What's your...

meghan_marie · November 2009

definition of marriage?

My professor is having me write an argument on marriage. Personally, I'm arguing to marry young. I think people should marry young before they get set in their ways and so they can grow with each other. I think if you know it's right, then take a chance and go for it. Maybe I'm just biased. But what do y'all think?

noisy_penguin · November 2009

I think you're wrong.

buddhagouda · November 2009

I think green is the new black.

FallinAgain · November 2009

I think you are young.

ChristinS · November 2009

I also think you're wrong.

Jazzy_belle · November 2009

I'd be writing a paper opposite of yours.

CaliopeSpidrman · November 2009

I think you are young AND wrong.

ChristinS · November 2009

Let me expand on that, I think marrying young is a mistake because I think it's important for an individual to become their own person before combining their life with someone elses. No matter what you think, you don't really know yourself until you're a bit older than 20 or 21. Become your own person first and you'll be better equipped to contribute to a marriage. I also think that if you marry young you risk

1) Defining yourself entirely by your marriage/spouse, which isn't healty

or

2) Finding out who you are as a person and what you want out of life or a partner after you've already committed to a marriage, and finding out that what you want is something different than what you've already chosen for yourself.

EvilleLady · November 2009

I think the only reason you are saying this is because you are 17. I married young and we grew apart and not together.

_Fenton · November 2009

My parents are Exhibit A as evidence that marrying young doesn't mean you grow with someone. They have been together since age 16 and grew in opposite directions.

CaliopeSpidrman · November 2009

I think I may have busted a blood vessel laughing about "people should marry young before they get set in their ways".

wingedbride · November 2009

Growing up with someone doesn't mean you grow with them. If that were the case, then all siblings would get along.

Kamikaze3 · November 2009

What you think is right at 17 is often times wrong. You should come back and argue your point at least.

meghan_marie · November 2009

Haha I love you guys!

No, I'm not just saying that because I'm 17. My parents married young, 18 and 22. And both sets of my grandparents married young... 16 & 19... and 15 & 20. They have all stayed together and grown with each other. I look at them and know that anything is possible. And the more they talk to me about their marriage, the more I know that what I'm doing is right. I know teen marriage isn't widely accepted, heck my grandma was kicked out of a private school for married (apparently she was corrupting the minds of young teens and promoting sex... though she had zero kids). idk that's just my opinion.

meghan_marie · November 2009

"Growing up with someone doesn't mean you grow with them. If that were the case, then all siblings would get along."

My sister is my best friend! LOL!!

SarahBethBR · November 2009

I married young. I still am young, and I don't think it was a mistake to marry my husband. Ask me in five years and I may tell you a different story.

I don't think there's a hard and fast definition for when you should get married. I do think you should be able to support yourself, have clear goals in life, and in most cases be finished with your education (barring professional school/grad school). Yes, I was 21 when I got engaged. But we both had college degrees, and we had job offers and concrete plans to move to the same city (this was a big deal for us because we knew I would end up "back home" after college). The key for us was that we met our definition of adulthood. But I think our definition is more rigorous than a lot of people who want to get married young.

All that said, there is no way under the fucking sun that any 17 year old should be getting married.

pdxmouse · November 2009

I know you're wrong.

I also think you're less likely to grow together if you marry young. Living with someone chances are you're going to grow in response to the other person, but growing closer isn't guaranteed. Especially when you still have an adolescent brain. It's still in rebellion mode. You have a need to learn who you are, find a direction in life, and it's very likely that you'll start seeing the other person as an obstacle, not a partner.

Divorce statistics back me up. We don't have a 50% failure rate, but the failure rate for people who marry young is much higher than for people who gain an education and a career before settling down.

CaliopeSpidrman · November 2009

My parents got married at age 19. They're still together, but they were miserable for the majority of the marriage. I strongly believe that my mother's personal growth was stunted by marrying so young. Just because people you know married young haven't divorced doesn't mean it was the right decision. The person you are at 17 should be vastly different than the person you'll be at 19, 21, and 23. You should be able to grow on your own instead of forcing yourself into growing with someone.

AngieP900 · November 2009

I think you shouldn't be tardy for the party.

noisy_penguin · November 2009

I'm interested in seeing your professor's thoughts on your paper about why you should get married at 17.

Also, everything Christin said.

meghan_marie · November 2009

"All that said, there is no way under the fucking sun that any 17 year old should be getting married."

Pahaha! I totally agree with you on that one. That's why we are waiting until after my high school graduation. I've been cross-enrolled in college since my junior year in high school, do I already have 27 hours out of the way and will be working on another 9 this semester.

