Traditions that you don't agree with

baystateapple · February 2012

I didn't realize until after our wedding how terrified my father was of the "father-daughter dance." My parents were broke when they got married, and their "reception" was champagne and cake in the church hall after the ceremony. No DJ, no dancing. I didn't figure out that my father had never danced in the center of the floor with all eyes on him until after that evening. My father is shy and my mom said he was freaking out before he danced with me. He chatted through the whole thing. If I had known how freaked out he was going to be about it, I would never have asked him to do it.

Anysunrise · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:fd082483-f198-4eb4-9337-c5e62e86dbe6">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]A cool thing about the 'not really a wedding' wedding is that we get a chance to break everything down and decide if it has value to us. A lot of it really doesn't. We're not having 'sides' because most of our guests are mutual friends. Nobody is tossing anything. I'm sure Eric will dance with his mom at some point, but it's not going to be a 'thing'. <strong>Also, we're setting up the chairs so that there are 2 aisles. That way we both walk down the aisle at the same time, but we meet at the front.</strong> Then we recess together. Of course, the bad part is that we don't get to be legally married, but that's just details...
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

I think that's pretty awesome. Also, you should move to Canada, because we rock there.

SEWF · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:f776dd51-964f-4755-b8ff-1c83e6bc6db6">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm pretty over clinking glasses to get the bride and groom to kiss. It felt like every time someone did that at our wedding I was in the middle of something and had to tell whoever I was talking to to hang on for a minute while I went to find H.
Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]

<div>This. People tried to get us to do this at the RD. I refused. I told everyone we would kiss when we wanted to kiss, and that we were not some kind of exhibit for everyone else's enjoyment. But I said it nicely. Kind of.</div>

jennipea382 · February 2012

I don't necessarily agree with the original meaning behind "giving the bride away" (property and such), but I like what it means now (at least IMO). I see it as a symbol of creating a new family with my husband.

I don't like recieving lines. I think they are SO awkward! I do want to see and talk to everyone, but not this way.

I don't see wedding party dances that often, but I agree that I don't like them. I'd feel awkward if I were in the wedding party and had to dance with someone I barely knew or maybe even didn't like. I'd rather dance with my FI and friends/family that I choose to dance with.

I don't really like the cake cutting. I guess I never really understood the tradition. As of right now we're planning on cupcakes and maybe a small cake if we decide to do the cake cutting. Maybe I just never learned why people do it?

I also agree with taking "obey" out of the vows, but don't think many people say that anymore anyways :-)

willywally5 · February 2012

I love weddings in general, but there are some really sucky traditions IMO.

For instance:

1) Garter toss: Ick.

2) The weird thing some DJs do where someone else (like the bride's MOTHER or someone equally inappropriate) puts on the garter and the blindfolded groom has to remove it from that person's leg: OMG!

3) Dollar Dance: Tacky.

4) Cake Smashing: Funny in a third-grader sort of way but totally disrepectul and can ruin perfectly good makeup and/or finery.

5) WP dances, choreographed dances, dance-on-command type dances where unwilling participants are cajoled onto the dane floor

That is about it. Most other things are fine, although I'm not a fan of receiving lines. Those seem very 1967 to me.

musicalsunlight · February 2012

I am actually surprised that we didn't get ONE clinking of the glasses from any random guest. I was completely fine with that though.

I also really dislike group dances (chicken dance, hokey pokey, electric slide, etc). I banned them all on my DJ playlist.

chattychiqa · February 2012

I have a strong disdain for the $$ dance.

SparrowSong · February 2012

Most of mine are already mentioned.

I don't like the patriarchal stuff, like one man giving a woman to another. Or grooms going to ask bride's father's permission to propose.

I don't like cake smashing. Loved the point made by someone upthread - would that be appropriate at any other dinner in public or otherwise? No, people would be agast at the smasher. So why would it be ok at a wedding of all things? Tacky, tacky, tacky. Especially as I actually LIKE the symbolism behind that tradition, of feeding and caring for each other for the rest of your lives. That is a lovely ritual, postitively ruined by smashing.

