Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Choosing a Date - How did you do it?

Hi ladies!  I just wanted to get your thoughts on choosing a date.  My fiance and I got engaged on December 20, so pretty recently.  We were originally thinking April 5, 2014, because it is my grandparent's anniversary and we thought it would be a sweet thingto do (after all, it would be their 68th wedding anniversary if my grandmother were still alive, so clearly it's a good luck day!)  :)  Plus, we wanted a spring wedding on a Saturday, so there ya go!  Now, though, we are starting to wonder if that is too far out.  One of the reasons we are questioning it is because my 88 year old grandather is concerned that he won't be around by then.  I know it's so sad to think about that, but now that it has come up, we are concerned.  It's impossible to plan for something like that, but it is now in our minds.  We are also worried, though, that if we try to do the wedidng earlier (say this fall) that we wouldn't have time to save up money, book eveyrthing in time, etc.  

I was just wondering how you all chose your dates and what factors went into the decision.  If you went with less than a year, did you feel rushed planning?  Did a year and a half feel too long?  Just wanted to get thoughts and opinions from other brides to see how you all did it :)

Thanks so much for your help!  Can't wait to hear from you all.
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Re: Choosing a Date - How did you do it?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_choosing-a-date-how-did-you-do-it?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:9cfaa4a3-e377-4151-b26c-fc2d367ee7fcPost:47ef0984-431d-40f6-a58a-51196921f43e">Choosing a Date - How did you do it?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi ladies!  I just wanted to get your thoughts on choosing a date.  My fiance and I got engaged on December 20, so pretty recently.  We were originally thinking April 5, 2014, because it is my grandparent's anniversary and we thought it would be a sweet thingto do (after all, it would be their 68th wedding anniversary if my grandmother were still alive, so clearly it's a good luck day!)  :)  Plus, we wanted a spring wedding on a Saturday, so there ya go!  Now, though, we are starting to wonder if that is too far out.  One of the reasons we are questioning it is because my 88 year old grandather is concerned that he won't be around by then.  I know it's so sad to think about that, but now that it has come up, we are concerned.  It's impossible to plan for something like that, but it is now in our minds.  We are also worried, though, that if we try to do the wedidng earlier (say this fall) that we wouldn't have time to save up money, book eveyrthing in time, etc.   I was just wondering how you all chose your dates and what factors went into the decision.  If you went with less than a year, did you feel rushed planning?  Did a year and a half feel too long?  Just wanted to get thoughts and opinions from other brides to see how you all did it :) Thanks so much for your help!  Can't wait to hear from you all.
    Posted by soontobemrszito[/QUOTE]

    <div>I chose 2012 instead of 2013 when my mom said, "why wait?" and offered to assist. (Otherwise, we would've had at least a year engagement to get finances together.) I wanted a summer wedding because of VIPs who were either in school or taught school. I picked my date based on venue availability, since I was planning a wedding in 6 months ish, and VIP availability (venue had 2 dates open, my officiant could only do one of them, so picked that one.)</div><div>
    </div><div>I didn't feel rushed planning because I just wanted to have a nice party with lots of friends around. I had a few things I wanted, but didn't get really bogged down in most of the details. Had a great time.</div><div>
    </div><div>My DH's grandparents are in good health, but definitely choosing 2012 over 2013 on my end was not in small part because both of them had to fly out to attend. I figured if the budget was available for a 80 person wedding in 2012, we would do it while we could have those particular VIPs. As I lost my grandparents in my youth, his grandparents attending was <em>very</em> important to me.</div>
  • Honestly logistics were way more a part of it then finding an "important" date. Whatever date you pick will become important, trust me!

    We went like this: fall or early summer (I'm a teacher). Then we found a venue that we loved. Then we asked them when they were available. Then we decied fall is harder because of working around all the football fans in our families so we went with early summer. We wanted a Saturday. So we ended up with what was available with the venue that we loved.

