Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points with The Knot Rewards
Wedding Etiquette Forum
Adult only
Ok, I understand that it is rude to post this on your invites, websites etc, but why exactly? We all know some people on our guest list that even though we address it just to them, try to add their children on to the RSVP card...so why is it in bad taste to say that the reception is adult only? I've gotten invites before with that on it and I've never given it a second thought. I'm not planning on putting this on my invites, I'm just curious as to why it's such a big faux pas.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Adult only
Teachery Blog
It's considered rude to mention people who are *not* invited to the wedding. By putting "adults only" you are tacitly mentioning people who are uninvited.
[QUOTE]Ugh, I go an invitation the other day with "adults only, please.." ON the invitation, as if Mr. and Mrs. XXX XXXX on the envelope wasn't enough. <strong>I think adult only weddings are ridiculous</strong>, but that's just me. To each their own. OH, and they have a honeymoon registry as well.
Posted by lindsaynewbride10[/QUOTE]
<div>Why? </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Too slow.</div>
Rambley Blog
[QUOTE]Ugh, I go an invitation the other day with "adults only, please.." ON the invitation, as if Mr. and Mrs. XXX XXXX on the envelope wasn't enough. <strong>I think adult only weddings are ridiculous, but that's just me.</strong> To each their own. OH, and they have a honeymoon registry as well.
Posted by lindsaynewbride10[/QUOTE]
I don't. We tried like hell to have one, but my family pitched a fit and we relented. Looking back, hardly anyone danced because the kids were all over the dance floor. As were their parents who were just standing there taking pictures of their adorable little precious angels. I love my cousin's kids and the like, but that's exactly why I didn't want kids. Some parties are just more fun with adults only.
I feel like as a kid I'd have been bored after only a couple of hours -- my mom rarely took us to weddings as kids.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : I don't. We tried like hell to have one, but my family pitched a fit and we relented. Looking back, hardly anyone danced because the kids were all over the dance floor. As were their parents who were just standing there taking pictures of their adorable little precious angels. I love my cousin's kids and the like, but that's exactly why I didn't want kids. Some parties are just more fun with adults only.
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]
The dance floor thing definitely.And I love all my family members but some of them are little terrors and I'm not gonna have them running around like crazy people at my wedding reception. For example, my cousin brought her son to our engagement party (which was at bar) and she let him run around all night and he crawled under and table and bit some random guy and drew blood and then when they were finally leaving he pitched a fit and ran into a waitress and knocked an entire tray of drinks onto the ground and all over her. I don't need that kind of drama at the reception.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : I don't. We tried like hell to have one, but my family pitched a fit and we relented. Looking back, <strong>hardly anyone danced because the kids were all over the dance floor. </strong> As were their parents who were just standing there taking pictures of their adorable little precious angels. I love my cousin's kids and the like, but that's exactly why I didn't want kids. Some parties are just more fun with adults only.
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>That's never stopped me or any one I know from dancing. The kids moved.</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : The dance floor thing definitely.And I love all my family members but some of them are little terrors and I'm not gonna have them running around like crazy people at my wedding reception. For example, my cousin brought her son to our engagement party (which was at bar) and she let him run around all night and he crawled under and table and bit some random guy and drew blood and then when they were finally leaving he pitched a fit and ran into a waitress and knocked an entire tray of drinks onto the ground and all over her. I don't need that kind of drama at the reception.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]
Jeez, I generally think kids and their misbehavior is overstated, but that kid is a flucking nightmare.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : Jeez, I generally think kids and their misbehavior is overstated, but that kid is a flucking nightmare.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
Oh and he's not the only one. Family holidays are always interesting. I can just see me getting cake/soda/something on me the moment I get there if we have kids there.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : That's never stopped me or any one I know from dancing. The kids moved.
Posted by Lizzieyounce[/QUOTE]
The dance area wasn't that big. So if you take 7-10 kids screaming and running around + just as many adults just standing there playing photographer, it wasn't very easy to get people over there. We tried and would get a little bit started and the kids would just run between us. I think everyone who wanted to dance a little just decided it was more annoying than fun. I mean, that's why I stopped trying to dance and it was my own wedding.
[QUOTE]You know I should have said those parents are flucking nightmares -- there's obviously some issues at play. If my (hypothetical as-of-yet nonexistent) child bit someone, we'd have gone home long before he could have knocked into a server.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]
Yea you'd think that would have been the case. She just put him in "time out" and left the room so he stayed there for all of about 30 seconds.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : Yea you'd think that would have been the case. She just put him in "time out" and left the room so he stayed there for all of about 30 seconds.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]
That makes me ragey. He'll end up some awful teenager and his parents will finally try to give him some rules and boundaries and it will be far too late. It's not about your comfort at your E-party or even about the guy that got bit -- they're damaging their kid for the long haul and that sucks.
[QUOTE]Well that makes sense. I guess a majority of the people probably open the invitation and toss the envelope without ever looking at who it is addressed to.
