Bachelor Party....Rules?

jennylove810 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:2cce21db-1718-4aa0-b3f9-12d0f9b1fd20">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party....Rules? : You don't "let" him have porn in the house either, do you?
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

I have a girlfriend like this - no strippers, no porn, no nothing for her H. I don't get it. Men like porn and naked chicks, it's not something you can just stamp out. Men are men, and they'll find a way to look.

Honestly, if the situation were reversed and my FI didn't 'allow' me to do something, there'd be MAYJA problems.

salt78 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:20b61095-0d1b-4670-bbe2-66bcda25703b">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party....Rules? : Men are men, and they'll find a way to look.
Posted by jennylove810[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly. Would you rather chill out about it or be lied to? If you trust him so much, it's not like he is going to go home with a stripper. Those girls don't want him anyway.</div><div>As far bachelor parties are concerned, the guy's friends really make the call on what happens. Does my H love strippers? No he doesn't. Did he end up at a strip club for his b-party. Sure. </div><div>
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megk8oz · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:1ccd052f-0c26-4e76-99ba-324bed5ebde0">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Knowing my FI, he'll have a LAN party or something equally geeky.</strong> If his friends actually succeed in getting him to a club, then I'll be surprised, but I'll trust him. No rules. No checking in.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

This is actually what DH and his friends were going to do for his bach. DH isn't into strippers, because before we even got together he always viewed it as "Why should I pay for blue balls in public, when I can just take care of business at home for free?". So I've never really thought about whether or not I'd be "worried".

He wound up not having one at all, because our one GM's wife pretty much only let's him go to work and the bathroom without her ... anything else, she needs to tag along So there's no such thing as a "guys only night" for them.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

I picked one, though I don't like it. Of course we have boundaries. We both know what the other would not find appropriate. Basically, if you wouldn't do it in front of me, you don't do it anywhere else.

But we won't be checking in with each other throughout the night. I don't do that normally. Holy clingy, Batman. If he goes out with friends on his own, I might text him to see when he'll be home if it's late, but that's it.

PharmacyBride · May 2010

I know for a fact my FI is going to a strip club and I say- good for him!

Let boys have fun- as long as they don't cheat, break any laws, or drink to the point where someone's life is in jeopardy- I could care less what they do!

This doesn't mean I am not curious.. I hope he'll share some pics and a few of the stories!

[Deleted User] · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:2cce21db-1718-4aa0-b3f9-12d0f9b1fd20">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party....Rules? : You don't "let" him have porn in the house either, do you?
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

Porn has never come up, actually. He claimed a long time ago that he doesn't care for it (which I'm sure all guys say), but regardless there has never been any in the house, that I know of anyway.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:71a0c086-03fb-475b-89ab-d60efaf185ce">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelor Party....Rules? : You make rules or a child, not your FI/H.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

That's why 'rule' was in quotes, as the OP was talking about rules. I didn't flat-out forbid DH to have strippers, as I know how pissed off I'd be if he did the same. I simply stated my case that I would be uncomfortable with it and would prefer none and he said he didn't want any anyway and had already told his friends not to hire any. I didn't even need to say anything in the first place.

As a replacement, his friend bought him a can of paint 'stripper' and a Hawaiian lei so he could say he got 'laid.'

PharmacyBride · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:94391acd-f4ad-478b-a374-e4a90bf29cad">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hell, we have more fun sharing porn.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

<div>I completely agree!!! When we became 100% honest about everything (including porn and fantasies) are intimacy reached a whole new level. We did this a few years back- and it has been amazing!</div>

NuggetBrain · May 2010

Noodle went to a strip club with his friends. It wasn't a big deal. But, I trust him, I trust his friends, and I don't have any personal issue with strippers so I don't have a problem with them doing things like that for big occasions like bachelor or birthday parties.

I will also say that the only guys I know that don't admit to at the very least enjoying porn (if not watching it with their wives) are those whose wives would flip the f*ck out if they knew they enjoyed porn. And those relationships are...interestingly narrow.

megk8oz · May 2010

Porn is "don't ask don't tell" in our house, too. It's like going to the bathroom: we know the other one does it, but we really don't need to see it", lol.

Maybe DH would be more into strip clubs and strippers if he didn't have porn. Again, one of those things I never really had to think about before.

Shazzie116 · May 2010

DH's party consisted of laser tag, go kart racing, steak dinner, and then boozing with the boys playing video games. They're a low key crowd. I actually got 2 voicemails from DH drunk off his ass on tequila. I had shut my phone off at a friends house to give him his night.

