How Early is Too Early?

kparker83 · March 2010

I'm getting married July 3, 2010 and the RSVP date on my response cards is May 10, 2010.
Today is March 3 (4 months...yippee), is it too early to send my invites or should I wait a couple of weeks?

danieliza1127 · March 2010

Invites go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding and your RSVP date shouldn't really be until 2-4 weeks before the wedding, just depending on when your caterer/venue needs the final headcount.

Your invitations shouldn't go out until May 10th at the earliest. Your RSVP date is WAY too early.

kparker83 · March 2010

I need the final head count by June 1, which is why I did a RSVP date of May 10. I thought that would give me enough time to hunt down late/no replys, etc.

Most of the people are local, but the ones that aren't are fromt he other side of the country!

So I should wait?

NAClark · March 2010

I'm wondering the same thing (and also have the same wedding date - July 3rd). We have a number of guests from out of town (and some out of country), and I feel like 6-8 weeks is just not enough notice even for people IN town since we are talking about a summer weekend near holidays. While many people already know of our wedding and the date, it is nice to get that invite in the mail before you book off vacation etc.

I think we will start sending invites to people out of the country very soon, followed by people out of town in a few weeks, and the rest later in April. I don't really buy the argument that people will forget - it's a wedding, I would hope it makes it on the calendar.

janedoe1113a · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_early-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d42a5cfe-c269-4a02-a305-612ced3e99f8Post:dde277e9-8bf9-43fd-92f2-c610e5066e30">Re: How Early is Too Early?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need the final head count by June 1, which is why I did a RSVP date of May 10. I thought that would give me enough time to hunt down late/no replys, etc.
Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

Why in the world do you need your final headcount over a month before the wedding?

Put your RSVP date a week before you need your final headcount. You do not need almost an entire month to track down RSVPs.

tenofcups4me · March 2010

Ditto the others -- your response date is way too early. First I'd talk with your site and find out why on earth they need your final numbers 5 weeks ahead of time. That's absurd -- mine needed final numbers 3 days ahead.

Even if they insist they need the 5 weeks, you don't need a month to track down any missing RSVPs. A week to 10 days is more than enough.

kparker83 · March 2010

I agree with NAClark. I just don't feel that a couple weeks is enough time. You guys are giving the postal system far too much credit...hehe.
Thanks for all the help, but I think I'll stick with out of country in the next little bit, out of towners a couple weeks after that and then the closest at the beginning of April!

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Asking for a RSVP 2 months ahead is way too early. It's going to guarantee that your responses are inaccurate and will annoy people. If you must have a response by June 1, put your RSVP date to May 25. You need to change this.

Invites go out 6-8 weeks before the wedding, regardless.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Sending out invitations too early is poor etiquette.

I thought my venue was a little intense with wanting a final head count 10 days out.

Vegas_2010_Bride · March 2010

I disagree, 2 months before the date is more than reasonable for an RSVP. It seems like everyone does give the postal system far too much credit. I have everyone coming from out of town and I'm even sending one international so I'll be allowing for extra time for mailling and whatnot as well.

6-8 weeks is just a guideline and for some reason the majority of people seem dead set on telling everone else that this is how it should be. I think you would be fine to send your invites out now with the RSVP deadline you currently have.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_early-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d42a5cfe-c269-4a02-a305-612ced3e99f8Post:4509448b-dbaf-476e-82ea-575c20d7d488">Re: How Early is Too Early?</a>:
[QUOTE] 6-8 weeks is just a guideline and for some reason the majority of people seem dead set on telling everone else that this is how it should be. I think you would be fine to send your invites out now with the RSVP deadline you currently have.
Posted by Vegas_2010_Bride[/QUOTE]

