I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?

J&K10910 · January 2012

I'm in the process of applying for grad school. I need letters of recommendation. My current boss (aka the job I'm quitting) was set to write me letters. I asked her about 6 weeks ago, and made the deadline clear, in case she didn't think she'd be able to do it. I followed up with her a couple times, reminding her of deadlines and asking if there was anything I could do to help.

Last week she told me they were in process and would be done by the end of the week. I emailed her yesterday about a problem with my insurance, and in her email back, she ended with a "sidenote, won't get to your letters for a couple weeks, still want me to write them?"

THE FIRST ONE IS DUE FUCKING FRIDAY. AS IN TWO FUCKING DAYS FROM NOW. AND YOU TOLD ME THEY WERE IN PROCESS? WHAT THE FUCKING FUUCK?!

Ash2985 · January 2012

Dude. I don't know what I'd do. But I don't blame you for freaking out. Is there another supervisor who could write something?

LetsHikeToday · January 2012

That's bullshit. Is she pissed you're leaving?

J&K10910 · January 2012

She doesn't know I'm leaving yet.

There's a counselor at work that I have a good relationship with. If I scrap the school due Friday (the one I have the worst chance of getting into anyway), and offer to write the actual letter for her, she might do it.

But I'm so motherfucking pissed I don't even have a word to properly describe my anger.

Celles · January 2012

Can you offer to write a letter for her to sign? It's lame, but it's better than missing the deadline because she keeps procrastinating.

Y I Oughta · January 2012

I would follow up with "Oh, the first one is due this Friday. That's why I asked you so long ago to write them. Is there any way you could get just one written for me. I would really appreciate it. I really need this for my application. They aren't very forgiving with late paperwork." Or something like that, maybe to make her feel bad yet realize just how important this is.

Good luck. I would be freaking out too.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · January 2012

Yeah, I'd freak out.

Definitely reply to her email and inform her of the correct due date. She's dropping the ball on something very important that you've been promised - you can't let it slide. If she doesn't believe you or says you informed her incorrectly of the date - do you have any old emails to back up those claims?

J&K10910 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:0feee860-e7e1-4194-abdf-ad7c770611ae">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you offer to write a letter for her to sign? It's lame, but it's better than missing the deadline because she keeps procrastinating.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

Considering I'm about to tell her I'm quitting, I honestly don't trust her to even do that at this point. And the one due Friday must be submitted online, so I'd have no control over it getting done.

ricksang · January 2012

Umm that's fucked up. She should have wriiten the letters. I had to have three for grad school and internship application and guess what, they all got done. There is no way she was that damn busy. I'd call her and tell her that you need that letter and that it's very improtent that you have it by Friday since she commited to writing it. You need to make it clear to her that this means you will not get into grad school if you don't get this letter.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

I'd tell her the truth.

"My first application goes on Friday. I told you this deadline weeks ago and was really counting on you. Is there anyway that you can PLEASE write one? You told me you could help me out with this and backpedaling at the last minute is really going to cause problems for me."

I had someone do this to me. I told him exactly that and I got the letter on time. It really depends on what kind of relationship you have with this person.

SunriseAmber · January 2012

Celles has a good point. Maybe you can just write the letter for her. I'd be seriously pissed too. I'm sorry she flaked out on you. Just keep in mind that you are not going to be working with her soon enough. I'd put in my two weeks notice today just to be bitchy.

By the way, what did you go to school for?

ricksang · January 2012

I am pissed and paniced for you omg! This in unacceptable and VERY unprofessional.

J&K10910 · January 2012

I truly don't think I even want the letters from her anymore. I clearly can't count on her to get it done, and once I give my notice, any counting on her I could do will likely go out the window.

So now, talk me down from emailing her back that I won't be at work tomorrow or ever again.

LP11509 · January 2012

This happened to me when I was applying for grad school too. I ended up having to call one of my former professors (who I hadn't originally asked to write one), explain the situation and ask if he would be willing to quickly write me a letter. He was nice enough to write me a letter that same night. Do you have anyone that might be willing to do that for you? I know how stressful it is, good luck!!

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

I wouldn't do anything until you are absolutely sure you can get a letter in time from someone else.

Assuming you can, I'd politely tell her that no, you won't be needing those letters and stress upon her how unprofessional it was for her to not write them in a timely fashion.

I'd leave any real bitchiness out of it, though. That would be unprofessional on your part and why stoop to her level?

ski2play · January 2012

j&k, I am also sad for you, this totally sucks. I like Joy's response back at your supervisor in an email, or face to face if you can gather your senses.

ricksang · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:327c3db3-9ffe-4d4c-8d44-53dabbf11b80">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I truly don't think I even want the letters from her anymore. I clearly can't count on her to get it done, and once I give my notice, any counting on her I could do will likely go out the window. So now, talk me down from emailing her back that I won't be at work tomorrow or ever again.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
Hmmm do you want a reference from her in the future? It would be hard for not to tell her how I feel, in a professional manner of course.