I think if you have mutual respect for each other and the trust is there, it doesn't matter what the bach party involves. Have a little self-esteem. Live your life. Being in a relationship doesn't mean giving up all fun in life. I also think bach parties are overglorified. Go have fun with your friends doing something fun that you would want to do. If it means sticking your face in big bewbies, do it. If it's going out for a quiet intimate meal, do it. Who the hell cares? The best part of my bach was dinner because it was relaxed with freeflowing wine and great food with the ladies I love.

anagy001 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:423441ff-0804-4d02-938d-96bd150348dc">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if you have mutual respect for each other and the trust is there, it doesn't matter what the bach party involves.
Posted by Shazzie116[/QUOTE]

I couldn't agree more! You shouldn't need rules. The bach party shouldn't have any different "rules" than every day in your relationship.

angela72023 · May 2010

I don't know yet if FI will have a bach party, but I went to his cousin's soon-to-be-wife's bachelorette party last weekend and it was horrible! She didn't go an hour without texting him or calling him and asking where they were, who was there, how long were they staying, what were they doing...turns out some chick her FI had been with and who is now his BM's GF was there and playing the stripper...I was talking to FI about it the next day and told him I don't care what he does/who is there/whatever...but having any of his ex's there as a stripper would not be cool! We laughed and promised no phone calls that night unless one of us needed a ride...We are adults and know what is acceptable and what isn't...

"H went to a strip club for his bachelor party and a stripper put her boobs in his face. H told me about, do I care? No. In fact, I'm slighly miffed I didn't get boobs in my face. " posted by maratea

This, yes!

amwilli5 · May 2010

My FI chose not to have one, but instead to just go out with the guys drinking. Fine with me and I told him to call his parents if he gets too drunk because I'm drinking myself. It seems as though everyone cares about what the guys do for their bachelor parties, but girls can be a lot worse. There really aren't any rules except for no sleeping with the strippers

BluValkyrie · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:1ccd052f-0c26-4e76-99ba-324bed5ebde0">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]Knowing my FI, he'll have a LAN party or something equally geeky. If his friends actually succeed in getting him to a club, then I'll be surprised, but I'll trust him. No rules. No checking in.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

same here. Originally he was going to do a poker game, but half the people he plays poker with aren't invited to the wedding and are the type of people who WOULD be offened, so he and his groomsmen and best man are probably just going to VG it up for a night.

He and none of his friends are strip club people. He's been and he didn't like it, so he went home. Some guys just aren't into them.

splint00 · May 2010

It sucks that some women still worry about these things. My FI went with about 10 of his friends to Stowe, VT for a weekend snowboarding trip. The average age was 30. They had an amazing time, no strippers. I know my FI feels it's cheesy but you can't always rely on their friends not to get them one. In this case they didn't but if they had, we don't have any trust issues to worry about. I then took a girls weekend (I hate saying bachelorette, I feel a little old for that) in Boston and had such an amazing time. I think with our situation since he travels often for photo shoots and is surrounded by Victoria's Secret girls and celebrities (he got to meet Scar Jo the other week, I was very jealous) it's just not something I ever worry about. I'm used to him flying all over and staying in hotels with 'entertainment' people so a bachelor party was not on my worry radar. I tend to think that if you don't make a big deal about it, he won't either.

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

I just got through this thread. I couldn't even read it at first because they thought of applying rules to a b-party made my head hurt. If you don't have an agreement about what is appropriate in your relationship to begin with, I would seriously reconsider the whole long term commitment thing.

luckyme502 · May 2010

I set rules for my daughter not my FH. He is a grown man and I trust him.

bgibbons · May 2010

Oh, come on, she even put 'rule' in quotation marks. She's not treating him as a child, she's letting him know what she's comfortable with in what sounds like was probably an adult conversation. Don't be so quick to judge.

luckyme502 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:cf3072c1-bc7d-4fe1-9015-3684b0f8ec82">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, come on, she even put 'rule' in quotation marks. She's not treating him as a child, she's letting him know what she's comfortable with in what sounds like was probably an adult conversation. Don't be so quick to judge.
Posted by bgibbons[/QUOTE]

No, I don't get this from her post. I get that she told him what he was and wasn't allowed to do. I also think this is common in the relationship by the fact that they check in with each other through out the night when they go out separately. Really? We don't. We trust each other and don't feel the need to be in constant contact.

luckyme502 · May 2010

I also don't see where OP put rules in quotation marks.

willowprincess · May 2010

i don't have any rules for his bach party, but i know for a fact there won't be any strippers, or him getting drunk. we both believe that those things are wrong. and his friends know that as well. i trust him and know that i don't have to worry about any of that stuff. and i don't really see either of us checking in with the other. we'll be kinda busy with our friends, although we may text each other just to say goodnight or something.

melissamc2 · May 2010

I put "undecided," simply because none of the offered answers fit our situation.