Posted by shanding4787[/QUOTE]
If they aren't looking at who the invitation is mailed to, they probably won't care that it says "Adults Only," either.
Brides have definitely come on here saying that they put Adults Only and people still RSVP'd for their kids.
So, really, "Adults Only" is rude AND it's unnecessary because it rarely works, anyway.
It's perfectly fine to not invite kids to a wedding, no matter what your reason is, but it's just not fine to put it in print. Like, "nany nany poo poo you're not invited!"
I'm totally fine with kids at weddings, unless the kids are onbnoxious. Then, I hate kids at weddings.
[QUOTE]<strong>It is rude to treat people as if they don't understand basic etiquette or lack common sense. </strong>This includes dictating things like "no jeans" and putting "adults only" on the reception. You shouldn't communicate with all of our your guests based on the lowest common denominator. Plus, people who wear jeans to weddings will wear them anyway and people who RSVP for their uninvited little angels will do it anyway too.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
<div>Absolutely true. Even though a lot of people don't understand basic etiquette or have a lick of common sense, you as the host treat them as if they actually do. It's just the way it is. So you rise above it and make all the requisite phone calls to straighten out the guest list and turn a blind eye to the people who show up dressed inappropriately. It's part of being a good host. </div>
From Linda Kevich's website. She has been a wedding coordinator of over two decades and teached courses for up and coming planners:
"If you are thinking about the option of an Adults Only wedding reception, its critically important that you consider the matter carefully and realize that some may indeed find this to be a tad offensive, ungracious, or downright cold. Weddings are not typically adult only events - in fact, throughout history, children have played an important role in the symbolism associated with weddings - and therefore some might be offended that you are dictating that they must leave their little ones at home.
Ultimately however, your wedding day is YOUR day and the bottom line is that you have a right to be happy and have it your way on this one day out of your entire life. If, after carefully considering this, you decide that this is the way it is going to be, you should follow the following rules for this delicate situation:
Indicate that the reception is to be adults only by having the words "Adults Only Reception" or "Adult Reception" printed along with the reception location and time on the invitation.
Do not use phrases such as NO KIDS, NO CHILDREN, etc. The only correct wording is Adult Reception or Adults Only Reception.
This information should be printed by the printer on all invitations. You must never write ANYTHING by hand onto the invitation itself - whether it pertains to this or any other matter. Doing so is considered socially incorrect (in other words, tacky!) and inappropriate.
If you are excluding some children, the rule is that you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt - and rightly so. The only possible exception to this would be any children who are in the wedding party. However, the jury is out in this area. While some etiquette experts feel that it may be alright to make this exception, there is a stronger belief that if the reception is to be adults only, no children should be included as part of the wedding party. Otherwise, parents of children who were not allowed to attend may feel slighted that clearly some exceptions are being made to allow children, while they were instructed to leave their kids behind."
[QUOTE]Actually etiquette dictates that you DO mention that it is adults only on the invitation. You DO NOT say "no children" as that is negative and rude. From Linda Kevich's website. She has been a wedding coordinator of over two decades and teached courses for up and coming planners: "If you are thinking about the option of an Adults Only wedding reception, its critically important that you consider the matter carefully and realize that some may indeed find this to be a tad offensive, ungracious, or downright cold. Weddings are not typically adult only events - in fact, throughout history, children have played an important role in the symbolism associated with weddings - and therefore some might be offended that you are dictating that they must leave their little ones at home. Ultimately however, your wedding day is YOUR day and the bottom line is that you have a right to be happy and have it your way on this one day out of your entire life. If, after carefully considering this, you decide that this is the way it is going to be, you should follow the following rules for this delicate situation: Indicate that the reception is to be adults only by having the words "Adults Only Reception" or "Adult Reception" printed along with the reception location and time on the invitation. Do not use phrases such as NO KIDS, NO CHILDREN, etc. The only correct wording is Adult Reception or Adults Only Reception. This information should be printed by the printer on all invitations. <strong>You must never write ANYTHING by hand onto the invitation itself - whether it pertains to this or any other matter. Doing so is considered socially incorrect (in other words, tacky!) and inappropriate.</strong> If you are excluding some children, the rule is that you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt - and rightly so. The only possible exception to this would be any children who are in the wedding party. However, the jury is out in this area. While some etiquette experts feel that it may be alright to make this exception, there is a stronger belief that if the reception is to be adults only, no children should be included as part of the wedding party. Otherwise, parents of children who were not allowed to attend may feel slighted that clearly some exceptions are being made to allow children, while they were instructed to leave their kids behind."
Posted by FormerlyAK[/QUOTE]
What did people do before printed invitations? And, not for nothing, but some people do still handwrite their invitations. This is very confusing.
