Bridesmaid Hair Help

lauren21887 · February 2013

I have a Matron, Maid, and Bridesmaid. My Bridesmaid has made an appointment to get her hair done the morning of the wedding with her personal hairstylist. I was planning on everyone doing their own hair at the venue in an upstairs room we specifically rented to get ready in. I want my team with me all day that day, not leaving for hours to get their hair done. Both my Maid, Matron, and I have told the Bridesmaid this but yet she went ahead and made the appointment. It won't ruin my day, but it will certainly fruturate me when my other girls and I are sitting around chatting and drinking Mimosas and my Bmaid is missing. I've even considered making appointments for all my girls to get their hair done at the same place so we could at least go together, although I have extremely short hair so I would just be hanging out with them while they get theirs done. Any advice?

AddieCake · February 2013

Why do they need to be with you and why don't you think they should be allowed to have their hair done professionally? Maybe she wants to look nice for your wedding and can't achieve the desired look on her own. Why would this be a source of frustration for you?

lauren21887 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:0c943070-02e7-402f-90a4-043a2ea35c37">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do they need to be with you and why don't you think they should be allowed to have their hair done professionally? Maybe she wants to look nice for your wedding and can't achieve the desired look on her own. Why would this be a source of frustration for you?
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]
I know for a fact she can do her hair well. I lived with her for a year and she is great with hair and make-up. I guess my vision is that we will get to spend some quality time together for the entire day. Plus I don't want to worry about her not showing up on time for pictures as she tends to run late.

Maggie0829 · February 2013

I don't get why you feel the need to have everyone surround you all day long. That would drive me insane! When my BMs were getting their hair done at my house I actually went upstairs and hung out with my Mom for a bit and watched some TV. To me it was just another day or getting up and getting ready. I didn't feel the need to have people hold my hand all day long.

Your BM is well within her right to get her hair done by her stylist. You just need to get over the fact that she will miss out on fawning all over you for an hour or two. And if her not being there will frustrate you on your wedding day then you have your priorities all wrong.

KatWAG · February 2013

You just have to let this go. You are micromanaging.

Just tell your BM what time she needs to be back, if she is late ofr pictures them start with individual pictures or the GM pictures.

lauren21887 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:678ee50a-fe2c-4fb1-bc5e-701ebe2f46bf">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]You just need to get over the fact that she will miss out on fawning all over you for an hour or two. And if her not being there will frustrate you on your wedding day then you have your priorities all wrong.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

I didn't say I wanted everyone "fawning" all over me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I just envisioned the day as a good occasion to spend quality time with my friends and cousin who I don't see very much of anymore. I don't think I am being unreasonable as this is the only request I have made throughout this entire process of her. It is important to me to have quality time spent with them and to not have to worry about their schedules in addition to everyone elses. My best friend and cousin (Maid & Matron) didn't seem to think this was a crazy request either.

itzMS · February 2013

Yep, absolutely let this go.

Any weddings I've been in where the brides don't cry or pitch a fit if you're not with her for every waking moment on her "special day" are the best ones!

Keep the focus on the fact that you're marrying FI, not on your "maids" doting upon you.

AddieCake · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:8f8c3fdc-cda2-4a1b-af9f-24bf3a7ad3d9">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help : I didn't say I wanted everyone "fawning" all over me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I just envisioned the day as a good occasion to spend quality time with my friends and cousin who I don't see very much of anymore. I don't think I am being unreasonable as this is the only request I have made throughout this entire process of her. It is important to me to have quality time spent with them and to not have to worry about their schedules in addition to everyone elses. My best friend and cousin (Maid & Matron) didn't seem to think this was a crazy request either.
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]

<div>The fact that YOU see it that way and one of your bridesmaids doesn't, answers that you want them fawning over you. If they all wanted or felt the need to be there with you, they would be. Just let it go. It's not that big of a deal, and yes, you are being unreasonable. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Also, stating that one of the reasons you want her there is so you don't have to worry about her being late is treating her like a child that you need to keep an eye on. </div>

