Anyone not changing their name?

angelstar975 · May 2012

I know this isn't really etiquette related, but I was wondering if anyone didn't or doesn't plan to change their last name. I'm not sure what I want to do. I really love my last name and his doesn't go with my first name... and honestly, maybe it's stupid, but I feel like I'd be kind of giving up a part of who I am and where I came from by taking his name. It seems like such a big hassle, as well, to have to get my name changed on everything. On the other hand, I think it would be easier when we have kids if we all have the same last name, plus, people are probably going to refer to me as Mrs. FI's Last Name regardless. He's also made it be known that while he wants me to do what makes me happy, it would hurt his feelings for me to not want to take his name. I'm definitely not going to hyphenate either, so it'll either be one or the other. I still have time to decide, but just curious whether anyone else had similar feelings, or isn't changing their name for another reason.

sleepyb · May 2012

My plan is to change it legally but not professionally. I've been in the industry for 10 years and am fairly well know. To all of a sudden show up with an Asian last name would mess with people's heads. So, I just won't change my business cards or e-mail address for work. That way, I'll have the same last name as my future children and in all social areas. My FI think this is a great plan.

Pipesqueak · May 2012

This has definitely crossed my mind but I have decided to take my fiance's last name. I know it will hurt him if I don't (although he didn't want to guilt or force me into anything). I don't think you have to take his last name if you don't want to. Why against a hyphenated one? Just outta curiosity...

chumlee7478 · May 2012

I had similar feelings about changing my last name. My husband (wow, that's weird to type!) didn't care either way what I did, so it was all up to me. For his benefits through his job and the military, my name would automatically be changed on their paperwork once they get a copy of the license.

What I ended up doing was moving my maiden name to my middle name and taking his last name as my last name. It was the best of both worlds, and no hyphanating. I was just going to have the 3 names, but the woman at the registry office messed up, and left my middle name on the forms. So now I have first name/middle name/maiden name/last name, which is a little more complicated than I wanted, but it worked out fine.

I'm not changing my last name at work, or emails or anything like that. Passport/license/SS card/benefits will have my new last name on them.

angelstar975 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not-changing-their-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4618e4d9-a4cf-4ef6-807d-d513ea367d44Post:17f72961-a292-4860-bb62-1c019245af0f">Re: Anyone not changing their name?</a>:
[QUOTE]This has definitely crossed my mind but I have decided to take my fiance's last name. I know it will hurt him if I don't (although he didn't want to guilt or force me into anything). I don't think you have to take his last name if you don't want to. <strong>Why against a hyphenated one?</strong> Just outta curiosity...
Posted by Pipesqueak[/QUOTE]

They're just too long, I'd rather only have one last name. Plus, a lot of people who use both names drop their middle name and I don't want to do that.

ErinG93 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not-changing-their-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4618e4d9-a4cf-4ef6-807d-d513ea367d44Post:da6fa55a-c84a-4c6f-8260-9ce2a7040f36">Re: Anyone not changing their name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had similar feelings about changing my last name. My husband (wow, that's weird to type!) didn't care either way what I did, so it was all up to me. For his benefits through his job and the military, my name would automatically be changed on their paperwork once they get a copy of the license. <strong>What I ended up doing was moving my maiden name to my middle name and taking his last name as my last name.</strong> It was the best of both worlds, and no hyphanating. I was just going to have the 3 names, but the woman at the registry office messed up, and left my middle name on the forms. So now I have first name/middle name/maiden name/last name, which is a little more complicated than I wanted, but it worked out fine. I'm not changing my last name at work, or emails or anything like that. Passport/license/SS card/benefits will have my new last name on them.
Posted by chumlee7478[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is what all of my aunts did and I thought about it, but decided it sounded really weird and long with my names. I still like the idea, though.</div><div>
</div><div>Angel, I definitely went back and forth but in the end decided to change my name. My dad was the only son in his family, and he had only daughters, so we're the end of the line. I had a hard time making my decision, but I'm happy with it. Do whatever you want and think is best! :)

</div>

MyUserName1 · May 2012

I didn't change my last name when I was married the first time around. It was nbd and my ex-h didn't much care either way.

This time, it's SUPER IMPORTANT to FI that we have the same last name, so I am. But I'm name hoarding and moving my maiden name to my middle and keeping my middle name (so I'll have two middle names). I'll still use "both" last names in theatre though.

daria24 · May 2012

I'm not changing it, legally or socially. It was important to me to keep my last name for a lot of reasons, and FI is completely supportive of it. I entered the world as "Ms. Daria," I intend to leave it the same way.

My usual advice is that you don't have to make a decision NOW or immediately after the wedding. You can change your name at any point, whether its a couple weeks after the wedding, a year, when you have your first child, etc. You can "try out" Mrs. HIsLastName socially and see how you like it, before changing it (or not) officially.

RupertPenny · May 2012

I dropped my middle name and make my maiden name my middle name. Honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't change my name at all. It is just such a pain in the ass and I still think of myself as Anna Maidenname. And I just applied to grad school under my maiden name because it was easier since my GRE scores, transcripts, diplomas etc are in that name.

I've only been married about 8 months though, so I'm sure it will get easier once I'm used to my new name.

And I wouldn't worry about kids having a different name than you. It happens all the time for a variety of reasons and I don't think it's really that big of a deal in the long run.

arrestclementine · May 2012

I am in the middle of changing my name now. I'm adding his last name to mine. So my name is Amber MiddleName Maiden HusbandsLastName, with my legal last name being Maiden HusbandsLastName without the hyphen. So legally I will have two last names. I decided that I want to keep using my maiden name for work because I like it. But still wanted to take his last name without using the hyphen.. Also my middle name and maiden name are pretty short so if I had really long names I'm not sure I'd want to do this ...

rsanna · May 2012

I intend to keep my name. My dad had actually made a comment a few years back that I will be the last person in his family with the last name, and for some reason that stuck with me. I also really like my last name, so there is that too. My FI doesn't care about it that much, and we have already agreed if we do it this way then our children will just have hyphenated last names.

But oddly enough, he has been throwing around the idea of changing HIS name to mine. He doesn't really like his last name at all and I would be perfectly fine if he decides to go that route. My only issue is he goes by a social first name, and never goes by his legal first name, and so he is also considering changing his first name. Since they are his names, they are his decisions. A little strange, but whatever he decides, I will support.

sarabellam · May 2012

I changed my name the first time I got married, but went back to my maiden name after I got divorced. I understand wanting to have the same last name as your children (to the extent that I changed my children's last names when I reverted to my maiden name). This time, I didn't change my name. My H was fine with that, so long as he didn't have to change his either. This is one of those super-personal decisions, where there is not a singular "right" or "wrong" answer, just what works out best for BOTH you and your husband.

AdeleDazeem · May 2012

I didn't change mine legally. I socially use his last name instead. I'll respond to anything.

I was deeply troubled by the idea of walking into the SSO and legally asking to change my name from what my parents gave me when I was born. That was my decision and husband respects it.

ErinG93 · May 2012

Funny name story: My cousin had a son with her FI and the son has dad's last name. Dad died, and my cousin got married in 2009. She had a daughter with that husband, but they divorced shortly after the marriage. Daughter has her father's name. My cousin changed her name back to her maiden name, so her son, daughter, and herself all have different last names.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

I never thought twice about taking my H's last name. I just always knew that when I got married that I would be changing my name. The only reason why I ever thought not to was during the actual changeover...it is such a pain in the a$$ and I honestly didn't realize just how many things my name is on. I guess eventually I will get my name changed over on everything but I am certainly not in any hurry. I did however change my name on the important stuff, like through work, mortgage, bank, insurance, etc.

miranda1211 · May 2012

I am/was in pretty much the same mindset, OP. I finally decided to do the "maiden name legally/professionally, married name socially" route.

It was tough for me because I am a fairly traditional person, and do love the idea of being "Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname" - that's even how I wanted us to be announced at our reception. But I'm very proud of my maiden name and my father, who is deceased, so I hated the idea of losing that connection to him.

I might end up changing my name legally at some point - now that we've been married for 2 months and people have started referring to me as Mrs. Hislastname, I'm getting used to it, and the idea of it is not as scary as it was.

Thankfully my H is very understanding of my reasons and my attachment to my maiden name, so he never pushed me about it and just wants me to be happy. But we have kept the decision pretty quiet, only discussing it with my mother and stepdad and my work.

ErinG93 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not-changing-their-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4618e4d9-a4cf-4ef6-807d-d513ea367d44Post:8ad07b8c-1a19-41be-b1be-70d9f6bfe046">Re: Anyone not changing their name?</a>:
[QUOTE]dropping my middle name ...I really don't want to change my name by my finace has made it clear that he would be offended if I don't take his name. Sucks.
Posted by lizzcondon[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If you don't want to change your name, don't change your name.

</div>

Starqueg · May 2012

I'm planning to change my name. I was originally thinking of dropping my middle name and using my maiden name as my middle name, but my fiance likes my middle name. I like his last name and want us, and any future children, to have the same name. Changing it will be a pain though.
His mother is shocked that I am changing my name. Neither she nor her sister took their husbands' names.

angelstar975 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not-changing-their-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4618e4d9-a4cf-4ef6-807d-d513ea367d44Post:43e82f9a-9580-4ba3-bb46-3e65d0dad7fe">Re: Anyone not changing their name?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm planning to change my name. I was originally thinking of dropping my middle name and using my maiden name as my middle name, but my fiance likes my middle name. I like his last name and want us, and any future children, to have the same name. Changing it will be a pain though. His mother is shocked that I am changing my name. Neither she nor her sister took their husbands' names.
Posted by Starqueg[/QUOTE]

I see you're a January bride as well! Not a whole lot of us out there... our month board is dead!

amys325 · May 2012

We've been married over a year and while I am planning on changing my name, I'm just super lazy. Plus I keep planning all these vacations and I just don't want to deal with changing the plane tickets as well. But socially I do go by his last name and have since we got married.

