Vegetarian Wedding Reception!!

banana468 · December 2009

I second the hat tipping to jeanacorina!

peggyolson1 · December 2009

As a vegetarian and debately doing this myself (my hubby and I are both vegetarians), GO FOR IT!

I have come across advice on here that the wedding isn't for the couple, but for the guests. I disagree with that. A wedding should be about you and your fiance so if you want an all vegetarian meal, go for it.

The only thing I would make sure of doing is having enough of a spread for those who are the antivegetarian, to feel that they got a filling meal out of it. My family is very much a meat and potatos family, however if i offer enough over stuff, they will be happy.

A lot of caterers do vegetarian spreads too which look good. You can always have a pasta bar, salad bar, and plenty of finger foods which I think is great.

We are going for more Middle Eastern and traditional Jewish food for our wedding. We might have meat, but we are leaning towards no meat. We are now debating just doing hor'devours though for other reasons.

Foods we want at our wedding:
falafel in pita
hummus, tehini, and pita
salad bar
lots of cheeses
fruit display
bagels and cream cheese
briami
gnocci or some other pasta
little pizzas
lakas (potato pancakes)

Should we throw in meat, we will probably bring in a kosher carver to carve turkey or chicken to make schwarma.

banana468 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_vegetarian-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:1b876b93-0e22-4d36-b22e-fc7d04546fd8Post:205a7bb2-138c-46de-9aaf-0ded234f51e8">Re: Vegetarian Wedding Reception!!</a>:
[QUOTE] I have come across advice on here that the wedding isn't for the couple, but for the guests. I disagree with that. A wedding should be about you and your fiance so if you want an all vegetarian meal, go for it. [/QUOTE]

The issue with this is that:

1) You're disagreeing with etiquette - the social law. Disagreeing with what a wedding reception is from an etiquette standpoint isn't up to you.

2) It doesn't matter what you think. As you're having other people there, it's up to THEM to decide if they're happy or not with what their hosts have provided.

peggyolson1 · December 2009

I don't follow many etiquette rules and follow my own belief structures. I roll my eyes when I hear of certain rules. Hopefully people will like something I have at my wedding, but if not, sorry. Can't please everyone.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_vegetarian-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:1b876b93-0e22-4d36-b22e-fc7d04546fd8Post:e843d933-21cf-42d4-ba0d-e451a504e325">Re: Vegetarian Wedding Reception!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vegetarian Wedding Reception!! : The issue with this is that: 1) You're disagreeing with etiquette - the social law. Disagreeing with what a wedding reception is from an etiquette standpoint isn't up to you. 2) It doesn't matter what you think. As you're having other people there, it's up to THEM to decide if they're happy or not with what their hosts have provided.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

banana468 · December 2009

I'm not sure why you're rolling your eyes at the point of the reception.

It's FOR your guests and they're the people you're supposed to please. If you're not thinking that way, why bother with them at all?

tenofcups4me · December 2009

I think there's a middle ground between who the reception is "for." In most ways, it's like any other party -- of course you want to provide for the comfort and enjoyment of your guests. By the same token, of course you wouldn't do anything that violates your own moral or ethical mores.

I would expect any of my vegetarian friends to have a vegetarian reception the same way that I don't expect them to serve me meat of any kind when I go to their home for dinner or a party.

peggyolson1 · December 2009

I believe the ceremony and the reception should be about the couple, not the guests. Hell, if I want to throw an elephant and Hello Kitty theme wedding with only popcorn, candy, soda, and a movie playing, I will do it. My guests know I don't follow the norm and move to the beat of a different drum.

banana468 · December 2009

Sourpuss, I think you're missing the prepositions.

Sure, the wedding and reception should be a reflection of the couple. When DH and I host anything, the hosting is a reflection of us. So yes, it's ABOUT the couple too.

However we're preparing that food and doing it FOR our guests. I don't think vegetarian receptions are bad. You just need to make sure that as you have one, your guests' interests and tastes are in mind as you do so. Sure there may be some people who just love to complain but the goal is that you have been great hosts and that you're keeping all of your rather normal/sane guests happy...and that you're not just looking to keep YOU happy.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_vegetarian-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:1b876b93-0e22-4d36-b22e-fc7d04546fd8Post:2a4b5ebd-c154-4d66-b8de-73f16d0b637f">Re: Vegetarian Wedding Reception!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I believe the ceremony and the reception should be about the couple, not the guests. Hell, if I want to throw an elephant and Hello Kitty theme wedding with only popcorn, candy, soda, and a movie playing, I will do it. My guests know I don't follow the norm and move to the beat of a different drum.
Posted by sourpuss[/QUOTE]

If you did that, then you would be very rude and your guests would leave thinking that you don't care about them (which you don't) and that you only invited them so they'd get you a gift.

