Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux

misshart00 · December 2012

In Response to Re:Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux:In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : A recap of your various posts: You initially saidnbsp;he wanted to wear a suit instead of a tux. But, you wanted to satisfy your family because THEY will be wearing tuxes and your wedding is super fancy. So, FI wearing a suit would be disrespectful to your dad and your fancy wedding/venue. Then, you said he REALLY wanted anbsp;tux the whole time, but HE didn't want to spend the money on it and didn't want a rental. Then, you saidnbsp;YOU offered to buy it.nbsp; But, he must still want to wear a suit, otherwise, why would you be coming here posting about it. That all adds up to, you either didn't offer unless you just did while having this whole conversation online, or he declined, since this is still even an issue.nbsp; The whole time, you are worried about your dad pulling funding from a fancy, black tieish wedding but, without top shelf liquornbsp;that younbsp;can't afford, just because your fiance wants to wear a suit or can't afford/doesn't want to buynbsp;a tux. Either you didn't offer, or he doesn't want you buying him a tuxnbsp;or really doesn't want one. And either your dad isnbsp;big jerk if you really think he would even remotely consider pulling funding over FI wearing a suit, or you are overexaggerating the significance of the tux in the first place .Posted by cmgilpinWell, this is the same poster who was sure her dad would pull funding for her wedding if she didn't perform a daddy/daughter duet with him at the wedding. nbsp;AND the same poster who will be fired if her boss ever finds out she set her phone to vibrate instead of letting it ring out loud.Call me crazy, but I get the feeling OAH overexaggerates the significance of pretty much everything. Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

And also the same person who put in every single one of her posts for a week that she lost her house in the hurricane. I feel for her but it was overkill.

courtski2004 · December 2012

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:119f307a-93d0-4908-813e-eeb94e7eb6e1">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux : Yeah we are not rich... I don't know if you thought we were (?)
Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

Not sure you realize it, but you talk about money A LOT. We know that you make twice what your FI does, that you're apprehensive about combining funds, that it frustrates you that he doesn't handle certain fiscal responsibilities, how much your parents are shelling out for your wedding and that if you don't toe the line then they'll pull all the funding, on and on. You said that the issue was NOT that he doesn't have the funds to rent a tux. How about he shell out what the rental price is and you cover the rest. FFS, this is ridiculous.

</div>

mcda04 · December 2012

I'm sorry but i'm irritated with your FI. He wants to wear a tux but he wants someone to buy it for him? He's a grown man, he needs to be able to afford a suit/tux to his own wedding. You can't ask ANYBODY for any money for YOUR wedding. If your dad is being generous and paying for the whole thing, the least your FI can do is pay for his own attire. Why doesn't he ask his parents to buy it for him?

Did your dad buy your dress too? We're not rich either, we still have student loans, two kids, two dogs and a mortgage + bills and we still managed to pay for our own wedding, we waited 7 years but it was worth it.

You said you didn't want to wait any longer to get married because you've been together for 13 years. Financial problems are normally deal breakers in new marriages. It's too much to handle for a new couple.

There's so much wrong with this post, what's more important? Daddy and his money or FH?

Loopyseven · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:4fce74c3-dd28-451e-8b83-0e5da14f9b37">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, you sound like YOU want him in a tux and are using your family as a scapegoat. If that's the case, then let it go and tell your family to do the same. If it's not the case, and your real concern is just your family's reaction, then I still say take it up with THEM, don't punish your FI. Whether or not your family is paying for the wedding has nothing to do with the attire the groom will be wearing. Yes, they get a say in the things they are paying for, but it does NOT give them carte blanche say so in every aspect including personal appearance. <strong>This sounds like a very good exercise in standing up to your family and siding with your FI, which is something you have to be able to do in order to make a marriage work. Why not start practicing now?</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading through all of this. You and your FI need to get on the same page regarding what he is wearing and present a united front to your parents. You and he are the team here, not you and your parents anymore.</div>

RegallyBlonde · December 2012

I am sorry but the excuse that 'you have been together for 13 years, you have wiated long eough so you deserve a wedding' is really childish, I am going to assume that 1981 is your year of birth, meaning you are over 30, it's time to 'clip the apron strings' as it were and learn that you don't always get what you want in life, things don't always happen the way you want them too.

