My Boyfriend's Family.

Re: My Boyfriend's Family.

• Blue & White member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  My ex's family hated me.
  
  My bf's family loves me.
  
  I'm way happier now.  And for the record, my ex's family NOW loves me (after we broke up).
  
  While that approach is somewhat drastic, I strongly believe in keeping toxic people out of your life.  I spent/spend a ton of time with both families, though, so I would caution you against thinking that just spending more time with your bf's family.  It doesn't always work if you're "stealing their boy" from them.
  

  I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton

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• kayely88 member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  It is very hard to break into a new relationship with your boyfriend's family, I've been with my boyfriend for nine months and still don't feel completely welcomed yet to his family. 

  
  

  My boyfriend's mother is very hard to contend with sometimes but I agree with some of the other posters. Spending more time with them might make it a little more easier. And just talking with your boyfriend could make it a little easier too. 

  
  

  It's always important to communicate in a relationship so he might have some helpful hints to make you more at ease with his family and have them be at ease with you. But if all else fails just tolerate them and be happy with your boyfriend, that's what I do.

  

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• calindi member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  They might very well feel like they can run you off if they're distant enough and ignore you long enough.  Especially as they seem to have had success with his previous girlfriend (whether or not that had anything to do with them, if they didn't like her, then they're happy she's gone).
  
  Step 1 is to get your BF to stand up for you and to tell them that you're important to him, so he hopes they'll put in the effort to make you feel welcome when you're around.  If he ignores it, they'll keep doing it.
  
  Step 2 is to make clear that you're not intimidated and not going anywhere.  Continue to be friendly, and prepare several questions before you visit that can't be answered with "mmhmm" and "yep/nope".  Try to ask them questions about things that interest them - like if the Dad is into sports, you can ask him which teams he thinks will be the biggest challenge this season.  If the Mom is into books, you can ask which authors she'd recommend you try.  By showing interest in things that are important to them, and giving open-ended questions that require a response, you're more likely to get them to speak.  Try to avoid any conversation about yourself - they're clearly not interested right now, though hopefully at some point that will change.
  
  Step 3 is to not let them bother you.  Some of the things you have given as examples of their behavior don't sound nice, but probably not intended to be mean or make you feel bad.  Try to give them the benefit of the doubt whenever possible, and take everything they say or do in the best light rather than expecting everything they say or do to be against you.  It won't change what they say or do, but it will change how you feel about it.

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• heyimbren member

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  I agree with Cate.
  
  I just want to emphasize, like someone else said, that you also have a boyfriend issue, not just a family issue. If he agrees that they're being rude to you then he does need to stand up to them and talk to them about it if that's how he feels. Because that's an issue that could easiliy come up again and again in the future.

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• jeanacorina

  

  February 2011 edited December 2011

  I think Cate's advice sounds a bit too confrontational. I don't think you should force conversation upon them. I think it's your boyfriend's job to "make it clear you're not going anywhere," not yours. You risk seeming like a domineering b!tch who is trying to take over their son and strong arm your way into his family.
  
  Just relax, zen out, take things as they come. The more you are around and the more your boyfriend learns to treat you as a priority, even in front of his family, the better things will get... with TIME. And communication, too.
  

  

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