I don't like the ickness of a garter toss, or the shaming of singles in the bouquet toss, especially when they are called out or otherwise forced onto the dancefloor to be humiliated.

I don't like AWish "favors." "We are such amazing people and as long as everyone is looking at us we thought we would take the opportunity to brag about how we did donations to such-and-such charity instead of favors. Please tell us how thoughtful and generous and brilliant we are to have saved $50 on jordon almonds (so we could spend $50 printing out these little cards telling you about it.)" I'm so cynical about this fad, I kind of doubt most couples even get around to making the actual donation in the midst of all the stressful wedding spending. I'd bet most just say they did it.

I don't like flip flops as wedding attire, no matter how many sequins and rhinestones are glued on. You don't buy a $1000+ gown and then pair it with rubber shower shoes. At least get ballet flats, if heels won't do.

ccollins327 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:da71a91a-51a9-4436-b2d2-ab701c100593">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't really like the cake cutting. I guess I never really understood the tradition. As of right now we're planning on cupcakes and maybe a small cake if we decide to do the cake cutting. Maybe I just never learned why people do it?
Posted by jennipea382[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I learned this the other day. From <em>Gastronomica: The Journal of Food and Culture</em> "Superstitions have long been connected with wedding cakes. Sharing the cake with family and friends increases fertility and prosperity. The bride who bakes her own cake is asking for trouble. A taste of the cake before the wedding means loss of the husban's love (while a piece of cake kept after the big day ensures his fidelity). The newlyweds must cut the first slice together. And every guest must eat a small piece to ensure that the happy couple are blessed with children." ( <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.jstor.org/pss/10.1525/gfc.2005.5.2.69">http://www.jstor.org/pss/10.1525/gfc.2005.5.2.69</a> )</div><div>
</div><div>I guess that doesn't really say exactly why the cake is cut together, but I thought it was interesting! </div><div>
</div><div>Me and my FI had a whole discussion tonight about smashing the cake. He really wants for whatever reason. I told him theres no way hes going to and mess up my makeup! I guess we'll see what happens. I hate it though.

</div>

LittleMissCutiePie · February 2012

I've been to four weddings where the last song of the night is "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye. I don't know how "traditional" it is, but in my head that's one norm that we're tossing out the window. Ick!

sweetcanadian1979 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:fd082483-f198-4eb4-9337-c5e62e86dbe6">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]A cool thing about the 'not really a wedding' wedding is that we get a chance to break everything down and decide if it has value to us. A lot of it really doesn't. We're not having 'sides' because most of our guests are mutual friends. Nobody is tossing anything. I'm sure Eric will dance with his mom at some point, but it's not going to be a 'thing'. <strong>Also, we're setting up the chairs so that there are 2 aisles. That way we both walk down the aisle at the same time, but we meet at the front. Then we recess together. </strong> Of course, the bad part is that we don't get to be legally married, but that's just details...
Posted by chrmun[/QUOTE]

<div>That is awesome, i love that idea. </div><div>
</div><div>Move to canada, we are legal everywhere. It is stupid that it is not in the usa. </div>

Elinetrouwt · February 2012

Yeah, marriage being limited to members of the opposite sex, that's one tradition I wouldn't miss. And I agree with the giving the bride away stuff. And why don't girls get to be ring bearers?

In a more practical way, receiving lines and favors wouldn't be missed either.

goobersinlove · February 2012

I'm in the minority in that I actually like cake smashing. Every time I go to a wedding, I think Please smash, please smash.... YES! And because FI and I are playful anyway, I'm sure that will happen at our wedding. My ground rules, however, will be 1) my face is fine, just don't get it in my hair and 2) don't give me a bloody nose. They put the cake cutting at the end of the reception for a reason - I'm not that concerned about my makeup. I also think those pictures with the B&G with cake faces are priceless. And anyone who is offended by this type of behavior certainly would be out of place at our wedding.