Most people actually care about the people they invite to their wedding.

mocha beans · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_vegetarian-wedding-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:1b876b93-0e22-4d36-b22e-fc7d04546fd8Post:2a4b5ebd-c154-4d66-b8de-73f16d0b637f">Re: Vegetarian Wedding Reception!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I believe the ceremony and the reception should be about the couple, not the guests. Hell, if I want to throw an elephant and Hello Kitty theme wedding with only popcorn, candy, soda, and a movie playing, I will do it. My guests know I don't follow the norm and move to the beat of a different drum.
Posted by sourpuss[/QUOTE]

Yep, you can do whatever you want. But so can your guests, and if I or most of the people I knew threw a party and were so self-centered about it as you seem to be, I'll venture to guess that they'd be leaving early to get some real food.

Part of being a good host is putting your GUESTS needs and desires BEFORE yours.

gottahavashorti · December 2009

Sourpuss, based on what you have said it doesn't sound like you care about your friends and family a whole lot.

My FI is more of a meat and meat guy than a meat and potatoes guy, but I know that he is just fine without meat since I hardly eat any and don't know how to cook it - if he wants it, he makes it. However, your menu is very obviously a veggie menue as opposed to some that have been suggested and the things that are not are bad for those who are lactose intolerant or have a gluten allergy. He would probably only be willing to eat mini pizzas, fruit and salad and he is pretty open to veggie stuff that is not 'out there'.

peggyolson1 · December 2009

That's silly. If my guests were used to fine dining and traditional formal weddings, I should have that kind of wedding because that's what my guests overall want?!

I am footing the bill and you know what, if invited people don't like how my wedding is casual with vegetarian hor'devours and Jewish, well by all means, don't go (I will easily state that there will be vegetarian hor'devours and obviously with Hebrew on the invite it is a Jewish wedding. I want to have a wedding that I love and that I will remember. Not throw a wedding that I just want guests to remember. I will be the one looking at pictures all the time- not coworkers.

Hopefully they will like the theme I am having and the food I will have. If not, they should then hope it is the only wedding I will ever have. It is one day where I can throw an event that is a reflection of me and my fiance. Not a time to throw an event that reflects the guests. I have been to parties and weddings where maybe it wasn't something I would have done for myself, I am there to celebrate with a couple that chose to get married. For the weddings I have been to that didn't have a vegetarian entree, I just ate salad, rolls, and dessert. Yes it would have been nice to have had a vegetarian entree, but hell I could survive for one evening because the event isn't about me as a guest, but about the couple.

Most people won't remember all the little nooks and crannies of weddings aside from their own. Might as well plan a wedding that represents the couple and what they like.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

People won't remember most of it. But they will remember how you treated them. If you are going to treat your guests like crap, like you are doing them a favor by even inviting them, they will remember it for a long time.

If you don't care about these people (which you clearly don't) you shouldn't be inviting them at all.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

Good golly can you really be this ridiculous? Let me break it down in simple terms, . sourpuss. Your goal for the reception is to choose a variety of food that will please most people. That is why most of the time at least three different main dishes are offered. Usually it is best to stick with safe foods unless you're having a super small wedding and know that others will enjoy what is served.

Here's an example that you will hopefully understand. I love Thai food. Fi and his family have never had Thai food. So, I will choose one of the 364 other days of the year to eat Thai food, not my wedding day. I will stick to traditional American food that is likely to please all of my guests. I will offer beef, chicken, seafood, and a vegetarian main dish. I'm almost positive that all of my guests will be pleased. That is the way that a wedding reception works (both big and small ones).

If you still don't understand, try this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Posts-Wedding-Etiquette-5e/dp/B0013L2DYG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261687413&sr=8-1

peggyolson1 · December 2009

Weird. I had a long response but it didn't show up.

Anyway, to each his own. I follow my own set of rules. You can't please everyone but in the least, I want to have the wedding of my dreams, not the wedding of the dreams of my guests.

I try to enjoy any wedding I have been a guest at since it isn't my wedding.

That's my 2 cents. I typically go on indiebride, offbeatbride, and projectwedding where people have different ideas of this etiquette.

peggyolson1 · December 2009

Weird. I see it now. Anyway, with my ethics, I don't want to serve meat. I don't wear leather, buy products tested on animals, and try to support local vegetarian restaurants. That's my code of ethics, however I don't expect most people to follow them since everyone is different. I mean I don't expect kosher Jews to have non kosher food for guests just because their guests dislike kosher food. I wouldn't expect a straightedge couple to serve alcohol either just because most people expect alcohol. Of course I would offer a variety of food. It will just be meat free food. I just think weddings are going overboard with trying to impress your guests vs having the wedding of your dreams.