OliveOilsMom · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:a7eca6c4-8ca6-45bc-b203-627802a7d477">Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a Matron, Maid, and Bridesmaid. My Bridesmaid has made an appointment to get her hair done the morning of the wedding with her personal hairstylist. I was planning on everyone doing their own hair at the venue in an upstairs room we specifically rented to get ready in. I want my team with me all day that day, not leaving for hours to get their hair done. Both my Maid, Matron, and I have told the Bridesmaid this but yet she went ahead and made the appointment. It won't ruin my day, but it will certainly fruturate me when my other girls and I are sitting around chatting and drinking Mimosas and my Bmaid is missing. I've even considered making appointments for all my girls to get their hair done at the same place so we could at least go together, although I have extremely short hair so I would just be hanging out with them while they get theirs done. Any advice?
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]

Let the BM get her hair done where she wants. She can meet you at the venue afterwards. Many people are particular about their hair and want to keep going to their normal stylist. Just let this go.

lauren21887 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:f371c535-8bff-420c-913d-36f5396560f8">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help : The fact that YOU see it that way and one of your bridesmaids doesn't, answers that you want them fawning over you. If they all wanted or felt the need to be there with you, they would be. Just let it go. It's not that big of a deal, and yes, you are being unreasonable. ETA: Also, stating that one of the reasons you want her there is so you don't have to worry about her being late is treating her like a child that you need to keep an eye on.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

WOW. I guess I was way off base. Every wedding I have been to the bridal party WANTED to spend the day with the bride but apparently this isn't normal. Thanks for the opinions guys.

Maggie0829 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:42b14fb9-b710-4f88-91b7-7190bc78776c">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help : WOW. I guess I was way off base. Every wedding I have been to the bridal party WANTED to spend the day with the bride but apparently this isn't normal. Thanks for the opinions guys.
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]

OMG. Your BM wanting to get her hair professionally done by her stylist does not equal her NOT wanting to spend time with you on your wedding day. All she wants to do is to take an hour or so to get her hair done so she can look nice for your wedding and all you are doing is complaining about. She is a grown a$$ woman and if she wants to get her hair done she can.

renegade gaucho · February 2013

I'm glad you realize that you are way off base. It really will make your wedding day much more pleasant for you and your bridal party.

lauren21887 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:5039e0f3-6642-47dc-8ad7-cefbcdcc4c28">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help : OMG. Your BM wanting to get her hair professionally done by her stylist does not equal her NOT wanting to spend time with you on your wedding day. All she wants to do is to take an hour or so to get her hair done so she can look nice for your wedding and all you are doing is complaining about. She is a grown a$$ woman and if she wants to get her hair done she can.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

No reason to get hateful. Wow. I asked for advice and I got it.

misssunshine17 · February 2013

OP, Maggie was not hateful. You were wrong. There's a difference.

Peledreamsofrain · February 2013

You're right, wanting to have your hair professionally done when someone will take photos of you all day is SO unreasonable. How dare she? Ugh, doesn't she know it's all you you you?

lauren21887 · February 2013

I asked for sincere advice. Instead I received comments insinuating that I am a Bridezilla. Obviously I cannot explain my entire wedding experience on here but I can ensure everyone I am not. I have not asked for anything from anyone until this. That being said, I would appreciate any DIFFERENT advice that anyone has. Any ideas on how to compromise?

jdblnn · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:a7eca6c4-8ca6-45bc-b203-627802a7d477">Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a Matron, Maid, and Bridesmaid. My Bridesmaid has made an appointment to get her hair done the morning of the wedding with her personal hairstylist. I was planning on everyone doing their own hair at the venue in an upstairs room we specifically rented to get ready in. I want my team with me all day that day, not leaving for hours to get their hair done. Both my Maid, Matron, and I have told the Bridesmaid this but yet she went ahead and made the appointment. It won't ruin my day, but it will certainly fruturate me when my other girls and I are sitting around chatting and drinking Mimosas and my Bmaid is missing. I've even considered making appointments for all my girls to get their hair done at the same place so we could at least go together, although I have extremely short hair so I would just be hanging out with them while they get theirs done. Any advice?
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Have you thought of suggesting she see if her stylist can come to you guys, or maybe offering to set up an on-site stylist for everyone (at their expense)? Although you may not need your hair done, some others in the group might enjoy that, such as a mother of the bride, mother of the groom, flower girls, ect... It may be a way to strike a balance.