But I promised H I would get it done after I get back from Mexico at the end of the month (didn't want to have to deal with changing the passport and having it expedited).

My last name is important to me and it is a tradition in our family to take your maiden name as your middle name, so that's what I'm going to do.

I just need to do it.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not-changing-their-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4618e4d9-a4cf-4ef6-807d-d513ea367d44Post:8ad07b8c-1a19-41be-b1be-70d9f6bfe046">Re: Anyone not changing their name?</a>:
[QUOTE]dropping my middle name ...I really don't want to change my name by my finace has made it clear that he would be offended if I don't take his name. Sucks.
Posted by lizzcondon[/QUOTE]

If you don't want to change your name then you shouldn't.

You should always take your FI feelings into account but it doesn't seem like he is doing the same for you. Have you two talked about why each feels that it is important to either take/keep your last name? He may really want you to take his name but if you are absolutely against it he should try to understand and accept your decision.

Remember this is your name and in the end he has no control over what you do.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2012

I changed my name. I never really thought about it, just figured that was what happened when people got married. I don't think in any way I am losing my identity by changing it. Obviously people feel differently though, so you really have to make the decision that is right for you and your FI.

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not-changing-their-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4618e4d9-a4cf-4ef6-807d-d513ea367d44Post:aeacc3cb-46be-4498-9852-957e88fab66e">Re: Anyone not changing their name?</a>:
[QUOTE]We've been married over a year and while I am planning on changing my name, I'm just super lazy. Plus I keep planning all these vacations and I just don't want to deal with changing the plane tickets as well. But socially I do go by his last name and have since we got married. <strong>But I promised H I would get it done after I get back from Mexico at the end of the month (didn't want to have to deal with changing the passport and having it expedited).</strong> My last name is important to me and it is a tradition in our family to take your maiden name as your middle name, so that's what I'm going to do. I just need to do it.
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

That is the worst part of changing your name! I think it is close to $100 to get a new one. So dumb.

Snippylynn · May 2012

I couldn't wait to get rid of my last name. Which is hilarious considering the new last name I picked up. I wanted to get rid of my maiden name because it's really common. Like Smith common. So. I married an Asian dude, who has THE MOST COMMON LAST NAME IN THE WORLD. Yeaaah. But I figured there were fewer white chicks walking around with that it.

Makes it super funny walking through the airport though.

Nickivegan · May 2012

I kept my last name. No one really gave me too much of a hard time. Elliot knew the deal before we were even engaged, it's my name. I dont like the symbolism of it as becoming my Hs property. That's what it means to me, and I don't like it. Plus, as a theater professional I really like the reputation I have with my lastname. And I hate paperwork. I know I may have an UnPop Op on this, but to each woman her own. It really is no ones business but yours and your FH! GL with whatever choice you make.

MattsPenguin · May 2012

Snips, I couldn't wait to change my last name either. My maiden name is a butchered German name that no one could ever pronounce or spell. I love giving my new (super common) last name and not having to spell it. Although I was yelling at my husband the other day about how hard it was to find an appropriate user name or email address, since my name and initials are much more common now. Boooo!!!!

crash2729 · May 2012

I'm going to be a name hoarder. I'll do first middle maiden last. I'm the last one with my name in the family, plus we have a family business and I hate to give it up. So I'm not. :

sarabellam · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not-changing-their-name?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4618e4d9-a4cf-4ef6-807d-d513ea367d44Post:8ad07b8c-1a19-41be-b1be-70d9f6bfe046">Re: Anyone not changing their name?</a>:
[QUOTE]dropping my middle name ...I really don't want to change my name by my finace has made it clear that he would be offended if I don't take his name. Sucks.
Posted by lizzcondon[/QUOTE]

I think it's pretty shittastic for your FI to be offended about what YOU want to do with YOUR name.

musicalsunlight · May 2012

I changed my name. Most of my life I had planned on doing so. I love my maiden name but it was pronounced wrong my entire life and it was always really irritating to me. J's last name was so much easier and more intuitive and it made me more ok with switching. I haven't gotten used to it yet though and still don't feel like I am mrs new last name. I think it takes a while to really get accustomed to it.

musicalsunlight · May 2012

I guess I am in the minority in that I don't think guys are terrible for being offended. There are some really traditional guys out there and if that's their perogative then so be it. I mean if it's a deal breaker for them, that sucks. But probably a good thing to find out ahead of time. I know that J would have been hurt if I didnt want to take his name. It probably wouldn't have ended the relationship but he would probably have to take a while to get over it because he is more traditional like that.

tkddddddddd · May 2012

My fiancé will be taking my last name so no issues for me lol.

Anyone not changing their name?

Re: Anyone not changing their name?

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