But like most other PP's, I dislike WP dances, boquet and garter tosses and favors. Personally, I don't understand that point of even having a bridal party so we're not having one. But again, I'm also in the minority. OH, and my FI goes dress shopping with me - another broken tradition. And we are totally sleeping together the night before.

Jaridds68 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:da71a91a-51a9-4436-b2d2-ab701c100593">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't necessarily agree with the original meaning behind "giving the bride away" (property and such), but I like what it means now (at least IMO). <strong>I see it as a symbol of creating a new family with my husband.</strong> I don't like recieving lines. I think they are SO awkward! I do want to see and talk to everyone, but not this way. I don't see wedding party dances that often, but I agree that I don't like them. I'd feel awkward if I were in the wedding party and had to dance with someone I barely knew or maybe even didn't like. I'd rather dance with my FI and friends/family that I choose to dance with. I don't really like the cake cutting. I guess I never really understood the tradition. As of right now we're planning on cupcakes and maybe a small cake if we decide to do the cake cutting. Maybe I just never learned why people do it? I also agree with taking "obey" out of the vows, but don't think many people say that anymore anyways :-)
Posted by jennipea382[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree - but with that reasoning why isn't the groom 'given away'? that would be equal. I like that in Jewish weddings both the bride and groom walked down the aisle by both parents.

</div>

NOLAbridealmost · February 2012

Churmin, I love the two aisles idea. That's amazing.

chrryblndchick · February 2012

I too hate the dollar dance. So tacky. But for whatever reason it's a huge deal in southern Wisconsin and FI is insiting we do it. Not a hill I feel like dying on, so I agreed.

I dislike having the whole wedding party in the recieving line. I was in a wedding and I felt really awkward becuase I personally knew only 20-25 (mutual friends) out of the 200+ that walked past us.

I don't like having whoever catches the bouquet and the garter dance together. It can be really cute becuase I've been to weddings where people who were already in a relationship caught both (the guys all stepped aside to let the girl's boyfriend catch it). But I've also seen it where an 8 year old girl catches the bouquet and then a 20-something guy catches the garter. Awkward.

The cake smashing thing is a personal preference. If it's going to upset the bride, then don't do it. But if it's something you both agree is a fun moment to have, then it doesn't matter to me. Personally, I'll be pissed if FI does it to me.

Calypso1977 · February 2012

pretty much all of them!

specialk84 · February 2012

My father walked me down the aisle, but I wasn't treated like property. I viewed it as transitioning to a new family unit. Instead of my father being the most important man in my life, H was. Sexist? You may think so, but that's not at all how I felt.

dubird · February 2012

Pachelbel Rant: http://youtu.be/JdxkVQy7QLM (all the Canon in D comments made me think of it. XD)

And I've never heard of a Dollar Dance at a wedding before I started reading here. Must be a geographical thing. We're not doing the tossing because we have ONE single woman and I think three single guys at our wedding (small wedding). That's a little embarissing for them, and we don't want to do that to our friends.

abt87 · February 2012

We're doing the tosses, but not making the garter catcher put it on the bouquet catcher. That's about it for traditions. I also think it depends on your family and friends that are going to be there in terms of the "traditions". We are both the oldest in our family and most of our extended family, and I am one of the first in my group of friends to get married, so there's a sense of tradition I kind of want, and leave the untraditional stuff for others down the road.

jemmini6 · February 2012

I hate the tosses. I always hated going to weddings and getting pushed out on the floor to catch the bouquet. "Hey everyone, look at all these lonely pathetic spinsters fight over a stupid superstition that they'll finally find someone to love them" Ugh...HATE IT, and so glad I'll never have to participate in one again.

Cake smashing. I told H if he smashed cake in my face that he'd have a very long, miserable, sexless honeymoon. Plus, we had cheesecake, so we had to serve each other with a fork, so if he smashed that in my face, I might have pressed charges. LOL. We did a tiny dab of frosting on the nose and then kissed, but that was it.

