Picky Pregnant Bridesmaid...

k1t73n · June 2012

Ooh! It's beautiful and perfect the second one but it is online only so she can't try it on, we tried on all the ones in the store.

k1t73n · June 2012

Thank you for the input and pic :. I will try to find something else if that dress is uncomfortable.

k1t73n · June 2012

I see your point. But my compromise was a dress that is longer than any of the other dresses but doesn't go all the way to the floor. Also she was totally fine with a short dresses until she fell in love with the long one...suddenly short became an issue. I want her to be comfortable and I'm not trying to say my wedding is more important than her pregnancy, I know it isn't. But I just don't feel we have to pick that ONE dress she is set on. She would step down from being a bridesmaid before scrapping our friendship and I would let her wear a tutu before scrapping the friendship, it's just not necessary. We can, I believe, come up with something that works for both of us.

k1t73n · June 2012

It is possible I guess...she wants to move to Vermont and maybe she feels like she can't because she agreed to be in my wedding and she wouldnt be able to make it? Hopefully she knows me better than that. Maybe she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid now that she's pregnant? Interesting thought.

aerinpegadrak · June 2012

She does sound like she's being a bit of a pill about it, but it could be pregnancy brain. The best thing to do is just try to be the bigger person and be as accommodating as possible. Remember, it's ultimately a small detail, and not worth possibly sacrificing a friendship over.

beautifulvice · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picky-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7d8fd39b-da39-4dec-9082-b1b68c338e9ePost:47e7fd5e-cf85-47ed-a0aa-9f887878a782">Re:Picky Pregnant Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooh! It's beautiful and perfect the second one but it is online only so she can't try it on, we tried on all the ones in the store.
Posted by k1t73n[/QUOTE]

Darnit! I thought I had double-checked for that. One thing a David's might have is that dress ordered for someone who cancelled it and maybe there's one lone version of it in some store somewhere? Or maybe you can ask your store to get one in for trying it on? I'm not sure how flexible they are with these things though:(

m tulli · June 2012

I honestly think her dress would look fine. It's too bad she wouldn't hem it to tea length. I think that would give her the dress she wants with a less formal look that you want. But it still has simple lines and is not too formal. I know right now it seems like a big deal. We all have the vision but sometimes we need to adjust our vision. I think your friend saying I will only wear this dress is a little narrow minded of her but she's pregnant and hormonal and might not feel great in her skin. If she is important to you just roll with it. There are bigger issues to deal with when wedding planning.

You are going to drive yourself crazy if you stress over this. If she's unhappy she'll complain the whole way. I can see her the day of sulking and feeling unattractive. I would rather have people happy and excited about being in the wedding, you know.

Good luck

k1t73n · June 2012

My MOH said she worked it out with my bridesmaid...I have no idea how or what she said but I guess they can work it out among themselves and I can stop being the dress referree.

Gabrielle76 · June 2012

Glad it sounds like it's getting worked out.
Maybe she's more into the long dress because she's realized that it's not always just your belly that gets bigger when you're pregnant. There can be weight gain all over, as well as vein-y looking legs, swollen ankles, and other 'side effects' that can keep a woman from feeling super sleep and sexy. Maybe she wants the longer dress to cover up trouble spots she's starting to notice as her pregnancy progresses.

purplebear17 · June 2012

I know you said it's taken care of, but I just want to add. I absolutely agree with 1covejack. I am pregnant - 7 months - and in a wedding in August. Bride wanted short. I bought a few to try, and found our short gets hiked up with my belly and it's now an inappropriate length, and also shorter in the front than in the back. Even the tea length, once the front pulls up even higher over the belly, the high-low hem is really exaggerated and looks silly.

I am actually wearing the bridesmaid's preferred dress. It's a little formal but there aren't many comfortable options for women who are very pregnant (not 4-5 months) at Davids. Most of them, including the short ones suggested, will only work for someone with a small bump. In case you are still looking, there's also this one:

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Spaghetti-Strap-Chiffon-Dress-with-Beaded-Waist-F12495_Bridal-Party-Features-Maternity-Appropriate

It's long, but she can cut it shorter, even tea length if she wants. Does have beading, but it's a little more casual being chiffon. It's more expensive than the other ones, but that's just part of being a pregnant bridesmaid, and she should understand that. There just aren't that many options out there. You can't just buy off the rack, typically.

OP, it sounds like you feel like you took a beating on here. I hope you can work out that compromise with your friend. Good luck to you.

k1t73n · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picky-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:7d8fd39b-da39-4dec-9082-b1b68c338e9ePost:1ddf0f9d-6972-4673-935d-47a9005de30a">Re: Picky Pregnant Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know you said it's taken care of, but I just want to add. I absolutely agree with 1covejack. I am pregnant - 7 months - and in a wedding in August. Bride wanted short. I bought a few to try, and found our short gets hiked up with my belly and it's now an inappropriate length, and also shorter in the front than in the back. Even the tea length, once the front pulls up even higher over the belly, the high-low hem is really exaggerated and looks silly. I am actually wearing the bridesmaid's preferred dress. It's a little formal but there aren't many comfortable options for women who are very pregnant (not 4-5 months) at Davids. Most of them, including the short ones suggested, will only work for someone with a small bump. In case you are still looking, there's also this one: <a href="http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Spaghetti-Strap-Chiffon-Dress-with-Beaded-Waist-F12495_Bridal-Party-Features-Maternity-Appropriate" rel="nofollow">http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Spaghetti-Strap-Chiffon-Dress-with-Beaded-Waist-F12495_Bridal-Party-Features-Maternity-Appropriate</a> It's long, but she can cut it shorter, even tea length if she wants. Does have beading, but it's a little more casual being chiffon. It's more expensive than the other ones, but that's just part of being a pregnant bridesmaid, and she should understand that. There just aren't that many options out there. You can't just buy off the rack, typically. OP, it sounds like you feel like you took a beating on here. I hope you can work out that compromise with your friend. Good luck to you.
Posted by purplebear17[/QUOTE]