I feel like I have grown enough as a person to make a mature decision like this one. I'm not into the whole drinking, smoking, drugs, partying life-style like too many teens are today. I've been working a full-time job since I was 13 and have my savings built up enough to carry us if something unexpected happens. I dont think age is a huge factor. I personally know a 37-year old woman who goes out and gets drunk every night and has 2 DWI's. I'm sorry, but I know I'm more mature/responsible than that.

wingedbride · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:02c060e9-1909-40f4-9526-e8cbdf53d709Post:d3e6f6da-f820-44d5-8a8d-df4bb4af2f3b">Re: What's your...</a>:
[QUOTE]"Growing up with someone doesn't mean you grow with them. If that were the case, then all siblings would get along." My sister is my best friend! LOL!!
Posted by meghan_marie[/QUOTE]

Yes, because obviously you and your sister are <em>all</em> siblings.

People do a lot of things that others do with mixed results. Just because your parents and GP did it, doesn't mean you will. You are at increased risk for divorce with a young marriage.

Kamikaze3 · November 2009

Your grandparents were 15 & 20 when they got married? That is pretty skeevy.

wingedbride · November 2009

I am not exactly sure what you are asking of us here. You asked for our opinions for your paper, although obviously your paper should be based on more than opinion if you are really serious about having a quality paper. Furthermore, you seem to be more interested in talking about yourself and why marriage is right for you versus taking in the information you receive and asking any follow-up questions that you might feel helpful to your report. I certainly hope you are planning to do more thorough research than this.

SarahBethBR · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:02c060e9-1909-40f4-9526-e8cbdf53d709Post:2c7e9ef9-ee87-43b9-8efb-82b13cbcdf15">Re: What's your...</a>:
[QUOTE]Pahaha! I totally agree with you on that one. That's why we are waiting until after my high school graduation. I've been cross-enrolled in college since my junior year in high school, do I already have 27 hours out of the way and will be working on another 9 this semester. I feel like I have grown enough as a person to make a mature decision like this one. I'm not into the whole drinking, smoking, drugs, partying life-style like too many teens are today. I've been working a full-time job since I was 13 and have my savings built up enough to carry us if something unexpected happens. I dont think age is a huge factor. I personally know a 37-year old woman who goes out and gets drunk every night and has 2 DWI's. I'm sorry, but I know I'm more mature/responsible than that.
Posted by meghan_marie[/QUOTE]

Oh, so you'll be 17 and a half? Okay then, that's different.

Get a college degree and a good job before you consider marriage. 27 hours isn't even a full year of classes. And you may not be into partying and drinking. I wasn't. But you don't really know what you'll be into because you're not an adult yet.

You did NOT have afull time job at 13. I flat out don't believe you.

LAW2bLAL · November 2009

My parents married at age 20. Yes, they are still together and happy. However, their 'rule' for their children was not to marry until after college. If marrying young was the best thing to do I think they would have advised that.

Also, if I would have married the person I dated at 18, 20 or 21 I am pretty sure I would be miserable. I am also sure that at least one or two of those guys never grew up, so there would be no "growing together."

meghan_marie · November 2009

Yes, because obviously you and your sister are all siblings."

I was in a pedestrian vs. Ford F-150 accident and my sister saved my life... literally. We didnt get along at all until that day but that big event forced us to grow closer and rely on each other. It also taught us to appreciate each other more.

Much like in marriage.

buddhagouda · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:02c060e9-1909-40f4-9526-e8cbdf53d709Post:72122cee-7710-46b4-837d-ca17bc041037">Re: What's your...</a>:
[QUOTE]Your grandparents were 15 & 20 when they got married? That is pretty skeevy.
Posted by Kamikaze3[/QUOTE]

To be fair, it really wasn't skeevy when her grandparents likely got married. That being said, 50 years ago it was generally considered acceptable to use the N word in public and women were still expected to be homemakers. Progress is a good thing.

LAW2bLAL · November 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_whats?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:02c060e9-1909-40f4-9526-e8cbdf53d709Post:31eb59b9-9a50-40f0-9457-b35d253aca51">What's your...</a>:
[QUOTE]definition of marriage? My professor is having me write an argument on marriage. Posted by meghan_marie[/QUOTE]

Also, what is your paper about? Is is about definition of marriage, age, the benifits of marriage? I am really confused.

EvilleLady · November 2009

Also getting married even in the 80's is waay different then getting married today. There are far more stressors today then there were then. So I think you should probably avoid that arguement in your paper because it's just silly.

Also I see no difference in you getting married today then you getting married in May/June when you graduate, a whole 6 months is going to make no difference at all.

Try graduating college and getting a stable job. Why do you NEED to get married now? Can't you have the same loving and caring relationship without that piece of paper?

SarahBethBR · November 2009

Tragedy card: thrown.

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