Using 'obey' in the woman's vows. H's cousin had a very traditional ceremony and it was in their vows and I swear I winced at hearing it. I suppose I wouldn't be so disgusted by it if it were in both vows, but nope, it's just the woman's. Only wives have to obey their husbands, but husbands can do whatever the f*ck they want? Hell no.

Confession: I had Canon D as my processional. I love that song, but I also don't hear it every day, so I know that has a lot to do with it. Also, the last 8 weddings I've been to have used non-traditional music, so I was actually being 'unique' in going the classical route, lol.

jemmini6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:f776dd51-964f-4755-b8ff-1c83e6bc6db6">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I have danced in two wedding party dances and I was bored and uncomfortable in both. Fortunately for me, the person I danced with each time was someone I had met before and hung out with a little, not everyone in the wedding party was so fortunate. When we cut our cake, I repeated the price of my dress over and over again to H until he agreed to be nice. <strong>I'm pretty over clinking glasses to get the bride and groom to kiss. It felt like every time someone did that at our wedding I was in the middle of something and had to tell whoever I was talking to to hang on for a minute while I went to find H</strong>. I'm still a fan of receiving lines. H's cousin didn't do one and I pretty much ended up interrupting her dinner to give her a hug because we did not see or talk to her at all for the entire night. All that being said though, I was "given away" and I promised to obey. I don't know why, those two just don't bother me.
Posted by lauralaur[/QUOTE]

How could I forget that one, I HATED it at our wedding and finally just said "no" every time my freaking aunt started it. She came up to our table and said, "I just <em>love</em> doing it when you have just taken a bite...you aren't supposed to eat on your wedding day anyways". F*ck you bitch, I didn't pay X amount of dollars to not eat my own damn food, leave us the hell alone. She finally got the hint after the 5th time that we didn't kiss when she clinked her glass.

DeannaCW · February 2012

I was originally dead-set against Cannon in D (because of the Rob Paravonian rant! I couldn't guarantee I wouldn't end up giggling my whole way down the aisle). Then I found a Celtic version of it, played by a violin, a tin whistle, and bagpipes. And it's gorgeous. So we're using that version of it. All the other suggested music just is slow and boring, IMO.

Dollar dance I'm not a fan of, but won't hold it against those who do. Every wedding I've been to with one, there's just been a line half-circling the dance floor for the bride, while the DJ or whoever has to cajole people to come dance with the groom. Super awkward.

We are doing the tosses, but we're gonna change the one for the guys. It just doesn't seem right to have to buy an antiquated piece of underwear that nobody uses anymore, just to throw it across a public room. FI's gonna be in a kilt, so we'll go super-traditional for him so he's wearing the plaid over the shoulder, and he'll throw that. And not making them dance or anything else, I don't remember hearing about that till I came here. (although I think I might've seen the dance at a wedding when I was 5? But no idea whose wedding it even was).

Clinking of the glasses too. I don't like dictated romance, to me that just makes it not romantic. Don't even like valentine's day, for that exact reason.

My dad's walking me down, but not giving me away. We're not that close, and given how things were a few years ago he's actually lucky to be doign that.
We don't know yet if we're doing father-daughter/mother-son dances. We'll be doing them at the same time if we do. FMIL is disabled due osteoarthritis and swelling in her foot that she's had since she was 17 and stepped on a sea urchin (and didn't go to the dr for it), so if she wants to (and can) dance we'll do it, but if she doesn't, then we'll nix them both. It just wouldn't feel right to have me dance with my dad and him not dance with his mom, especially cause we're not hugely close and they are.

We're not gonna be doing cake-smashing either. He's British, and here they don't even do the feeding each other thing. They just cut into it, pose for photos, and be done. I told him about the smashing thing people do and he was appalled. Which was perfect, as I don't wanna do it either :P

Guess that's one of the nice things about multicultural weddings, makes you really look at some of the traditions and examine whether or not you really want them :P

miranda1211 · February 2012

I absolutely abhor the idea of cake being smashed in my face! We're actually doing our cake cutting at the very beginning of the reception, so I would be extra pissed.

