MOB wants to wear black

shelle416 · October 2012

the title says it all. I have told my "real" mother.....not my step mother who I am a little closer to, that you are not to wear black...as it means you are against our wedding and black is for a funeral.

My MOB went to David's Bridal....some woman working at David's said...."does she know it's 2012?"

Well, yes I get it, but I don't want her wearing black for the above-mentioned reasons.......OPINIONS??

Thanks

Michelle

RegallyBlonde · October 2012

What a ridiculous thing to say, black is a colour and has no more significance than wearing red, pink or yellow. Besides, she is a grown woman and can wear what ever she wants to wear. Black for most people, is a flattering colour and goes with everything.

You don't get a say in what she wears, end of story.

yoshijo · October 2012

What? I wear black to almost every wedding and it is a very flattering color to wear. It's not "reserved for funerals." She can wear whatever she chooses.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

Look, I hate black dresses in general and especially at weddings. Despise them. Loathe them. Gritted my teeth as I was going down the aisle looking at my side from the midwest decked out in their best black and loving the colors on DH's California and East coast guests.

That said, black =/= opposition to a wedding or mourning. Your mother is a grown woman who has been more than capable of dressing herself since long before you were born. You don't get to dictate what she or anyone else who is not in the WP wears to your wedding. If she feels beautiful in a black dress then keep your mouth shut and don't say anything to her. Perhaps it is you who needs to be reminded that it is 2012.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:6d9222d3-27c8-499c-a793-b99e51a67b88">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]She can wear what she wants. She can also be given a seat in the back.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

That is a horrible thing to do.

MairePoppy · October 2012

The moms get to wear whatever they want. A black, sparkly cocktail dress looks nothing like mourning clothes:

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:9e074701-3dba-4241-85af-195623306e20">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]Goodluck, it may be 2012, but I do not think wearing black by MOB shows respect for the marriage or the MOBs child. That being the case, I think OP should make it clear to her that wearing <strong>black will be viiewed as lack of respect</strong>, and she does not deserve front row seat.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

By whom????

If she came in full mourning garb including a heavy black veil, then I might agree with you. In the past twenty years, I have been to exactly one wedding where not a single woman wore a black dress. In a lot of them, the WP wore black dresses. Not once did anyone interpret this as a lack of support. Hell, Sarah Jessica Parker wore a black dress as her wedding dress.

Anyone who places the color of a dress over her mother's place of honor at her wedding is a horrible person who seriously needs to straighten out her priorities.

MairePoppy · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:0f11131b-bd31-4f24-a315-3eb5f3267566">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]The bride has already asked her mother not to wear black. It is disresptful of the mom to wear black. Its different for guests -- if MOB wants to be treated like a guest she can sit with the guests. Of course, bride can choose to wear black -- doesnt mean MOB should.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

The bride was wrong to make an issue of the color of her mother's dress. If she seats her mom in the back row because she doesn't like her dress, she will look like a bridezilla.

I don't think anyone in her right mind would take this advice.

yoshijo · October 2012

Black is so common at all the weddings I attend. It is classy and formal and I see no reason why it should not be worn to a wedding. I can't even understand why it ia a big deal for her to be wearing black.

Viczaesar · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:6d9222d3-27c8-499c-a793-b99e51a67b88">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]She can wear what she wants. She can also be given a seat in the back.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
Your brand of "advice" smells like rotten fish.

ScMOB · October 2012

I'm a recent MOB x 2 and if either of my daughter's had expressed a desire/concern about the color of my dress I would have been more than happy to do whatever I needed to do to make them happy on THEIR day! It's not the MOBs day...it's the BRIDES day. So OP....you do what makes you happy....but in the end...if it's going to be more heartache for you than good...you have to decide for yourself is it really worth getting upset over?
Good luck and I hope you and your new husband have a very happy life together!

SKPM · October 2012

In Response to Re:MOB wants to wear black:[QUOTE]What? I wear black to almost every wedding and it is a very flattering color to wear. It's not quot;reserved for funerals.quot; She can wear whatever she chooses. Posted by yoshijo[/QUOTE]
Agreed. Also, H, GMs, my dad, my grandfather, my FIL, and SFIL all wore black to our wedding because, you know, it looks formal and classic. Pretty sure they weren't all protesting the marriage. Let Mom dress herself.

[Deleted User] · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:9e074701-3dba-4241-85af-195623306e20">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]Goodluck, it may be 2012, but I do not think wearing black by MOB shows respect for the marriage or the MOBs child. That being the case, I think OP should make it clear to her that wearing black will be viiewed as lack of respect, and she does not deserve front row seat.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Seriously? You would sit your mother in the back row for not letting you dictate what color to wear? THAT is lacking in respect.

warpedredpenguin · October 2012

So, if grooms or groomsmen wear black, is that mourning or protesting the marriage? Because if it applies to one gender, it should apply to the other. Which is ridiculous. It's a color. That's it.

kmmssg · October 2012

The dad's can wear black suits and that is ok. The GROOM wears black and that is ok. Black is VERY popular for BM dresses and that is ok, BUT the MOB in black means she doesn't support the wedding and is being disrespectful?