You have a lot more issues than your FI not wanting to wear a tux, you have debts, part of being an adult it putting the things you want on hold until you have done what you have to do, so maybe a better idea is to discuss with your FI a way you can pay off you debt faster and then start saving for a wedding, maybe you will have been together 15 years by the time it rolls around, maybe 20 but does it really matter? At the end of the day, you are together, you kow you are eventually getting married and this way, you get to have what you want. Letting your Father pay for everything because you want it now, is still being bad with money the way I see it, you have to have it now, you can't wait and save, which is exactly the same as racking up credit car bills because you want a pair of Louboutin heels now, rather than waiting till you have the money for it.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

As someone who got married on Long Island in August, I just wanted to weigh in and say that Owning's $40-$60K price is ridiculously overstated.

FI and I had a kick-ass wedding for 160 people (full open bar, plated sit-down dinner, DJ with live percussionist and MC, photobooth with attendant, exit table (aka - extra dessert for guests on the way out), a tropical drinks bar at the cocktail hour, 10 serving stations and 10 passed apps during the cocktail hour) for under $35K, and it would've been more like $22K if H and I had been a little more budget-conscious on the photographer, videographer, and florist. (We weren't though, because we were paying and it was worth it to us to upgrade a little in those areas.) There are venues on LI that do buffet-dinner wedding packages including limos, flowers, entertainment, and photography for 100 guests for $10-15K.

Owning, how about you own up to the fact that you would prefer to throw your FI under the bus so you can milk your daddy for every penny he's got so you can have your perfect fancy princess day. If you truly cared about your FI's preferences, you'd know you had plenty of options besides "do whatever dad says because he's giving me $60K."

Summer2011Bride · December 2012

So OP did you offer to buy him a tux or not? What did he say? Because your posts are confusing and very contradictory. Your story keeps changing.

Also the reason people are asking about top shelf liquor is that you need to have that to have a "black tie" affair, as well as a multi-course dinner, live band, etc. You can't have an "unstated" black tie affair but not have these things. You may WANT your wedding to be black tie, but it isn't. That's fine. I didn't have a black tie wedding and many people don't but just accept it for what it is and move on.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2012

So you got engaged, but you're completely broke. But somehow, I'm assuming, you bought a house at some point, meaning you saved some money in the past. You don't want to have a courthouse wedding. So... I guess you just assumed Daddy would step up to the plate? Risky move. Glad it worked out for you.

Oh, and although you appear to be a homeowner and have been engaged for a while, and still have 6 months before your wedding, saving a few hundred bucks for a tuxedo is totally out of the question because you "aren't rich." But a $50k wedding is totes average. Oh, but you could just buy it for your FI. It's just that HE can't save that amount?

You are completely contradictory and apparently need credit counseling.

StephBeanWed61502 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:65cbb0e5-c567-4df9-9cc9-1f5000532c64">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
[QUOTE]So you got engaged, but you're completely broke. <strong>But somehow, I'm assuming, you bought a house at some point, meaning you saved some money in the past. </strong>You don't want to have a courthouse wedding. So... I guess you just assumed Daddy would step up to the plate? Risky move. Glad it worked out for you. Oh, and although you appear to be a homeowner and have been engaged for a while, and still have 6 months before your wedding, saving a few hundred bucks for a tuxedo is totally out of the question because you "aren't rich." But a $50k wedding is totes average. Oh, but you could just buy it for your FI. It's just that HE can't save that amount? You are completely contradictory and apparently need credit counseling.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>Mery, I'm sad to say that with girls like Owning on LI, that's often a faulty assumption. My guess is daddy provided the down-payment. And possibly co-signed, if they have so much debt it crashed their credit score. I see it all the time around here.</div>

Sspencer89 · December 2012

My fi wants to wear tails and a top hat, I said whatever you want expect jeans and a tshirt. Let he wear whatever he wants

aquari0216 · December 2012

4060k for a wedding gives me the heeby jeebies....let the man wear what he wants in his special day

ftrmrsw · December 2012

I can't believe this post got 98 comments!!!

