Accommodating an underage bridesmaid?

Re: Accommodating an underage bridesmaid?

• em01092 member

  

  January 2012

  I think it's sweet that you are concerned and you should definitely keep her included within reason. She obviously cannot go to a bar or strip club, so hopefully she will understand that. As for the part about your BMs not wanting a kid tagging along, remember, you asked your sister to be a BM also, so she is a BM too. 

  
  

  What I would do in your situation is, if and when your BMs bring up a bachelorette party to you and they ask what you had in mind or otherwise discuss it with you, remind them that you'd appreciate if your sister could be included in on some aspect of the occasion. So say if your girls are thinking a night out on the town, could sister join you for dinner first and then be dropped off/picked up to go home before the real party starts? 

  
  

  Surely your friends know when to keep conversation appropriate (work, church, etc) so they could mind their dialouge for an hour while your sister tags along. I think she'd love it and then you'd be off the hook to enjoy yourselves later. 

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• Starfish0116 member

  

  January 2012

  Thanks for the suggestions.

  
  

  We live in a pretty small area, so most likely my bachelorette party would be out of town, which pretty much means she wouldn't be coming. I was talking to my MOD this morning, and I think we're going to plan a mani/pedi day with lunch for everyone - that way she can be included. I know she's still going to get her feelings hurt if we go out of town and she's the only bridesmaid who can't go, but there just isn't any way around it.

  
  

  It's so hard, because she's at an age where she is clearly old enough to notice that she isn't included - but she's too young to be included. Like most pre-teen girls, she thinks she's older than she really is...lol.

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• saric83 member

  

  January 2012

  As for the dress situation, I wouldn't change plans to just bring MOH.  But tell your sister that she gets to go with you to the fitting when your dress comes in. 
  
  I'm sure the BM dress shopping will be really fun for her, but maybe even go in once with just her ahead of time.  It can be a special time for you guys, and it'll give her a chance to tell you what dresses she's more comfortable in without the pressure of everyone else there, so then you can take that into consideration when you go back with the whole group (including her.)
  
  For the bachelorette, don't even worry about it!  She (and your mother) just need to realize that it's usually an adult-event (regardless of the activities that happen).  Doing the mani-pedi and lunch would be great with her and hopefully, make her feel more included.  
  
  The only other suggestion would be to ask her to help you with something, like invitations, flowers, whatever she would be most interested in.  Then it could be her special project with you.  Obviously, if she has no interest, don't force her though.    

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• em01092 member

  

  January 2012

  I like that idea. She just has to understand that she isn't 18/21 yet and that's life. I don't think you are a bad person for wanting to have a night out, and considering the circumstances, it would be hard to do as I suggested. 

  
  

  
  

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• gananoque

  

  January 2012

  You're being super considerate and the others are right - your little sister is very young. She's just going to have to deal with the fact that she's not even a teenager yet. She cannot go to a bar. Or on a weekend jaunt to Vegas, or whatever you plan to do. Or even to a spa. She's a kid. I'm sure she knows this and she's used to not being able to do everything grownups do. It's just a part of life that every single child goes through and she'll get over it.
  
  Bring her dress shopping. Talk about the wedding together. Look at wedding magazines and share your ideas. Make the shopping for her BM dress a special event and plan together how she'll wear her hair, etc. In all likelihood, she won't actually realize what she's missing out on because she'll already feel so included and special.
  
  Is it too late to make her a Junior BM? It would actually be far more appropriate that she have this distinction and maybe she'd view it as a special unique honour - like she is the ONLY Junior BM. You can frame it in a way that makes it seem like she has an extra special honour (as opposed to just her being too young to do what the other BMs do).
  
  Also, your Mom should be able to help you unburden yourself a bit. Let her be the "bad guy" and tell your sister why she's too young to participate in certain activities. You're not her parent - you shouldn't be responsible for parenting her.
  

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• meganb1977 member

  

  January 2012

  I think she will be understanding that she's not old enough to attend the night out for your bachelorette party, perhaps she can make some fun plans to go to a movie with friends or something that evening if she doesn't want to feel like she was just left at home.  It sounds like you are being very conscientious about planning some type of other activity in which she can be included and I'm sure she'll appreciate that.

  Whoever said it was supposed to be happily ever after is a big fat liar.

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• glitzymandy member

  

  January 2012

  I was having the same issue as to my bacholorette party. My MOH is my little sister (shes 19 but will be 20) My mom gave me the idea to go do something special with her. Ill be going on a weekend trip to one of our fave places and doing stuff my fi and her bf refuse to go do (Musicals, Zoo ect) It still makes me sad she cant go on the big trip but she can go do everything else with me!

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