Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret

aragx6 · January 2012

Does this seem presumptuous to anyone else? How can I know if they are declining with regret? Perhaps they're declining with glee!

Is this me being a grammar nazi? Or do others think this is, at least moderately, odd?

tldh · January 2012

Just put accepts or declines. You are right that you shouldn't assume the emotion of the person responding.

pillsburyaj · January 2012

we are saying;
"Wouldn't miss it"
and
"Will toast from afar"

hz80408 · January 2012

Ha yes; I honestly don't remember what we did. We had a friend do:

Accepts with pleasure
Declines with regret
Accepts with regret
Declines with pleasure

Which is pretty funny; although I'm sure somewhat confusing to some.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · January 2012

I agree. That's why I just did accepts/declines.

teralicious · January 2012

Usually very formal weddings use Accepts with pleasure, Declines with regret. You can say whatever you want, there will probably be one person that will always take things the wrong way or read into something that is entirely innocent.

ehenry010 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:f6a72246-5125-440d-a1ef-0aa44a776685">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
[QUOTE]Ha yes; I honestly don't remember what we did. We had a friend do: Accepts with pleasure Declines with regret Accepts with regret Declines with pleasure Which is pretty funny; although I'm sure somewhat confusing to some.
Posted by hz80408[/QUOTE]

<div>This is awesome!</div>

TiffannieF · January 2012

This has been brought up before and all I can do is roll my eyes...

I highly doubt its a big deal. I cannot imagine somebody being so offended that you assumed they would be regret the decline or be honored at the acceptance that they would say you have poor etiquette and never talk to you again.

JJJ625 · January 2012

I don't like the decines with regret/accepts with pleasure. It's not that I'm offended by it, I just think it's a smidge tacky. Not the worst, but I've found my eyes slightly rolling when I've gotten invites with that on it.

banana468 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:69aad045-3f55-4f7c-8929-820c08438c12">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
[QUOTE]Usually very formal weddings use Accepts with pleasure, Declines with regret. You can say whatever you want, there will probably be one person that will always take things the wrong way or read into something that is entirely innocent.
Posted by teralicious[/QUOTE]

Not sure where you heard this but it's not true.

I'm not a huge fan because I do find it to be presumptuous. It doesn't offend me - I just think it's silly to put it.

Mandafly84 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:4e18aac6-8af6-4cac-a5fc-674e790d42b3">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
[QUOTE]This has been brought up before and all I can do is roll my eyes... I highly doubt its a big deal. I cannot imagine somebody being so offended that you assumed they would be regret the decline or be honored at the acceptance that they would say you have poor etiquette and never talk to you again.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

Accepts with pleasure / declines with regret is perfectly fine wording, IMO.

aragx6 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:4e18aac6-8af6-4cac-a5fc-674e790d42b3">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
[QUOTE]This has been brought up before and all I can do is roll my eyes... I highly doubt its a big deal. I cannot imagine somebody being so offended that you assumed they would be regret the decline or be honored at the acceptance that they would say you have poor etiquette and never talk to you again.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

I wasn't too concerned about that. It's just always something that seemed weird to me and was curious if I was the only one! thankfully I'm not.

I do think I'm just saying accepts/declines -- then I thought "Oh dear, what if that seems brusque!?"

banana468 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:e562eaed-d0d1-463e-b871-36d3bba3712d">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret : I agree with this. Accepts with pleasure / declines with regret is perfectly fine wording, IMO.
Posted by Mandafly84[/QUOTE]

But this isn't a matter of opinion. From an etiquette perspective, the 'with pleasure' and 'with regret' do not belong.

Mandafly84 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_accepts-pleasuredeclines-regret?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:f0ef520e-d7ff-463c-bf8d-d2b76d0a9004Post:4f312d0f-9481-438e-854f-13b7859fc581">Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Accepts with Pleasure/Declines with Regret : But this isn't a matter of opinion. From an etiquette perspective, the 'with pleasure' and 'with regret' do not belong.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Says who?

I'm not being a brat, I'm truly curious. If there's a single place where all the etiquette rules are clearly spelled out and explained I'd love to see it, study it, and not make any mistakes!

aragx6 · January 2012

^I'm not certain about this particular issue, but my go-to etiquette gal has been and always will be Miss Manners:

http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Excruciatingly-Correct-Behavior-Freshly/dp/0393058743

meganb1977 · January 2012

I thought it was kind of presumptous as well and it was too formal for my taste...I'm having a casual wedding with a beachy vibe. My wedding is on a riverboat and I used

No._____ are coming along for the ride
No._____ wish they could be there

I guess I'm still being presumptous but it didn't seem quite as stuffy. Just saying "accepts" or "declines," or whatever wording you like that still makes everything clear so you can get a head count, is just fine!

ootmother2 · January 2012

"accepts with pleasure" and "declines with regret" originated when people actually sat down and wrote a formal response on their own stationery. The correct wording was
:
"Mr. and Mrs.Doe
accept with pleasure (or decline with regret)
Mr. and Mrs. Smith's kind invitation
for Saturday, the fifth of June"

I think that if you sent out wedding invitations today without a reply card, you would wind up with a surprise party.

Peavy · January 2012

Any wording that presumes to know the responder's emotions or is too cutesy makes me cringe.

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