Pre/post party for destination wedding

bertasha2014 · March 2013

We're getting married in Mexico AND will be having a celebration/party at home as a legal ceremony family and some friends are unable to join us, plus its much more expensive to do a legal ceremony in Mexico.

Trying to find out what proper etiquette is - can we do something before or does it have to be after the destination wedding? Also is it acceptable to pay for dinner and have guests pay for their own drinks?

AddieCake · March 2013

I'm confused, too. You're going to Mexico to pretend to get married? Because if it's not going to be legal, isn't that what you will be doing? Why don't you just actually get married someplace legal? If you want to do it on the beach, there are plenty of those right here in the U.S.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

If you're legally getting married where you live, and absolutely set on goig to Mexico...then go to Mexico for your honeymoon. If you want, go ahead and write each other letters or something and read them to each other when you're standing on a beach in Mexico.

AddieCake · March 2013

If you wanted to get married legally and then go to Mexico for your honeymoon and repeat your vows to each other, just the two of you, standing on the beach, I would totally be cool with that b/c you're already married and that's something romantic just for the two of you. But I don't get doing this backwards.

ETA: Woah! Iplions and I are in the same head today!

[Deleted User] · March 2013

Addie, I think we're sharing brainwaves on this.

ETA: GET OUT OF MY HEAD, lol.

nda8414 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:d8bd0a45-3e9b-4008-81b7-c50fa7512483">Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]We're getting married in Mexico AND will be having a celebration/party at home as a legal ceremony family and some friends are unable to join us, plus its much more expensive to do a legal ceremony in Mexico. Trying to find out what proper etiquette is - can we do something before or does it have to be after the destination wedding? Also is it acceptable to pay for dinner and have guests pay for their own drinks?
Posted by bertasha2014[/QUOTE]

Please someone tell me what the point is in "getting married in Mexico" when it's not even legal?????

misssunshine17 · March 2013

This is a train wreck.

1) fake weddings aren't cool. Just have your ceremony at home and honeymoon in Mexico.
2) no, you can't ask guests to pay for drinks. You don't need to serve alcohol, just offer water and a punch.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:9ae04647-894a-4f22-9d55-56b2d5af235d">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Addie, I think we're sharing brainwaves on this. ETA: GET OUT OF MY HEAD, lol.
Posted by lplions[/QUOTE]

<div>I know! Ack!</div><div>
</div><div>I have to say this also. I'm so confused by this, that I honestly would side eye this more than a wedding do-over b/c I just don't understand the point of doing the pretend ceremony first. </div>

nda8414 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:08646948-7e7b-4d52-a530-8ba47d8fc052">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : I know! Ack! I have to say this also. I'm so confused by this, that I honestly would side eye this more than a wedding do-over b/c <strong>I just don't understand the point of doing the pretend ceremony first</strong>.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Yes, and a pretend ceremony where your family and friends feel pressured to spend a ton of money (I'm assuming she's not planning to help with travel expenses since she doesn't want to pay for alcohol at her reception after her actual marraige) plus their vacation time, to go somewhere they might not even want to go, on a date that might not really work for them!

TerriHugg · March 2013

Some people do a legal wedding in the U.S. because the legal requirements can be kinda of difficult in Mexico.

It's actually pretty common and even written about in magazines, etc. I could be wrong, but for a marriage to be legal in Mexico it nees to be said in Spanish, you need to have blood tests, etc. It can get quite difficult. Unfortunately, people don't realize that until they are already deep in to the planning and too late to change their mind.

So instead, some people go to the courthouse just to sign the paperwork and make it legal maybe two days before they travel to the DW site. Usually, no personal vows are said, no one is dressed up, rings aren't exchanged and there is no kissing of the bride. That is because this part is merely the business aspect.

Then they go to Mexico where they do everything. (i.e. the dress, the vows, the rings, bridal party) and this is the day they celebrate as their wedding and aniversary. Most times people don't tell others about the courthouse wedding that already took place a few days before becuase they don't even really consider themselves "married" but just legally binding.