Look I am used to not being in the norm here. I am a very independent person who goes by rules and my moral codes. Not codes that just the typical bride follows.

That is all I am trying to say. I am done with this thread because I am now even getting links to suggested books on how to have "proper" etiquette. I suggest people think for themselves and not follow a set of rules that the norm goes to unless they really believe them.

Peace

Goldlie11 · December 2009

I never said you had to serve meat. If you really don't want to you don't have to. Etiquette has nothing to do with following the beat of your own drum. Being "unique" is no excuse for being rude.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

You don't have to compromise your ethics or your personality to be a good host. People will eventually forget everything about your wedding, except how they felt there. If they felt uncomfortable and unwelcome because the most basic needs of hospitality weren't provided, and the bride's attitude was, "Suck it up, it's my day," they'll certainly remember. Frankly, if any of my friends had your attitude about their weddings, I'd either have a very stern talk with them, or I'd be reconsidering the friendship, because if they're that inconsiderate of the feelings of those who are supposed to be closest to them, they're probably not very good friends.

I'm a regular poster on Offbeat Bride, too. And guess what, most of the girls there have the attitude that making sure that their guests have fun comes first. There's a hell of a lot about my wedding that's untraditional, but I want to make sure that everyone is enjoying themselves, even while they're experiencing something they're not used to.

You don't have to be a conventional bride to be a big ol' bridezilla.

banana468 · December 2009

Sourpuss, no one is saying that your wedding should be cookie cutter, or not reflective of the uniqueness that is you and your FI.

The issue though is that since the reception is FOR the guests, you need to put your unique spin on what you do FOR your guests. So offer a vegetarian option but do so in a way that you believe your guests will enjoy it. Put your own unique flair on the decor in a way that you believe will please your guests.

If you're ONLY out to please yourself then elope and don't invite others. Presumably that's not what you're after so come up with options that are the best of both worlds: things that you and your FI enjoy that you want to serve to your guests.

Etiquette isn't a style. It's all about treating people the appropriate way. It doesn't matter what any funky website says. At the end of the day, your guests will be the ultimate forum.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

:headdesk:

No one ever said you had to serve meat. What they said was you need to consider your guests and serve a variety of vegetarian options that will appeal to different palates.

Your response to that: I don't care if they like it or not. They can go to McD's, because it's my day and I'm only concerned with pleasing me.

Mature.

squirrly · December 2009

While I might prefer a meat option, it isn't required. Note that I am absolutely serving a full, tasty, real vegetarian option to my guests, though. I don't really see why you can't serve a meat option, but that's beside the point.

I can't eat raw greens, broccoli, onions, cabbage, and a few other similar veggies. (I can eat them cooked, in limited quantities.) I can eat only limited amounts of dairy in any state.

FI doesn't eat cheese, beans, potatoes, and a few other items.

Diabetics can't eat copious amounts of carbs.

Just be sure to provide an appropriate variety of foods, meat or veg.

antimony · December 2009

FYI, Sourpuss wasn't the one who said they could go to McD's. That was me. And I would NEVER say that to my guests. I was being snarky here because I figured it'd be taken in the appropriate fashion and that no-one would think I'd actually express anything resembling that to my guests. Oops.

And I'm not doing a veggie reception to offend people because it's my DAAAYY or crap like that -- I'm doing lots of things in the wedding to make my guests welcome, and I expect they'll have fun. A handful of uncles will rib me about "where's the beef", but no-one will actually be upset or offended. (I know my family, and my fiance knows his enough to say this with confidence. Heck, the uncles in question will likely have more fun teasing me about being a lifelong vegetarian than they would eating some random "meat" option. They've come to my mom's veggie-only family functions for years and years and done the same thing.)

If anything cheezes people off, I expect it'll be the lack of dancing, but we *are* making sure people know it'll just be wine and dinner and conversation.

I wasn't offended by family weddings where there was nothing I could eat. Hungry, yes, annoyed or offended, no. Weddings in my family aren't about eating (or drinking -- cash bars were what I grew up seeing at weddings) on someone else's nickel. They're about witnessing a commitment and well-wishing. And not expensive gifts, either -- yes, people bought presents, but modest (like $15-30 for anyone outside immediate family).

Vegetarian Wedding Reception!!

Re: Vegetarian Wedding Reception!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards