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Nevada-Las Vegas
Bummed. =(
So I thought I'd picked my wedding venue but then my mom threw a new one on me. When I told her my decision, that's when she decided to tell me that she'll cover 2/3 of the cost and that my FI and I have to cover the other 1/3. I asked her what her budget was when I first got engaged but she wouldn't tell me, and when I found what I thought would be my first venue (at a similar price to the one I picked) she never said anything bad/wrong about that price so I just went with it.
I'm just mad that she didn't answer me when I first asked and now I've done all his research on places I can now no longer think about. I mean, I have no problem pitching in and I don't want to be greedy, but my FI & I just bought a house and I'd much rather spend money on stuff for that then the wedding.
So anyway, the venues I liked were Emerald @ Queensridge and Victoria's family. But the guest count is 100-110 and I wanted to make sure that my guests were well taken care of. The only way to shorten the guest list is to take people off of it that my mom put on it and then that will probably tick her off enough she might not even pay for it. Ugh, I'm so frustrated right now!!
I'm just mad that she didn't answer me when I first asked and now I've done all his research on places I can now no longer think about. I mean, I have no problem pitching in and I don't want to be greedy, but my FI & I just bought a house and I'd much rather spend money on stuff for that then the wedding.
So anyway, the venues I liked were Emerald @ Queensridge and Victoria's family. But the guest count is 100-110 and I wanted to make sure that my guests were well taken care of. The only way to shorten the guest list is to take people off of it that my mom put on it and then that will probably tick her off enough she might not even pay for it. Ugh, I'm so frustrated right now!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bummed. =(
I am guessing your ticker is off by a year, because it says you're getting married in less than 2 months!
Parents and money can be difficult. Last night my dad told me he wants to add 6 more people to our already stuffed guest list. I've never met any of these 6 people- they are his girlfriend's sister, daughters, and their husbands. But my dad is contributing money equal to half our reception cost, so I can't just say no outright. He was willing to pay for each of them in addition to the amount he is already giving us, so it makes me feel a little better, but it's still stressful knowing that we are so close to the venue's capacity.
I know it's frustrating, but unfortunately you either have to find a cheaper venue, or kick in more money yourselves. You can ask her if there are any people she could cut from the guest list. Even 10 people could save you a nice bit of money. Are there other price ranges at those venues? Could you offer just beer and wine instead of a full bar?
Good luck!
edited for spelling
10/01/11! Tadaa! Planning Bio
Check it! My Married Bio- in process
Anyway, I'm ok with finding a cheaper venue and doing what I need to do, but I'm just upset that she waited until now to tell me and not when I originally asked her. I feel like I wasted my time on things that obviously aren't going to work out and SHE LET ME!
You would not be the first of us to pay your own way. Many of us also own our own homes and have our own expenses. With over a year to save, that's plenty of time to budget for what you want to do.
Now with more wedded bliss.
I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.
"Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
"smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
"The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board
i'm not understanding why you can't stick with the original venue. you have over a year to save up for 1/3 of the reception costs. IMHO it seems kinda rude to pick someplace that you'd want someone else to put their money down for, but when you have to help pick up the tab, it's too expensive. you should treat other peoples' money just like it was your own.
but maybe i am not understanding the situation correctly....
Or are you saying that both of these places are too expensive for her to pay 2/3? That is why we always try to tell people to not count on the money until they get it, things can change. Hopefully you can find a great place in your price range!
Fatty girl blog
Most couple these days pay for their own wedding. If the house is more a priority for you than the wedding, then you'll just have to do it on a budget. Also, don't count on the money others are contributing until you've got it in your hands. Parents don't have to pay for your wedding, it's their decision on what amount to contribute. They may be having some financial difficulties for all you know.
I was married at EAQ, and they definitely know how to take care of their client every step of the way. They made me feel a princess for my day and even called me that. They're very professional. All my guests said wonderful compliments about our wedding. With that said, EAQ is pricey. So you'll really have to save up for it, although the one good thing about them is they do like to do payment plans with their client. It's not one heavy load on your pocket this way.