So in this case it's not about have PPD and misleading families. It's more about making sure ends meet legal-wise. It's suggested by a lot of destinattion wedding planners and experts.

misshart00 · March 2013

In Response to Re:Pre/post party for destination wedding:[QUOTE]If you wanted to get married legally and then go to Mexico for your honeymoon and repeat your vows to each other, just the two of you, standing on the beach, I would totally be cool with that b/c you're already married and that's something romantic just for the two of you. But I don't get doing this backwards.nbsp;ETA: Woah! Iplions and I are in the same head today! Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. That would be super romantic. But I think it's weird to have a 'wedding' in Mexico then come back and have the whole thing again to make it legal. From what I hear, it's not even that hard to get married in Mexico. I think you have to get there a few days early and have a blood test. Many states here require that anyway.

renegade gaucho · March 2013

This doesn't make any sense. You're not getting married in Mexico. You're getting married in the U.S. and putting on some sort of play in Mexico. And no, of course it isn't okay to have your guests pay for their own drinks. If you're worried about the budget, here's an idea: don't go to Mexico for a fake wedding. Instead, spend the money you would have spent on airfare on properly hosting the people who are taking time out of their lives to come to your wedding.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

I hate fake weddings.

I've been invited to two in the past year.

If you want a destination wedding, you legally get married at your destination or you're being ridiculous. I don't care what the requirements are.

My husband and I married legally in Bermuda. Our parents and siblings were present for our REAL wedding at our DESTINATION.

Quite a concept.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:484d2b4e-6561-44b6-8011-e1747b1d6550">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people do a legal wedding in the U.S. because the legal requirements can be kinda of difficult in Mexico. It's actually pretty common and even written about in magazines, etc. I could be wrong, but for a marriage to be legal in Mexico it nees to be said in Spanish, you need to have blood tests, etc. It can get quite difficult. Unfortunately, people don't realize that until they are already deep in to the planning and too late to change their mind. So instead, some people go to the courthouse just to sign the paperwork and make it legal maybe two days before they travel to the DW site. Usually, no personal vows are said, no one is dressed up, rings aren't exchanged and there is no kissing of the bride. That is because this part is merely the business aspect. Then they go to Mexico where they do everything. (i.e. the dress, the vows, the rings, bridal party) and this is the day they celebrate as their wedding and aniversary. Most times people don't tell others about the courthouse wedding that already took place a few days before becuase they don't even really consider themselves "married" but just legally binding. So in this case it's not about have PPD and misleading families. It's more about making sure ends meet legal-wise. It's suggested by a lot of destinattion wedding planners and experts.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]<div>We're wholly aware of that version of the order of events and most of us do not support the plan.

</div>

nda8414 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:484d2b4e-6561-44b6-8011-e1747b1d6550">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people do a legal wedding in the U.S. because the legal requirements can be kinda of difficult in Mexico. It's actually pretty common and even written about in magazines, etc. I could be wrong, but for a marriage to be legal in Mexico it nees to be said in Spanish, you need to have blood tests, etc. It can get quite difficult. Unfortunately, people don't realize that until they are already deep in to the planning and too late to change their mind. So instead, some people go to the courthouse just to sign the paperwork and make it legal maybe two days before they travel to the DW site. Usually, no personal vows are said, no one is dressed up, rings aren't exchanged and there is no kissing of the bride. That is because this part is merely the business aspect. Then they go to Mexico where they do everything. (i.e. the dress, the vows, the rings, bridal party) and this is the day they celebrate as their wedding and aniversary. Most times people don't tell others about the courthouse wedding that already took place a few days before becuase they don't even really consider themselves "married" but just legally binding. So in this case it's not about have PPD and misleading families. It's more about making sure ends meet legal-wise. <strong>It's suggested by a lot of destinattion wedding planners and experts.
</strong>Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

I'm not really interested in what destination wedding planners and experts say because guess who destination weddings are good for.....1) the destination wedding industry 2) the bride and groom.......and NO ONE else

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:484d2b4e-6561-44b6-8011-e1747b1d6550">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people do a legal wedding in the U.S. because the legal requirements can be kinda of difficult in Mexico. It's actually pretty common and even written about in magazines, etc. I could be wrong, but for a marriage to be legal in Mexico it nees to be said in Spanish, you need to have blood tests, etc. It can get quite difficult. Unfortunately, people don't realize that until they are already deep in to the planning and too late to change their mind. So instead, some people go to the courthouse just to sign the paperwork and make it legal maybe two days before they travel to the DW site. Usually, no personal vows are said, no one is dressed up, rings aren't exchanged and there is no kissing of the bride. That is because this part is merely the business aspect. Then they go to Mexico where they do everything. (i.e. the dress, the vows, the rings, bridal party) and this is the day they celebrate as their wedding and aniversary. Most times people don't tell others about the courthouse wedding that already took place a few days before becuase they don't even really consider themselves "married" but just legally binding. So in this case it's not about have PPD and misleading families. It's more about making sure ends meet legal-wise. It's suggested by a lot of destinattion wedding planners and experts.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

For real with this post??

The day you LEGALLY marry is the day you reap all the benefits of marriage. To assume that you are not married until you wear a white dress and people fawn all over you is just to epitome of self-absorbed.

You want a Mexico wedding? You deal with the consequences of a Mexico wedding and that is more hoops to jump through to be legally married there. You want everyone to fly and watch a reenactment of something that isn't happening? You're rude, selfish, and delusional.

TerriHugg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:5f137c32-a115-4cf1-9cb9-86c242cbab16">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : We're wholly aware of that version of the order of events and most of us do not support the plan.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>That's fair enough. I just though some people didn't get why people do it. Hence the reason why I explained. </div>

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:c9284f8e-93fc-4547-903c-c2d9584a290e">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : That's fair enough. I just though some people didn't get why people do it. Hence the reason why I explained.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

We know EXACTLY why they do it and we're here to say that we don't care the reasons - it's WRONG.

renegade gaucho · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:484d2b4e-6561-44b6-8011-e1747b1d6550">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Some people do a legal wedding in the U.S. because the legal requirements can be kinda of difficult in Mexico. It's actually pretty common and even written about in magazines, etc. I could be wrong, but for a marriage to be legal in Mexico it nees to be said in Spanish, you need to have blood tests, etc. It can get quite difficult. Unfortunately, people don't realize that until they are already deep in to the planning and too late to change their mind. So instead, some people go to the courthouse just to sign the paperwork and make it legal maybe two days before they travel to the DW site. Usually, no personal vows are said, no one is dressed up, rings aren't exchanged and there is no kissing of the bride. That is because this part is merely the business aspect. Then they go to Mexico where they do everything. (i.e. the dress, the vows, the rings, bridal party) and this is the day they celebrate as their wedding and aniversary. <strong>Most times people don't tell others about the courthouse wedding that already took place a few days before becuase they don't even really consider themselves "married" but just legally binding.</strong> So in this case it's not about have PPD and misleading families. It's more about making sure ends meet legal-wise. It's suggested by a lot of destinattion wedding planners and experts.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

Yes, I know why they do it. I just think it's stupid. And the part that I bolded really pisses me off. A marriage license is not just a piece of paper. If you want to take advantage of the more than 1,500 benefits and protections that come with a legally recognized marriage, you need to publicly identify yourselves as "married". The attitude that you're not really married after getting a marriage license is the embodiment of unexamined privilege and it's insulting to all of the gay people who are fighting so hard for the same rights to that piece of paper as anyone else.

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:d8bd0a45-3e9b-4008-81b7-c50fa7512483">Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]We're getting married in Mexico AND will be having a celebration/party at home as a legal ceremony family and some friends are unable to join us, plus its much more expensive to do a legal ceremony in Mexico. Trying to find out what proper etiquette is - can we do something before or does it have to be after the destination wedding? Also is it acceptable to pay for dinner and have guests pay for their own drinks?
Posted by bertasha2014[/QUOTE]
OP, I'm going to answer your questions so you don't come back and say all I did was give you rude opinions on what you're doing. <div>
</div><div>1. After rereading your post, it sounds like maybe you're thinking of getting legally married first before going to Mexico? You're saying "celebration at home as a legal ceremony," so I'm a bit confused. Are you planning on saying vows at this celebration and making it legally binding, or are you going to the courthouse and then having a celebration party after the courthouse?</div><div>
</div><div> If you are doing all this before Mexico, then I hope you are not inviting people to Mexico to watch a pretend wedding. If you do that, it should really be just the 2 of you, like I said before. </div><div>
</div><div>If I had to choose between the 2 options, I would suggest doing the legal part and celebration first before going to Mexico. But please stop referring to this as your DW or saying you are getting married in Mexico. It isn't a DW at all b/c you are not getting married in Mexico. You are getting married at home. </div><div>
</div><div>2. No, it is not acceptable to ask your guests to pay for drinks at a reception. </div>

