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Mbecker912 · January 2013

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lls31 · January 2013

I absolutely HATE Toms. They hurt my feet. I would be miserable after about 30 minutes if you made me wear them.

Let your BMs choose their own shoes. You can point them in a direction of a color, but let them pick what's comfortable for them.

If you insist on Toms, you would be responsible for buying them for each of your BMs.

Mbecker912 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-snaky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f510f44d-d128-46ee-9eb9-1f88718c9038Post:5ae507df-f980-4731-a63b-d5cf0aef6899">Re: Am I being snarky</a>:
[QUOTE]I absolutely HATE Toms. They hurt my feet. I would be miserable after about 30 minutes if you made me wear them. Let your BMs choose their own shoes. You can point them in a direction of a color, but let them pick what's comfortable for them. If you insist on Toms, you would be responsible for buying them for each of your BMs.
Posted by lls31[/QUOTE]
well its my wedding and all of them are on board and love the idea except for my MOH and she wants to wear hooker heels thats not happening

lls31 · January 2013

If it's your wedding and you're going to do what you want anyway, why did you bother posting the question?

mandi195 · January 2013

if you require them to wear a certain shoe (beyond saying flats in x color) you need to pay for them. When you dictate a brand or exact shoe, you put yourself in that situation.

Yes, your wedding. Yes, you should be able to have your wishes respected. However, if I was told I had to buy a specific brand and color and style of shoe, I'd opt out of the wedding. I have narrow feet with high arches, and most shoes are very uncomfortable for me to stand in for more than 10 minutes.

brittany634 · January 2013

What classifies heels as "hooker" heels? Also are you paying for the toms?

mandi195 · January 2013

also, side note, if she wears "hooker heels" she will be the one that looks bad, not you. I've never understood why brides felt the need to dictate footwear down to a T like this.

Mbecker912 · January 2013

well everyone in my bridal party already has toms and wears them a lot and loves the idea its just my sister and she wears like 7 or 8 inch heels all the time and there is no place for thise in my wedding I figure they are going to have to but shoes any ways so y not buy something comfortable (they all already wear toms remember) and they will wear again and again its not like basketball sneakers

mandi195 · January 2013

but if your sister (MOH) won't wear them ever again, and doesn't want to wear them, you shouldn't force her. Can you maybe ask her to wear flats in a specific color instead of TOMs? I think that would be a fair compromise. If you hate the shoes she wants to wear (though I think adults can dress themselves), talk to her and find something that you can both be happy with. If you both draw a line in the sand and demand one thing or the other, you'll get no where and will both be unhappy. Is a pair of shoes worth tarnishing your relationship with your sister?

lls31 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-snaky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f510f44d-d128-46ee-9eb9-1f88718c9038Post:94968314-0f5e-42a1-9e40-ca55ec1f7cc8">Re: Am I being snarky</a>:
[QUOTE]but if your sister (MOH) won't wear them ever again, and doesn't want to wear them, you shouldn't force her. Can you maybe ask her to wear flats in a specific color instead of TOMs? I think that would be a fair compromise. If you hate the shoes she wants to wear (though I think adults can dress themselves), talk to her and find something that you can both be happy with. If you both draw a line in the sand and demand one thing or the other, you'll get no where and will both be unhappy. Is a pair of shoes worth tarnishing your relationship with your sister?
Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

<div>This. Well said.</div>

brittany634 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-snaky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f510f44d-d128-46ee-9eb9-1f88718c9038Post:94968314-0f5e-42a1-9e40-ca55ec1f7cc8">Re: Am I being snarky</a>:
[QUOTE]but if your sister (MOH) won't wear them ever again, and doesn't want to wear them, you shouldn't force her. Can you maybe ask her to wear flats in a specific color instead of TOMs? I think that would be a fair compromise. If you hate the shoes she wants to wear (though I think adults can dress themselves), talk to her and find something that you can both be happy with. If you both draw a line in the sand and demand one thing or the other, you'll get no where and will both be unhappy. Is a pair of shoes worth tarnishing your relationship with your sister?
Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

I second this!

Mbecker912 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-snaky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f510f44d-d128-46ee-9eb9-1f88718c9038Post:94968314-0f5e-42a1-9e40-ca55ec1f7cc8">Re: Am I being snarky</a>:
[QUOTE]but if your sister (MOH) won't wear them ever again, and doesn't want to wear them, you shouldn't force her. Can you maybe ask her to wear flats in a specific color instead of TOMs? I think that would be a fair compromise. If you hate the shoes she wants to wear (though I think adults can dress themselves), talk to her and find something that you can both be happy with. If you both draw a line in the sand and demand one thing or the other, you'll get no where and will both be unhappy. Is a pair of shoes worth tarnishing your relationship with your sister?
Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]
she wears toms all the time lol so i know she will wear them again thats my problem if it was a comfort thimg or something else i would be like ok ok ok i am not that mean

brittany634 · January 2013

But you've already said she doesn't want to wear them, why don't you compromise

mandi195 · January 2013

Ok, so now she wears TOMs all the time, but your last post you said she "wears 7 or 8 inch heels all the time"? It can't be both...
Either way, if she wears TOMs every other day of the year, I still don't think it's worth tarnishing the relationship with your sister over shoes. 20 years from now, when you look at your wedding photos, is the most important thing to you going to be that everyone had matching shoes, or that your sister was standing by your side? Pick your battles.

TheVirginians · January 2013

I am thinking she will be barefoot most of the time if she starts off in seven inch heels.