Excuse me while I call my 2 DD's to straighten this out. The MOG's and I wore black at both weddings, looked damn skippy stunning, supported the wedding, and couldn't be happier with my new SILs. I guess we will have to have do-over weddings so the MOGs and I can wear a different color and present the correct photo op.

OP, you are being ridiculous. This is some ancient line of thinking that doesn't apply anymore. And, believe me, if a MOB or MOG doesn't support the wedding, the color of their dress is the least of your worries.

NY - as time goes on I just see what an incredibly immature person you are. Seat in the back? Grow up!

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:0f11131b-bd31-4f24-a315-3eb5f3267566">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]The bride has already asked her mother not to wear black. It is disresptful of the mom to wear black. Its different for guests -- if MOB wants to be treated like a guest she can sit with the guests. Of course, bride can choose to wear black -- doesnt mean MOB should.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

It was disrespectful of her to tell her mother not to wear black - and the MOB's wardrobe is no different from that of the guests. The bride cannot dictate what the MOB may or may not wear.

I cannot believe anyone would suggest that a bride treat her mother like something you scrape off the bottom of your shoe with a stick all because she wants to wear a black dress. Were you raised by a pack of diva wolves?

pink34562000 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:4e5ce3cd-1d50-462b-94ef-11c378a1e15c">MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]the title says it all. I have told my "real" mother.....not my step mother who I am a little closer to, that you are not to wear <span style="font-weight:bold;">black...as it means you are against our wedding</span> and black is for a funeral. My MOB went to David's Bridal....some woman working at David's said...."does she know it's 2012?" Well, yes I get it, but I don't want her wearing black for the above-mentioned reasons.......OPINIONS?? Thanks :) Michelle
Posted by shelle416[/QUOTE]

Black means that people are against your wedding???? Huh? Black dresses are very modern and fashion forward. And, you will have guests wearing black dresses. According to your statement, those guests would be against your wedding. Isn't that correct? Do you realize how ridiculous that statement is?

If you are that horrified about black dresses, don't ever watch the movie breakfast at tiffany's.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

TK is part of the wedding industry and is designed to separate women from as much of their money as possible by making them think they are the little princess around whom the world revolves. It tells them that they can treat everyone like crap because it is "her special day." They don't care if relationships are damaged and friendships ruined.

In other words, TK and wedding magazines are the absolute last places you should be turning to for advice. Miss Manners or Amy Vanderbilt would be better.

Maggie0829 · October 2012

Wow, then as a guest of many of weddings I must have not supported any of the marriages because a LBD is my go to attire for any dressy event.

OP, your parents can wear whatever they want. Black is no longer looked as a mourning color unless it is paired with a black veil covering the face. You were wrong to tell anyone what color not to wear. Your parents are adults and can dress themselves appropriately all by themselves.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:7dbd3da6-b4c9-4dc3-b1c7-e099e6979629">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]How is, try to compromise with your daughter contributing to wedding industry?
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

What compromise? She is dictating. My point was that TK does not give a rat's ass about manners or the relationships B&Gs have with others so don't quote it to support your opinions. Believe it or not, it carries no weight on the boards.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:f8dc0aff-e269-4483-bf53-eaedd7c600f3">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]Maggie, it is one thing for a guest to wear black, another for MOB. Sorry you do understand the difference. I am suggesting that if mother wants to deliberately go against her daughter, she can be treated as a guest.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry that you cannot understand that the bride does not have the right to dictate what her mother wears to her wedding. It's really not a difficult concept.

heroeswearbrown · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:a1ba74c2-0636-4e1c-8576-7d2ee096f895">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a recent MOB x 2 and if either of my daughter's had expressed a desire/concern about the color of my dress I would have been more than happy to do whatever I needed to do to make them happy on THEIR day! It's not the MOBs day...it's the BRIDES day. So OP....you do what makes you happy....but in the end...if it's going to be more heartache for you than good...you have to decide for yourself is it really worth getting upset over? Good luck and I hope you and your new husband have a very happy life together!
Posted by ScMOB[/QUOTE]

This. My mother and FMIL asked me what color they should wear. I asked they they wear jewel tones. When FMIL decieded to wear drab biege, I was ticked for about 2 days simply because she ignored me, which she does all the time, and then realized it wasn't worth the fight. She loved the dress she bought, and in all honesty, it won't make a damn bit of difference. Pick your battles.

artbyallie · October 2012

Um, hey, NYUgirl... the color coordinator linked in your quote has the MOB in the central picture in a black and white dress. Lol.

