Facebook nudity question WWED?

seesawgirl · May 2012

Quick poll for those who are still around. An acquaintance on Facebook, (friend from high school) posted some otherwise adorable pictures of Her 3 year old daughter, nude. Her little girl bits are pretty clearly exposed, but it's not in a sexual way. Basically, she ran off and hid in her Mommy's suitcase, naked, and her Mom thought it was hilarious and took a pic. Anyways, apparently, this girl runs around naked 90% of the time, (I would too if I lived in Mexico and could get away with it) and maybe her Mom just doesn't think about it? Idk. Anyways, I find the pics to be inappropriate. Does anyone know if Facebook reports things like that to law enforcement, if a user reports it as offensive? I would hate for her to get in serious trouble for something obviously innocent, just something that should be kept private, but at the same time, I don't know how to just blatantly tell her, without sounding like I'm judging, or worse, being a pervert for noticing.

littleluckypenny · May 2012

Tell her to take it down ASAP. She can be charged with having/distributing child porn or some sort of equivalent.

chattychiqa · May 2012

My agency works closely with FB. I can say confidently they filter a lot and dont contact police. That doesnt mean someone else who sees it wont. Suggest to her privately she take it down. Even if innocent, not appropriate especially considering where that could end up.

seesawgirl · May 2012

This is what I sent her. Hey Girl! I just wanted to shoot you a quick message. Your little girl is so cute! But, I'm not sure if you could tell or not, since the pics were taken with your phone, but in some of the pics, her little girl parts are showing quite a bit. I just wanted to let you know, in case you couldnt tell on your cell phone screen, so that you could either remove them or do a little creative editing or whatever. I hope you all are doing wonderful, your family is beautiful! I'm waiting for the message telling me that if I weren't looking for her parts, I wouldn't see them. I hate it when parents don't protect their kids' modesty, and get mad at other people for pointing it out.

chattychiqa · May 2012

Dude...well played. I'd never, and I have 3 kids!!

seesawgirl · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:7ef39798-054a-465d-95fc-f2ff7e3261f9">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]Dude...well played.

I'd never, and I have 3 kids!!
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

Thanks, I was trying to come off as not being judgemental, but when I read it back to myself, it sounded very "Martha Huber- ish" i.e. judgy and self righteous. Not what I'm going for at all.

And yeah, me neither. I'm all for embarressing naked baby pics, but there is a place for those, and it's not the world wide web.

eirwyn · May 2012

If she comes back huffy, just explain you're concerned the wrong person could end up with them, even if her privacy settings are set to "stun". Someone could download it, email it, share it, etc.

Once she realizes that, hopefully her protective nature will trump any annoyance she feels toward you.

pokepoke27 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:1c346a9d-57b4-4c39-b78e-9c3a14bef1c8">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]If she comes back huffy, just explain you're concerned the wrong person could end up with them, even if her privacy settings are set to "stun". <strong>Someone could download it, email it, share it, etc. </strong> Once she realizes that, hopefully her protective nature will trump any annoyance she feels toward you.
Posted by eirwyn[/QUOTE]

<div>This is the first thing that went through my mind. </div><div>
</div><div>Cute baby booties are one thing, but "other things" shouldn't be put online.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

coopsbaby · May 2012

You can also tell her that facebook will get pissy about it and you don't want anyone to report her. That might work better since she doesn't seem to mind the world seeing her kid's bits.

bonge · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:1c346a9d-57b4-4c39-b78e-9c3a14bef1c8">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]If she comes back huffy, just explain you're concerned the wrong person could end up with them, even if her privacy settings are set to "stun". Someone could download it, email it, share it, etc. Once she realizes that, hopefully her protective nature will trump any annoyance she feels toward you.
Posted by eirwyn[/QUOTE]

<div>This, there are so many creepers on fb looking for pics just like that</div>

Cortney1982 · May 2012

She was just super naive. I think you handled the situation well. But good grief, 3 years old is way too old for pictures like that to be shared with friends or even taken at all.

