BYOB to reception?

gmbrehm · June 2010

Our caterer does not offer a bar service package and our reception hall doesnt either, we have to provide our own and they will serve it. We were thinking of asking our guests to bring a bottle of whatever, as sort of a donation. We are going to provide the champagne for the toast. Does this sound tacky? Opinions please!!

bethsmiles · June 2010

It would be rude to ask your guests to bring their own alcohol. Either don't have alcohol or only provide the amount that you and your FI can afford.

mags0607 · June 2010

YES!

That's not a good idea for a couple of reasons.

1. Its rude to ask your guests to provide anything for a reception, whether it be food or alcohol.

2. What if no ones brings anything, what if you don't have adequate mixers, what if you end of with 20 bottles of Vodka or some other alcohol? It seems like it would be a logistical worry, and you might have people feel that people who didn't bring anything shouldn't drink "their" alcohol. Just seems like you could end up with some unforeseen snafus.

If you can provide your own alcohol and they serve it, you could buy a keg and some inexpensive bottles of wine, or buy alcohol wholesale from Sam's or something. Both of those options won't cost you too much money, and you wouldn't be rude to your guests.

trix1223 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_byob-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:76dcf01b-03df-40c9-84c7-5a5ac996e438Post:fdbf2403-780d-481a-bc79-d29b882cdd30">BYOB to reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our caterer does not offer a bar service package and our reception hall doesnt either, we have to provide our own and they will serve it. We were thinking of asking our guests to bring a bottle of whatever, as sort of a donation. We are going to provide the champagne for the toast. Does this sound tacky? Opinions please!!
Posted by gmbrehm[/QUOTE]

This is a very, very bad idea. Would you also ask people to bring their own hamburger and roll to a cook-out.....but promise that you'll cook it for them? That's exactly what you're doing when you ask people for a "donation" of alcohol.

First of all, I'd skip the champagne. Most people don't care for it anyway, and you can save $$ on that. Then YOU go buy whatever you're serving. Limit it to beer and wine if you're on a budget.

Or don't have any alcohol and serve a variety of soft drinks.

The pp has given great advice about why logistically this is a bad, bad idea.

But I'll give you another reason to reconsider thinking about this: I can guarantee you that if you tell people to BYOB, your guests will talk a lot about your wedding. But it won't be pleasant. Yup, yours will be "that" wedding where guests had to provide their own booze.

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

My SIL's wedding on Saturday is BYOB... sort of. They're going to be providing soda and a couple of cases of beer, and we're bringing the wine leftover from our wedding and providing a champagne toast as a gift. So it's less "bring something so that there will be booze available" and more "if you want something more than what we have, bring it along."

I'm not totally thrilled about it, but 1) we're used to bringing our own beer to his family functions anyway since we're beer snobs, and 2) it's a shotgun wedding planned in about a month, and 3) there are hosted options, so even if no one brings anything, they're still covered.

Providing your own alcohol puts you at an advantage. Find a liquor store that will let you return unopened bottles. Keep an eye out for sales and stock up. (If there's a BevMo near you, their five-cent wine sale is on; buy one bottle get the second for five cents.)

The only thing people will remember about your wedding is whether they had fun, and food, booze, and music are all crucial components on that. Those should be the very last places you cut your budget.

bbyckes · June 2010

Yes, this sounds incredibly tacky. I would be incredibly put off by this as a guest.

We're offering a selection of beer and wine to our guests and providing margaritas and a vodka punch. We're not having champagne, because I think it's a waste of money, as people don't really drink it. For a toast, it'll just be raise your glasses (whatever's in there will do). Doing something like this could probably help you out. For our 70 guests (of course, not all are drinkers), we spent around $350. I think that's a bargain.

fiddle14 · June 2010

Yep, tacky.

I arranged the food and drink for my reception (hired two people to serve everything). I went to Sam's Club and got beer and wine for a really reasonable price. It was well worth it!

spenet1 · June 2010

Instead of asking for them to bring it to the reception, perhaps you can have a Stock the Bar party - I've been to several, they're just couples showers, sometimes housewarming parties, and guests bring bottles of booze instead of salad spinners and dish towels. You can save the bottles and bring them to the wedding instead of stocking your own home bar. (You dont need to let on that you'll be using them at the reception).

Pirata13 · June 2010

NONONONONONONONONO!

