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divoriced parents- please help

alliqtpie84alliqtpie84
10 Comments
in Minnesota-Minneapolis and St. Paul
Hi everyone!

  I have been engaged for a month and a half, and already I am very stressed having divoriced parents who are both remarried.  Does anyone have advise on how to deal with this dynamic family situation.  I am starting to consider eloping in Vegas!
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Re: divoriced parents- please help

  • Steph0871Steph0871
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What exactly are you stressed out about?  My parents are both divorced and remarried; thankfully they can now handle being in the same room together though...  FI's even worse :(  His parents were never married, his mom is remarried, his dad is getting divorced, but he's really close to his (soon to be ex) step mom.   We've got 5 families to deal with, but it's working out ok?  I think you just need to be patient with everyone; make sure all parents (and siblings) feel included.  Plus, hey, you might get some extra showers out of the deal!


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  • alliqtpie84alliqtpie84
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I guess I just want to make everyone happy, and make everyone seem like they are contributing equally- and that has already turned into a big mess.   For example, I am not getting married at my dad's house, and I think he is offended.  My mom seems upset that I asked my step mom for flower help.... that sort of thing.  My wedding day seems like it will be more about making my family feel comfortable that enjoying it for the two of us.
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  • Bimbi284Bimbi284 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It seems as though your problem isn't your family, but more about you trying to please everyone (this can happen to people wanting to please bridesmaids, groomsmen, not just the parents). You just need to remember that this wedding is about you and your fiance and should be about what you want. It sounds selfish, yes, and its hard sometimes to do that (I am like the ultimate people-pleaser, so I totally get that). 

    Once I started noticing people trying to change my vision or give unwanted input, I decided to put my foot down. I wasn't harsh or rude about it at all, it was more of a " I appreciate your concern/advice/input, but this is how FI and I would really like it to be, so we are going to do it this way". I had convos with my fam about our vision and what we wanted early on, so that they knew and would know that we didn't need input on certain things, because they had already been decided. People generally respected that, and I've been able to go about my planning without too much drama. I do consult with my family if there is something I am unsure of, but instead of giving them free reign to come up with whatever, I give a couple of options. For example, I was having trouble figuring out my STD design, so I chose 2 that I liked best, and have them give input on both. Either way, I knew that I would be happy with either design, but it gave my family a chance to feel included in the process without driving me crazy, and in a way that would help me out!

    I think if you are honest and up front with your family about this now, it'll make life much easier for you as you continue planning. 
    Good Luck!
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