Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?

Mbenwitz · March 2013

The dresses are rosepetal colored very fitted with pretty straps, thin but halter like.

A few people think I should have my junior (14 years old) wear the same dress but make it strapless. I dont think that strapless would be appropriate.

I was thinking to either have her wear same dress with a slightly different color, or same dress and color with a different color something around the waist.

What are your suggestions? Do any of you have picture examples of a large wedding party with just one junior? I want her to look a little different but not stand out tooo too much.

Thanks!

AddieCake · March 2013

First, you shouldn't call her a junior bridesmaid b/c all bridesmaids do the same thing. She's just a bridesmaid, and the word junior might make her feel like a little kid. That being said, if the bridesmaid dress is appropriate enough for her, you have no more issue b/c she can just wear the same dress as everyone else. If you really want to have her singled out, I like the idea of a sash. I don't think I would put her in strapless, either.

Mbenwitz · March 2013

Yes, I should c all her a junior bridesmaid b/c that's what she is.

She just turned 14. We are 26-31 years old. She does not do the same things as the other bridesmaids. She doesn't drive. She cant attend the bachelorettte party, must I go on?

Thanks for your opinion...

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

Driving and attending the bachelorette party have nothing to do with being a bridesmaid.

Bridesmaid stand next to the bride on her wedding day. They walk down the aisle. They smile for pictures. They carry bouquets. They get dressed with the bride. Anything else done outside of that is optional. She's also 14 - I'm sure she'd love to be included with the older girls rather than excluded based on her age.

If the dress is appropriate for her age and her parents approve, I'd have her wear the same thing as the other girls.

Mbenwitz · March 2013

I don't want her to look exactly the same b/c I have so many bridesmaids!! That's what I'm trying to figure out! I really do want her to wear the same dress, I just want something a little different like a sash or headpiece. Just trying to get nice opinions here.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:a0f65aaf-1a47-4c16-a883-31e632e080b5">Re: Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I should c all her a junior bridesmaid b/c that's what she is. She just turned 14. We are 26-31 years old. She does not do the same things as the other bridesmaids. She doesn't drive. She cant attend the bachelorettte party, must I go on? Thanks for your opinion...
Posted by Mbenwitz[/QUOTE]

<div>Can she carry flowers and walk down an aisle? Because that's what a bridesmaid does. I have friends who drive and who came to my bachelorette party who were not my bridesmaids, so I don't know what those things have to do with it. Like I said, if you want to have her in somethng different, by all means do so. You asked about something around the waist, and I said I liked that idea. I just don't think there is any such thing as a "junior" bridesmaid. You aren't calling the other bridesmaids "senior" bridesmaids, after all. They are all females walking down an aisle holding (presumably) some flowers. </div>

vanityink · March 2013

I definitely say just let her wear the same dress. If it really bothers you, maybe get her a white sash, a headband, or a slightly different bouquet? Honestly, at fourteen, I would have HATED being singled out as "the young one" She is, obviously, but she is old enough to wear the same dress as the other bridesmaids, she's old enough to just be called a bridesmaid (junior bridesmaids is a style of more modest/age appropriate dresses for girls who can't fill out/wear standard bridesmaid dresses. That's obviously not her).

Mbenwitz · March 2013

My future mother in law thinks she should wear a different dress b/c she'll be walking down the aisle with her lil brother (age 10) and my fiance keeps calling him his "best boy". Ever time I have said, "don't u think I should make her a bridemaid?? I don't wnat her to feel left out", everyone in my fiances family and mine say "no, she's lucky to even be a part of it! She should be a junior!"

I think may stick to the same dress and a slightly different bouquet or headpiece.

libby2483 · March 2013

My H's 11 year old sister was a BM. The only thing that was different about her appearance than any of the other BMs was that she wore straps on her dress, while the other girls did not.

Simply Fated · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:53be9b83-e4de-4d67-8743-b137663e09ae">Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]The dresses are rosepetal colored very fitted with pretty straps, thin but halter like. A few people think I should have my junior (14 years old) wear the same dress but make it strapless. I dont think that strapless would be appropriate.<strong> I was thinking to either have her wear same dress with a slightly different color, or same dress and color with a different color something around the waist.</strong> What are your suggestions? Do any of you have picture examples of a large wedding party with just one junior? I want her to look a little different but not stand out tooo too much. Thanks!
Posted by Mbenwitz[/QUOTE]
I think your ideas are good.
For my friend's wedding, the jr bridesmaid wore a dress in the same color and fabric, but different style. It looked cohesive.