TerriHugg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:5b43e595-2a24-41dc-87fc-77016ba8c1bc">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : For real with this post?? The day you LEGALLY marry is the day you reap all the benefits of marriage. To assume that you are not married until you wear a white dress and people fawn all over you is just to epitome of self-absorbed. You want a Mexico wedding? You deal with the consequences of a Mexico wedding and that is more hoops to jump through to be legally married there. You want everyone to fly and watch a reenactment of something that isn't happening? You're rude, selfish, and delusional.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yes, I am for real with this post. It's ok if you don't agree with it. And this isn't what I'm doing. All I did was explain what experts in the destination wedding field tend to suggest because it is a common practice in the industry. </div><div>
</div><div>But no, it's not about the white dress either. I think you may have missed what I was really trying to get or I just didn't explain it well enough. It's about what people personally view as marriage. That's why I said the part about the vows. But I can't really explain it as eloquently as I should and that's my fault. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Regardless, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. </div><div>
</div>

renegade gaucho · March 2013

Oh, and I also wanted to point out the reason that destination wedding planners encourage people to pull this nonsense is that they make a crap ton of money from it. The destination wedding planner doesn't care about the legal status of anyone's marriage.

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:f46edc80-62cb-4c69-88a5-ba1c97871ca7">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : Yes, I am for real with this post. It's ok if you don't agree with it. And this isn't what I'm doing. All I did was explain what experts in the destination wedding field tend to suggest because it is a common practice in the industry. But no, it's not about the white dress either. I think you may have missed what I was really trying to get or I just didn't explain it well enough. It's about what people personally view as marriage. That's why I said the part about the vows. But I can't really explain it as eloquently as I should and that's my fault. Regardless, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

No, no - I get it. I realized that my post seemed like I was yelling at YOU specifically and I wasn't - promise.

This kind of thing just enrages me. My husband and I specifically planned and threw a legal destination wedding because there was no point to making everyone fly somewhere and watch something fake. When other people - including my own friends - don't show me the same courtesy and still expect thousands of dollars to be spent in the name of a play I get a little twitchy.

The prices are cheap in Mexico so it's a huge draw. Then the couple gets knee-deep in planning and realizes that they can't meet all the requirements. "Oh well! We'll marry in the US and then still act like it's fine." No... it's not fine. It's deceptive. It's inconsiderate. It's so the opposite of what any wedding "expert" is going to tell you.

I just can't. OP - don't do this to your friends and family.

TerriHugg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:d354319e-87de-44f8-89e9-35fd75c4f176">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, and I also wanted to point out the reason that destination wedding planners encourage people to pull this nonsense is that they make a crap ton of money from it. The destination wedding planner doesn't care about the legal status of anyone's marriage.
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

<div>I have to respectfully disagree with this post. Of course, there are some people who do this, but I don't think it's fair to say that everyone is out to do that. </div><div>
</div><div>The same way there are some US based wedding planners who only care about your money and some who actually care about you and your wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>You just need to find a good one. </div>

AddieCake · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:f46edc80-62cb-4c69-88a5-ba1c97871ca7">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : Yes, I am for real with this post. It's ok if you don't agree with it. And this isn't what I'm doing. All I did was explain what experts in the destination wedding field tend to suggest because it is a common practice in the industry. But no, it's not about the white dress either. I think you may have missed what I was really trying to get or I just didn't explain it well enough. It's about what people personally view as marriage. That's why I said the part about the vows. But I can't really explain it as eloquently as I should and that's my fault. Regardless, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

<div>Terri, I apologize. I think perhaps some of us jumped on you with a "Uhhh,yeah, we KNOW. You don't need to explain it to us!" attitude. You have no way of knowing for sure if we knew the reasons people do this, and I see that you were just offering explanation in case we didn't. </div>

TerriHugg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:b4ffa419-ff8c-424f-bca4-5ab9d222f452">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : <strong>No, no - I get it. I realized that my post seemed like I was yelling at YOU specifically and I wasn't - promise.</strong> This kind of thing just enrages me. My husband and I specifically planned and threw a legal destination wedding because there was no point to making everyone fly somewhere and watch something fake. When other people - including my own friends - don't show me the same courtesy and still expect thousands of dollars to be spent in the name of a play I get a little twitchy. The prices are cheap in Mexico so it's a huge draw. Then the couple gets knee-deep in planning and realizes that they can't meet all the requirements. "Oh well! We'll marry in the US and then still act like it's fine." No... it's not fine. It's deceptive. It's inconsiderate. It's so the opposite of what any wedding "expert" is going to tell you. I just can't. OP - don't do this to your friends and family.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm glad you came back and told me that. I was kind of feeling attacked for no reason. </div><div>
</div><div>I can understand why you feel that way. I still wouldn't go as far as to call it selfish untilI I know the real reason why someone is doing it. The OP hasn't mentioned that part yet, so until then I will keep an open mind. I just don't want to jump to conclusions until I hear the whole reason. Because what works for some may not always work for another and it may be for a very good reason. Or it may be for a dumb one. </div><div>
</div><div>Regardless, OP I think it might be best for you to find some other people who are having destination weddings to discuss this with. They may be able to give you some insight from personal experience.

</div>

Lissa1213 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:5b43e595-2a24-41dc-87fc-77016ba8c1bc">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : For real with this post?? The day you LEGALLY marry is the day you reap all the benefits of marriage. To assume that you are not married until you wear a white dress and people fawn all over you is just to epitome of self-absorbed. You want a Mexico wedding? You deal with the consequences of a Mexico wedding and that is more hoops to jump through to be legally married there. You want everyone to fly and watch a reenactment of something that isn't happening? You're rude, selfish, and delusional.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

I really don't get why you ladies are getting so hostile about somones opinion. Yes it is a "fake" marriage but Terri is right, sometimes you run into obstacles after you have plans set in stone. Everyone knows that its no proper etiquette but s**t happens. And no I wouldn't consider myself married until I look FH in the eyes and say my vows.

We can all have our own opinons but let's not be mean about them.

renegade gaucho · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:96e1c2cd-ef55-45e9-a8c0-dd572b1fdb98">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : I have to respectfully disagree with this post. Of course, there are some people who do this, but I don't think it's fair to say that everyone is out to do that. The same way there are some US based wedding planners who only care about your money and some who actually care about you and your wedding. You just need to find a good one.
Posted by TerriHugg[/QUOTE]

But here it doesn't matter whether the wedding planner actually cares about you or just wants your money: in either case, the legality of the couple's marriage isn't in question. Yes, there are good wedding planners and wedding planners who don't deliver what they've offered in exchange for the fee they charge. When that happens, it's just a case of business fraud- it's not depriving people of all of those rights and protections to which married couples are legally entitled.

TerriHugg · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:0efa3bce-b904-49e9-aa3d-92d95b89388c">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding : Terri, I apologize. I think perhaps some of us jumped on you with a "Uhhh,yeah, we KNOW. You don't need to explain it to us!" attitude. You have no way of knowing for sure if we knew the reasons people do this, and I see that you were just offering explanation in case we didn't.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks. Apology accepted! I get sometimes you just get very passionate about a topic and it gets out of hand. It happens to the best of us. </div><div>No hard feelings! :)</div>

misshart00 · March 2013

My biggest problem is that people should really do their research before making plans. Like in some states, a blood test is still required. If you're uncomfortable with that, you shouldn't get married there. We had to take certain classes before getting married at my church. We knew that before we booked a date with them. I guess my annoyance is that people focus to much on the perfect party and don't look at what it takes to legally get married. I don't buy that people have everything set in stone then realize they can't meet the requirements. There is a wealth of information online. A quick google search will tell you what you have to do to make it legal. Do that before you make the plans for the party.

renegade gaucho · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:5aaac10a-24c4-4ae8-8a8c-1b9908a9c0da">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] And no I wouldn't consider myself married until I look FH in the eyes and say my vows. We can all have our own opinons but let's not be mean about them.
Posted by Lissa1213[/QUOTE]

I got married in a courthouse, and my husband and I looked each other in the eyes and said our vows just like everyone else.

Regardless, if you don't consider a legal wedding ceremony your "real" wedding, then don't do it. If a pretend wedding in a tropical location is what you need to actually feel married, then do that, but why bother with the paperwork for legal recognition if it doesn't mean anything to you?

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