</div>

lauren21887 · February 2013

Love it! That sounds like a great idea. The venue should have ample space for that too. Thank you :

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:76dbc8db-1016-41a4-b5d9-47ac6e6da838">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaid Hair Help : Have you thought of suggesting she see if her stylist can come to you guys, or maybe offering to set up an on-site stylist for everyone (at their expense)? Although you may not need your hair done, some others in the group might enjoy that, such as a mother of the bride, mother of the groom, flower girls, ect... It may be a way to strike a balance.
Posted by jdblnn[/QUOTE]

This may be a good compromise. I really don't think you should take this so personally though. I figured me and my girls would have a nice time together at the salon the morning of the wedding, too. They all wanted to get their hair done together, so that wasn't a problem, but I ended up spending too much time setting up for the reception and spent about half an hour at the salon before it was time to head to the church. It didn't detract from my wedding day one bit. It's a nice idea, but sometimes things don't go according to your plan, and that's ok too. Enjoy the company of whoever is getting ready with you, and don't be angry with the one person who is not there.

AJuliaNJ · February 2013

You can't make people do things for you; all you can do is try to create a situation where they want to do the thing in question. It sounds like she wants to get her hair done. Why don't you bring someone in to do all of your hair and tell her you think it would be really fun to spend the day together and drink mimosas? If she just wants her hair done, this might solve the issue. If she really wants her hair done by her personal stylist or wants time alone to decompress before the event, well, wouldn't you rather have a happy bridesmaid than one that is resentful because you made her stick around all day when she didn't want to?

Alli Llo · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:e4576554-7202-4bce-afea-474232aac2db">Re:Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I asked for sincere advice. Instead I received comments insinuating that I am a Bridezilla. Obviously I cannot explain my entire wedding experience on here but I can ensure everyone I am not. I have not asked for anything from anyone until this. That being said, I would appreciate any DIFFERENT advice that anyone has. Any ideas on how to compromise?
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I can totally relate! people are so mean and quick to judge, when they should be judging themselves.</div><div>ANYWAY =)</div><div>
</div><div>My girls and I are all getting ready together, but a bunch of us are hairdressers/makeup artists so it's definitely easier</div><div>Maybe you can ask her if there was a way to have her stylist or anyone that can do her hair for her come and do it at the venue? Or if she makes an early enough appointment that she can be all ready with hair and meet up with you all when you girls are getting ready and this way she can do her make up with you guys so even though she wont be getting 100% ready with you she can still be a part of that moment. If her hairstylist can't make it, maybe offer her help finding someone who is willing to come in so she can get her hair done and you can all get ready together. Communicate and hopefully she'd want to be there as much as you want her to be there. It seems like it'll be such a fun moment and a nice time to create amazing memories. =)

</div>

Summer2011Bride · February 2013

I do think you're being dramatic about this and I am saying this in hopes that you can kind of step back and look at it from our perspective. It's your wedding so you are very excited and, I'm assuming, caring and worrying about things you normally wouldn't. Just because a BM, who will be in front of a bunch of people and photographed all day, wants her hair to look nice for this occasion and go to someone she trusts to do it, does NOT mean she doesnt want to spend time with you. Do you see how that is a huge and overly dramatic leap and reeks of "Woe is me"?

You can see if her stylist is willing to come to the venue if it is that huge of a deal that she is there for that hour and try to compromise. However, also realize that stylists who will travel to a site often charge a lot more for that, and if that is the case, YOU should pick up the difference in cost since this is happening at your request.

beardownbchs · February 2013

I lost you at "my team".

lauren21887 · February 2013

I think after talking with all of my girls we have decided on all going to her salon (which she has actually never used before but apparently her boyfriend works at) and optionally getting hair and make-up done.

Again, I appreciate the advice but I do take it personally as I have attempted to be very "hands off" and laid back when it comes to every part of the wedding. This just rubbed me the wrong way (same bridesmaid recently missed my birthday party so I am holding a grudge and don't trust her not to flake- honestly shouldn't have asked her in the first place but it's too late now.) I don't like people picturing me as a control freak that is "micromanaging." Also, I am an adult at 26 and don't feel I acted otherwise.

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:c8c639d9-6c9c-4e4e-89a3-d4e744663153">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I think after talking with all of my girls we have decided on all going to her salon (which she has actually never used before but apparently her boyfriend works at) and optionally getting hair and make-up done. Again, I appreciate the advice but I do take it personally as I have attempted to be very "hands off" and laid back when it comes to every part of the wedding. This just rubbed me the wrong way (same bridesmaid recently missed my birthday party so I am holding a grudge and don't trust her not to flake- honestly shouldn't have asked her in the first place but it's too late now.) I don't like people picturing me as a control freak that is "micromanaging." Also, I am an adult at 26 and don't feel I acted otherwise.
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]

Well, you did act otherwise.

