Are memorial candles a "downer"?

Re: Are memorial candles a "downer"?

• lkpeaocck member

  

  July 2010

  I think it's a great idea, but I would put the word out with her family before you went ahead and did it. They might be honored or it might be extremely depressing for them. If the idea upsets them, you might do something more discreet, like attaching a locket with her photo inside to your bouquet, or having a brief passage on the program dedicated to her memory.

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• amssdm13 member

  

  July 2010

  another good idea is to have a (dog tag) made with her pic on the front and name on the back then have it tied around your boquet...(makes for great pics and that way that would make her family honored that she is that close with you!) Good luck, sorry for your lose.

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• trix1223 member

  

  July 2010

  I would definitely run this by the family first.  Some people might be okay with it, but for some others, it might just be too painful.  My mom died exactly 3 weeks before DD's wedding.  I personally could would not have wanted a very visible memorial to my mom on that day.

  "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146

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• srkropf member

  

  July 2010

  If it's how you want to honor her, I would go with it, speak with the family, but ultimatly it's you're decsion. I have lost both of my grandmothers, cancer and diabities, and my FI grandmother also past recently from cancer-- he doesn't have contact with any of his dad's family as his mom, sister, and he were abused by his dad-- except one aunt whom his dad also abused-- very sad. I am going to have three candles, each in the color of the cancer/diabietes that they past from on a tray at the front and have the mom's or spouses and my dad light the candles and place a note explaining the candles in my program

  Sarah Kropf 98 12 4

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• a4875098

  

  July 2010

  Thank you all!  Those are really good ideas.  My cousin actually sold Silpada jewelry and her 7 year old daughter gave me one of her bracelets at the funeral.  Maybe I can incorporate that around my bouquet.  Thanks again!!
  
  

  Adriane

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• gottahavashorti member

  

  July 2010

  I do think it's a downer.  I like the bracelet idea.  I'm also a fan of other small, subtle things that will mean something to you without being in your face - a locket on your bouquet with her picture or a pin that belonged to her, a piece of jewelery, an altar arrangement using her favorite flower or color, a favorite song on your must play list, etc. 

  
  
  Planning/Married Biology

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• cassiew0507 member

  

  July 2010

  I would talk to the family but I think its a good idea! At my wedding we are having a memory candle in honor of 2 ppl.  My mom and his best friend that died last year.

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• Lisa8888

  

  July 2010

  I think it will be a downer.

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• psuxray07 member

  

  July 2010

  I think the small things would be better - the bracelet idea would be very nice.  In 2 days, my grandfather will have been gone for 1 year.  He was a big part of the family.  It's still too hard to think about - I've thought about doing something to honor him but, just me knowing there is something small/thinking about it will probably make me cry, and I don't want to cry.  I was thinking of saving some flowers from my bouquet and taking them to his gravesite by myself...

  *12.31.10*New Year's Eve!*
  *BFP 1.3.13*

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• Norms Angel Forever

  

  July 2010

  have a candle but maybe not the picture, I have many people that have passed and I am having a memorial candle with the words "In Memory - This light shines as a symbol of a life and love remembered"
  
  Weddings are already emotional, and families as well as you are remembering their loved one should be there celebrating alongside them, so just be mindful as everyone else has said
  
  my cousin was killed in afghanistan a year ago and i'm getting a dog tag with his picture on it, and my sister died years ago, her favourite flower was forget-me-nots (fitting i know) so my flowers with have a few scattered in it, and my mom's corsage will also have a couple a lil remembrance but not a downer!

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