S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics

pretzelgrrl · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:2cc12ee0-62fc-4778-8f09-da345936ef62">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : I@Pretzel, I'm glad you're sharing your experiences with us. Have you and your husband looked into getting an annullment for him now that you are married?
Posted by professorscience[/QUOTE]

I have thought about but I do know it is very hard to get a convalidation (I believe this is the right term). I kind of figured that they would not see my father's illness as a valid reason for marrying outside of the church. I need to find the time to talk to a priest to discuss it. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with convalidation?

agapecarrie · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:bc4a813e-ae15-41a7-b6e9-33a55e2eb25e">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics : I have thought about but I do know it is very hard to get a convalidation (I believe this is the right term). I kind of figured that they would not see my father's illness as a valid reason for marrying outside of the church. I need to find the time to talk to a priest to discuss it. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with convalidation?
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]

<div>Actually, There are so many misunderstandings about this process and that is unfortunately the "rumor".</div><div>
</div><div>Please PLEASE work on the annulment. Then if the declaration of nullity comes through, you may be able to get a convalidation. In situations like this (non-Catholics involved, parents, etc), this exactly why they do this. </div><div>
</div><div>The church believes marriage is for life. Your "husband" was not free to marry, because he is still presumed to be married to someone else. A civil divorce cannot undo a marriage. The annulment process investigates the time of his vows to see if there was an impediment to a valid marriage. If there was, a declaration of nullity is given, and the marriage didn't happen, which means he is free to marry. Then you can go through the process of a convalidation. </div>

Calypso1977 · September 2012

pretzel, you are in Boston.

everything for annulments here goes thorough the archdiocese of boston's tribunal.
you and your husband should first meet with your priest to get the paperwork. the priest has to sponsor you in the paperwork.

everyone has the right to apply for an annulment; not all are granted. once received by the tribunal, they have 30 days to tell you whether or not they will accept the application and conduct the necessary investigation, etc. if they dont accept it, your H will have his answer and you will not be able to go for a convalidaiton until his first spouse passes away. if they do accept it, it will be about a year to a year and a half then you will have your answer.

if he gets the annulment, you can proceed with then asking for the convalidation.

Resa77 · September 2012

Okay, I've been thinking a lot about this in the past few days, and here are some thoughts I've had. Keep in mind this is an ongoing, growing understanding for me, and I'm VERY open to criticism for my thought process. So poke holes where you see 'em!

When I attend someone's wedding, it does not mean I support their marriage. It does not mean I want them to be with that person the rest of their life. It does not mean I believe a valid marriage is taking place. It does not mean I don't think their realtionship is sinful. It means that I love the person, and respect the fact that they're an adult, and recognize their decisions are not my responsiblity.

I have attended weddings in the past where I had serious concerns. I have been in weddings that I'm quite sure aren't valid. I'm talking about Catholic heterosexual weddings! I even talked to the priest officiating the wedding once about my concerns, and he assured me he did not share my concerns, and that I should attend the wedding. (I was close with the priest, so I felt it was okay to talk to him about it).

Anyway...so if I had a gay friend (especially a non-Catholic gay friend) getting "married," I wouldn't really have a problem attending. He's a grown man and can make his own choices, and my being their will not make him think it's more okay, and my absence won't make him think it's less okay. But my not going will probably result in him shutting me out 100%. Me being in his life as an example of faith and morality is a good thing!

As someone who just got married, I can tell you that I would probably never speak to someone again if they said they disagreed with my relationship, and did not give me a reason which I felt was valid. If they belonged to some faith which said that, Idk, the husband must be older, and therefore they wouldn't attend my wedding, I would think they were a terrible friend. They're entitled to their beliefs, but they cannot force them on me, and they shouldn't try to by boycotting my wedding.

I wouldn't drive a friend to an abortion clinic, or buy an alcoholic friend some liquor, but that's totally different. That's being an accomplice. Attending a wedding doesn't do anything to make the wedding happen or not happen. It's just being a guest. The only people who are truly accomplices are those who fund it, plan it, or officiate it, IMO.

I will voice my concerns to a friend about her choices, because I love her. I will tell her that I think she's making harmful decisions. But at the end of the day, I'm not going to make her doubt my love and respect for her by boycotting her wedding just because I don't support it.

I think that saying attending an invalid marriage is a sin because it supports a sinful relationship is the equivalent to saying that it's wrong to attend a baby shower for an unwed mother because you're supporting premarital sex, or supporting the idea of bringing a baby into the world without two married parents.

Anyways, those are some thoughts I've had. It's something I certainly feel torn about. I've never been invited to a wedding for an un-annulled Catholic or a same-sex couple or anything, so I've never been in this situation exactly. But some day if I get an invitation for an "iffy" wedding, I want to feel confident in my choice to attend/not attend, and right now I don't feel confident on either side.

agapecarrie · September 2012

Resa,

I disagree with you that attending doesn't equal support. People take silence as support. All the more will they take attendance as approval. I don't know if you read the links I put up, but I thought it was pretty straight forward of why catholics may not attend gay "weddings".

How many times I have seen brides say "the priest didn't have a problem with us living together". Perhaps only because he was silent about it.

I think that while a "marrying" person may be offended by someone's absence, the person would at least be making a statement of their faith. And that statement can be planting seeds in them for down the line.

Resa77 · September 2012

I agree with most of what you said, Agape...silence is taken as support. However, what if you're not silent? What if you voice your concern and objection, and ultimately attend because you love the person and don't want to destroy your friendship? In the past, when I've attended weddings I didn't agree with (again, never a straight-forward situation like same-sex marriage, or a Catholic marrying outside the Church). I have made my objections known. Therefore, I wasn't silent, and my attendance wasn't taken as support.

agapecarrie · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_so-going-to-non-catholic-weddings-of-catholics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:d70a399f-2f6d-4901-a997-e3cb16259c49Post:9e32f2de-6479-40f6-aaba-14cff4a2ba0b">Re: S/O- Going to non-Catholic weddings of Catholics</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with most of what you said, Agape...silence is taken as support. However, what if you're not silent? What if you voice your concern and objection, and ultimately attend because you love the person and don't want to destroy your friendship? In the past, when I've attended weddings I didn't agree with (again, never a straight-forward situation like same-sex marriage, or a Catholic marrying outside the Church). I have made my objections known. Therefore, I wasn't silent, and my attendance wasn't taken as support.
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, as the link I posted said, and I agree with, if its clear to them that your attendance is NOT support, and by attending you continue a relationship, that it can be ok.</div><div>
</div><div>HOwever, the link also said, which I agree with, same sex marriage is a no-no.</div>

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