Help! My Ring Is Ugly!

bsidebella · March 2010

My future fiancé had my engagement ring custom-made for me by his great-aunt who works for Lester Lampert. He was sooooo excited about it, and kept bragging to me about how beautiful and unique it was, and how his great-aunt was only charging him a fraction of its original cost for her "favorite nephew". I could only imagine what it would look like, especially since he had taken me to a jewelry store several months ago to look at rings and find out what I liked and disliked.

On Thanksgiving, his older sister unexpectedly got engaged, and was presented with a ring that was also made by this great-aunt. Her ring is gorgeous! A big square diamond surrounded by little round ones. I was, admittedly, slightly envious. Later that week, my ring arrived in the mail. Since our engagement is several months away, my boyfriend offered me the chance to see what it looked like, and I said I did. However, he went to go how his father first, who offered to put the ring in his safe until it was time to pop the question - so I never got the chance to see it.

However, what my boyfriend did do was pull up a picture on the internet of a ring that was "very similar" to what my custom ring looked like. When he showed me, I was speechless -- the ring was so ugly and plain! There was nothing even remotely unique about it. I was very disappointed. It looked nothing like any of the rings I'd shown him in stores. When he asked me what I thought, I said the first thing that came to mind: "It's nice." He became very mad and upset at my reaction ("I show you your engagement ring and all you can say is that it's nice?"). I apologized profusely and chalked up my reaction to shock. Ever since then, I have kept it inside that I hate my engagement ring!

I don't know what to do! He was so upset when all I said was "it's nice", that I don't want to tell him I don't like it at all. I don't want to insult his great-aunt, either, who is a very sweet woman. He is so very excited about this ring, and all I can think about is how ugly it is.

Am I just jealous over his sister's ring? Am I just overreacting over a picture? Should I say something to him or just wear the ring and be happy I have it?

PaigeMcC · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]My future fiancé had my engagement ring custom-made for me by his great-aunt who works for Lester Lampert. He was sooooo excited about it, and kept bragging to me about how beautiful and unique it was, and how his great-aunt was only charging him a fraction of its original cost for her "favorite nephew". I could only imagine what it would look like, especially since he had taken me to a jewelry store several months ago to look at rings and find out what I liked and disliked. On Thanksgiving, his older sister unexpectedly got engaged, and was presented with a ring that was also made by this great-aunt. Her ring is gorgeous! A big square diamond surrounded by little round ones. I was, admittedly, slightly envious. Later that week, my ring arrived in the mail. Since our engagement is several months away, my boyfriend offered me the chance to see what it looked like, and I said I did. However, he went to go how his father first, who offered to put the ring in his safe until it was time to pop the question - so I never got the chance to see it. However, what my boyfriend did do was pull up a picture on the internet of a ring that was "very similar" to what my custom ring looked like. When he showed me, I was speechless -- the ring was so ugly and plain! There was nothing even remotely unique about it. I was very disappointed. It looked nothing like any of the rings I'd shown him in stores. When he asked me what I thought, I said the first thing that came to mind: "It's nice." He became very mad and upset at my reaction ("I show you your engagement ring and all you can say is that it's nice?"). I apologized profusely and chalked up my reaction to shock. Ever since then, I have kept it inside that I hate my engagement ring! I don't know what to do! He was so upset when all I said was "it's nice", that I don't want to tell him I don't like it at all. I don't want to insult his great-aunt, either, who is a very sweet woman. He is so very excited about this ring, and all I can think about is how ugly it is. Am I just jealous over his sister's ring? Am I just overreacting over a picture? Should I say something to him or just wear the ring and be happy I have it?
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

I think you're being extremely selfish! He spent time, effort and money to make this ring for you - went all out for it and all you can say is that you think it's ugly?! You don't know what it really looks like, you obviouslly don't appericate the effort he put into it and if I was him I'd be pissed off too!

It doesn't matter if he gives you a twist-tie as a ring - be friggin' happy that you will be spending the rest of your life with the man you love. If the ring is that important to you then maybe you need to re-evaluate. A ring does not a marriage make. So suck it up, take the twist tie and stop being a princess.

/rant

hetshup · March 2010

Well, the most obvious question here is; what does it look like?

And the other obvious thing.... You need to simmer down. You should be thrilled that he is proposing, and it shouldn't matter if it's a paperclip wrapped around your finger.