I think making it strapless would be inappropriate, too, but that's just me. My bf's mother was letting his 12 year old sister wear strapless dresses, so it depends. How old is your junior bridesmaid?

Mbenwitz · March 2013

shes 14

mcda04 · March 2013

What does your BM want to wear?

I would hate to be singled out just for being the young one. I wouldn't want a headband, or different flowers, or a sash when the rest of them aren't wearing any of it. If the dress is appropriate for a 14 year old, then have her wear that dress. If the straps are too thin then, add thicker straps or cap sleeves.

Is your MOH wearing the same dress also? The one that typically wears a slightly different dress is the MOH and if you're already doing this; then having a third look will look off.

Simply Fated · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:8c9c32ef-0792-48a1-8601-7b7880beac0b">Re: Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]shes 14
Posted by Mbenwitz[/QUOTE]
I dont' know the style of dress your bridesmaids are wearing, but can she wear it with out looking inappropriate? I would ask her mom/guardian about that.
If yes, you can always just do that. She doesn't <em>have</em> to wear a different dress, ya know?

If it's a no, then maybe a slightly different style or color or length?

Mbenwitz · March 2013

She really doesn't care, have asked her many times.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

14 year olds are very concious of being singled out, so if you do something, keep it subtle. She will very much appreciate that you didn't point out her age to everyone in a very obvious manner.

In my opinion, the only differences she needs to have are in deference to modesty. Say for example if your BM dresses were strapless and mid-thigh. Altering her dress to have straps and closer to the knee would be much more appropriate for her age.

Summer2011Bride · March 2013

If she doesn't care, then why not just have her wear the same dress? She is a BM like everyone else. I would be very resentful to be the only person called "junior" as a 14 year old.

Are BMs required to drive in order to be a BM? No. Are they required to attend a b-party? No. And by the way, her not attending your b-party is not an automatic. If you are choosing to have it at a bar or another place around alcohol, that is your CHOICE and not any fault of her own. If you had a different type of party she could attend.

All BMs have to do are hold flowers and walk down the aisle, and some brides don't even have them do that. It is supposed to be honoring them to have them up there with you. You are honoring her just like you are the other BMs; hence the same name. I would also give her the same dress.

Simply Fated · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:5f847808-6b76-48b2-ba1b-ca306aa8bc36">Re: Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]She really doesn't care, have asked her many times.
Posted by Mbenwitz[/QUOTE]
Does her mom (or whoever) care, lol? If not, then the skies the limit, as long as it fits the budget. I say put her either in the same as the bridesmaids or maybe a slightly different style, but same color. That's just my vote.

Mbenwitz · March 2013

I didn't ask any of you your thoughts about her being a junior bridemaid!!!

I do not care how you did your wedding, this is how I am doing mine. Shes my junior bridesmaid. Now if you want to offer me advice from there, awesome. IF not, I don't want to hear your comments!! 12 year old MOH? We clearly see weddings differently!

All my best friends and family members are my age!~ She is going to stand out no matter what. Giving her something a little different like a slightly different bouquet will make her feel special, not "different". The last thing I wana make her do is feel uncomfortable. I want her to feel extra special just like I might give something to my maid of honor to make her feel extra special.

I already decided that I'm going to have her bouquet (slightly different from the bridesmaids) match flowers in her hair. I don't need any more advice. THANKS. I got it from internet research and opinions from my friends.

QueerFemme · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:10cb1fe3-2d74-4056-8093-6028524c0acd">Re: Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't ask any of you your thoughts about her being a junior bridemaid!!! I do not care how you did your wedding, this is how I am doing mine. Shes my junior bridesmaid. Now if you want to offer me advice from there, awesome.<strong> IF not, I don't want to hear your comments</strong>!! 12 year old MOH? We clearly see weddings differently! All my best friends and family members are my age!~ She is going to stand out no matter what. Giving her something a little different like a slightly different bouquet will make her feel special, not "different". The last thing I wana make her do is feel uncomfortable. I want her to feel extra special just like I might give something to my maid of honor to make her feel extra special. I already decided that I'm going to have her bouquet (slightly different from the bridesmaids) match flowers in her hair. I don't need any more advice. THANKS. I got it from internet research and opinions from my friends.
Posted by Mbenwitz[/QUOTE]

You don't get to dictate how people respond. This is an internet forum. People are allowed to give you their opinions when you post here, even if you don't want to hear/see them. You might want to head over to WeddingBee. They are great about blowing smoke and catering to entitled brides.

