I will be perfectly honest, I need to vent. There are so many things I can't say to those closest to me because it might hurt someones feelings, or someone might just give me a blunt response that isn't even applicable let alone rationale. So I have been waking up the past 3 weeks annoyed. I feel myself being short with everyone and just aggravated and irritated. And since I don't have anyone to just lay it all out to as honestly as I want to, I'm enlisting the ears of all of you knotties to aid in reclaiming my sanity.
Right now is a very stressful time for me, I am in my last semester of school with two of the most difficult classes that I had been putting off out of fear of taking them, FI and I are looking for a house and we are planning our wedding and I am acting as my sis's MOH. Each one of these stresses goes so much farther beyond that simple paragraph and while I know most of you wont take the time to read this I just need to get it all out.
The school issue is actually the simplest of the stresses. It's just two really hard classes that I have absolutley no interest in and are not related to my major so I have been putting them off every semester and this being my last semester I haev no choice but to not only take them but take them together. I am the weird one who actually enjoys school, but this semester I absolutley hate it, I just can't wait for it to be over.
FI and I have been looking for a house for just shy of a year now. We had been renting an apartment but our choice was either renew our lease for another year minimum or get into a house. So on 1/1 we moved in with my parents and today we just finally put an offer in on a house. The problem is that our price range isn't bad but because of the cost of living in our area our options are pretty limited. I love the house we have made an offer on but I hate the area, not bad but not great, it wouldn't be so bad but so many people have made comments regarding the negative aspects of the town prior to us being interested in the house and I just can't forget them. I will be perfectly honest and it might sound snobby but when I have to give someone my address I won't be proud. I do love the house though and like FI and I keep saying, this is only a starter house, not the last stop on our real estate road. I just can't bear to look anymore though, this has been going on for almost a year, every single weekend we saw anywhere from 4-12 houses one worse off then the next. I am at the point where I don't even want to go look anymore, but would rather send FI by himself and tell him to just pick one and let me know when to move in. FI is also driving me nuts with this, he has an obsessive personality. When he gets interested in something he goes nuts with it, so him looking at houses isn't just informing our agent of what we would like to see and what our range is and some ideas or leads we have had, it is him sitting all day at work and all night at home scouring listings and almost every night doing "drive bys" of houses to see if they are even worth looking at. We have not done anything that doesn't involve house hunting in the longest time. I am sick of every time my phne rings it being him telling me to look at the listings he sent me etc. On the plus side their might be a light at the end of our tunnel. We put an offer in today on the aforementioned house but guess what? FI is still sending me listings as we speak.
FI and I are planning our wedding or I should say I am planning our wedding. He has no interest whatsoever in the details and is too busy looking at houses to check out flower ideas or favor websites etc. As he says it, "he can't multi task so don't expect him to find a house and plan a wedding its one or the other. But he likes to put up this persona for audiences that I don't let him have any say, which just annoys me. You dont have to do a song and dance that your the stereotypical male and I'm the stereotypical bride, why not just respond to people's questions in the same manner you tell me the deal, "you just want to know when to show up?" I have been begging this man to pick out a style of tuxedos for months, not even choose one just pick out a style so I can match the bridesmaid dresses in appropriate lengths depending on the formalness or casualness of the tux style, and after 5 months of me asking he finally did. I spent two weeks handmaking all of our invitations and he did not help me once and had the audacity to say when I aksed what he thought when I was all done that he "doesnt care about invitations" and "they are fine." But meanwhile I showed him my initial design and he loved it. Thanks for appreciating the effort and time I put into them.
Since I have all my invitations done, they are sitting in a box already addressed and postage applied waiting to be put in the mail. Because my wedding is somewhat a destination and does require travel and possibly a hotel room I want to send them out earlier than normal so people have time to plan accordingly. My mom is insisting I don't send them out until my bridal shower invites go out but she refuses to even think about a shower let alone figure out invitations and mail them until she is done with my sister's bridal shower. Only problem is bridal invitations would need to go out this week in order to stick to the intended date she has and for me to send out the wedding invitations on time. I told mom that I am not holding the wedding invitations any longer than a week past my intended date and she is getting livid and saying that if i have to back up the invitations oh damn well she is now making references of my invitations not being mailed until one month prior to the wedding in order to give her ample shower planning time.
My sis is a whole other can of worms. Sis' wedding is 3 months before mine and that cost of two weddings has already caused problems that I don't even want to reiterate. But now sis' shower is two weeks away. This is sis' 3rd marriage, for her first she a had a big shower at a venue with all the bells and whistles, plus a wedding double the budget we both currently have. For sis' second weeding she eloped and now she is planning another huge third wedding. So my mom mad ethe executive decision that sis shower would be at their house in order to save money and since her shower guest list is the size of my wedding (100 women). Well my dad loves this idea of saving money, but when it comes to my shower he refuses to let my mom book a venue and insists we have the shower at the house. Thats fine and all and I appreciate getting a shower but Ic an't help but feel slighted that sis has already had a blow out shower, a blow out wedding and now she si getting it all again, while I'm planning my first wedding (and only) and I am restricted to a much smaller udget and I don't get the falir of a shower at venue. I'm not trying to sound spoiled but this having two weddings and showers within 3 months is really giving me the short end of the stick here and it freaking sucks to be honest. I dn't honestly care what I end up with I just hate feeling slighted and that I apparently don't deserve equal of what sis got.
Sis also just found she is pregnant, this breaks my heart for personal reasons I don't even want to get into but I am happy for her. But now their is talk of throwing her a second baby shower (she has a son from her 2nd marriage).
I'm pissed at sis currently though because she called my mom yesterday and asked to speak to her privatley (I'm the only one home with mom in the middle of the day, obviously I know its about me right off the bat). After an hour mom comes to me and asks me if I called my nephew on his birthday last week and I tell her yes first thing in the morning I spoke to him and sis for about an hour. She then asks if I called my sis' fiance on his birthday 4 months ago, I say yes but that he didn't pick up so I left him a voicemail, which he never responded too. She asks if I sent him a birthday gift I said no since sis never sent my FI a birthday gift, let alone called him. Ia ssumed we would exchange gifts next year after everybody was officially married same thing we did in regards to our Sis in law (brothers wife). Mom then asked if I sent a gift to my nephew and I said no I already told sis on nephews birthday when I called that I was going to give it to him when he came up this weekend with her since the shipping would have cost more than the gift (huge box). Sis said that was fine, no big deal. The kid turned three he isn't going to notice if my gift was missing on his actual birthday. Well according to sis I never called either nephew or her fiance on their birthdys nor sent gifts and I obviously don't care enough about them and I'm being a shitty sister. Meanwhile our brother and his wife never talks to her and only wrote on her facebook for both her fiance and son's birthday. But I'm the shitty sister. Well mom then goes and calls back sis and tells her I'm denying everything and tells her what I said and Sis says I should call her and straighten it out and to have my mom tell me that. So mom comes and tells me and I simply say, no I didn nothing wrong and I don't have a problem I'm not going to cater to her assumptions, if she thinks she has been slighted then she can call me herself and iscuss it with me and not our mom. So of course mom runs back and tells sis and then tells me to keep my phone handy because sis is going to call me. Well guess what sis never called and now after all this back and forthing and referring my mom is "out of it." Sorry but you were the one to inform their was a problem and to insist I do something about it so no you are by nomean not involved you are very involved.
So to sum it all up I have woken up every monring for about 3 weeks now in a shitty mood because everything is just not moving along and I'm frustrated. I can't wait for the honeymoon and to just have a break and be without a computer so FI can't look at listings anymore.