Ideas for proposing on a budget?

paintgirl · March 2010

BeXxx - I thought you weren't going to read or respond any more? I'm not saying we'll quit posting here - this is fascinating in a migraine-inducing sort of way. But if you STOP "explaining" ad nauseum, we won't have anything to respond to. Know what I mean?

Stick around if you want, post about something else, but if you keep coming back to this post, guess what???? We will continue to respond. That's how it works.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I didn't realize I was asking a question.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ideas-proposing-budget?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:73baa46f-25bd-4191-b4a5-abcf121f071dPost:b4c39560-0bd8-4ea0-bf8b-674a2effece8">Re: Ideas for proposing on a budget?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ideas for proposing on a budget? : that question has been answered. simply read the previous posts.
Posted by BeXxx[/QUOTE]

Button5807 · March 2010

noelle24 · March 2010

My head just exploded. I read (or skimmed) everything, and there is just no consistency here. WTF?

All I have to say is, if you are scared of marriage, there is no way you should even *think* about being engaged right now. Don't even touch it with a ten foot pole. I'd also suggest improving communication with your BF (like, a LOT). I'm not normally one to knock LDRs (I'm in one myself), but in your case, I think spending some time as a couple in the same zip code (or even time zone) is warranted.

imJacksPGbelly · March 2010

Just my 2 cents:

EVen if you do some sort of "proposal" to show him that you really want to marry him, I would still want him to propose.

1- Guys are insecure about it. It's a huge deal, and as much as it might seem obvious-- in guys' defense, girls can be irrational at unexpected times-- guys still worry about a girl saying yes. Most likely, he's just a bit MORE insecure now b/c of the joke. If you asked him jokingly, but he answered, thinking it was serious, he was putting his true emotions on the line, and found out you were kidding. You can't fault the guy for wanting a little assurance. To me, this sounds like him wanting to be sure that you're not just enjoying the fun of the dynamic, but that you actually do want to be married to him.

And I think that's fair. If your'e going to "propose," You could write him a poem or an old-fashioned, ultra-romantic Love Letter (believe me, I've recently found out from a few sources that the stuff that girls roll their eyes at and guys say "yeah right" to in movies.. guys actually eat that stuff up when you say it sincerely. So write him a Love letter, get it sealed with wax or something.. just make it personal, and make it clear and obvious that you would love nothing more than for him to make you his wife.

I would use that wording "him making YOU his wife" b/c that reestablishes the typical dynamic of a guy asking.

2-- I just think that no matter how modern a couple is, it really is the guys' place to ask, and not for any kind of sexist reason. In fact -- more the opposite. Guys, in the beginning of dating, like to make girls chase. When I really learned this (not just in theory) a couple of years ago, I stopped dating until a guy was clear that he really liked me. By requiring a guy to show affection/emotion BEFORE me, the quality of guys I was seeing suddenly rose, and I may not have gone on as many dates, but I also didn't have to deal with any more stupid drama (and guys say girls cause drama.. :P)

If you ask, and he has the "power" to say yes or no, it sets a tone of you chasing him, even if that's never been the case. Like i said in my first point, I think he's just looking for overt reassurance that it's not a game to you, that his sincerity is not wasted, and that you will say yes when HE asks. Come to think of it-- in that romantic love letter, you could say something like "Will you marry me? Will you make me your wife? I hope so with all my heart. I can't wait till the day you get down on one knee and ask me if I'll be yours." blah blah.. you know what I mean.

Makes it clear, but also sets an expectation for him to man-up and pop the final question.

3-- My ex-husband never proposed officially. He told me how much he wanted to marry me, and then in a conversation the next week or so, we just kind of started planning and talking about everything, and then it just kind of went forward. He asked me to go look at rings with him, which we did. We did engagement photos, but he had to hurry and go pick up my ring just before the photos (because he'd not done it yet.. turns out he has a really hard time actually completing things in general), etc etc.. And then suddenly we were already married.

Years later (recently), when picking my son up from my ex's house one day, the Ex decided to tell me that I have no soul, or rather that I have a hole in my soul. I've generally been very kind to him, despite him being a complete a-hole to me most of the time post-separation/divorce, but this time, I decided to actually give him a little perspective. When he glared and almost spit at me "You have a hole in your SOUL and you can't even see it!!" I looked him in the eyes and very calmly retorted "I WONDER who put it there, J___." He glared at me, but shut up and went to get my son.

Then when I was leaving, he called out.. "Just let the guy propose next time.. then you can blame EVERYTHING on him."

Point of the story is.. I actually think it's important for a guy to fee like he is making the final decision and being proactive about it.. "making the decision to do it" Though in reality, it's our decision to say yes or not. Not that your marriage will end in divorce, BUT, the point is.. if I'd waited for him to propose to me, rather than just letting it go forward as it was, I may not have ever ended up marrying him.. or maybe it'd have been years later, when he was over the issues he had that made my marriage to him a personal, quiet Hell.

Let him know how much you want to marry him (tell), but make darned sure that he's the one to "ask" in the end.

imJacksPGbelly · March 2010

Oops. Just realized I skipped a page in between.

Anyway, it sounds like you have the "engagement" part figured out.. if your'e still wanting to do a sort of proposal, I'd still do the Love Letter thing.

Best of luck to you, if you end up reading this. I agree the forums can be a little overwhelming sometimes.

Ideas for proposing on a budget?

Re: Ideas for proposing on a budget?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards