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Not Engaged Yet
The life timeline
Someone mentioned in a previous post that they wanted to be married by the time they were 30. I'm wondering if other people have a specific age in mind for marriage and starting to have babies? What is that age? If that age has come and passed, how did you handle it?
Personally, I always thought 26 was the perfect age to get married and 28 for having babies. I'm 30, so obviously those ages came and went without a wedding or babies. FI and I were talking last night that everyone has a path in life, we almost went to the same college 12 years ago, but at the last minute, I changed my mind. It was a small college and we would have met for sure 12 years ago. Instead, we didn't meet until 2008. I think our paths were not meant to cross until later in life.
Sorry, this is a P & R. I have to go teach.
Personally, I always thought 26 was the perfect age to get married and 28 for having babies. I'm 30, so obviously those ages came and went without a wedding or babies. FI and I were talking last night that everyone has a path in life, we almost went to the same college 12 years ago, but at the last minute, I changed my mind. It was a small college and we would have met for sure 12 years ago. Instead, we didn't meet until 2008. I think our paths were not meant to cross until later in life.
Sorry, this is a P & R. I have to go teach.
~~December 3, 2011~~
This discussion has been closed.
Re: The life timeline
I always thought mid-twenties would be a good time to get married (24, 25, 26) and late-twenties to start having children (26, 27, 28). I'll be getting married in my mid-twenties... we'll have to wait and see about kids!
I am just finishing my third year at my school, and I am now looking for some international volunteer opportunities. It bothers me quite a bit not to know exactly what is going to happen, but FI is the kind of person who is excited by the unknown and is there to balance me out when I get a little crazy. In the meantime, he is looking for job options in Europe. In the ideal situation, we're hoping that I can do a year of volunteer work, then we can get married and I can join him in Europe where I'll look for a new job and we'll start thinking about the baby plan.
What I'm slowly realizing is that life doesn't always go according to plan. I know that seems obvious, but I basically plotted out my life at 18 and ended up exactly where I wanted to be. Unfortunately, the plan ended after "go to NYC, get a master's degree, teach in the Bronx and find a boy with a cute accent." Now I am here, trying to make a new plan. Which brings me back to my previous point, that sometimes you can't plan things. Life happens and it can't be predicted. Jobs are hard to find, moving abroad isn't a walk in the park and getting pregnant isn't an easy task for everyone. There are so many variables that could get in the way, I've had to learn to take a step back from "the plan" and just enjoy my life as it is happening. I'm not always great at doing that, but I'm trying!
Phew, that was long winded.
I initially met FI at a mutual friends "pimps and hoes" themed 21st birthday party. We hung out a couple times, but then we both realized that we weren't ready for a relationship. A year and a half later we saw each other turning in homework for an astronomy class that we apparently had together. I guess the stars aligned
finish college - 22
get engaged - 23
finish grad school - 24
get married - 24
babies - 28-32ish
i'm 26 now and this is my revised timeline
finish grad school - 24 (check)
start ph.d. - 26 (got accepted! check!)
get married during ph.d. 28 or 29?
finish ph.d. by 30
babies after ph.d.
As it looks now, I'll be 29 when I get married. We want to be married at least a year before we start to bring kids into the picture. So at best, we'll begin TTC once I'm already 30. This new scenario to me is perfectly acceptable. The first step was finding the right man to be the father to my children, and now that I have, I know we can raise a wonderful family, no matter what age we start having babies.
Life is good today.
[QUOTE]I figured I'd meet someone in university and get married right after graduating (so, around 22-23), buy a house a couple years later, then have babies around 30. Well, clearly that didn't work out. I met BF in highschool (I might add, I made a very last-minute decision to attend our high school 2 days before I was ready to start at a different school...). I'm a year out from graduating, and I have no plans to get married yet. I do have plans to buy a house in the next year-ish, so that's obviously backwards from what I imagined. I might get married in my mid-20s, we'll see when that happens. It's not a priority anymore really. I'm also not even sure if I want babies anymore, so that remains to be seen.
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]
<div>Beads, you're in high school?</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The life timeline : Beads, you're in high school?
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]
Beads is in university, she meant she's a year away from graduating from Uni, but she met BF in HS even though she thought she wouldn't meet someone until Uni.
But I think I'll be ok if things don't turn out that way. Just as long as I'm with BF, it's all good.
My BF is 9 months younger than me, so I kind of really (superficially) want to get married during the 3 months where we are both the "same" age. Plus I would love a spring wedding... Just sayin'.
And babies? I think I would want to start having them after the first year of marriage, but who knows...