Really we all know the obvious answer I can't believe it took almost 100 comments

RMcDougle · December 2012

TBH I was too lazy to read through all the comments, but still wanted to post. Sorry if I just repeat what someone else said :P

Honestly, a back suit and a tux will look equally as formal and appropriate. Seriously, google for images of a black suit verus a tux side by side.. and it's equivalent in general appearance. (EXAMPLE: http://www.mytuxedocatalog.com/wp-content/uploads/Tux_or_Suit-300x258.jpg) So stop with this micro-managing. This isn't your call, anyway.

And if your father and BIL, etc own a tux, I'd bet my bottom dollar they also own a suit. Just have them follow suit (haha), and wear what your fiance wants to wear.

LDubHawksFan · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:c59a40f7-3d5f-42e9-b4f1-ce19110b3ac6">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
[QUOTE]TBH I was too lazy to read through all the comments, but still wanted to post. Sorry if I just repeat what someone else said :P Honestly, a back suit and a tux will look equally as formal and appropriate. Seriously, google for images of a black suit verus a tux side by side.. and it's equivalent in general appearance. (EXAMPLE: <a href="http://www.mytuxedocatalog.com/wp-content/uploads/Tux_or_Suit-300x258.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://www.mytuxedocatalog.com/wp-content/uploads/Tux_or_Suit-300x258.jpg</a> ) So stop with this micro-managing. This isn't your call, anyway. And if your father and BIL, etc own a tux, I'd bet my bottom dollar they also own a suit. Just have them follow suit (haha), and wear what your fiance wants to wear.
Posted by RMcDougle[/QUOTE]

I hate to add to this crazy long thread now, but I agree with this. After looking at 3 tux shops for our wedding, I outright asked one store what the difference was between the two because I couldn't tell. Most of the time the only difference is that there is the stripe of satin down the pants, some satin on the collar, and the buttons are covered with fabric (at least that is what they told me).
I think this is a crazy argument and you have way bigger fish to fry based on the other financial issues you have brought up. Let FI wear what he wants. Tell daddy he can wear either his tux or suit. At our wedding, FI picked stunning dark grey tuxes for he and his guys, my dad rented a black tux, his dad wore his own tux, and my step dad wore a black suit. It looked just fine, no one commented on it, and we still got married!!

OwningAHome1981 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiance-wants-to-wear-suit-instead-of-tux?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:70a14f7b-cc8e-4e90-949d-f1f36b94eeb0Post:8aa3d277-3f99-4ea4-8d0b-5fb47e21773e">Re: Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux</a>:
[QUOTE]As someone who got married on Long Island in August, I just wanted to weigh in and say that Owning's $40-$60K price is ridiculously overstated. FI and I had a kick-ass wedding for 160 people (full open bar, plated sit-down dinner, DJ with live percussionist and MC, photobooth with attendant, exit table (aka - extra dessert for guests on the way out), a tropical drinks bar at the cocktail hour, 10 serving stations and 10 passed apps during the cocktail hour) for under $35K, and it would've been more like $22K if H and I had been a little more budget-conscious on the photographer, videographer, and florist. (We weren't though, because we were paying and it was worth it to us to upgrade a little in those areas.) There are venues on LI that do buffet-dinner wedding packages including limos, flowers, entertainment, and photography for 100 guests for $10-15K. Owning, how about you own up to the fact that you would prefer to throw your FI under the bus so you can milk your daddy for every penny he's got so you can have your perfect fancy princess day. If you truly cared about your FI's preferences, you'd know you had plenty of options besides "do whatever dad says because he's giving me $60K."
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

We're having 240 people...3 familes, no way around it. Hard to do a wedding for that many under $40k

Fiance wants to wear suit instead of tux

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