MOH Drama

aerinpegadrak · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-drama-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:07d2cc35-2ffb-491a-8b19-af0e59dc7e01Post:34083613-f6eb-4411-b31e-a9687efc5a89">Re: MOH Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I asked her to do me one favor</strong>. ONE FAVOR. Not a list or something hard. All I needed is a few numbers. AND I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT KICKING HER OUT. I just feel it was a mistake making her maid of honor, I don't feel it was a mistake making her a bridesmaid. I'm stressed out, I need some help from a friend, and she won't even talk to me, at least not about the wedding. She'll talk about her and her bf trying to find a house to buy (which he has admitted is her idea, not his), but she won't talk with me about my wedding. How helpful is that? She isn't even there for a little bit of support. Apparently no one is understanding what I am saying no matter how many times I explain it. I want just a little help from her, talking or getting me some phone numbers. that's it. Then I have a bridemaid who is constantly asking when we are going shopping for stuff, when we are looking at dresses, and wants to help me with everything. I feel like I made a mistake on who is maid of honor. NOT that I want to kick someone out of the bridal party.
Posted by reignbows_92[/QUOTE]

And that one favor was inappropriate to ask. That's what you're refusing to get. You were absolutely in the wrong to ask her to do anything at all in your DJ search. The responsibility is yours and your FI's alone. Had she offered, it would be one thing, but she didn't. You overstepped your bounds and you screwed up. She's done nothing wrong, either by not following through on something that's not her responsibility, or by not wanting to talk about someone else's party plans. The problem, the one and only problem here is your expectations, and if you're not willing to adjust them, your situation isn't going to improve. The only person whose actions you can control is your own.

reignbows_92 · August 2012

So what your saying is that she is just supposed to stand there and look pretty, do absolutely nothing, while the other bridesmaids are being super helpful (without any prompting) and are super excited?

Yea, that makes sense.

aerinpegadrak · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-drama-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:07d2cc35-2ffb-491a-8b19-af0e59dc7e01Post:8f572c94-4559-48c8-8f38-12a06278ef5b">Re: MOH Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]So what your saying is that she is just supposed to stand there and look pretty, do absolutely nothing, while the other bridesmaids are being super helpful (without any prompting) and are super excited? <strong>Yea, that makes sense.</strong>
Posted by reignbows_92[/QUOTE]

Yes, it does. Your other bridesmaids are hopefully being helpful because they want to, either because they just like weddings, because they're naturally generous, because they really want your wedding in particular to work, or because they just have the free time. They should absolutely not be helping just because someone, either you or the whole wedding culture, tells them that they have to.

Look, you have the idea of what a wedding party should be entirely wrong. They're not your planning brigade. It's not a way for you to recognize the best helpers. It's not a magical bonding experience where the world revolves around you for the course of your engagement. The point of choosing bridesmaids is to recognize the people who are most important in your life. That is it, entirely, no further, end of story. With that in mind, yes, whether or not they do more than just show up makes not one bit of difference.

Again, it's all in your attitude, and right now, yours sucks. Like I said, I planned a wedding from a distance on a very tight budget with loads of DIY. Some of our attendants had the wedding on the brain more than I did and were constantly offering to help, some were busy with their own lives and really didn't do much more than get the outfit and make it to the ceremony. And you know what? I was thrilled to have each and every one of them at my side, and love them all equally.

Further, and this is the point I think you're really missing, a few years later, I'm still on good terms with all of them. If you keep up the attitude toward your MOH, I highly, highly doubt you're going to be able to say the same. You would do well to listen to the experiences of actual people and to prioritize that over the world of fiction and advertising you're choosing to embrace instead.

DMoore421 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-drama-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:07d2cc35-2ffb-491a-8b19-af0e59dc7e01Post:ddd34ca9-9dd7-4a66-bf9c-85f46467109c">MOH Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]My maid of honor is being pretty much useless. All I have asked her to do is find some decent dj's for me to look into, help relay some messages to the bridesmaids, and buy her dress (hey, the economy sucks, and everyone is buying their dress and shoes..I'l buy their accessories). She said OK to all of it. The DJ task was given in June. I haven't heard a darn thing back. I tried to talk to her one day when we were going on a 3 hour ride with the guys (her bf and my fiance), and she pretty much blew off any wedding conversation. It is getting so frustrating! I just added another bridesmaid, and so far she has done more than the maid of honor, including getting numbers for DJs and even wanting to plan my bachelorette party. Here is what I think is going on with my MOH: She is dating my fiance's cousin (has been for 4 years) (that's not the only reason she is in the bridal party...we were friends since sophomore yr in high school when we were on the same cheerleading squad), and they are not engaged. My fiance and I have been together for going on 2 years (had been friends for 5 years before that). She has been pushing her bf to marry her, and I think she feels sort of jealous that we are getting married before her. Since we announced our engagement, she has set a deadline for her and her bf (2015, by the latest). I think it is driving a wedge between her and I. I have no clue what to do! I don't want to ask her to step down from MOH because that would be rude, but it is just getting so awkward. Help??
Posted by reignbows_92[/QUOTE]

I was MOH for a friend's wedding and made lots of calls for her - or research or things but i also didn't have very much else going on at the time - and she may have some crazy hurt feelings because she is not engaged yet -
If this other BM is willing to help she can help with whatever but you cannot really demote the MOH unless you are willing to let the friendship go

XxmcuhlovejennxX · August 2012

I found this link, so many "ladies" on here are beyond rude. I rarely come over to the "community" its mostly brides that got married a year... or 5 ago and they are just envious of everyone getting married because they live sad lives.
I mean, after you're married why come here and cut down emotional brides who are trying to figure out their wedding planning? you're supposed to help support them, thats why they come here, not to be chewed up and spit out. it's so uncalled for to be so rude.

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx

aerinpegadrak · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-drama-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:07d2cc35-2ffb-491a-8b19-af0e59dc7e01Post:8906ca55-5717-48fc-9e95-d084454721a8">Re: MOH Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I found this link, so many "ladies" on here are beyond rude. I rarely come over to the "community" its mostly brides that got married a year... or 5 ago and they are just envious of everyone getting married because they live sad lives. I mean, after you're married why come here and cut down emotional brides who are trying to figure out their wedding planning? you're supposed to help support them, thats why they come here, not to be chewed up and spit out. it's so uncalled for to be so rude. <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridesmaids/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a>
Posted by XxmcuhlovejennxX[/QUOTE]
I can see you wandering into a debate over freedom of speech or religion saying, "Hey, guys! I just found a link to this thing called The Constitution that totally answers all your questions!" The entire point of this discussion is whether or not The Knot's list of duties is a valid guideline. (It's not.) But nice attempt at adult conversation anyway. A little more practice, and maybe a username without typos, and you might be ready for it.

MOH Drama

Re: MOH Drama

Choose Another Board

Search Boards