Figure out what you can afford and provide it. Our hall supplies the alcohol, but we are still doing wine and beer only to save some money. I'd stick to beer and wine and even just wine if you can. Provide a red and a white or even 2 reds and 2 whites. (like a cab and a pinot noir for red and a pinot grigio and chardonnay for white). Talk to your liquor store--most stores will let you return any unopened bottles when purchased in bulk like that. So if you have 20 bottles left after the reception, return them. But please don't ask your guests to bring their own, even as a "donation". They are already spending time and money to be at your wedding and reception.

tigerlily25 · June 2010

Completely tacky. You shouldnt ask your guests to make a "donation" towards your wedding.

gottahavashorti · June 2010

Yes, it sounds tacky. If you skip the champagne toast, could you provide a keg and some wine?

JeFlanigan · June 2010

...how would you react to a byob wedding?
I think bbyckes was well worded with "put off" being the right choice of words.
Sam's wine is actually pretty good (and cheap) and while I think the stock the the bar party is a good idea I also think its iffy. (tho part of me really loves the idea, I just think its too funny, we have the reverse every once in a while 'clean the fridge' )

jagore08 · June 2010

Your wedding is not a college party. BYOB is not acceptable for a wedding.

t.kaufman · June 2010

agree with PP. no BYOB for a wedding. plus, you're already saving soooo much money by being able to provide your own alcohol. we are also providing our own alcohol for our event and plan to get it all at Costco and Bevmo for real cheap!

aundieginn · June 2010

Oh dear lord, people. It's your wedding,you can do whatever your little heart desires. I can see that phrasing it as a "donation" or putting BYOB on the invites might be off putting, sure. But, I think there is probably a way to make it just fine. As to the question of whether anyone would host a cookout but tell people to bring their own meat and roll.... yup. It's called a potluck and I'm having one this friday. no one seemed offended by that.
IMO, a wedding is about community, family, love, and a joining together of all of those above. In that spirit, why wouldn't it be appropriate to suggest that guests bring something? I think it just depends very much on the wording. Maybe, something about sharing your favorite (wine, beer, whatev)? I don't know, I just don't think it is anything to get worked up about. And, hopefully you'll not have a room full of judgemental people in attendance at your big day. Luck!

aundieginn · June 2010

Ah, you misunderstand me. It is not your day to run rampant, ordering people about, and demanding that everything be perfect. I mean it is your day and you have the final decision on incorporating elements that are important, meaningful, or helpful to you. There is a way to do most anything without being offensive or rude, and on the flipside, there are always going to be people that will be offended by you regardless of your choices. Find a balance, and then commit to your choices, is just my advice. I just bristle a little at people who respond with things that say, "No. absolutely you cannot do that at your wedding. Eww." Maybe ew to you, but different strokes for different folks.

MyNameIsNot · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_byob-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:76dcf01b-03df-40c9-84c7-5a5ac996e438Post:4c200cf1-a412-4d9e-9461-9d1b5c5fe604">Re: BYOB to reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ah, you misunderstand me. It is not your day to run rampant, ordering people about, and demanding that everything be perfect. I mean it is your day and you have the final decision on incorporating elements that are important, meaningful, or helpful to you. There is a way to do most anything without being offensive or rude, and on the flipside, there are always going to be people that will be offended by you regardless of your choices. Find a balance, and then commit to your choices, is just my advice. I just bristle a little at people who respond with things that say, "No. absolutely you cannot do that at your wedding. Eww." Maybe ew to you, but different strokes for different folks.
Posted by aundieginn[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well, under free will, you certainly can do this. But nothing is going to change the fact that a BYOB wedding is incredibly rude, and looks both cheap and trashy. The OP asked if this would be tacky, so clearly she's concerned with whether she <em>should</em> not whether she <em>can</em>.</div><div>
</div><div>Of course, you physically <em>can</em> also charge a cover, or you physically <em>can</em> steal your guests wallets and purses at gunpoint. Just because you can doesn't mean it is ok or even remotely appropriate. </div><div>
</div><div>The fact of the matter is that this is an incredibly rude thing to do, and anyone suggesting to the OP that this is remotely ok is doing her a huge disservice. Guests will be offended at being asked to BYOB to a wedding, and it will change their opinion of the host for the worse. Telling someone that this is ok is just setting them up to be embarrassed.

</div>

shoegal715 · June 2010

Please don't make it BYOB.

miah_23_ncb · June 2010

this is not a good idea in my opnion. i woudl be offened as a guest if i heard this.

Norms Angel Forever · June 2010

my vote: NO!!!

Jennifer133 · August 2010

Have you thought of having a signature drink and just serving that and beer? Make it something that isn't too strong and would appeal to a majority of people.

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