<div>6-8 weeks is not a guideline. It is correct etiquette. </div>

janedoe1113a · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_early-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d42a5cfe-c269-4a02-a305-612ced3e99f8Post:4509448b-dbaf-476e-82ea-575c20d7d488">Re: How Early is Too Early?</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree, 2 months before the date is more than reasonable for an RSVP. It seems like everyone does give the postal system far too much credit. I have everyone coming from out of town and I'm even sending one international so I'll be allowing for extra time for mailling and whatnot as well. 6-8 weeks is just a guideline and for some reason the majority of people seem dead set on telling everone else that this is how it should be. I think you would be fine to send your invites out now with the RSVP deadline you currently have.
Posted by Vegas_2010_Bride[/QUOTE]

Bad advice. The majority of people are not going to know whether they're able to get off work 2 months in advance. I work at a place where we keep a schedule of events for the next 6 months, but if I asked off 2 months in advance they'd look at me like I had 2 heads.

It does not take 2 months for something to get to you through the mail. The majority of the mail I receives gets to me within 3 days of someone mailing it. If it takes longer than that, it probably won't get there at all.

Sending invites out in March for a July wedding is just asking for people to lose them and never send out their RSVPs.

NAClark · March 2010

I have also heard over and over again that 6-8 weeks is the correct etiquette. However, I believe etiquette just refers to social guidelines that ensure comfortable interactions between everyone. I'm not sure how it is crucial to social interactions to send invites exactly 6-8 weeks in advance! This may have worked back when most everyone you invited lived nearby, didn't need to book their vacation 3 months in advance, and so forth. I really can't understand how it would be anything but good manners to give people more notice!

Asking for their response very early could be considered an inconvenience however, so if it is possible to change that, consider it. If it is not possible, then just try to be accommodating to changes.

mandybear7 · March 2010

Okay, well did you send STDs?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

STDs let people who need to book vacation know when your wedding is.

Some people in some industries can't book vacation until 2 weeks before.

And I routinely mail things cross country and they always take less than a week to get there. The USPS /=/ the Pony Express. Even international mailings usually take a week, maybe 2.

Do whatever you'd like, but people might be annoyed at having to make plans so early, which is WHY there is the 6-8 week etiquette rule. Mostly, they'll just forget to mail it, or forget if they HAVE mailed it. So have fun calling 80% of your guests to ask for their RSVPs.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

If I got an invitation asking me to RSVP two months before the event, I'd probably just decline, if I even remembered to send it back at all. The reason that the suggested timeline is in place is because it works.

Your venue is nuts to need final information that far in advance. Our caterering contract needs to be finalized eight business days before the wedding, so we put our RSVP date three weeks out. It shouldn't take you a full month to track down errant RSVPs unless you're going door to door. There's these wonderful inventions called the telephone and the internet, they make communication much simpler.

squirrly · March 2010

It's one thing to send your invitations a few weeks earlier than suggested. It's another, entirely, to demand RSVPs more than a month before the event. The first makes it more likely that people will forget to RSVP. The second is rude.

NAClark · March 2010

"There's these wonderful inventions called the telephone and the internet, they make communication much simpler."
"So have fun calling 80% of your guests to ask for their RSVPs."

It is great to hear other perspectives since most of us probably haven't done this before but I don't think there is any need to get snarky... these are all legitimate questions to raise and I do think there is room for some discussion of individual circumstances around the 6-8 week guideline. I agree, don't stray too far from it since it is around for a reason but I think you can add in your own judgement and knowledge of your friends and family too.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

To be fair, some people say you can send invitations up to 12 weeks out, but you should still set the RSVP deadline as close to the event as possible.

Lyss5782 · March 2010

I'm getting married July 10 and I dont even have my invites figured out yet. You're semi-crazy. It's too early.

banana468 · March 2010

So when you ask, "How early is Too early?" and everyone says, "Yup - that's WAYYYY too early!!"

What you really wanted to ask was, "I'm sending these early and that's perfectly fine right? Tell me it's fine!!"

kparker83 · March 2010

I hope all your fiance's know what they are getting into.
I've heard a wedding brings out a woman's true colours.
Clearly they are right.

So for those who said they'd reply no just because of the date (I hope your best friends has an early date so you can say no)...you just saved me $150/person! Thanks!