[QUOTE]Actually etiquette dictates that you DO mention that it is adults only on the invitation. You DO NOT say "no children" as that is negative and rude. From Linda Kevich's website. She has been a wedding coordinator of over two decades and teached courses for up and coming planners: "If you are thinking about the option of an Adults Only wedding reception, its critically important that you consider the matter carefully and realize that some may indeed find this to be a tad offensive, ungracious, or downright cold. Weddings are not typically adult only events - in fact, throughout history, children have played an important role in the symbolism associated with weddings - and therefore some might be offended that you are dictating that they must leave their little ones at home. Ultimately however, your wedding day is YOUR day and the bottom line is that you have a right to be happy and have it your way on this one day out of your entire life. If, after carefully considering this, you decide that this is the way it is going to be, you should follow the following rules for this delicate situation: Indicate that the reception is to be adults only by having the words "Adults Only Reception" or "Adult Reception" printed along with the reception location and time on the invitation. Do not use phrases such as NO KIDS, NO CHILDREN, etc. The only correct wording is Adult Reception or Adults Only Reception. This information should be printed by the printer on all invitations. You must never write ANYTHING by hand onto the invitation itself - whether it pertains to this or any other matter. Doing so is considered socially incorrect (in other words, tacky!) and inappropriate. If you are excluding some children, the rule is that you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt - and rightly so. The only possible exception to this would be any children who are in the wedding party. However, the jury is out in this area. While some etiquette experts feel that it may be alright to make this exception, there is a stronger belief that if the reception is to be adults only, no children should be included as part of the wedding party. Otherwise, parents of children who were not allowed to attend may feel slighted that clearly some exceptions are being made to allow children, while they were instructed to leave their kids behind."
Posted by FormerlyAK[/QUOTE]
This is completely incorrect advice. Linda might be a pro but she's flat out wrong.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : <strong>This is completely incorrect advice. Linda might be a pro but she's flat out wrong.</strong>
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
<div>I concur. And this Linday is awfully long-winded.</div>
[QUOTE]Actually etiquette dictates that you DO mention that it is adults only on the invitation. You DO NOT say "no children" as that is negative and rude. From Linda Kevich's website. She has been a wedding coordinator of over two decades and teached courses for up and coming planners: "If you are thinking about the option of an Adults Only wedding reception, its critically important that you consider the matter carefully and realize that some may indeed find this to be a tad offensive, ungracious, or downright cold. Weddings are not typically adult only events - in fact, throughout history, children have played an important role in the symbolism associated with weddings - and therefore some might be offended that you are dictating that they must leave their little ones at home. <strong>Ultimately however, your wedding day is YOUR day and the bottom line is that you have a right to be happy and have it your way on this one day out of your entire life. </strong>If, after carefully considering this, you decide that this is the way it is going to be, you should follow the following rules for this delicate situation: Indicate that the reception is to be adults only by having the words "Adults Only Reception" or "Adult Reception" printed along with the reception location and time on the invitation. Do not use phrases such as NO KIDS, NO CHILDREN, etc. The only correct wording is Adult Reception or Adults Only Reception. This information should be printed by the printer on all invitations. You must never write ANYTHING by hand onto the invitation itself - whether it pertains to this or any other matter. Doing so is considered socially incorrect (in other words, tacky!) and inappropriate. If you are excluding some children, the rule is that you must exclude all children. There must not be different rules for different people or some individuals will be deeply offended and hurt - and rightly so. The only possible exception to this would be any children who are in the wedding party. However, the jury is out in this area. While some etiquette experts feel that it may be alright to make this exception, there is a stronger belief that if the reception is to be adults only, no children should be included as part of the wedding party. Otherwise, parents of children who were not allowed to attend may feel slighted that clearly some exceptions are being made to allow children, while they were instructed to leave their kids behind."
Posted by FormerlyAK[/QUOTE]
Of course a wedding coordinator would say that. <div>She cares if her brides are happy and not chewing her butt, not about whether they follow etiquette.</div>
Fatty Blog
[QUOTE]FormerlyAK, see how everyone's reacting here? A mixed bag of opinions. Advising someone that it's ok to put "adults only" on an invite will risk offending someone. Doesn't really matter that you're ok with it. Some people might be ok with it, but other's wont. We try and help brides avoid offending people.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]
But no matter what you do, and no matter how hard you try, SOMEONE will be offended. That is part of my point. You could not put "adults only" and send the invite, addressed the prim and proper way with just the adults' names on it and get a response with the whole family coming. Then, yes, you call an explain the invite was just for the adults and those people still get pissed because they feel their child should be there. I had this with my ex's family because in his culture it was proper etiquette to address an invite to the adults and for them to then decide if their children would be able to attend.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adult only : That's never stopped me or any one I know from dancing. The kids moved.
Posted by Lizzieyounce[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Duhhh I agree. I personally think children add a lot to a wedding and I've never personally found children to be badly behaved at a wedding. In fact, they are usually in awe the whole time. Maybe I've just been fortunate to be around well behaved children. We are having children at our wedding because they are my family, just like the adults. I also think they're stinkin cute.
</div>
May 2013 February Siggy: Invitations