AddieCake · March 2013

What is up with so many brides thinking that because they didn't specifically ask for opinions that nobody is allowed to give them? OP, people give their opinions as it relates to the question. It's not like you didn't also get answers to your question here.

artbyallie · March 2013

I guarantee you she will feel way more special to be a real, normal, regular bridesmaid. We say these things because your/his family isn't going to. It doesn't matter one tiny bit that she can't drive, or drink, or anything like that because a bridesmaid doesn't need to do anything except carry a bouquet and walk down the aisle.

Oh, and her brother is a groomsman. HTH.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

What's up with all the super rude newbies? For reals is it a full moon or something?

Mbenwitz · March 2013

WHAT!!!!! You are experienced according to YOU b/c you've had a wedding, or two... or 3?

I want to hear from people that have had juniors stand up andfor those people to give me advice on my junior! Not shoot down my idea that is definitely happening!

Mbenwitz · March 2013

No her brother is "the best boy"... he's 10! aka junior groomsmen!

ZiggyZos · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:a967dc17-bc02-4686-b032-3a171ded5d72">Re: Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's up with all the super rude newbies? For reals is it a full moon or something?
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

It was last week, so maybe a full moon hangover?

Mbenwitz · March 2013

Why do u all think it will bother the 14 year old to be a junior? She likes the idea. You dont know me or her, so how can you put it down so hard?

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:75c878d8-febf-47d6-b23a-70cdd104cfdb">Re: Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do u all think it will bother the 14 year old to be a junior? She likes the idea. You dont know me or her, so how can you put it down so hard?
Posted by Mbenwitz[/QUOTE]

When you were 14, didn't you desperately want to be seen as more adult? To wear makeup and go on dates and do the things that women do? Being called "junior" cuts a young woman's legs right out from under her and puts her right back at the kids' table at Thanksgiving.

ZiggyZos · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_big-wedding-party-what-should-my-junior-bridesmaid-wear-next-to-us?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:1ac72270-4c83-4097-ac7d-928388656625Post:6adcb4cb-ef18-42da-97e1-8ba93493b68f">Re: Big Wedding Party - What should my JUNIOR bridesmaid wear next to us?</a>:
[QUOTE]WHAT!!!!! You are experienced according to YOU b/c you've had a wedding, or two... or 3? I want to hear from people that have had juniors stand up andfor those people to give me advice on my junior! Not shoot down my idea that is definitely happening!
Posted by Mbenwitz[/QUOTE]

Maybe you aren't getting many responses from people who have had "junior" BMs because most of the ladies here have cared enough about their friends/family to not single out someone solely based on age when their role is the exact same as everyone else.

Since you have dubbed the 14 year old as the JUNIOR Bridesmaid, will you be calling all of the others SENIOR Bridesmaids?

Mbenwitz · March 2013

I was calling her a junior b/c thought it'd make her feel special.. due to the fact she's going to stand out b/c her age regardless. Her dress is the same as everyone elses. I just wanted something to be a little different for her sake.I care about her very very much and we're so close. I don't know why everyone is being so harsh, I'm a really good person and want the best for her and that's why I was seeking advice.

mlg78 · March 2013

Nobody is saying that you're not a good person. There are just many women here who are a wealth of knowledge about etiquette and general wedding stuff. Your all out refusal to even consider their point of view is why this is blowing out of proportion...

AddieCake · March 2013

Yes, she is going to stand out no matter what, which is what makes it unnecessary to make her stand out even MORE. But once AGAIN, if you want her to look a little different, a sash or different flowers or whatever are fine ideas. We're just saying calling her by a "younger title" is more demeaning than it is "special." She probably feels special just having been asked to be in your wedding party. Like Retread said, you make her feel special by NOT making her feel like a little girl.

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