Cya biatches.

mandybear7 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_early-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d42a5cfe-c269-4a02-a305-612ced3e99f8Post:ac697e35-5b4f-4afe-b2f5-69c0af179303">Re: How Early is Too Early?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope all your fiance's know what they are getting into. I've heard a wedding brings out a woman's true colours. Clearly they are right. So for those who said they'd reply no just because of the date (I hope your best friends has an early date so you can say no)...you just saved me $150/person! Thanks! Cya biatches.
Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

Strange.

You never answered my question. Did you send STDs? If you sent STDs, then guests probably began making travel plans and there is no need to send invites and ask for RSVPs crazy early. I just don't get it.

squirrly · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_early-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d42a5cfe-c269-4a02-a305-612ced3e99f8Post:ac697e35-5b4f-4afe-b2f5-69c0af179303">Re: How Early is Too Early?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope all your fiance's know what they are getting into. I've heard a wedding brings out a woman's true colours. Clearly they are right. So for those who said they'd reply no just because of the date (I hope your best friends has an early date so you can say no)...you just saved me $150/person! Thanks! Cya biatches.
Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

Really, you are the one who is unnecessarily rude. You asked for advice, and we gave it to you. The fact that you don't like it doesn't make it either bad advice or rude. It's honest. It's up to you whether you use it or not, but name calling isn't going to make people change their tune.

banana468 · March 2010

<p>[QUOTE]I hope all your fiance's know what they are getting into.
I've heard a wedding brings out a woman's true colours.
Clearly they are right.[/QUOTE]

Says the ONLY woman who resorted to using profanity in her post on this thread.

</p>

Lyss5782 · March 2010

Um...its not fiance's....just fiances. I hope you can wait five more minutes to send out your invites so that you can spell check them.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_early-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d42a5cfe-c269-4a02-a305-612ced3e99f8Post:ac697e35-5b4f-4afe-b2f5-69c0af179303">Re: How Early is Too Early?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope all your fiance's know what they are getting into. I've heard a wedding brings out a woman's true colours. Clearly they are right. So for those who said they'd reply no just because of the date (I hope your best friends has an early date so you can say no)...you just saved me $150/person! Thanks! Cya biatches.
Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

<div>Please show this post to your FI. It's your true colors that shine through here. Not only can you not handle being wrong, you don't care about your guests, and you respond with childish insults. He's in for a great time.</div>

[Deleted User] · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_early-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:d42a5cfe-c269-4a02-a305-612ced3e99f8Post:972d551b-d141-4211-acbe-4da3468012ed">Re: How Early is Too Early?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, no wonder I don't like Americans that much. I can't believe how snarky some of you are being towards a simple question. Is it really THAT big of an inconvenience to know what your July LONG weekend plans are going to be by the middle of May? Maybe you live in little hick towns where it's easy to book hotel rooms and transportation for out of town guests. When you live in a destination wedding city and have your wedding on a long weekend, things need to be completed in advance. My apologies for even asking!
Posted by kparker83[/QUOTE]

You're acting like a total weirdo.

Vegas_2010_Bride · March 2010

Who ever decided that 6-8 weeks for invites and as close to the date for RSVPs was going to be the appropriate etiquette?

It seems that we're being far too quick to complacently accept the model that has been handed down to us for years rather than trying change it to a more practical one.

michaela48 · March 2010

Kparker

If you were worried about people booking hotel and travel for a busy holiday weekend you should have sent STDs. Even though it appears that you did not do this, you still have no right to send out your invites and make your guests rsvp so far in advance.

janedoe1113a · March 2010

What is the point of asking for advice if you're just going to call us rude and run away?

And I live in a capital city with a legislative session, two universities and also a festival going on the weekend of my wedding. I sent out my invitations 8 weeks before the wedding and my RSVP date is 3 weeks before the wedding. If you block rooms at a hotel, you don't have to worry about your guests not being able to get a room.

How Early is Too Early?

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