It's really not until the last few hundred years that rings have come into vogue, try to keep a little perspective on this.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I tell you what, I think you should be thinking about how sweet it is that he actually took the time to help design it and didn't just walk into a store and pick out the first thing he seen! And second of all, it is about THE RING, its about the thing called spending your life together. I'll admit, my ring isn't big and fancy like alot of them...but it's perfect to me. Know why? Because my FI picked it out and to me it is a symbol of our love and that I am in fact the luckiest woman alive to be engaged to him! That is what it is about my dear.

Now take a chill pill and be happy, dammit!

LoveBugBaby · March 2010

First, I'd wait until you get the ring before getting too upset. Maybe your BF is just not that great at comparisons, OR maybe he's trying to trick you... because, well, I've never heard of a girl wanting to see her ring before the proposal - that's the whole excitement of it. And honestly, I can never understand why some girls want such a part in planning their ring out. I understand showing him what you like, but dictating the final decision on it just doesn't seem right to me. I think the ring should symbolize both you AND your BF. And I would hope your BF knows you well enough to know what your taste is.

I guess what i'm trying to say is, just take a few steps back and enjoy the whole process of getting popped the question. Don't stress about the ring, that's not what an engagement is all about. You may grow to love the ring because it was given to you by the man you love!

katanne9 · March 2010

You are being very selfish and this post makes me angry. Your BF has clearly gone through a lot of thought, effort and time in his attempt to create a special ring for you. Perhaps HE had some stylistic input that HE wanted in his GIFT to you. That is exactly what it is - a gift. And you are rude to treat it so ambivalently. Also, you haven't even SEEN this ring... just a photo of another ring that might sort-of look like the ring he is working on.

If and when he proposes, I truly hope you can look at the ring and all you see is the love and thoughtfulness he poured into creating that ring for you.

MY FI custom made my ring, and I had no part in the creation of it. I don't know if it's what I would have chosen, but it's the ring he put his heart into and I absolutely love it to pieces and now I couldn't imagine anything else.

On a less annoyed note - if he does propose with the ring and you still don't love it, perhaps you could pair it with a more ornate wedding band since the e-ring is plainer than your liking.

and WHEN will newbies STOP calling their BF "FI" on other boards.... do they not realize we stalk their posts if we become suspicious of their behavior??..... or are several of us just creepers?

[Deleted User] · March 2010

Amen sister! I just realized that today was the first time I could use FI!! I've waited a long time to be able to use it dangit!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1d4012d4-edbd-4c9a-aba4-b197700d5eff">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]and WHEN will newbies STOP calling their BF "FI" on other boards.... do they not realize we stalk their posts if we become suspicious of their behavior??..... or are several of us just creepers?
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

Button5807 · March 2010

OP I hope Oceana drops by and hands you a crown...

I wish I could slap some sense into you.

PaigeMcC · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1d4012d4-edbd-4c9a-aba4-b197700d5eff">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]You are being very selfish and this post makes me angry. Your BF has clearly gone through a lot of thought, effort and time in his attempt to create a special ring for you. Perhaps HE had some stylistic input that HE wanted in his GIFT to you. That is exactly what it is - a gift. And you are rude to treat it so ambivalently. Also, you haven't even SEEN this ring... just a photo of another ring that might sort-of look like the ring he is working on. If and when he proposes, I truly hope you can look at the ring and all you see is the love and thoughtfulness he poured into creating that ring for you. MY FI custom made my ring, and I had no part in the creation of it. I don't know if it's what I would have chosen, but it's the ring he put his heart into and I absolutely love it to pieces and now I couldn't imagine anything else. On a less annoyed note - if he does propose with the ring and you still don't love it, perhaps you could pair it with a more ornate wedding band since the e-ring is plainer than your liking. and WHEN will newbies STOP calling their BF "FI" on other boards.... do they not realize we stalk their posts if we become suspicious of their behavior??..... or are several of us just creepers?
Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

THIS!!

And yes...I think a few of us (me included) are just creepers...lol

hetshup · March 2010

You want to get married at Hurrahs in AC? I'm judging you right now.

http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_questions-wedding-venues

ShiroNeko · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:ca6c9d73-43d5-4ec3-8006-6558d20d33de">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never heard of a girl wanting to see her ring before the proposal - that's the whole excitement of it. And honestly, I can never understand why some girls want such a part in planning their ring out. I understand showing him what you like, but dictating the final decision on it just doesn't seem right to me. I think the ring should symbolize both you AND your FI. And I would hope your FI knows you well enough to know what your taste is.
Posted by LindsyLove[/QUOTE]

I'm going to play the devil's advocate here, but you said that the ring should symbolize her and her FI, so should she get something she loves? I mean, she's the one who's going to be wearing it, not him. I was very involved in my ring design process, but that didn't take away any of the surprise of the proposal. The best part of it was him asking me to be his wife, not the ring. FI knows my taste in style, but considering how many different ring styles there are out there, and the very subtle differences between them, I didn't expect him to be able to distinguish between any two shown to him; and I was right. He felt relieved that I wanted to help, and that took a lot of pressure off of him.