Ash2985 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:327c3db3-9ffe-4d4c-8d44-53dabbf11b80">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I truly don't think I even want the letters from her anymore. I clearly can't count on her to get it done, and once I give my notice, any counting on her I could do will likely go out the window. So now, talk me down from emailing her back that I won't be at work tomorrow or ever again.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
I'm not a good person for that. I would totally do the same thing. Especially because you've got the other job all wrapped up.

LP11509 · January 2012

FWIW, I wouldn't write a letter myself and ask someone to sign it. If somehow the cat got out of the bag to the people reviewing your application (which I realize is very, very unlikely, but yet possible), it could be a shitstorm.

SunriseAmber · January 2012

I still can't believe your boss let you down like this. She should be able to handle writing a letter. She should also follow through with her commitments. How did she even get into her position as a boss?

I would really want to tell her off too seeing as you won't be working there much longer but just remember you might need her as a reference later.

AdeleDazeem · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:5cb52286-35eb-4196-a5d1-db8f3871bc0c">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW, I wouldn't write a letter myself and ask someone to sign it. If somehow the cat got out of the bag to the people reviewing your application (which I realize is very, very unlikely, but yet possible), it could be a shitstorm.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

Honestly, it's actually really common. I'm not saying it's a good practice, but it definitely happens. The other person signed the letter, which means they agree with everything in there, afterall.

LP11509 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:91943a69-7e4c-430d-bc2a-fb60c9a9bb03">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD? : Honestly, it's actually really common. I'm not saying it's a good practice, but it definitely happens. The other person signed the letter, which means they agree with everything in there, afterall.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Oh I have no doubt that it happens. And you're right that if they sign it, they are saying that they agree with it. But if I were a person reviewing applications, and I found out someone had done that, it would not paint them in a favorable light. That's just my opinion though. </div>

ricksang · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:aa79164f-79b1-494f-b37f-60ab60f7dba4">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD? : You're right, of course. But it helps to think the thoughts anyway ;) Ski, there's no way in hell I'd be able to talk to her in person about this. Probably ever. Not without going down in flames. Ang, after this, I have no intention of ever using her for any sort of reference. I have two people at this company that I'm sure would be willing to provide a great job reference for me if needed in the future.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
And you have a job already right? I say tell her how unprofessional she was and then decide if it's worth staying.

J&K10910 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:1449dbe6-64f3-49f8-b1ad-6db297231eb0">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD? : And you have a job already right? I say tell her how unprofessional she was and then decide if it's worth staying.
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I start on the 23rd.

ricksang · January 2012

Well, I am a slacker so take this with a grain of salt but quit and take a break if you want.

ski2play · January 2012

Understood J&K, again I am sorry you have been put in this situation. I do not think I could gather myself either without going up/down in flames as you say!

maratea · January 2012

I'm with Ang, but I'm kind of vindictive about that stuff. Your company seems to have fucked up a lot recently and if you're not going to use your boss as a reference, I'd probably call quitsies today. Have yourself a nice week and a half break that you could use to focus on applying to grad schools.

J&K10910 · January 2012

Thanks guys. I appreciate your advice and sympathies. I'm going to go for a walk and try to calm down before I do anything at all. I might delete a couple posts in this thread just in case (not that it really matters anymore, but whatever), so sorry if that confuses or irritates anyone.

ricksang · January 2012

Meh DD if you must my sweet friend!

Cupcakes4life · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:5cb52286-35eb-4196-a5d1-db8f3871bc0c">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW, I wouldn't write a letter myself and ask someone to sign it. If somehow the cat got out of the bag to the people reviewing your application (which I realize is very, very unlikely, but yet possible), it could be a shitstorm.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. Especially since you will be quitting this job. Your boss could be vindictive about it and try to f*ck up your chances at Grad school. </div><div>If I was you, I would try to find someone else to write the letter. I wouldn't want that boss to have any influence on my future. What if the school calls her for a reference after you have left? She already proven she's flakey, what other true colors might come out?</div>

SunriseAmber · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-freaking-fuuck-out-wwsbd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2f492d77-c05f-4e14-87d9-44190f2a0107Post:5cb52286-35eb-4196-a5d1-db8f3871bc0c">Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?</a>:
[QUOTE]FWIW, I wouldn't write a letter myself and ask someone to sign it. If somehow the cat got out of the bag to the people reviewing your application (which I realize is very, very unlikely, but yet possible), it could be a shitstorm.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

I didn't even think of this. Yeah never mind my earlier advice. I didn't mean to give you advice that might get you into trouble later. Sorry

I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?

Re: I am freaking the fuuck out. WWSBD?

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