I've kind of compared myself to my mom. She got married at 24, and when I was 24 I thought, "Man, that's too young!" She had me (first child) at 28. When I was 28, I thought, "I'm still too young!"
It's funny how our perception of age changes as we age.
I haz a planning bio
[QUOTE]I thought I'd get married around 27 and wasn't sure I wanted kids. I got married at 28 and will prob start <strong>TTC sometime after our first anniversary</strong>. :)
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>Desert.... because Tucson is so small, with our luck we'll be bedside moms in the not so distant future.</div>
[QUOTE]I want to be married before I am thirty, and I will be 28 in July. So there is still time for that expectation... <strong>My BF is 9 months younger than me, so I kind of really (superficially) want to get married during the 3 months where we are both the "same" age. </strong>Plus I would love a spring wedding... Just sayin'. And babies? I think I would want to start having them after the first year of marriage, but who knows...
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]
Ha! I'm in the same boat. My birthday is July, FI's is December, so jokingly I told him we have to get married before my birthday so that I'm not older than he is at the wedding.
On the timeline topic: I actually never thought I would get married. According to my original life goals, I should be finishing up med school right about now. Instead, I'm unemployed and getting ready to go <em>back</em> to school in a completely unscientific field. I never wanted kids either, just a nice house and a good group of friends.
When I did start thinking I would get married, I thought I would be around 30. In reality, I'll either be 26 or 27 depending on when in the summer we get married. I'm still up in the air about kids, but I definitely don't want any before 30.
Spring 2011 - Get married
Fall 2011 - FI finishes masters
Spring 2012 - All debt paid off (save for student loans), start house hunting
Fall 2012 - Purchase house, second dog, start hunting for teaching position
Fall 2012/Spring 2013 - Finish Ph.D.
Spring/Summer 2013 - Start TTC
Beyond that, our timeline is pretty much up in the air. We know we want to have at least two children, possibly a third if time/finances/health allows. We know we want our kids to be spaced out about 1-2 years apart, but that honestly depends on how hard it is for us to concieve/carry to term. We know, at some point, we want for me to be able to drop down to part-time or full-time SAHMing, but that depends on where FI is with his career and our cost of living. At some point, we want to move somewhere in the Carolinas, but that will depend on our jobs and how long FI can continue his scuba instruction.
"Oceana swings from logical to anus punching." - Buttons
Planning / Married / Blog
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The life timeline : Beads is in university, she meant she's a year away from graduating from Uni, but she met BF in HS even though she thought she wouldn't meet someone until Uni.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]
<div>Thanks for clearing that up, Bren! I really shouldn't post when I'm in class. I don't pay close enough attention to what I'm writing and end up leaving confusing posts.</div><div>
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Life is good today.
We want to have a house before having children though so depending on when we can make that happen when we decide to TTC will be pushed back (it won't be any earlier than 25 - that is the absolute earliest BF is willing to start having babies).
[QUOTE]<strong>Growing up, I always thought that I would meet my future husband in college and get married soon afte</strong>r, and have all of my kinds by the time I turn 30. My parents were 24 and 26 when they had me and I had always wanted to be a young parent as well. As it looks now, I'll be 29 when I get married. We want to be married at least a year before we start to bring kids into the picture. So at best, we'll begin TTC once I'm already 30. This new scenario to me is perfectly acceptable. The first step was finding the right man to be the father to my children, and now that I have, I know we can raise a wonderful family, no matter what age we start having babies.
Posted by tmacwin[/QUOTE]
<div>This. But thank goodness it didn't happen because I was definitely not mature enough for that. I was never sure I wanted to have kids when I was in my 20s, but my parents were both 23 when I was born, so I kind of wanted to be young when I had them. </div><div>
</div><div>Well, now I'm 35, will most likely be 36 when BF and I get married, and most likely will be 37 before we start TTC. I'm definitely a little nervous as I get up there in age, but now that I've met the wonderful man that I want to be the father of my children, I'm just ready to take things as they come. A great quote: 'Man plans, God laughs.'</div>
Still here and still fabulous!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The life timeline : Thanks for clearing that up, Bren! I really shouldn't post when I'm in class. I don't pay close enough attention to what I'm writing and end up leaving confusing posts.
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]
<div>Beads, it's cool. I shouldn't read posts when I'm falling asleep. I thought you were in uni, and so it way confused me. But I think a lot of that was me being half asleep when I read it. :)</div>
I skipped the PhD and went for a MS because my advisor was a psychopath and I love teaching way more than research anyday. Not engaged yet, but might be someday.
I always thought "27" was the perfect age for having kids. Until I realized that that's like a month and year away. Nope. Not ready for kids yet.