Edited: To make sense.
[QUOTE]Money most often comes with strings. If you want to do your own thing, then say thanks, but no thanks. You would not be the first of us to pay your own way. Many of us also own our own homes and have our own expenses. With over a year to save, that's plenty of time to budget for what you want to do.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
AGREED! We just purchased our own home, moved out of state and are footing the bill for our whole vegas wedding. Over a year is enough time to save... and get rid of bills that are not needed.... Hope everything works out in your favor!
I know this must be frustrating for you because it's like suddenly someone stole all your excitement. Just realize that your mom is being very generous already by agreeing to pay for anything (for some reason, a lot of parents don't nowadays), and very graciously accept whatever she offers.
So, did she tell you that she could only afford 2/3 of the total cost after you told her the total cost? Maybe she just can't afford the whole thing? If it were me, I would just save up and pay 1/3 of the total if you really have your heart set on that venue (one third would be around 2.5k, right?). So for the next 10 months put $250 in a savings account and DON"T TOUCH IT, lol !!! It sounds like a lot, but I know FI and I could do it just by cuting back a bit on going out to dinner.
Ofcourse, Idk your financial situation, but I presume you are doing alright since you just bought a house. If buying things for your home is more important than your wedding then you should find a cheaper venue, because you shouldn't expect your mom to foot the bill of an expensive wedding when it isn't even what is most important to you.
FI and I are waiting to buy a house until after our wedding because we would rather put all our extra money towards the wedding. We have a lot of family members wanting to pitch in, but, like pps have said, we don't want to count on it until it is actually in our bank account!
Good luck! ! !
And Camille (and everyone else), we were planning on waiting to buy a house until after our wedding as well, but the rental property we have been in for years is going into foreclosure and so we were forced into our situation. Yes, we could have just rented somewhere else, but it was either put a deposit on a new place or use my FI's VA loan (which doesn't need a deposit) to buy a house... honestly, buying a house was cheaper than renting again, but then that money instead will be going into appliances which aren't included... And now if anything goes wrong we have to pay for it instead of a landlord... So do I think we can save money in the next year, yes. But would we have enough saved for an emergency as well, no.
And my parents paid for my sister's wedding so it was always there that they would pay or at least chip in with mine. You guys are missing the point that I'm upset she didn't tell me her budget in the beginning and now I just have to rethink things. I understand that she has a right to put a limit on her side and I'm not upset about that! Do none of you get upset when you expect one thing and get another? And, my parents just redid their whole backyard and the cost of it was THREE times as much as my wedding will be, so I don't necessarily think money is an object for them as they are generally well off.
But now that you have learned you lesson, it does not matter if they are are the freakin' queen, STILL do not count on that money until you have it. Obviously, things change and they may want to remodel their kitchen instead of pay for your wedding, and that is completely their decision to make.
You can cut down your guest list, go with a different venue (because even Victorias family seemed high priced to me), cut out the unnecessary items like centerpieces, get a cheaper dress, go with fake flowers. There are a ton of things that you can do to save money. We were on a budget and had a great wedding.
Fatty girl blog
Everyone here get your point. That is why we are telling you to either save up or find a cheaper venue. Of course it's upsetting when you don't get what you want or have been expecting, but we are all adults so we just have to learn have to live with it and be responsible for ourselves.
It really sounds like you are not into paying for a wedding right now, and are more worried about housing and emergency which is totally understandable. With that said, maybe you should put off your wedding for an even longer period of time, so you know that you have a lot of time to save up for what you want. Even though your parents have been spending a lot of money for their backyard, that's their decision. It's their money, it's really none of you business what they do with it. Plus it sounds like they will contribute to your wedding no matter what, so be thankful for that. There are many couples who don't get any contributions from either sets of parents and have to pay for their weddings alone.