I don't have a problem with tosses, but was dead-set against a garter "pull." There is no way I'm going to sit in the middle of the room while everyone watches my new husband reach up my dress. I told FI he could still have one to toss, but it turned our that he hates garter tosses. So we'll toss the bouquet (I think most people at our wedding would be sad if we didn't!), but that's it.

My stepdad is walking me down the aisle, so I guess it could be considered "giving me away," but neither of us actually look at it that way - more of an escort. We've always been very close, so he would be very sad if he didn't have that opportunity.

We'll also have traditional vows, but no "honor and obey," and no "anyone who objects..." If anyone objects, they shouldn't be at our wedding in the first place! Hah!

jessicabessica · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:7776eee5-6067-4e8d-8c10-90da2ea394c4">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm in the minority in that I actually like cake smashing. Every time I go to a wedding, I think Please smash, please smash.... YES! And because FI and I are playful anyway, I'm sure that will happen at our wedding. My ground rules, however, will be 1) my face is fine, just don't get it in my hair and 2) don't give me a bloody nose. They put the cake cutting at the end of the reception for a reason - I'm not that concerned about my makeup. I also think those pictures with the B&G with cake faces are priceless. And anyone who is offended by this type of behavior certainly would be out of place at our wedding. But like most other PP's, I dislike WP dances, boquet and garter tosses and favors. <strong>Personally, I don't understand that point of even having a bridal party so we're not having one</strong>. But again, I'm also in the minority. OH, and my FI goes dress shopping with me - another broken tradition. And we are totally sleeping together the night before.
Posted by goobersinlove[/QUOTE]

Same here. We had a few friends and our siblings that we honored as religious and civil witnesses or as participants in the ceremony, but I don't really see the point of having people standing next to you in matching/coordinating outfits.

myname1234 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:f3ce3670-8ba7-4b8c-a297-f4bdf6fe8acf">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to four weddings where the <strong>last song of the night is "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye.</strong> I don't know how "traditional" it is, but in my head that's one norm that we're tossing out the window. Ick!
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

I love Marvin Gaye but that is just icky!!

chrryblndchick · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:f3ce3670-8ba7-4b8c-a297-f4bdf6fe8acf">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to four weddings where the last song of the night is "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye. I don't know how "traditional" it is, but in my head that's one norm that we're tossing out the window. Ick!
Posted by LittleMissCutiePie[/QUOTE]

Seriously!? I've never seen this, but that goes way beyond "ick" into the realm of just plain gross. Thanks for posting, I will make sure to tell our DJ to not do this.

jak554 · February 2012

I don't mind most of the traditions except for who pays for what.

But I absolutely HATE this new 'tradition' of trashing the dress. Seriously, your gonna pay $1,000 or more (Say Yes to the Dress = $15,000) for a dress that your just gonna throw paint on or go in the ocean with? Crazy people (and I think it's a little bit of bad luck on the marraige personally).

micls · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_traditions-that-you-dont-agree-with?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2c95ba00-1202-4069-b78a-333a1be26a53Post:15185d52-962c-4a18-9d59-73e4c2da7c26">Re: Traditions that you don't agree with</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mind most of the traditions except for who pays for what. But I absolutely HATE this new 'tradition' of trashing the dress. Seriously, your gonna pay $1,000 or more (Say Yes to the Dress = $15,000) for a dress that your just gonna throw paint on or go in the ocean with? Crazy people (and I think it's a little bit of bad luck on the marraige personally).
Posted by jak554[/QUOTE]

Nope, I'd never pay a 1000dollars or more on a dress! And I'll happily trash my much cheaper one after the wedding, I certainly don't plan on wearing it again and it sounds like a fun day!

Luckily, I don't believe in bad luck!

abt87 · February 2012

Trashing the dress is okay post-divorce.

Traditions that you don't agree with

Re: Traditions that you don't agree with

Choose Another Board

Search Boards