Wedding Woes

I don't feel entitled to be a bride.

I know this probably sounds weird, but I have a really hard time with being a bride. I hate being the center of attention and I hate having people do things for me. I am being very hands off on catering, wedding dress, DJ....just everything. I don't want to meet with the DJ and just said we want the basic thing and maybe we'll meet with him the week of the wedding. The hotel where we are having our reception said we could come in for a tasting, but we just plan on bbq and potato salad or something simple so bbq tastes like bbq, nothing special so no need to taste it. I'm just going to order a wedding dress from David's Bridal online rather than go into the store because I don't want anyone waiting on me. I just hate having people do things for me, maybe because I feel like I'm bothering them or taking up their time, even though I know it's their job.

Re: I don't feel entitled to be a bride.

  • arixanaarixana member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Umm....perhaps eloping would suit your style more?
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You know, I can get not wanting to be the center of attention.  Some people are just shy and do not enjoy it.

    But this is a deeper seated problem.  You have a serious self esteem issue and inferiority compex.  I mean that.  The associates at the bridal stores and such are being paid to offer a service.  I do not think you should be an entitled brat and kick them around, but how do you expect the DJ, florist, and other people you are paying to know what you want if you dont communicate that?  Its not a waste of their time, its their job and most people want to do it well.

    I really think theres something wrong here.  Your entire post just reeks of sadness and depression.  I dont know if its about the wedding, who youre marrying, or just yourself in general, but I very seriously think you should look into some counseling.  Being shy is one thing.  Thinking you dont deserve nice things or anything is something totally different.
  • Martins2BeMartins2Be member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Trust me I understand, I'm the same way. Eloping was my first option but that was cut short by my fiance. The way I'm starting to look at it is just plan things together and I've pretty much let him have his say with the wedding because it's not that I dont care, it just isn't the way I would want things.
  • edited December 2011
    I'd suggest counseling....you don't feel you are worth a salesladies time?? Really?

    and BBQ just doesn't taste like BBQ, any decent cook knows how much the flavor can vary (and barf at serving it at a wedding).
  • Santorini2011Santorini2011 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It will only be more frustrating for your vendors if they do not know exactly what you want.  I do agree with the others...you might want to talk to someone.  I mean this in only the kindest way but it might be better to help yourself to feel better now and not after you're married with kids.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Honestly, I think the whole wedding planning thing is a bunch of hooey. My fiance and I would love to go to the JP in our jeans and call it good, but my Mom expects a Catholic wedding. To me, to spend 10 months and thousands of dollars planning for something that lasts 10 hours is just absolutely ridiculous! My fiance has the attitude of he doesn't really care so I don't even ask his opinion on anything anymore and I have no desire to do any planning or deal with vendors and just say to them "do what you think works" because honestly I don't really care and I want to be as hands off as possible. If I can do everything over emails that's great. I've emailed the DJ saying we don't want any special dances, no first dance, no grand march, just some music. If the food isn't awesome, I really don't care. It's our day but if it were truly our day, it would be just us getting married in jeans and going to Outback Steakhouse to celebrate and then resuming our normal lives with no fanfare at all..
  • edited December 2011
    then do that. unless your mom is paying for the wedding or helping out financial, then you should do what you want. It's your money being spent.  If getting married by a JP and then doing dinner with your family afterwards is what you want, then do it.
  • fishgirl77fishgirl77 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Frankly, you mother can expect all that she wants.  You and your FI are the ones getting married and if neither of you want a Catholic wedding, then don't have one.  You are an adult and you don't need your mother's permission.
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In all honesty, at 37 years old, you should be able to tell your mother no.  Tell her no and plan what you want.  She'll come.  She might not like it, but you have a priority family now...you and your FI.  But really, for you, this IS a waste of time and money.
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