Not Talking to Maid of Honor

K&M2002 · February 2010

Long story short - my maid of honor is mad at me because my grandmother babysits maid of honor's child and maid of honor wants to claim some ridiculous amount as childcare expenses ($1200) on her taxes so she can get more money back but my grandmother is only going to sign off on what she actually paid her (about $400). I of course side with my grandmother. Since this whole thing has taken place, I haven't heard from maid of honor and I don't know if she's still going to be in my wedding. I called her once and she didn't answer or return my call. I'm not going to keep calling her and I believe that she should be calling me and my grandmother to apologize for getting upset over the law. I just need to know at this point if she's going to be in the wedding or not....

gottahavashorti · February 2010

Why do you need to know now? I mean, it sucks not to know, but if she shows up to the wedding in the dress then she's in the wedding. Have yout ried to talk to her on a friendship basis and not about just the wedding?

I do think that if she wants to claim the $1200, she needs to pay your grandmother another $800, of course.

bablingbrooke · February 2010

Do you really want her in the wedding after this? Or in your life, for that matter?

K&M2002 · February 2010

I need to know because the wedding is in 3 months. I need to figure out other options if she's not going to be there. And, she was supposed to be planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party.

trix1223 · February 2010

There aren't other "options" needed on wedding day. You don't need attendants at all to get married. It doesn't matter how many people your FI has on his side. It doesn't matter if he has a BM and you don't have a MOH. It's really just a meaningless (honorary) title after all.

As for the b-party and shower....if she doesn't plan them, perhaps someone else will step in and do it. But those also aren't required. Nice to have? Sure. But you'll be just as married without a shower and b-party as you will with them.

But I also second other posters. After the wedding, if she does show up, I don't think I'd be encouraging a continuing friendship with someone who wants a family member of mine to break the law.

gottahavashorti · February 2010

The best man walks alone and one of the bridesmaids stands next to you. Someone else signs the marriage license.

duckie1905 · February 2010

She sounds like a pretty toxic person. You don't need even sides for any attendants at all to get married. I would suggest just letting it go. If you reconcile, great. If you don't, then nothing lost.

Just don't replace her. That is a horrible thing to do to the "not good enough the first time around" MOH.

banana468 · February 2010

I think she doesn't sound all that great.

But ditto PPs.

Let things settle as they do. If that unfortunately means that she doesn't plan a shower or bachelorette, that has to be OK.

emilyinchile · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_not-talking-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:b0e48152-021d-41f6-ba96-5147819bbf93Post:f3e853c7-d09d-41a7-aed1-c00dff41fc36">Not Talking to Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]Long story short - my maid of honor is mad at me because my grandmother babysits maid of honor's child and maid of honor wants to claim some ridiculous amount as childcare expenses ($1200) on her taxes so she can get more money back but my grandmother is only going to sign off on what she actually paid her (about $400). I of course side with my grandmother. Since this whole thing has taken place, I haven't heard from maid of honor and I don't know if she's still going to be in my wedding. I called her once and she didn't answer or return my call. I'm not going to keep calling her and I believe that she should be calling me and my grandmother to apologize for getting upset over the law. I just need to know at this point if she's going to be in the wedding or not....
Posted by K&M2002[/QUOTE]

That sucks, and I can see you maybe not even wanting to be friends with her after this. But unless you're 100% sure about that, don't kick her out, and don't replace her if she decides to drop out. As PPs have said, sides don't have to be even, and if your wedding's in just 3 months it's kind of an insult to the replacement because it's clear she wasn't your first choice.

baystateapple · February 2010

She's thinking of committing tax fraud. I think you might be well shut of her if she decides to not show up. Continue with the plans as if she was still going to show up. Please don't replace her. If she doesn't show up the day of the wedding, pick a bridesmaid to sign your marriage license, and call it a day. But she really sounds like a piece of work.

Not Talking to Maid of Honor

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