We have definite "rules," or guidelines if you will, for our parties, but we won't be "checking in" with one another throughout the evening.

I DO believe that you should be able to trust your significant other for an evening, and that trust should extend to respecting the established boundaries each of you agreed to long before getting to the marriage point. I also believe that if you feel the need to watch other people in a naked state right before your wedding - you might not be ready to settle down with just one person. Fortunately, my fiance agrees. It's something we discussed long before ever becoming engaged, though, so there were no surprises. We just don't buy into the "one last fling" or "one last wild night" line of thought. Of course, we're also older - so that may factor into it.

I also fully allow that not everyone agrees with this line of thought. Fortunately for everyone involved, "everyone" isn't marrying either of us!

I'm having a bridal shower/bachelorette party combo (one right after the other, two nights before the wedding) and he's having his bachelor party that same evening (this way our out of town/out of country guests can attend). Both groups (what is left of them by that time) are meeting up at a local club around 1am and finishing the last hour and a half together. There aren't "different rules" for him than there are for me. We agreed long ago that one of us doesn't ask the other to adhere to anything we're not willing to adhere to ourselves.

526SadieSadie · May 2010

i like the way you think Melissa, but I will say that I'd be nervous having the parties, outings or whatever you want to call them that close to the wedding day. Rolled ankles and bruises and other minor injuries that can happen in a club or a bar take a while to heal. Even if you don't drink, a drunken jerk can fall into you and stuff. I might be thinking too deeply into it, but I still wouldn't do it so close to the wedding date

We're having our parties the weekend before the wedding, which still may not be enough time

MeaghanandMichael · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bachelor-partyrules?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d418df9-4755-45be-b267-a7d1f1c87954Post:ed56b042-473f-4659-97d2-ce188a3d4912">Re: Bachelor Party....Rules?</a>:
[QUOTE]i like the way you think Melissa, but I will say that I'd be nervous having the parties, outings or whatever you want to call them that close to the wedding day. Rolled ankles and bruises and other minor injuries that can happen in a club or a bar take a while to heal. Even if you don't drink, a drunken jerk can fall into you and stuff. I might be thinking too deeply into it, but I still wouldn't do it so close to the wedding date :) We're having our parties the weekend before the wedding, which still may not be enough time
Posted by 526SadieSadie[/QUOTE]

I had emergency major surgery right before my wedding and I was fine. You are over thinking this.

SolaraAsh24 · May 2010

Wow... I think it's absolutely horrible that some of you jumped on someone for not agreeing with strippers/porn/etc. Not everyone has the same morals and values (not saying one is better than the other before someone reads into that...). Personally, my FI has never been to a strip club and doesn't care to. He says that he finds that whole atmosphere uncomfortable and something that he is simply not interested in. I appreciate who he is and what we both believe in regarding this and a multitude of other things - it is what makes our relationship work.

His Bachelor party has no rules. They are going on a surf trip for a week and I'm so very excited for him

What works for one doesn't work for all. I just don't understand how someone else's thoughts that aren't necessarily agreeable with your own can cause so many to get so incredibly defensive. Trying to convince yourselves that you're truly ok with it? Certainly seems like it...

jcamer7 · May 2010

My FI is having a bachelor party weekend camping trip with the boys. One of his groomsmen is his 14 year old brother and his dad is coming. It will be a great weekend for them, lots of hanging out and smores and hiking and swimning and stuff. Thank goodness FH doesn't like strippers and his friends are all great who agree that strippers and booze aren't the way to celebrate a lifetime committement to one woman and to a marriage. He will have a blast! I probably won't check in at all since he will be in the woods haha

susieq87 · May 2010

Morally, I don't agree with the whole strip club thing. We talk about it when he goes to other bachelor parties, and he understands my beliefs. Alot of people hate me for that, and talk sh*t, but it is just what i believe. That being said, he can do whatever he wants other than the strip clubs and he didn't want to go to the strip club anyway. However, his BM & GM are all very into the whole strip club scene, and he thinks that he will get more grief from them about not going to a strip club than the night out if worth. So he doesn't want one. People still tell me that I don't trust him and blah, blah,blah, but he knows how I really feel, and that is all that matters.

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