And no, the bride doesn't get to determine where parents sit, because they sit in the front row. This is her mom, not the home-wrecking ho stepmom, so you can just stop projecting like you do every darn time you post.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:a310b9a7-d697-4239-9bbf-088e6da32a13">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear black : Woa, if bride says black and white OK, then it is fine. This bride told he mom she didnt want black. Once mom decides she doesnt have to try to fit it, doesnt want to act like MOB, then she should accept that goes for everything.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

Since when does wearing what you want and not what the bride wants forfeit your title and position as MOB? That is probably the stupidest thing I have ever heard. You are the MOB by the simple fact that you gave birth to or adopted the bride. Period. It is not conditional based upon the bride's requests or demands. The MOB could be wearing a form fitting sequined cut down to there ho dress and she is still the MOB and still sitting in the front row.

renegade gaucho · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:ca239dfb-dcab-4290-bba4-85e1e22a5785">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]The moms get to wear whatever they want. A black, sparkly cocktail dress looks nothing like mourning clothes:
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

Thank you! I've seen many people wearing black at weddings, including myself, and most of the black clothing I've seen at weddings would be absolutely scandalous to wear to a funeral.

I don't think it's a coincidence that all of this pearl clutching and attributing of ulterior motives surrounding clothing choices applies only to women's clothing. Frankly, it's downright misogynistic and it makes me sad to see women promoting this line of thinking.

OP, it's just a dress. Don't manufacture a problem where none exists.

theelusive1 · October 2012

I am MOB and wearing black. The bride picked the outfit. Yep not a dress. The wedding party is in black too. Men black pants and white shirts with tie. woman black lace dresses. All of which the bride chose so they can be worn again. The flowers are bright colors.
I never gave it one thought that black would not be for a wedding. I have been to many black and white weddings, one where the brides dress was black and grooms tux was white. They were all beautiful.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:a1ac554a-23b9-4baa-a1a0-c61b91e8bfbe">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]Renegade, its not OP that manufactured the problem, its her mom. Dresses come in a variety of colors. MOB could have chosen a navy blue, deep purple, etc.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

This isn't on the MOB. This is a problem that her daughter decided to create. It's a freaking color, not her mother protesting the marriage in full mourning garb. She needs to accept it, accept tha it is 2012 and move on to something else.

renegade gaucho · October 2012

Oh, I get that, Retread. I won't wear a dress with a significant amount of white in it to a wedding for that same reason- someone (often not even the bride) is sure to have a problem with it.

I just think it's ridiculous that a man can put on a black suit and be properly dressed for just about any occasion- wedding, funeral, work. Nobody looks at what a man is wearing and assumes he is against the marriage or he's trying to jack the groom's thunder or whatever. But a woman, especially the MOB or MOG, has to walk on eggshells in choosing her attire- it can't be white or black or bright red, and it can't be too sexy or too dowdy, and it either has to match or complement the bridesmaids' dresses or else she's trying to RUIN the pictures, and if it's TOO flattering or attractive she's obviously trying to outshine the bride, but if it's beige or otherwise boring then she's not sufficiently excited about the wedding or doesn't care about her appearance, and blah blah blah. And apparently the wrong clothing choice makes her worthy of shaming and shunning, even if she's your own mother- it's absolutely disgusting.

renegade gaucho · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:a1ac554a-23b9-4baa-a1a0-c61b91e8bfbe">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]Renegade, its not OP that manufactured the problem, its her mom. Dresses come in a variety of colors. MOB could have chosen a navy blue, deep purple, etc.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

This is irrelevant.

renegade gaucho · October 2012

I would just like to direct everyone to the David's Bridal link to MOB and MOG dresses:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Browse_Bridal-Party-Mothers-Special-Guests-All-Dresses

So apparently the salesperson at the David's the OP went to is the one who is unaware that it's 2012.

[Deleted User] · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mob-wants-to-wear-black?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:118c1703-e0ed-4534-80b4-97d2e7d4504bPost:7d1edc43-a3ff-49ec-93cd-dbf6671c4476">Re: MOB wants to wear black</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear black : Yes, see the key sentence. The bride picked the outfit. Here the bride isnt even asking to pick the outfit, just stay away from black.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

So? Is a dress color really worth a very public, rude, and humiliating snub like treating the MOB not like the MOB, over a freaking dress color? OP, I'm sorry you don't like your mom's color choice. Try talking to her nicely. If she doesn't budge, let it go. It's really not worth ruining your relationship with your mom over a gd dress.

MOB wants to wear black

Re: MOB wants to wear black

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