40-Plus Brides

Changing Your Name?

I'm curious as to what all of you are doing.  Being over 40, all of us have likely had the same name for some time.  I've been asked multiple times if I was changing my name.  A question I thought was odd.  Of course I have planned to take my fiance's last name.  The question is if I keep my maiden name and use all three (First/Maiden/Married) or just use my first name with my new married name.  My fiance asked if I was going to drop my middle name or my maiden name in my monogram.  I, of course, said it would be First/Maiden/Last as that is how I always thought I would do it and I actually LIKE my maiden name.  It's who've I've been forever.  He prefers I use First/Middle/Married, which to me seems odd.  Has anyone else done this?  Has anyone kept all four First/Middle/Maiden/Last?  I have one friend who has done this.  I never really thought much about the options, but I guess it's time to do that. 
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Re: Changing Your Name?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_changing-your-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:432ef0f3-c830-476e-81f9-e1f9ca179c82Post:57e13330-5b50-4c7a-9971-c81054c3b6c8">Changing Your Name?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm curious as to what all of you are doing.  Being over 40, all of us have likely had the same name for some time.  I've been asked multiple times if I was changing my name.  A question I thought was odd.  Of course I have planned to take my fiance's last name.  The question is if I keep my maiden name and use all three (First/Maiden/Married) or just use my first name with my new married name.  My fiance asked if I was going to drop my middle name or my maiden name in my monogram.  I, of course, said it would be First/Maiden/Last as that is how I always thought I would do it and I actually LIKE my maiden name.  It's who've I've been forever.  He prefers I use First/Middle/Married, which to me seems odd.  Has anyone else done this?  Has anyone kept all four First/Middle/Maiden/Last?  I have one friend who has done this.  I never really thought much about the options, but I guess it's time to do that. 
    Posted by Golightly2012[/QUOTE]

    I assumed I'd keep my name, but I've actually decided to change to his.  I'm still torn about the middle v maiden name.
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  • I didn't want to give up my middle nor my maiden name, so I am going to keept them both and just add my FI"s last name. So my name will be: FirstName MiddleName MyLastName HisLastName. I am not going to be a stickler for people using both last names on a social basis, I just want to know it is there. I have a few friends who have done this and have had little to no issues. Even officical documents, i.e., checks, airline tickets, that only had one last name and not both were not an issue.

    But I really believe it is a personal choice and you shoud do what you and your FI are comfortable with. I find it very interesting how strongly people feel about this subject. In fact, I am not telling my FMIL that I am keeping my last name. She would have a heart attack!

    Good luck!
  • I'm changing my name - it wasn't even a question in my mind.  I'm keeping my middle name as is.  My first name is so different that when I call I don't even have to use my last name I can just introduce myself as "Hi, it's firstname!"

    Not sure if it's a generational thing - I see a lot of younger brides not wanting to change their names. I've just always said that I would do it becuase it makes me feel more of a unit.
  • I've waited 50 years to get married and I want the whole kit-n-kaboodle.  Besides my maiden name is only 4 letters but has to be spelled so it is 5 syllables.  I'll be marrying a Smith, can't get much simpler than that!  I will keep my middle name, it just "goes" with my first name.
    moonmellyfish
  • I'm dropping my middle (which I hate) and keeping my maiden as a middle and taking his last. 