I'm happy that FI and I are open enough to be able to be honest with each other when one of us doesn't like something. If for some reason he were to buy me an ass-ugly sweater, then I would tell him so we could go exchange it. Call me a princess, but that just seems like a better use of the money.

OP, my suggestion is pretty much what everyone else said regarding the ring. Stop comparing it to his sister's ring and focus on your own. Wait until you see it, and maybe it'll be great. If not, try a flashier wedding band or wrap. If you really think you'll never grow to love it, then I would bring it up with him again. Try to keep it about how you feel rather than what he did, ie "I feel like this doesn't reflect my style" instead of "you didn't listen to what I wanted".

hetshup · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:ffc4b935-56ef-4e63-bc09-ff2f8ba0799e">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : I'm going to play the devil's advocate here, but you said that the ring should symbolize her and her FI, so should she get something she loves? I mean, she's the one who's going to be wearing it, not him. Posted by ShiroNeko[/QUOTE]

I'll play along. My take on this is that by being upset about the visual aspect, the tangible aspect of the engagement; then being upset that her BF is upset (as I think he should be), all of the meaning of the proposal is gone. This to me says, well if he becomes ugly, then I don't want him either. The fact of the matter is, styles change, it sounds like the sister got a halo ring, well in 10 years that might say "hey look, I was engaged in the early part of the century". With styles and tastes changing, why be upset.

In my own personal situation, I will likely not wear my ring all the time. Wedding yes, engagement, probably not so much.

Ana_2985 · March 2010

Hmm I agree with Shiro.

Yes, I think it's more than likely that you are over-reacting. But I'd also be concerned about your BF's reaction. If you two had agreed to look at rings together so he could get an idea of your style, but then neglected to have a ring made to fit your style, then he has no right to be "very mad and upset" over your less than enthused reaction. You two need to be able to talk about issues and disagreements together. Use this experience to learn how to do that before you get married and real issues pop up.

But based on Katanne's other evidence, I'm not sure you deserve the benefit of the doubt on this one.

ShiroNeko · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:e59c1634-3861-47ac-9b79-2e2f7f5628db">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : I'll play along. My take on this is that by being upset about the visual aspect, the tangible aspect of the engagement; then being upset that her BF is upset (as I think he should be), all of the meaning of the proposal is gone. This to me says, well if he becomes ugly, then I don't want him either. The fact of the matter is, styles change, it sounds like the sister got a halo ring, well in 10 years that might say "hey look, I was engaged in the early part of the century". With styles and tastes changing, why be upset. In my own personal situation, I will likely not wear my ring all the time. Wedding yes, engagement, probably not so much.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

I'm with you on the halo thing, haha. I guess it's just a difference of opinion on the matter then. To me, the ring is just something pretty to look at, and if she thinks it's ugly, it's not serving its purpose. The ring doesn't make you any more or less engaged. Her boyfriend, on the other hand, is not something pretty to look at (or maybe he is, if so, pixplz) so I don't think your comparison works.

Button5807 · March 2010

I didn't get the memo where it's ok to say Future FI instead of BF now.

Maybe it's on the piece of paper that says I'm almost 26....

Ana_2985 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:e59c1634-3861-47ac-9b79-2e2f7f5628db">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE] In my own personal situation, I will likely not wear my ring all the time. Wedding yes, engagement, probably not so much.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

Ooh send it to me I love your ring! I'll wear it all the time for you!

jeanacorina · March 2010

Wow, well... number 1: shut up, you're being a big baby.

number 2: When my FI proposed, and he opened up the ring box, the last thing in the world I cared about was the ring.

number 3: My FI got me a ring that wasn't even the stone I wanted. I wanted a moissanite, NOT a diamond. He got me a diamond. He also got me a ring that sits VERY high, which I specifically said I didn't want, and showed him several examples of "this is too high" and "this would be just right."

But, I love my ring. It's not what I wanted. It's what he wanted to give me.

He spent about 8 hours in the store poring over the selection and debating. He left, thought about things, then went back to debate more. I know how much he thought about what he was purchasing, how long he compared diamonds and moissanite, and I know that ultimately he bought what he felt was the perfect ring to give me.