B2Z728 · January 2013

I promise you, you will not notice your bridesmaids shoes on your wedding day, including you. This is not hill to die on. If you want this to have one cute photo of you and your bridesmaids with TOMS, then take the photo with those who choose to wear them and leave it that.

jennylee813 · January 2013

As PPs have said: if you require a certain accessory (ie. jewellery, shoes, hairstyle etc) it is your responsibility to pay for it, and it is NOT the gift you give your bms.

What's the big deal, other than a control issue? It's certainly not the end of the world if she wears the shoes she wants to wear, and you wear the ones you want to wear. I don't get the TOMS thing personally, but if you like them, that's fine - FOR YOU.

What's next? Are you going to tell your bridal party what colour underwear they have to wear?

Lighten up. At the end of the day, you'll be married to your true love, and no one will care about anyone's shoes.

ConKFA319 · January 2013

No, Cove, I don't think snarky is the word. Maybe stubborn, but not snarky.

OP, it sounds like you already had your mind made up before you even posted the question. So why ask? We're not here to validate your beef with your sister over her choice of footwear. Everyone here has given you great advice. The fact that you choose to argue with everyone over it perplexes me. Again, why ask the question?

That said, don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. They're SHOES. That's it. SHOES. It's not worth causing a rift between you and your sister, or potentially you and other members of your family who may end up stuck in the middle of this whole issue. It's petty. Let it go, and let her wear the shoes she wants. She may actually realize that she'll look ridiculous as the only one in heels and opt to wear the Toms anyway. Who knows?

Also, I totally do not get this whole thing with Toms at weddings and proms and the like. Can someone explain it to me, please? I mean, I love mine, but I would never think to wear them to a formal or semi-formal event.

ConKFA319 · January 2013

But mine was BETTER!

ConKFA319 · January 2013

Ermehgerrrrd! It's CS!

Why don't you tell us how you REALLY feel, lol

smalfrie19 · January 2013

i agree with everyone. if you are going to insist! then you should foot the bill, but let me tell, you coming from someone who also has a very domineering little sister that all you can do is find a compromise. if she wasnts to wear heels then maybe ask her to wear low heels instead of stillettos. or find another brand of flats that she wants to wear... i also agree to the fact that i cant ever imagine wearing a shoe like that to a formal event! its a cute idea i suppose for some..but i guess this is coming from someone who is getting married barefoot soo take that as you will.

jennylee813 · January 2013

Hey Cooper - no, it's everywhere. I can't even bear to go to my month board. It's horrible. If I see "but it's MY day" once more, I might have to poke my eyes out!

When did people get to be so entitled?

Mbecker912 · January 2013

so I asked my bridesmaids what they thought and if hey really wanted to wear the toms and how the MOH was against it and all of them said they wanted to wear them and that they were looking forward to it so i am just going to tell my sister to suck it up a\she can wear the shoes of her choice at the cermony but for oics and the reception she will awear the toms and thats that

mandi195 · January 2013

so, you don't care if she wears "hooker heels" during your ceremony; but for the reception when she'll be dancing and no one will see her shoes, you're demanding she wear TOMs? I can MAYBE understand just for photos (if you're paying for the shoes), and if you're paying for them I could ALMOST understand the ceremony... but the reception? Seriously?

Mbecker912 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-snaky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f510f44d-d128-46ee-9eb9-1f88718c9038Post:ddd12c4e-4bb5-45f9-a96b-b52cf42bea4f">Re: Am I being snarky</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being snarky : Pic's, fine. But why in the eff do you care what she's wearing at the reception? You can't be real. Seriously. No one is this dense. Seriously.
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]
<div>well you arent going to dance all night in 7" heels so instead of taking off her shoes she will have a pair of shoes to dance in because i am having one of those fun weddings that people will be dancing all night at </div>

lls31 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-snaky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f510f44d-d128-46ee-9eb9-1f88718c9038Post:3dc6aebb-c016-459f-b137-370f9d58d813">Re: Am I being snarky</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being snarky : well you arent going to dance all night in 7" heels so instead of taking off her shoes she will have a pair of shoes to dance in because i am having one of those fun weddings that people will be dancing all night at
Posted by Mbecker912[/QUOTE]

<div>I would leave the Toms and go barefoot or bring my own flip flops. Are you forcing her to buy the Toms too?</div><div>
</div><div>What else are you making your BMs do? Do they all have to have matching hairstyles too?</div>

mandi195 · January 2013

I'd dance in heels or barefoot before I'd do it in a pair of shoes I didn't want to wear. I can't believe you have the belief that you can dictate what another adult wears on their feet at any point... this is just so insane.
If I were your sister, I'd no longer be in your wedding... I would never treat a friend this way, and especially wouldn't treat my family this way.

Marrin713 · January 2013

I was IN that wedding jcb! Picture it - late 70's.......BoPeep style dresses and floppy hats. No schitt!

ConKFA319 · January 2013

A DD? Really? Okay, then.

ConKFA319 · January 2013

Answer to her question: No, you're not being snarky, you're being an entitled little brat. And you came here for validation, and for everyone to be all "ZOMG NO!! YOU'RE TOTALLY RIGHT! EVERYONE SHOULD WEAR TOMS FOREVERRRRRRZ!!1!1!!!!", and when we didn't, you DD'ed because (somehow, by telling you the truth and giving you advice), we hurt your feelers. Whatever.

And for the record, I danced all night at my wedding, too...in 6-inch heels. So there's that.

Mbecker912 · January 2013

I think you guys are the snarky ones honestly because i have been told that i am one of the most chilled out brides ever so maybe look in the mirror... are you guys telling your girls what to wear ummmm i think you are i just want them all to be comfortable and thats that it is just my MOH who had an issue with it and guess what she will dea

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