every night of the week if I so chose.
Posted by RupertPenny[/QUOTE]

I bet your per head cost is pretty damn expensive. I'll take cash bars and $17pp plated dinners any day.

MiksChick23 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-tacky-to-not-have-open-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:83b9b7db-2d76-43ee-bdb8-227c59baad51Post:507d8eaa-08db-4502-a5a1-f228c36ab03b">Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?</a>:
[QUOTE]Besides being bad etiquette, I think after only a partial open bar is a waste honestly. I personally would only drink the free stuff and ignore anything I had to pay for. I think most people would be the same, either because it's cheaper or they are offended.
Posted by calixtine[/QUOTE]

How is that a waste? If no one buys drinks, then no one pays for them. The venue would just keep the bottles for the next wedding. Its not like the B&G pay for them and get paid back.

is it tacky to not have open bar?

Re: is it tacky to not have open bar?

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