Thanks you. I do like the dress she picked out...but she refuses to shorten it even a little bit. I only wanted to make it the right length to accomodate her belly without hitting the floor. It also, as you know since you wore it but others may not, has a big satin drape down the back, I feel like that makes it much more formal. This one you have recommended I like more because althought it is long is does have the right casual look that everyone (including me) has.

michellesean · June 2012

I think the dress she wants isn't too formal. They all look very nice together. Just make sure it's the same color and you're all set!

purplebear17 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picky-pregnant-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:7d8fd39b-da39-4dec-9082-b1b68c338e9ePost:2e71b18d-2090-425e-b752-14e95e11d12c">Re: Picky Pregnant Bridesmaid...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Picky Pregnant Bridesmaid... : Thanks you. I do like the dress she picked out...but she refuses to shorten it even a little bit. I only wanted to make it the right length to accomodate her belly without hitting the floor. It also, as you know since you wore it but others may not, has a big satin drape down the back, I feel like that makes it much more formal. This one you have recommended I like more because althought it is long is does have the right casual look that everyone (including me) has.
Posted by k1t73n[/QUOTE]

Yup...it does have a cape. I never understood why they didn't show that as an alternate view...that's a pretty important part of the dress style-wise! I think that particular dress would look funny shorter, but the other options people have given would work fine.

I can tell you that if my bride has insisted I wear a certain dress, I would have expressed my concerns (if valid), but if she didn't budge, I'd wear the dress or drop out if I was that uncomfortable. This is not where I would draw a line in the sand if I were her. It just feels like there's something else going on with her - maybe as PP said, poor body image, feeling self-conscious, etc? I am sorry she's not willing to negotiate. That doesn't seem fair.

Sarah5200 · June 2012

Hey OP. Sounds like things might be worked out already? But I'll offer my opinion in case they aren't.

I get being disappointed that she's really stuck on this one dress, but I think it will be okay. It might just save you a headache to go along with it. After looking at all of the dresses, I think that the one she has chosen will still look nice with the other dresses your BMs are wearing. I think that your guests that notice she's in a different dress will think you were very kind to let your pregnant BM choose a dress that she is comfortable in. You'll be way too busy on your wedding day getting married to even let the thought of her dress bug you

I think your compromise dress is pretty, but I would be worried too about the front being too short once it's over that beautiful baby belly. I have a couple of maternity shirts (wore them while not being pregnant, just cuz they were pretty and the cut was still flattering without making me look pregnant) and the front of them is actually longer than the back, to purposely accommodate for that fabric that is going around the bump, something I wouldn't have thought of before.

I hope that you sort everything out and everyone is happy in the end, good luck to you!

k1t73n · June 2012

Yeah I dunno how it would look in the end but the front IS longer on that dress I suggested. It's the one the attendant at the store suggested for pregnant women for that reason. It also has a drape in front to cover up the event of her belly button popping out.

eureka30030 · June 2012

I really don't think the long dress she wants is very formal. The cape thing in the back makes it a bit more than casual but I'm sure a seamstress could remove that.... And personally, I think draping down the middle front- like the one you picked as a "compromise"- nearly ALWAYS draws attention to the belly rather than away... I guess I just don't really see an issue here- all the dresses look just fine together IMO

sunshineinne · June 2012

I don't really have any advice on the dresses, but feel your pain. I understand that bridesmaids want to look good on the wedding day...but truly, if there was ever a day that's about you...this really is it. There is no other day. And when your bridesmaids get married, then that day will be all about them. I promise. I think any good bridal consultant would tell you that ultimately it's the bride's choice what the bridesmaids wear - whether that's letting them choose, or you choosing for them). Yes, it's nice and thoughtful to take their opinions into consideration, but it's your wedding and the style of bridesmaids dresses is a reflection upon your taste. If you are not comfortable with the level of formality of their dress, that's a problem. By the way - I love the first dress, and the long dress. (But it's not my wedding - it's yours).

HeathenSwan · June 2012

The thing with forums is that people are going to have opinions different from what you want to hear. That's just how it is on the internet. You've gotten a ton of responses that are good. I only saw one that was really harsh. Don't let t get to you, and don't show weakness (it's like blood in the water, shark in the water).

That said, I think the dress she likes, provided it comes in the color you want, isn't too formal. The other dresses are cotton and that one is jersey. I've seen their jersey dresses and, even with the satin accents and length, they are still pretty casual. You can try to impress upon her that you'd prefer it be short, but she may be worried about swollen ankles and all that fun stuff.

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