Lisa50 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:0b05c879-c13f-4826-b805-551d8d2da3f6">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is what I sent her. Hey Girl! I just wanted to shoot you a quick message. Your little girl is so cute! But, I'm not sure if you could tell or not, since the pics were taken with your phone, but in some of the pics, her little girl parts are showing quite a bit. I just wanted to let you know, in case you couldnt tell on your cell phone screen, so that you could either remove them or do a little creative editing or whatever. I hope you all are doing wonderful, your family is beautiful! I'm waiting for the message telling me that if I weren't looking for her parts, I wouldn't see them. I hate it when parents don't protect their kids' modesty, and get mad at other people for pointing it out.
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

Hopefully, that will work. My cousin (who can be as dumb as a rock about some things) sent a similar photo of her granddaughter to a few of us by phone. My immediate reply: "Why are you sending porn to my phone?" It was harsh, I admit. But ..I never received another photo like that again.

m tulli · May 2012

I would Contact her directly. By the law it is child porn. We all know she didn't mean anything about it but... Things tend to get blown up and the last thing she needs is an investigation.

Summer2011Bride · May 2012

I think every mother has some pics of her kids naked from either being in the bath or whatever. I don't think it's odd or appalling that she HAS that photo, but she definitely lacked judgment in sharing it on FB. I think the message you sent was nice but got to the point. Hopefully she takes it down.

If she gets snippy, just explain you are concerned about whose hands that photo might end up in. You also think someone might end up reporting her on FB and they would remove it anyway. Better she do it than them. Hopefully she gets it.

Callmefia · May 2012

I have been in a situation where I had a FB friend post a pic of her 4 or 5 year old DD without a shirt on. I suggested she take it down because there are a lot of sickos in the world and I would hate for it to get in the wrong hands. She was incredibly offended and said her FB settings were safe and she thought it was fine. I told her I don't care about it, but I just was worried for the safety of her kids. She left it up

I feel bad for the kid who one day might end up pretty embarassed that her mom shared that picture. I know I would be! Also you never know who is out there and stealing your pictures.

I know a lot of ppl have naked baby pictures and I think its fine. But just don't distribute or share via social media, I think that is inappropriate.

chelseamb11 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:1b591016-3e79-4c76-8a54-9f8f4bf07ff9">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think every mother has some pics of her kids naked from either being in the bath or whatever. I don't think it's odd or appalling that she HAS that photo, but she definitely lacked judgment in sharing it on FB. I think the message you sent was nice but got to the point. Hopefully she takes it down. If she gets snippy, just explain you are concerned about whose hands that photo might end up in. You also think someone might end up reporting her on FB and they would remove it anyway. Better she do it than them. Hopefully she gets it.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

This

seesawgirl · May 2012

Omfg. She got offended. "Thanks for your input but I don't just have anyone as my friend on Facebook so if anyone is bothered by a 3 year olds body part than I think they need to be worried about that and remove their selves from my face book" My response ", I would just hate to see it wind up in the wrong hands, or the Facebook mods have a problem with it and you get in some sort of legal trouble over a cute family pic. If you're comfortable with who you have as friends and dont think its anything to worry about, then that's your right as a mom, I was just letting you know in case you couldn't tell, and I wasn't trying to be judgemental. As a victim of sexual abuse, I just know first hand how horrible people can turn innocent things into something sick. Once again, if you are comfortable with who you have as a friend, and your security settings, then as a mother, you know best. I hope you have a wonderful day." Naive doesn't even begin to cover it. Sheesh.

rsanna · May 2012

I agree with what everyone posted. But perhaps she just doesn't realize it is a big deal. I actually have a story similar, just not involving social media, about this. For my high school graduation my mom made a surprise photo collage of me through the ages, starting from when I was a baby all the up to the present. I am sure it took her a lot of work and it was really sweet. What she didn't realize, or think was a big deal, was a picture when I was little and naked that showed everything. Needless to say, as soon as I saw it I immediately rushed and found another picture to cover up the parts in question and my mom's response was that it wasn't a big deal and I was just a baby, so why would anyone care. Even though only one friend saw it, I was so embarassed.

On the flip side, I made compiled a whole bunch of our home movies, ripped them onto the computer and put them back together and showed some clips of that at my graduation as well. There was a scene or two where I was naked in the bathtub, but nothing was showing and so that fell under cute and not awkward and embarassign for me, because you couldn't see anything.