IMO, just move the date even further to save up enough. It's always better to be stable financially first.
ETA: dammit Shannyn you beat me! We posted at almost the same time! lol
[QUOTE]Ok, so, I do understand where you all are coming from. As for my financial situation, I just recently got a job after being unemployed and even then it's just a "to get by" job and not something I want for a career. I just graduated and am therefore trying to get into my industry (that I went to school for) and I have no idea what kind of pay I'm going to get, or when I'm going to get into my field, so I don't honestly know what our financial situation will be, which is why I don't really want to agree to pay for 1/3 and then suddenly ask my parents to foot it at the end because it's too late. Not to mention I DO have student debt. And has anyone seen the housing market lately? Yes, we could afford to buy a house, but it's by no means a big one and by no means expensive. Yes, saving money when the wedding is a year out is totally possible, unless I end up unemployed again or only with a part time job in my field. And Camille (and everyone else), we were planning on waiting to buy a house until after our wedding as well, but the rental property we have been in for years is going into foreclosure and so we were forced into our situation. Yes, we could have just rented somewhere else, but it was either put a deposit on a new place or use my FI's VA loan (which doesn't need a deposit) to buy a house... honestly, buying a house was cheaper than renting again, but then that money instead will be going into appliances which aren't included... And now if anything goes wrong we have to pay for it instead of a landlord... So do I think we can save money in the next year, yes. But would we have enough saved for an emergency as well, no. And my parents paid for my sister's wedding so it was always there that they would pay or at least chip in with mine. You guys are missing the point that I'm upset she didn't tell me her budget in the beginning and now I just have to rethink things. I understand that she has a right to put a limit on her side and I'm not upset about that! Do none of you get upset when you expect one thing and get another? And, my parents just redid their whole backyard and the cost of it was THREE times as much as my wedding will be, so I don't necessarily think money is an object for them as they are generally well off.
Posted by MrsSilverwolf[/QUOTE]
Wow. Seriously?
Why didn't you plan the wedding you wanted with the budget you knew you could afford and assume that anything on top of that was bonus? Dude, I own a home, have student debt, a car payment, etc. and I still managed to put away enough each month for the wedding that we want. FI is doing the same.
I think it is very bratty to come on here and whine, "but they gave my sister! but they have SO much money to do their backyard!" whine, whine, whine. Maybe they don't want to give you that much. Maybe their priorities are not yours. She didn't <span style="font-style:italic;">have </span>to tell you how much she was giving. Graciously accept the offer and make up the difference OR change your details.
Suck it up, buttercup. You have a year to plan and save. Cut your list. I kept my invite numbers under 75 to keep costs down. If you accept no money, then you can definitely say no to extra guests. You have lots of options. I am not sure if coming here and complaining that your parents aren't giving you enough money is the best idea. Women here have made great weddings of all kinds of budgets. Your complaint is almost insulting to those that have made their dollars stretch.
Now with more wedded bliss.
I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.
"Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
"smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
"The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board
I really am sorry you were bummed bc you thought you had a bigger budget than you thought, I would be, too. It also sucks that your mom paid for your sister's wedding and isn't doing the same for you. But, like you said, the housing market sucks, unemployment rate is up and, in general, people just aren't doing as well financially as they were. Maybe your mom had enough money to spare when your sister got married and now she doesn't. Maybe your sister paid for more of her wedding than you think.
I just think you need to take a step back and really look at your priorities. If buying things for your house is more important right now, then postpone your wedding for another 6 months or so. Maybe by then your mom will be willing to pitch in more money and you can use the money you saved up for something else (like a honeymoon, car, etc.).
I hope you start to feel better about this and not let it put a damper on your excitement.
Truth be told my FI & I were fine with paying for it ourselves and eloping and/or having a small ceremony outside of Las Vegas, but when this idea was brought up with mom she did not like it, so I guess I just expected more from her since I changed my plans and am having the wedding here... I get that I shouldn't have counted on anything and that I should put my big girl panties on because plenty of you on here have had it way 'worse' than me. I just thought I could vent a little with people that were also getting married and still dealing with everyday life as well and not be judged or told to suck it up.