    There will always be something to be concerened about. Pick a date that works for you and your VIPs and make sure it is at a venue that you love. Like I said before, the date will become important for you as soon as it becomes "yours".
    June 16, 2012
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  • Were actually getting married April 5th, 2013! :) we chose our date because we didnt want something random. We wanted something that had meaning to us, we actually met on April 5th 2003. So it fit perfectly to get married 10 years to the day. :)

  • I'm a little weird and have this thing with the number 6, so I really really wanted 06.16.12 or 06.09.12. Well by the time H and I got engaged, the venue that I loved (yes, I had the venue picked out before he proposed, but I knew I'd be planning from out of state eventually so I wanted to be ready!) didn't have any June 2012 Saturday's available, but had the last Saturday of May available, which happened to be the 26th, so I got my number 6 in there afterall. :)

    Honestly though, the venue was what was most important to me, so I would have taken whatever Saturday they had open in May or June. 
  • I wanted St. Patty's Day. It was a Thursday in 2011, a Saturday in 2012 and a Sunday in 2013. So 2012 it was!  Not really scientific.
     
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    edited February 2013
    We were engaged a whole year before I even started planning b/c I felt overwhelmed and wasn't ready to take it on. Once we started actively planning, it was about a year of doing so. 

    We wanted Spring b/c we were living in and got married in Texas, and Spring would be the best weather for an outdoor ceremony. I'm a teacher, and in Texas we have a state test called TAKS that the whole world stops turning for, so I wanted to wait until after the test in early March so I wouldn't be saddled with two massive undertakings at once.  We chose to do it after Spring break to give me that week to be able to do any last minute things. The following weekend was the anniversary of both my grandparents' weddings, so we decided it was a lucky weekend and went with that. 


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  • i got engaged in august 2010 -- pretty much right out of graduating college in may that year. we wanted a summer wedding, and neither of us had jobs at the time....so we chose to wait til summer 2012 (to give us time to get things in order).  we confirmed this decision when the photographer we wanted was booked til 2012 anyway!

    we wanted to stay away from all holidays, and keep it before the start of the semester (i was looking for jobs at colleges). the olympics were also a factor (i LOVE to watch!), so we ultimately went for 8/11 or 8/18.  we called the photographer and he had 8/18 open --- so there you go!

    we LOVED having 2 full years to plan (we both found jobs and a house in that time!).  we weren't too concerned with elderly family membmers --- though typically if they have something to look forward to, you'd be surprised how long they can hold on!

    i would say pick a few options, and then make sure your venues are open.
  • Didn't want too hot, cold or rainy and in Nebraska that leaves you mid-September to end of October. Then we looked at the football schedule and found a bi week because in Nebraska football is more than just a religion, you don't mess with it.
  • We started dating on 10/18, so we originally wanted to do 10/18/13, but that fell on a Friday, so we just bumped it up a day to 10/19/13. The venue and the photographer were available that day, so it worked out pretty well.

  • First we decided we didn't want winter.  No snow for us!  Then we decided we didn't want July or August because it wouldn't work well with the weather or our family.  I didn't really want to deal with a spring wedding (didn't really appeal to me) and our birthdays are in the fall, so that was out (October and November have something like 10 family birthdays in them).  So it was either June or September.  We met and started dating in September so we went for that.  Our venue was available the 21st, so that's going to be our wedding day!
  • We knew we wanted at least a year to plan, and would be going to Vegas to get married. Once we took hot Vegas weather and my kids' school schedule into account we could've gone with Christmas break 2012 or spring break 2013. We decided spring break it is, and just picked a Wednesday since it's in the middle of the week and we'll all be out there for the week, so why not Wednesday!
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  • Fi picked a date six months away from our engagement date (he's pretty impatient) and when we looked at flights/hotels (DW in Vegas) the week prior was hundreds of dollars cheaper so that was it! I ditto everyone with logistics taking precedent.

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  • We got engaged on March 23, 2012. We picked our date (August 31st, 2013) because we started dating on August 30, 2010. I knew I wanted a Saturday wedding, so we decided to go with the day after our "anniversary". So, the day before our wedding will officially be 3 years together! I couldve done it on August 30 but it doesnt fall on a Saturday until 2014 & that was just way too long to wait.
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  • I got engaged in December 2011. I knew I wanted to have at least a year engagement so I was opting for Spring/Summer 2013 because weather is so unpredictable in New England I did not want to do winter. My FI is very forgetful so I tried picking a date that he would remember. I original chose June 8 since it was a week exactly after his birthday. Unfortunately, that date was his friend's birthday who was going to be in the wedding and I did not want to take the spot light away from him. I know how I would feel if my close friend had their wedding on my birthday. I decided to skip June all together and thought I saw our anniversary date was on a Saturday (April 22), it wasn't, but, April 20th was on a Saturday and I knew that would be easy enough for him to remember.