When it is all said and I done, I would be mortified if either of parents posted naked baby pictures of me on facebook if anything was showing.

ETA: I am sorry your friend got offended. I hope she realizes in 10 years, her daughter will most likely be saying the same things to her. I guess as long as she is comfortable with it, but there is just no telling what kind of people get access to things. Too many chances for me.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:b78ed022-dabc-445c-b4fb-e6611fab28e5">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook nudity question WWED? : Hopefully, that will work. My cousin (who can be as dumb as a rock about some things) sent a similar photo of her granddaughter to a few of us by phone. My immediate reply: "Why are you sending porn to my phone?" It was harsh, I admit. But ..I never received another photo like that again.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

She shouldn't have the pic up on facebook, because everyone else is completely right that there are sick people out there in the world who love to get their hands on this stuff, but I totally don't understand this post. What on Earth is wrong with privately sending a cute picture to a family member? It's just a naked person -- perfectly natural.

aragx6 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:90298f3f-7e26-4aab-ac51-009ce560e6e5">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook nudity question WWED? : I agree she shouldn't have the picture up. Aragx- your post reminded me (story time!). When I was little (like, 2?) my Mom took a picture of me butt naked in our living room wearing those huge plastic novelty sunglasses and a crapton of Mardi Gras beads. She sent it to my Godmother, who was SO offended that she cut out pants out of construction paper, glued to the photo and made a copy, and sent back to my Mom without another word. I think the completely naked one got destroyed, but I still have the copy of the edited one. My Godmother would NOT enjoy FB.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

That must be one funny looking pic!

When people flip out about a naked two year old they're teaching you that your body is something to be ashamed of and implicitly sexualizing the child themselves and that's one of my big pet peeves.

seesawgirl · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:64668b31-3d92-412b-86af-011ce69a7315">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook nudity question WWED? : That must be one funny looking pic! When people flip out about a naked two year old they're teaching you that your body is something to be ashamed of and implicitly sexualizing the child themselves and that's one of my big pet peeves.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

I agree, and it's not that I find it sexual, at all, I just...bluntly speaking, wouldn't want my child's adorable pics (or anyone else's) be masturbation fodder for some sicko.

I don't think people realize that there is a whole company full of employees that runs Facebook, that has access to all of your information and pics, whether you have your security settings locked down, and you don't know who those people are, or what they are going to do with it. It's not that there's anything wrong with the picture, it's the fact that it just doesn't belong on the Internet.

aragx6 · May 2012

I don't know about her settings, but I'd be worried about more than FB empoyees --Whenever a FB friend of mine comments on a picture of one of their friends' it shows up in my feed even if I don't know this friend of theirs.

Bonzo2011 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:0a9c2bd3-bde8-4519-95ac-2985342e3bca">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know about her settings, but I'd be worried about more than FB empoyees --Whenever a FB friend of mine comments on a picture of one of their friends' it shows up in my feed even if I don't know this friend of theirs.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

This is what would worry me in this situation. I see all sorts of pictures of people I don't know at all, just because they are friends of friends.

This past week an acquaintance posted a picture of her son potty training. Her close friends have been commenting "aww, so cute!" but really, I don't want to watch your sons progress as he learns to use the toilet.

MrsKathyC · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:0a9c2bd3-bde8-4519-95ac-2985342e3bca">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know about her settings, but I'd be worried about more than FB empoyees --Whenever a FB friend of mine comments on a picture of one of their friends' it shows up in my feed even if I don't know this friend of theirs.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

Exactly!!!!

eirwyn · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:0a9c2bd3-bde8-4519-95ac-2985342e3bca">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know about her settings, but I'd be worried about more than FB empoyees --Whenever a FB friend of mine comments on a picture of one of their friends' it shows up in my feed even if I don't know this friend of theirs.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
Precisely. She can be as robo-mommy as she wants. Doesn't change the fact that photo may not stay as private as she thinks.<div>
</div><div>My mom has pictures of me in the bath and such when I was a toddler, but she didn't share them with all 500 friends/family, and I certainly didn't scan them and upload them when I was posting some old family pictures. There's nothing wrong with those photos, of course, but there are some lines you just don't cross.</div>

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

This entire post reminds me of a story from a few years ago - some parents took pictures to get developed at Wal-Mart and some of the pictures were of their three little girls at bathtime. Totally not sexual at all - and let's be real, pretty sure ALL parents have pics of their kids at bathtime. Anyway, the photo-lab person was disturbed by the photos. Authorities were called, CPS intervened and the children were taken away from their parents for an entire MONTH.