Glad you have worked it out, but something tells me you'll end up pissed at her anyway since you changed your plans to accommodate one girl.

Also, you don't get brownie points for not being demanding. Being a good friend means not being selfish, even when you're a bride. I'm not sure why you said you have been hands off, yet you are making a huge deal about how and where one of your BMs wants to get ready. We are picturing you as a control freak because that's how this comes off.

Alli Llo · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:c8c639d9-6c9c-4e4e-89a3-d4e744663153">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I think after talking with all of my girls we have decided on all going to her salon (which she has actually never used before but apparently her boyfriend works at) and optionally getting hair and make-up done. Again, I appreciate the advice but I do take it personally as I have attempted to be very "hands off" and laid back when it comes to every part of the wedding. This just rubbed me the wrong way (same bridesmaid recently missed my birthday party so I am holding a grudge and don't trust her not to flake- honestly shouldn't have asked her in the first place but it's too late now.) I don't like people picturing me as a control freak that is "micromanaging." Also, I am an adult at 26 and don't feel I acted otherwise.
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]

<div>glad you figured out something that would work! =)
don't worry about it, i've noticed these people love to find the negative in everything! Just stay positive and polite like you've been doing. You've said/done nothing wrong, and you get mean comments and people judging in return. People are so backwards!
who can blame you, especially if she's been flaky in the past? Hope it all works out for the best girl!</div>

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:3d59d227-87eb-43a5-bb28-70f7e0b52b8a">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help : glad you figured out something that would work! =) don't worry about it, i've noticed these people love to find the negative in everything! Just stay positive and polite like you've been doing. You've said/done nothing wrong, and you get mean comments and people judging in return. People are so backwards! who can blame you, especially if she's been flaky in the past? Hope it all works out for the best girl!
Posted by Alli Llo[/QUOTE]

Seriously? What about this situation is positive and polite? Her friend is a flake, she's holding a grudge because the girl missed her birthday party, she wishes she never asked her to be a BM. Yet for some reason she wants the girl to hang out with her all morning, in an effort to force a Kodak moment?

lauren21887 · February 2013

I think we found our answer so everyone that kept returning to this post to berate me instead of adding valuable advice can move along

Those that helped- I appreciate the advice! This "bridezillas" problem is solved.

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-hair-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:82db38bb-2cef-43d6-9fad-f682769ccda3Post:215eecde-1add-488b-9a2a-80f25a4f1bfa">Re: Bridesmaid Hair Help</a>:
[QUOTE]I think we found our answer so everyone that kept returning to this post to berate me instead of adding valuable advice can move along Those that helped- I appreciate the advice! This "bridezillas" problem is solved.
Posted by lauren21887[/QUOTE]

Well, thanks for your permission. Moving along.

Simply Fated · February 2013

You're holding a grudge against this girl because she missed your 26th birthday party? Honestly, let it go. I get it. You wanted to spend the day of your wedding with your friends drinking mimosas. And you wanted this friend at your birthday party. The thing is, you're 26, not 6. Surely by now you've realized things just don't always go according to plan or end up how you envision things. Focus the day back onto you and your fiance. Its supposed to be a fun day and you're sweating the small stuff. Plan the hair appointment with your friends or not, but please step away from the crazy before you end up losing a friend over it.

Coghoot12 · February 2013

OP, not sure if you will come back but for the sake of other brides who may read this, I'll add my 2 cents...

I do (in part) understand where OP is coming from. I had hair and make-up people come to the hotel we got ready at and I had lunch and champagne for everyone. The day of the wedding was a little hectic and my MOH, bridesmaid, and mom were all late getting to my room. There was a time for about an hour that I was in the room by myself, with a plate of sandwiches, just sitting and waiting for everyone. Was I a little disappointed and sad? Definately. But I got over it and was happy when everyone started filing in and had fun. I didn't go dragging people out of their hotel rooms to come sit with me. I did text H to see what he was up to but he was busy mowing the lawn.

I guess I'm saying go with the flow and try not to be upset about this. It's such a great day and you should try and enjoy every minute of it. It goes by so fast!

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