    I was married (quite unhappily) previously, so didn't have my maiden for 18 years, just got it back a couple of years ago, but I'm looking forward to getting fi's name soon! My maiden is a basically misspelled variable of a fairly common name (my grandfather changed the spelling from correct to wrong cause he was an ass), so I have to spell it constantly. I'm the last of us there is though, so I'm happy to keep it but no longer have to spell it. I would have done the same thing 20 years ago but I was young and stupid and didn't know it was an option!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_changing-your-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:432ef0f3-c830-476e-81f9-e1f9ca179c82Post:57e13330-5b50-4c7a-9971-c81054c3b6c8">Changing Your Name?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm curious as to what all of you are doing.  Being over 40, all of us have likely had the same name for some time.  I've been asked multiple times if I was changing my name.  A question I thought was odd.  <strong>Of course</strong> I have planned to take my fiance's last name.  The question is if I keep my maiden name and use all three (First/Maiden/Married) or just use my first name with my new married name.  My fiance asked if I was going to drop my middle name or my maiden name in my monogram.  I, <strong>of course</strong>, said it would be First/Maiden/Last as that is how I always thought I would do it and I actually LIKE my maiden name.  It's who've I've been forever.  <strong>He prefers</strong> I use First/Middle/Married, which to me seems odd.  Has anyone else done this?  Has anyone kept all four First/Middle/Maiden/Last?  I have one friend who has done this.  I never really thought much about the options, but I guess it's time to do that. 
    Posted by Golightly2012[/QUOTE]

    Why have you "of course" have planned to take your fiance's last name? Is it because this is his preference or yours?  No judgements, just curious ...

    Now, to your questions ... I've seen people do all sorts of things with their names when they marry. Here's the option I chose but you have not seemed to consider: I did not change my name; neither did my husband. 
    Blue_Bird
  • >>He prefers I use First/Middle/Married, which to me seems odd. Has anyone else done this?
     
    I did this.  First marriage, age 43.  And I got asked a LOT because I'm a college prof with publications and conference presentations,etc.  A co-worker who knew full well that my FI's last name was hard to pronounce and hard to say - and knew that my maiden name was Clark, said to me:

    "Women in this new century only take their husband's last name if that name is easier to spell and easier to day than their maiden name."

    And I looked her right in the eye, and told her I was taking his last name, big pause, "Because that's IMPORTANT to MEEEEEEEEEEE."

    She said nothing in response.

    />> Has anyone kept all four First/Middle/Maiden/Last?

    VERY common with the under 35 crowd.
    The average age where I teach is 35,
    and probably 60% of the under 35 women who are married HAVE ALL FOUR NAMES on the roll shee.
  • I'm taking his last name because I WANT to take his last name.  That was never something I considered not doing.  The question really is/was if I would drop my middle name, drop my maiden name or get crazy and keep all four.  I think I will drop my maiden name and keep my middle.  My middle name is part of my name and I like it, too.  So, I'm going with First/Middle/Married.
  • I am a widow getting married again next August and I never once thought of keeping my maiden name or my married name now. I will use my first, middle and new hubby's last name when we get married. I see nothing wrong with any choice you make...it's a choice you and you fianc need to discuss and agree on.
    Blue_Birdwilson24019
  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited August 2012
    First time I got married I kept my birth name (I was 25, in 1985) , divorced 17 years later, so no change in my name.  4 years ago I remarried, and kept my name.  I'm published, I have a career, and I was the first female president of my professional society.  So, nope.  No name changes for me. 

    Funny thing is, my first husband's name is French, very dificult to spell.  Current husband's name is 9 letters long, and has only one vowel.  About 2 weeks before we got married I sort of panicked because I realized we hadn't talked about this, and he's a traditional guy.  So I said "do you expect me to change my name after we get married?"  And he said, Oh, HE!! no.  I was thinking of changing MY name to YOURS!."  He is the best ever.   
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
    Blue_Birdwilson24019Ndelible
  • i hate my last names its a pain to pronounce and i havent seen the fker that gave it to me in 17yrs (dad) basically since my daughter was born so im getting rid of it. 
  • Well, there was no "of course" about it for me.  I didn't change my name with my first marriage at the age of 23, and again didn't change it with my second at the age of 56.  My view is that if you don't get to decide what his name is after marriage, he doesn't get to decide what yours is.
  • I'm not letting him decide.  I'm just looking at all the options.
  • I was taken aback by your "of courses" as well, OP. Folks have asked me if I'm changing my name, and I thought the question was odd also -- because "of course" I'm not. There is no "of course" -- there are an infinite number of options, one to fit every couple. We know couples who have created a new last name by combining and rearranging the letters of their original names -- infitine possibilities!