Today I am starting at square one, which yes, still leaves plenty of time, and am going to figure this out on my own.
[QUOTE]I am not whining. Yes, I"m complaining, but I am NOT whining. I honestly don't care if they paid for my sister's wedding and told me tough luck, they aren't paying for mine. That would be why I asked at the beginning and expected an answer at the beginning, not 10 months later. Truth be told my FI & I were fine with paying for it ourselves and eloping and/or having a small ceremony outside of Las Vegas, but when this idea was brought up with mom she did not like it, so I guess I just expected more from her since I changed my plans and am having the wedding here... I get that I shouldn't have counted on anything and that I should put my big girl panties on because plenty of you on here have had it way 'worse' than me<strong>. I just thought I could vent a little with people that were also getting married and still dealing with everyday life as well and not be judged or told to suck it up. </strong>Today I am starting at square one, which yes, still leaves plenty of time, and am going to figure this out on my own.
Posted by MrsSilverwolf[/QUOTE]
HAHAHA! I thought that too when I started posting on these boards.
Not so much. I've taken some hits on here, but it's not too bad and you get over it VERY quickly.
From what I have learned this is a great board for information, especially if you are planning your wedding from 2000 miles away, but if it's sympathy that you want, go to your FI or IRL friends, because they are the ones that know you and what you really need to hear :)
[QUOTE]I am not whining. Yes, I"m complaining, but I am NOT whining. I honestly don't care if they paid for my sister's wedding and told me tough luck, they aren't paying for mine. That would be why I asked at the beginning and expected an answer at the beginning, not 10 months later. Truth be told my FI & I were fine with paying for it ourselves and eloping and/or having a small ceremony outside of Las Vegas, but when this idea was brought up with mom she did not like it, so I guess I just expected more from her since I changed my plans and am having the wedding here... I get that I shouldn't have counted on anything and that I should put my big girl panties on because plenty of you on here have had it way 'worse' than me.<strong> I just thought I could vent a little with people that were also getting married and still dealing with everyday life as well and not be judged or told to suck it up. </strong>Today I am starting at square one, which yes, still leaves plenty of time, and am going to figure this out on my own.
Posted by MrsSilverwolf[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I guess if I didn't see people around me that are still unemployed, losing their homes, and surrendering their pets because they can't take care of them anymore, I would have more sympathy for "but my mom isn't giving me enough money for the wedding I want!!!!!"
But then again, I'm not known for being Ms. Warm Fuzzy around these parts.
The second your mother said, "I am going to give you money," and you said "how much?" and she said, "I'm not going to tell you." You should have backed away from said bag o' money.
Like Admiral Ackbar said, "It's a trap!"
Now with more wedded bliss.
I don't get married often, but when I do, I do it in Las Vegas.
"Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
"smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
"The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board
What we do not do is coddle, sorry. We will not just sit here and say "there, there, your mom is mean, blah blah blah." It is a good thing to have these girls here for support, I promise.
Fatty girl blog
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bummed. =( : Yeah, I guess if I didn't see people around me that are still unemployed, losing their homes, and surrendering their pets because they can't take care of them anymore, I would have more sympathy for "but my mom isn't giving me enough money for the wedding I want!!!!!" But then again, I'm not known for being Ms. Warm Fuzzy around these parts. The second your mother said, "I am going to give you money," and you said "how much?" and she said, "I'm not going to tell you." You should have backed away from said bag o' money. <strong>Like Admiral Ackbar said, "It's a trap</strong>!"
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
I'm a Star Wars nerd, so you are my hero for the day. Thanks!
