Wedding Woes

Guilt trips and chaos

Tired of the guilt trips from family, tired of people thinking of only themselves. I even had a friend of mine complain about going to the wedding of his cousin whom he is close to because she decided to have it on a Friday, like she wasn't considering her guests. Not like its in the middle of the week. He kept saying that he shouldn't have to take a vacation day for no reason. I went off on him telling him not to go if it's for no reason.
Wedding planning is no fun anymore, I guess that makes sense for me to say after being physically attacked and assaulted by my older sister yesterday after she literally went from 0 to 100 in my face screaming at me for her life's problems and because my wedding is out of state. After filing a report I reminded myself that I get to choose my family, and I do not have to answer or even feel obligated to people like her. No more dealing with drama of low lifes, people that lack social competence and grace, and I'm definitely not going to allow my parents to make me feel obligated to someone like her (even if my mother is terminally ill), and to tell me that I should again, make attempts to befriend my sister. They don't tell her to do the same, this I know for a fact, and they've been enabling her since birth. My mother even witnessed my sister attack me from behind, and she claimed she didn't see anything, so much that she didn't see how my sister threw me onto my mother who is in a wheel chair. How's that for enabling? My sister has a history of attacking people, she did this to my younger brother back in October, among the other 20 years of history, and she still hasn't paid any consequences. Well, 2 months to go before the wedding, and I'm pretty sure I don't want "family" there. They ruined other momentus occassions in my life, like my confirmation in the church, my parents and my older sister showed up to the church drunk, then came back to my home where I was preparing easter baskets for the kids to have my older sister, once again, attack me when I wasn't looking. I think I will make sure that the cops will definitely NOT show up on this special occassion, it's our wedding day afterall, and I think we deserve to have a good time, so NY here we come!

Re: Guilt trips and chaos

  • Between the OP and this...

    I'm having a small wedding and had planned on having my best friend since grade school be my MOH, and no BMs,  but it looks like she won't be coming because she is too busy, even though it's a long holiday weekend and I'd be paying for her to fly from LA to NY. So, besides being hurt by her lack of involvement and hinting she won't be coming, I don't have anyone else I would have stand up for me. I have two sisters 19 & 31, whom I'm not close with, and my 13 yr old niece who seems to be the most supportive in this whole thing. I have very few friends, none that I would be willing to ask since they have a hard time keeping in touch as it is. (I moved around a lot, it was hard to make and stay in contact with people, and those I know now are into their own life and are too busy to maintain friendships). Should I just ask my younger sister who is 19, since I get along better with her, or my 13 year old niece, or no one at all? This totally sucks, I'm at the point where I don't want to plan this out anymore because it's depressing that I'm doing this by myself and I don't have anyone close to me, maybe I should go to the court house instead.
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  • This sounds like a mess.
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  • I think you need to stop complaining about everyone and everything and elope.
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  • Riiight, so go and do something I don't want to do because of everyone else. Nah, I'm gonna stick to the plan of doing whatever the heck I want and not including those who are a drain on me and society as a whole. It did cross my mind, but that is not what would make us happy. Thx anyway.
  • This was just a vent and you wanted to no advice, huh?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_guilt-trips-chaos?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:b54e3afd-9a79-414c-84b0-d30d66626b93Post:9d95ca47-fb85-473b-bccf-1f75d4ac069d">Re: Guilt trips and chaos</a>:
    [QUOTE]Riiight, so go and do something I don't want to do because of everyone else. Nah, I'm gonna stick to the plan of doing whatever the heck I want and not including those who are a drain on me and society as a whole. It did cross my mind, but that is not what would make us happy. Thx anyway.
    Posted by Mal8423[/QUOTE]

    You should, after all you did put in the all the planning, which i agree in the end isnt as fun as everyone thinks. no, you dont have to do anything you dont want you are grown, from someone who has lived similar situations just swallow the weird anxiety feeling you get when you think about them and just stand strong and tell um. I AM DONE!!! and walk away... you and your husband are the family now.
     Some people dont understand but not everyone is "family oriented" and its not always the individuals decision, and it hurts but why stretch out the enivedable?
     I hope maybe you have a few blood relatives that you would welcome with open arms to celebrate your day, and if thats not the case you have close friends who love you and also his family, i am sure they love you!! Good luck, and have a beautiful day youve earned it...
                                                                <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image Future Mrs.Hellem
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