    I'm keeping my name. I'm 41 (today!), never been married. When I was in high school or college, I would have loved to have met someone, gotten married, and changed my name to something else. But now, the name is water under the bridge. As others have said, I have professional standing with this name, and while I could use my maiden name professionally and his name legally and socially, I've seen that hassle and want nothing to do with it. A fellow grad student back in the day had two first names and two last names, one her married name and one her maiden name. So sometimes, she was, for example, Michelle Wilson. Othertime Theresa Michelle Wilson. Sometimes Theresa Michelle Jones-Wilson. Or without the hyphen, or with only theresa, or only Michelle. Her name depended on who she was talking to. Madness. Worked for her, but that would drive me crazy.

    And I don't feel like I'm missing out on the kit-n-caboodle, either. To each her own.
    Blue_Bird
  • It's a matter of what you are comfortable with. I just got married a month ago and my mom is getting married in 6 weeks. We both are changing our name to our husband's. Mine obviously went from maiden to married. My mom's is from her 1st huband (my dad's) to her new husband's. My cousin's wife has always gone by her middle name, so when she got married she got rid of her first name and now goes by middle, maiden, married. Do what is best for you and that's all that matters. Congratulations on your marriage!!
    Blue_Bird
  • For my first wedding, I hyphenated.  And I stuck with it for 10 years. I never felt a part of HIS family and I didn't FEEL like a "his name." I felt it was a good compromise.

     My last name is unique, it's my identity.  People have always used my last name as a nickname.  And even when I hyphenated it, I still got people who confused me for another person from college with the same first name.  It just didn't work for me.  And since many places screwed up my name, I have like 6 aliases on my credit report.  Pain in the ass.

    My new husband was disappointed at first, but he's okay with it now.   He realizes my name is just important to me as his is to him.   Tradition doesn't matter to me when it's applied to only one gender like that.  And my father died when i was young and it feels like the only connection I still have to him.

    But it's aggravating when people ask if I am changing my name and I say no.  They then turn to my fiance and ask HIM how he feels about it.  As if it's their business to ask him about it.  What, do they want him to start to rant that he is against it and start a fight? Are they only okay with it if I have gotten permission from him?  Why would you do that, attempt to get in the middle of a private matter like that?  We've discussed it and come to an agreement about it.  His opinion was important to me, but in the end I went with what I felt my name should be.  And he was okay with it.  I am an adult who makes her own decisions, and besides the feelings of my fiance, I am beholden to no one else's opinions.  Get over it.
  • I'm still on the fence about this one, honestly. I am leaning towards keeping my maiden and adding his, although I haven't decided whether or not to hyphenate. I was engaged before (when I was 25) and was planning on changing my name--under duress. The ex-fiance was quite traditional and was insistent on my wearing a white dress and changing my name. My current fiance doesn't care what I do, since it's my name. I don't want to give up my last name, since I'm the last one. However, the two last names together will be a mouthful (five syllables), so I'm trying to decide what I want to do. I still have a year and a half to figure it out. :)
  • I will be doing First\Middle\Married.