    In reality, the date will become important once you get married, so I wouldn't have my heart set on an exact date. A lot comes down to where you book your venue since a lot book out at least a year in advance and may not have your date available.
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  • I'd suggest picking a season, think about weather during that season, then pick a month. FI and I knew we wanted a fall wedding and picked October because it's still warm out. We went with whatever date the venue had open in early October.
  • We were engaged while I was pregnant so it was a year before we even started planning. We got married exactly one year after looking at and deciding on our venue. We knew we wanted an October wedding in New Orleans so it was just a matter of which weekend. The venue was still wide open. We wanted ot stay away from a large festival near Halloween so ruled out the last weekend of the month and settled on the weekend before since it was close to the close of hurrican season (outdoor ceremony & reception).

    We already knew that no matter when it was, my grandmother would not be able to travel, and there was no chance of us having the wedding where she was, we were not close growing up so this was not a deal breaker for me.

    A year was a good amount of time to plan, and I feel I could have done it in less time. If you need to save though, you may want to go with the date farther out. Although if having your grandfather theres is important, you may have to decide which is the bigger prioroty. You can always find ways to save a little.
  • We also got engaged in December!  We knew we didn't want winter months, so that ruled out november through march.  I was thinking Fall, but the venue we really wanted was booked for the rest of the year, so we decided to move it to Spring '14.  With the venue's 'guest minimum' policy, we would save more money if we did it in April instead of May.  Two of the Saturdays were already booked, so we really only had 2 choices!
  • Thanks for all the replies, ladies.  Very interesting to hear all these perspectives on choosing!  We have already talked to the venue and we are on their calendar for April 5, 2014 as "first right of refusal," so basically we are set there.  The date works for all of our VIPs (neither one of us have big families).  The only thing I need to do is confirm with the officiant, and we should be good with that date.  The venue handles food, drinks, etc., and we are open to which photog, DJ, etc. that we get.  April 5, 2014 works so well for us as it gives us enough time to plan and save money (since we are financing this on our own).  I am obviously not good at making decisions, so I think I will enjoy planning if I have more time.

    The only concern now is my grandfather.  It's so hard to think about that, but it is making the decision a tough one to make.  We are really close...he's basically a father to me and would be the one walking me down the aisle if he is able.  I guess we just have to make a decision and hope that everything goes well.  Like gymbugmj2k said, it may help him to have something to look forward to.  That's what a lot of my friends have said too. 

    It's good to hear that you ladies think that planning in less than a year is doable in case we do decide that route.  Our venue is available in October and November, so it's possible for us to do it then, we would just rather wait until April. 
  • We started out trying to be practical and accidentally stumbled into being sentimental about our date.

    After doing MUCH research on venues in my area, I found that the prices fell by as much as 50 to 60 percent if the venue was booked outside of 'wedding season'.  In my area, the end of September marked the end of the wedding season, and venues dropped prices.  With that in mind, I booked our wedding for the first weekend in October.

    What I didn't realize was that I had booked our wedding on our two year anniversary of our first date :P.   I'm terrible at remembering this stuff, but my husband immediately was like "oh that's so romantic!"  I was like "um, yeah weddings kinda are....".  Then he explained and I felt like a dummy.  A lucky dummy, but a dummy.
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  • Saving cost was a major factor. We got married near to the end of March because we still got the perks of the "off season" prices without marrying in Winter.
  • We picked our venue more than a date. We knew with majority of our bridal party in college we needed a summer date. We were given maybe 5 days available this summer. And we picked the best from those. We could have postponed till next summer and had more dates to choose from, our venue books super fast, but we figured why wait?? sure, I would of loved a Saturday in June, but as long as I'm married to my best friend the date doesn't really matter to us.
  • We actually chose to have a shorter engagement for some of the same reasons you're considering. My fiance proposed to me in late August 2012, and we'll be getting married in early July 2013, so the engagement will be just about ten months. My grandparents are all getting up there, and wanting them to see our marriage was a definite reason for doing it this summer instead of next. We're students and have friends and family who are students and teachers, so summer was always what we were going for. Fiance's younger brother is also planning to go into the Air Force, and we wanted him to attend the wedding if at all possible. Originally he was going to head to basic at the beginning of the year, so he'd be in training of some sort at the time of the wedding, and could possibly attend. Whereas if we waited until next year he'd most likely be deployed. He ended up having to get his appendix out right before he was set to go to basic, so he can't go for six months, and will still be home at the time of the wedding. But the point still stands. Long story short, we definitely took our VIPs into account when picking our date. We wanted a short engagement as well, so it actually dovetailed quite well.
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  • We got engaged end of Oct. 2010 and were married July 2011. We knew we had to do summer because I teach and we wanted to take a HM right after. June we thought would be too quick to plan and I wanted more time off after work ended.