10/01/11! Tadaa! Planning Bio
Check it! My Married Bio- in process
I don't think you're being a spoiled brat. I think it's time for an honest conversation with your mom to get a specific price she's willing to contribute (I know it's awkward but she has offered to help so you need to know where your budget stands). Once you know her price point, you can budget your wedding accordingly either to fit into her budget or to go over at an amount you believe you can afford.
As for having your hopes set on a venue, I feel your pain. FI and I went and looked at a venue that was SPECTACULAR. My dream wedding. I was under the spell and brainstorming ideas for how to pay for it. As we drove away and the spell started to fade I realized that it was unneccessary and irresponsible (in my situation) to go over budget, and that my wedding would be much more fun, special, and meaningful if FI and I (and our parents) didn't spend the time leading up to, during, and following the wedding stressing about the money spent on what amounts to one big party. Try to move past your beautiful venues, there will be something else more affordable! Good luck and sorry you were disappointed
maybe i'm the odd one out here, but i think that's a pretty smoking deal....
dinner + bar at my reception is hovering in the $200 range (including tax / tip). and that doesn't include photography, DJ, the ceremony, flowers. i completely understand that i could have gone cheaper, but i guess i don't find, what averages out to be under $100 / person total, that bad of a deal......
Either way, even if it is a great deal, you can still get away with much less if you are on a budget.
Fatty girl blog
ETA: They add an addtional $5k for weekend night weddings. This is why we decided to do ours day time.
ETA Again: I guess they changed it. $5k for Saturday, $3K for Friday and $1K for Sunday and only for some months.
[QUOTE]IBut then again, I'm not known for being Ms. Warm Fuzzy around these parts.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
But that's why we <3 you.
[QUOTE]I. As we drove away and the spell started to fade <strong>I realized that it was unneccessary and irresponsible (in my situation) to go over budget, and that my wedding would be much more fun, special, and meaningful if FI and I (and our parents) didn't spend the time leading up to, during, and following the wedding stressing about the money spent on what amounts to one big party.</strong> Try to move past your beautiful venues, there will be something else more affordable! Good luck and sorry you were disappointed
Posted by bstent[/QUOTE]
This is very wise! Lifes too short and I personally think women buy into the whole perfect wedding commercial money making machine too much. The ultimate goal is to marry the man/woman of your dreams and start your life together (hopefully on a secure footing). But then again I am a simple bride as anyone who knows my wedding plans would realise! Is my wedding fancy- nope, will it be a kick arse party- you betch ya (it is a given since we are Aussies but not as kick ass as Smokeys of course).
Identify your priorities for your wedding and plan around that.
[QUOTE]If you would rather put money into your home then why are you pissed at your mom for Doing the same?!?!?! Plan the wedding you can afford and if people want to give you money, GRACIOUSLY accept it.
Posted by AJF021410[/QUOTE]
This.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bummed. =( : HAHAHA! I thought that too when I started posting on these boards. Not so much. I've taken some hits on here, but it's not too bad and you get over it VERY quickly. From what I have learned this is a great board for information, especially if you are planning your wedding from 2000 miles away, <strong>but if it's sympathy that you want, go to your FI or IRL friends, because they are the ones that know you and what you really need to hear :)</strong>
Posted by CamilleJon[/QUOTE]
Sorry but I take GREAT offense to this because I have had some wonderful knotties who were more then nice to me when I went through my planning stress...
OP. I get where you are coming from and yeah it stinks! But now you know and can move on and plan the wedding. Also if your Mom complains you can just tell her to "Suck it up...because...hey! there's only so much money!" J/K :)
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bummed. =( : Sorry but<strong> I take GREAT offense to this because I have had some wonderful knotties who were more then nice to me when I went through my planning stress... </strong>OP. I get where you are coming from and yeah it stinks! But now you know and can move on and plan the wedding. Also if your Mom complains you can just tell her to "Suck it up...because...hey! there's only so much money!" J/K :)
Posted by stinkerbell6879[/QUOTE]
Awwww, I am soooooo sorry you were offended... that's why I prefaced it with "From what<em> I </em>have learned".