  • I'm planning on keeping my current last name from my first marriage as I have had it nearly as long as my maiden.  I like it, and it's how I'm known professionally and all my official personal and military records are in that name. Guess I'm also too lazy to jump through all the hoops to change it.  In addition, I'm still very much a part of the ex's family so it still has meaning.  I do plan to use the new hubby's name tho socially tho.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_40-plus-brides_changing-your-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:69dea60c-2319-4015-8380-4a5cc0f18476Discussion:432ef0f3-c830-476e-81f9-e1f9ca179c82Post:57e13330-5b50-4c7a-9971-c81054c3b6c8">Changing Your Name?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm curious as to what all of you are doing.  Being over 40, all of us have likely had the same name for some time.  I've been asked multiple times if I was changing my name.  A question I thought was odd.  Of course I have planned to take my fiance's last name.  The question is if I keep my maiden name and use all three (First/Maiden/Married) or just use my first name with my new married name.  My fiance asked if I was going to drop my middle name or my maiden name in my monogram.  I, of course, said it would be First/Maiden/Last as that is how I always thought I would do it and I actually LIKE my maiden name.  It's who've I've been forever.  He prefers I use First/Middle/Married, which to me seems odd.  Has anyone else done this?  Has anyone kept all four First/Middle/Maiden/Last?  I have one friend who has done this.  I never really thought much about the options, but I guess it's time to do that. 
    Posted by Golightly2012[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>THE GARTER BRIDES say there is no right or wrong answer!  This is something you need to discuss with your fiance - there really are no rules.  One of the joys of being a mature bride is that you don't have to feel compelled to follow an old rule book!

    </div>
    Blue_BirdNdelible
  • When I got divorced 20+ yrs. ago, I kept my (ex-husband's) married name since I had been using it professionally...and somewhat out of spite. I was more of a "feminist" in those days - only took it to begin with b/c "one man's name was as good as another's" (my Dad's). Ex-husband was pissed that I kept the name - but an idiot for not realizing it had to be included in the divorce decree. 
    This time, I will happily change my name out of respect to my FH. I would not want to keep the ex's name, being married to another man. Keeping my original middle name throughout it all; not reverting to maiden name as middle name now.
  • I've never liked my middle name and my last name is a very common first name so I'm planning on dropping the middle and using First/Maiden/Married as my legal name.
  • I am changing my last name to his.  Does anyone else think they will have trouble adjusting after having the same name for most of your life?

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  • First time I married, I kept my maiden name.  This time, I'm taking his.  I debated keeping the middle or the maiden name.  Mom kept her middle name.  When she asked, she though I should keep my maiden and drop the middle. 

    I suggest you write it different ways and see what looks best.  What would the initials be?  Any issues there?  Do you have any children who have your last name?  That might may a difference.  How about your family?  Is anyone going to have a fit one way or the other?  Your parents gave you that middle name.  Will they be hurt if you drop it?  Good luck with your decision.

  • I'm going with First/Middle/Married but I will hyphenate for professional purposes. I have been in my industry for 20+ years and people identify with my maiden name. Adding his on the end should not be confusing. This is my first marriage (at 43) and I really WANT to change my name to his. He is fine with it either way but it's what I really want. Plus, my future step-daughter is SOOO excited we're going to have the same last name!
  • I have been hyphenated since birth, which is a HUGE pain in the rear!  I am looking forward to taking her last name and ditching the hypen!
  • ShellD13ShellD13 Can't get there from here member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I'm going with First/Middle/Married and dropping my Maiden name.  No real gain for me both my FI's and my last name are fairly easy to pronounce and are each only 3 letters long.  But I am the last of my line and I know that FI and I won't be having any children so it isn't like I'd be carrying on a future generation if I kept my maiden name.
    Anniversary
  • I'm too much a traditionalist. I'm giving up my 5 letter last name at the beginning of the alphabet to his 9 letter end of the alphabet name. I'm proud that I will be carrying his name and with blessings from above be passing it to our own children.
  • My first marriage I kept my first, middle, and maiden name and added my marriage name with a hyphen.  This go round I'm just using my first and middle, then adding my fiancé's last name.  Out with the old, in with the new! 
  • i changed to his name with my first marriage (first/middle/his last) and changed back to maiden when we got divorced. now 17 years later, im 40 and can't wait to take my new husband-to-be's name. :) we have sort of an inside joke about it, as his ex has my same first initial, and she's come to be known as the crazy ex. so i will be the new improved "K. (LastName)", determined to not become a psycho crazy b****. LOL :) all kidding aside, for me taking his family name is part of the excitement of becoming a united couple.
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