So yeah, if your friend thinks it can't happen to her, she needs to get a reality check. The pictures are innocent but that doesn't mean they should be for the world to see. Nothing on the internet is truly private and yeah, if it gets into the right (er, wrong?) hands - shiiit can definitely go down.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Weekend/parents-sue-wal-mart-children-bath-time-photos/story?id=8622696#.T7z8xsX4KBg

MyUserName1 · May 2012

Honestly, if/when i have children, I won't be putting a bajillion and a half photos of them on the internet even fully clothed. Like others said, even if my settings are locked the hell down, there's still facebook employees who have access to everything. Also, FB is not that secure. If someone felt like hacking, they could extremely easily. Once something is on the internet, it's there forever.

Also, with the photo that was texted to Lisa, it's not private if it's texted. People through both phone companies can read/see your texts.

There's a lot of sickos in this world and I'm sure some of them are smart enough to get a job somewhere where they have access to your "private" accounts.

seesawgirl · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:5466285b-ac2c-480a-b504-74ae0cd53aa9">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]This entire post reminds me of a story from a few years ago - some parents took pictures to get developed at Wal-Mart and some of the pictures were of their three little girls at bathtime. Totally not sexual at all - and let's be real, pretty sure ALL parents have pics of their kids at bathtime. Anyway, the photo-lab person was disturbed by the photos. Authorities were called, CPS intervened and the children were taken away from their parents for an entire MONTH. So yeah, if your friend thinks it can't happen to her, she needs to get a reality check. The pictures are innocent but that doesn't mean they should be for the world to see. Nothing on the internet is truly private and yeah, if it gets into the right (er, wrong?) hands - shiiit can definitely go down. <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Weekend/parents-sue-wal-mart-children-bath-time-photos/story?id=8622696#.T7z8xsX4KBg" rel="nofollow">http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Weekend/parents-sue-wal-mart-children-bath-time-photos/story?id=8622696#.T7z8xsX4KBg</a>
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

That is the exact story that I referenced in my last email to her, in addition to facebook's picture policy. Apparently, I don't "get" that it is ok, since I haven't popped a child out, and I am either sick for looking at it that way, or just being nosy. She de-friended me, oh sadness.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:1d0e1ed4-21dc-4d7d-a09c-8ad32f985f83">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Facebook nudity question WWED? : That is the exact story that I referenced in my last email to her, in addition to facebook's picture policy. Apparently, I don't "get" that it is ok, since I haven't popped a child out, and I am either sick for looking at it that way, or just being nosy. <strong>She de-friended me, oh sadness.</strong>
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

Dumb.

At any rate - you did what you could and the rest is up to her. Hopefully she comes to her senses and nothing bad comes of this.

pkontk · May 2012

I think your friend needs to remind herself that perverts are everywhere, not just locked in their basements looking at illegal web sites. Most sexual abuse is at the hands of friend or family member, and I'm not saying that this little girl is abused or anything like that, but she very well could be friends on facebook with someone who has a secret child fetish. You can never know what really goes on behind closed doors, and whether its her best friend's husband or someone she knew in high school, there could still be unsavory people looking at these pics.

brilibby4 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_facebook-nudity-question-wwed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2cce7a78-156a-4e64-bc8f-8666872804e4Post:d7eadcf6-ee89-4db9-8817-91fa49c6d414">Re: Facebook nudity question WWED?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your friend needs to remind herself that perverts are everywhere, not just locked in their basements looking at illegal web sites. Most sexual abuse is at the hands of friend or family member, and I'm not saying that this little girl is abused or anything like that, but she very well could be friends on facebook with someone who has a secret child fetish. You can never know what really goes on behind closed doors, and whether its her best friend's husband or someone she knew in high school, there could still be unsavory people looking at these pics.
Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]

This was my first thought too! She could have pervos on your friends list and not know it. I don't think its something they would advertise.

Facebook nudity question WWED?

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