As a GIFT.

I was not entitled to a ring.

I am grateful that my FI spent time, money, and a lot of consideration on buying me such an expensive gift.

YOUR boyfriend spent even more time, helped design your ring, and put a lot of heart into the whole process. And all you can do is judge it before you even see it?

You are a jealous little brat and you should be ashamed of yourself. You need to learn to be gracious for the things your boyfriend does just because he loves you, and you need to stop wanting what other people have. It's a gift. He doesn't have to give you a ring at all. And maybe if you're going to act like this, he shouldn't.

I wouldn't blame him if he reconsiders the proposal altogether. What happens if you have ugly kids? Are you going to have a fit and be envious of his sister's kids?

ShiroNeko · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:592f6282-e9f3-45f6-938a-dfcbaeb8c906">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't get the memo where it's ok to say Future FI instead of BF now. Maybe it's on the piece of paper that says I'm almost 26....
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

I didn't even see that; that's a little funny. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

PaigeMcC · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:592f6282-e9f3-45f6-938a-dfcbaeb8c906">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't get the memo where it's ok to say Future FI instead of BF now. Maybe it's on the piece of paper that says I'm almost 26....
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

There goes the Sobe...

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:6198f81a-cfa2-4a43-b1ca-96df35b3662e">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE] What happens if you have ugly kids? Are you going to have a fit and be envious of his sister's kids?
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

There goes the sobe.

PaigeMcC · March 2010

I am putting my drink down now...this thread is becoming dangerous to my computer.

Button5807 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:f3eecc9d-0ad4-47be-879e-8bf92e7e62a9">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am putting my drink down now...this thread is becoming dangerous to my computer.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]
Yeah a boat load of funny just docked. lol

PaigeMcC · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:5923da06-0b41-49e3-9e57-cddf3995ca48">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : Yeah a boat load of funny just docked. lol
Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

LOL agreed!

**Mutley** · March 2010

Thank you to those on the BSC NEY brigade that replied to this beebee, while I was napping. I cannot read her wall-o-text. I just cannot.

Woot for those bringing the funny.

hetshup · March 2010

Why won't anyone come back and play?

KD+BC · March 2010

Jenna, thank you for typing out my thoughts for me.

Seriously OP, get over it. It's a piece of jewelry. I love my ring because it's what my FI (yes he's my fiance because we're actually engaged) wanted to get me. Yes, it's plain. Big effing whoop. If all you can say is that it's ugly because it's "plain" then you play right into every New Jersey stereotype.

Uhg!

Button5807 · March 2010

Mutley I envy your napping

Hetshup it's b/c we're all terrible and awful etc...
Did you notice though the influx of random people defending the offending posters?

PaigeMcC · March 2010

I think we scared her off. Or maybe our responses were too ugly for her to look at!

ShiroNeko · March 2010

I'm still curious about the popular stance on this. If it's a gift that he's giving her, and it's just a piece of jewelry, then why can't she say she doesn't like it? She could still be extremely grateful for all the trouble he went through to get it made, but that won't change the fact that she doesn't like it. Considering the fact that they went to look at rings together to figure out what styles she liked, makes it kind of weird that he ended up designing something that she hates.

When buying a gift for someone else it's like guessing what the other person would like. Most of the time you should get it right, but there are times you don't, and that's what gift receipts are for. So if you can exchange any other gift, why should this one be different? I think that's better than keeping it and hating it.

desertsun · March 2010

Where's the "Like" button when you need it?

bsidebella · March 2010

You didn't scare me off. I only posted this 4 hours ago and I'm at work. I wasn't sitting in front of my computer the whole time, I run around a lot.

Look, I might have been overreacting when I typed this up; I see that now. My work friends have different opinions, but none of them are engaged or close to it. I thought I'd get some better advice here. And, for the most part, I did. I understand now that it's not about the ring and I should be happy with whatever. I didn't want to come across as a "baby" or a "princess".

I'm new to all this. I have no idea what goes through someone else's head when it comes to rings. I'm the first one of my friends to get engaged, and the first one of my cousins. I don't know protocol. I always thought the woman had tons of input when it comes to the engagement ring.

I understand where you're all coming from. Some of the comments were unneccesary - like about being a "New Jersey stereotype", and being jealous of his sister's children. Especially the one about already being judged because I want to get married in Atlantic City. That place and the hotel we want to be married at has very special meaning for us as a couple, and that really hurt. But for the most part, I can see your point(s).

Help! My Ring Is Ugly!

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