    July 9 was a GM's wedding OOT and he was doing a HM after so we wanted to give him some time to get back and get setlled, but Aug would be too rushed with school starting, so we settled on July 23.

    I had about 9 months to plan and did not feel rushed.


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  • I had always wanted a winter wedding since I was a little girl - gray, rain, snow, sleet, clouds - it's all my favorite! (I was born and raised in Seattle). However, getting engaged in March led us to believe we should get married before work resumed for me in September. So, August it was. Dead of summer. Gross. We decided on the 25th of August (which is GREAT, b/c I'm a Christmas FANATIC, counting down the days til Christmas the day AFTER, and even on my whiteboard at school!) b/c school usually starts a few days after that. We made the plans, sent out the invites - then the updated school calendar came out - school would start August 23rd.
    SO, as the fates would have it, I  taught for two days with one name, had a wedding that Saturday, then came back to the classroom with a new moniker. Let me tell you, if freshmen weren't already confused... :) AND, this past August was a VERY mild August - it was only 75 degrees out! YAY! 
  • We picked a season we liked but we were pretty set on summer. We got engaged in April 2011. We still liked summer and my work throws me into hell every 3 months for 6 weeks so that eliminated quite a bit of possibilities. We found a venue wanted a Friday for afforability and asked them for dates open for May, June and August. There was only 2 dates open in August for Fridays. So we picked a date in August 2012. August of 2011 was too short for us to swing financially and most of the dates were already booked.
    We also chose early August as my cousin that was deployed was set to come back from deployment in July. His coming back was delayed and he came back to where he was a stationed a week before. So he didnt make it to the wedding because apparently that have to stay debriefed or something after deployment for 2 weeks and he was on the other side of the country.
    So you can try to move the dates but things dont always work out. If you really want your grandfather there and your not sure and can swing financially try it. I had wanted my grandfather to walk me down the aisle but he passed 2 years before.
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  • I knew for sure I wanted a Summer wedding for future anniversary purposes haha. I got engaged August 1, 2012 and my fiance and I had been dating for 7 years so we definitely didn't want a long engagement. Knowing we wanted to get married in less than a year we immediately started looking for venues. Once we found a winning venue we just pretty much chose one of the open dates. I wanted to choose a significant date but to be honest it doesn't matter. It'll be significant regardless of anything or anyone else because it is YOUR wedding day. So July 19, 2013 it is!
  • We got engaged in July 2011 and were married on June 22nd, 2012. Even though I never wanted a typical June wedding (I wanted November or February--something different!), it made sense for us because we were both students and many of our VIPs were students or teachers. At first we were looking at July, but then my sister announced that she and her BF wanted to get married in the summer as well, so we bumped our date up to June so that they could have August and we wouldn't be too close together. I'm the oldest, so I really wanted to get married first. 

    Honestly, the most important things were our school schedules and the availability of our VIPs. Then we made sure our photographer was available, and went from there!
  • We got engaged the last week of Feb 12. I wanted a fall wedding, but fall of 12 would have only given us 6 months or so, and fall of 13 was too long to wait because we want to start TTC as soon as we're married and we didn't want that large of a gap between the new baby and our toddler. 

    I hate winter, so that was out, and summer was pricey, so we settled on March. Off season prices and hopefully the weather will hold. We originally wanted March 23 (no reason other than the later i March, the nicer the weather) but the church was already booked so March 16th it is.  
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  • We were engaged in July 2012 and knew we wanted a winter wedding, but didn't want to wait until the end of 2013/early 2014. Plus, my now-husband is expected to get orders (he's in the Marine Corps), sometime by the end of February 2013. So we chose, January 26th 2013, based on availability with our church and reception venue. We only had 6 months from engagement to wedding and still had an absolutely fabulous day for us and our 150 guests.
  • I always wanted an outdoor wedding so January, February and March are out of the question because it would be too cold for me. FI has really bad allergies so April was out. May to early September is too hot, so that left October, November , December. October seemed like the perfect month. We originally chose the 5th so it falls on the holiday weekend, but FI can save $1000 on the honeymoon if we push it to the following weekend.
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